SPskint44's stress-release diary

SPskint44

My Debt Management Plan is about to start. I feel positive and scared at the same time. The stress is neverending and I hate myself for getting into this mess. It keeps me awake. I have constant headaches. I'm a spendaholic and I have nothing to show for it! This is my release.

Barclayloan £9053
Barclay O/D £550
Halifax credit card £2796
Citi Loan £5447

I've been trying to get loans to pay off my debt. Now I've damaged my credit file so much nobody will come near me. Probably a blessing in disguise! I owe £17846. It was over £19000 but my ever-suffering ever-supportive fiance has bailed me out and settled a few of my debts for me. He's one in a million and I don't deserve him.

Barclays have written to me rejecting the offer and asking if I can pay more. i felt like phoning them up and screaming at them. "IF I HAD MORE THE OFFER WOULD HAVE BEEN HIGHER!". I have no sympathy. They gave me a £14000 when I wasn't earning anything. I'd been on the sick for a year. My pay ran out a few months before I rang asking for an extention on my overdraft. He was such a helpful and friendly man! Aren't they all.

Yes, I know, it's all my fault and I can't blame the bank. It doesn't mean I can't hate them though!

When I went to uni I made no friends. I'm a social leper. I spent all my money on DVDs, CDs, takeaways and petrol to get back home! I dropped out. Story of my life! I started work and moved out. Biggest mistake of my life but I craved independance. Of course, I took out a loan to pay the deposit and buy furniture. That was a flexible loan with Cahoot so I just kept extending it online and didn't have to sign a thing or speak to anyone. I hate speaking to people, I don't think I'd be in this mess if I'd actually had to speak to someone to ask for the money! Bloody internet!

I know, it's my fault!

I got the bug! the I-want-it-i-can-put-it-on-credit bug. When I was very ill I thought I was going to die. I spent copious amounts of money on gifts for my neices and nephews, presents for the family and crap for myself. I don't know where it all went but by the time I was well again I couldn't stop.

Now it has come to this and I hate it. It consumes me. I have little time here and I am spending it skint, worrying and stressed. It's all my own fault but it enrages me when I speak to the bank. Help me get in? Sure. Help me get out? Tough !!!!, we can't do anything for you now.

This is my release, it's helping already. But I still have a headache...

End of day 1