Anyone ever fought with their family about attitudes to money?

[Deleted User]

At what age do children become adults and take responsibility for their own lives? At some stage they do have to stop `blaming` parents

I am waiting to be asked to do something specific by my 29 year old daughter. I know she will ask me and it will be very inconvenient for me. I am geared up to say no and I know I won`t be flavour of the month but I have earned my freedom.

We have given the `children` good lives and put them all through uni and they have good responsible jobs and life partners.

Time to let go

Bargain_Rzl

Well the weird thing with MY mum is that we have fairly similar attitudes to our own money. The trouble is she seems to wish I didn't share her values so closely.

She lives in the North-East, earns c.£17k p/a and has a mortgage on a four-bedroom home. The mortgage payments are, I believe, less than £200 a month, interest only. She will never have to worry about switching back to a repayment mortgage because her house has shot up in value and she's planning to downsize within 2 years and be mortgage free. She has a car which is the only practical means of getting to and from work and visiting her elderly mother in a nursing home. She has always been very frugal and good with money, but currently finds it a struggle to live on her income. She supports my brother when he's home from uni but receives a subsidy from my dad to do this; her only other vital expense is feeding her dog and two cats.

I live in London, earning c.£28k p/a in total from main and second jobs. I'm living in lodgings for next to nothing and am currently managing to save almost a third of my net income. I have no assets and am hoping that sometime next year I'll have £15k in the bank and a £30k income, which should mean I can finally buy my own place, which is likely to be a studio flat or (if I'm lucky) a two-bed place with a friend. Even on decent money like this, it will be a struggle.

But she's constantly saying to me that she doesn't understand why I choose to live frugally She knows I have a good (theoretically) disposable income, but can't understand why I find it so important to squirrel it away It's not like I deprive myself - I just don't waste money on anything. She has things I don't - she buys organic produce, for example - but won't hear of it when I recommend MSE as a source of tips to cut back further.

black-saturn

My parents are always going on about how little money they have got. There is 2 of them and they get roughly £150 per week MORE than I do and theres 3 of us. They dont have to pay any rent or mortgage as this is paid up, no council tax and they get a free TV licence and £200 per year towards their gas bill. They eat far better food than I could ever afford, go out for meals and on several holidays per year. They look down their noses at me when I buy things from Poundland saying they got theirs from a better quality place. When I point out the thing I bought is exactly the same they don't believe it.

elona

black saturn

I eventually learned - the hard way - not to mention something was a "freebie" or from the pound shop or mag subscription gift etc as DDs just "looked down their nose".

Now the eldest is at university she is only too pleased to benefit from whatever I can come up with. lol;)

SnowyOwl_2

The problem my mother has about money is that she seems to equate financial wealth with social importance and success as a person. To me that is clearly not the case. Some rich people are miserable and corrupt - being rich isn't the same as being happy or successful, but when I present this argument she can't accept this point.

Someone here has a signature along the lines of "a wealthy person is not the person with the most material goods, but rather is the person who has the fewest wants". That really rings true with me.

pickle

I worked through university and took out loans. I didn't get any money from my parents. I am so thankful now that I did support myself as I have learnt the value of money and have a pretty good life because I am not dependent upon them and make sensible decisions about money and relationships. Start as you want to finish. If you want an independent life not owing anyone financially or emotionally then don't expect others to support you. If they do it's a bonus. Be proud of standing on your own two feet. It's hard but it's much more satisfying in the long run. The other thing is that your mum is not a student and is older so she has less time to enjoy her life. When you are her age you'll probably expect some holidays etc. too. Did she have the same lifestyle she enjoys now at your age? You can't make comparisons between your two lifestyles, you are at different points in your life.