'Queen Bess' Battle to get Debt Free' Diary

Queen.Bess

Dear All and Dear Diary,

Having been on this wonderful site for 3 years (having found it by accident when I googled 'Alvin Hall'!) and making so many friends, I thought it about time to explain why I'm here and I'm on this journey as a Debt Free Wannabee...

I met my DH 7 years ago. he was quite poor and was having problems with his job in that he wasn't getting a full salary each month. It was OK as I wasn't in debt and was just so pleased to be in a relationship that I was happy to pay. In time, he moved in with me and got a new job. Alas salary problems continued with this new job and most of the time he wasn't getting any salary at all. This meant that I was paying for everything and was building up the debt on credit cards (which were much easier to get hold of 5 years ago!) just to keep our heads above water. He always promised to get the matter resolved and I always offered to help, but he wanted to get things sorted himself.

He then got another job and we both thought this would be the end of the matter (he may not have got money from his previous job, but he'd be getting paid from his new one), however, for the 3rd time there were salary issues and no money coming in from him. This is still the case today. We are married and I am over £30,000 in debt, with no immediate sign of an end to the situation. There have been trust issues about this in the past and at times I still doubt his truthfulness about the matter, but we are working hard to stay honest with each other.

Now I have never written that down before and I don't want anyone judging either DH or myself. We are very happy together, I love him very much, and most of the time have a happy life. So I won't hear of anyone trying to tell me to leave him or being nasty about him - it is for me to decide our future.

I hope the situation improves very soon and we can move forward and make our way to becoming debt free. I don't mind if it is only me who contributes to my diary, at least it means I have somewhere where I can put my thoughts and feelings down and not carry them round on my shoulders, burdening me and weighing me down. It means I can spend more time being positive and not letting the situation get to me too much.

Please, please do feel free to contribute to my diary with your (positive) comments, questions or anyway in which you want to make me smile! I look forward to hearing from you! QBx

ExNicotineQueen

Hiya QB,

I see echoes of my own situation in what you wrote so don’t worry, no judgement from me. I too have started a diary recently and much for the same reasons as you, a place where I can put down my thoughts to stop me from probably going mad lol!

Anyway, will subscribe to your thread and good luck in your debt busting journey.

epsilondraconis

Good idea to start the diary. The thing I don't quite understand is, why when he was working did he have a problem with being paid?

Hope it all works out okay.

samaki

Hi there-
Hope this all works out for you. Seems like this is a good place to just get ideas, feedback and monitor your progress!

just a few things about you DH's situation..
did he have a contract in place at the time or was it more informal employment agreement? does he have anything like time sheets or proof of work? it may be worth taking it all to the CAB or a workers union, its possible that he could have it back paid and that could really help you guys out..

obviously without more details i am not sure if this is possible but it does seem pretty rotten luck that he had 3 different jobs and none of them paid him properly! has he got it all sorted out now?

Good luck with it all!

Queen.Bess

Thanks for your replies! It's good to know I'm not alone.

ENQ - I too will follow your progress via your diary, and I too send you Best Wishes whilst on your journey!

Epsilon - There are many times when I have questioned this as it is a 'day one right' of any job - to be paid. And despite my questioning, I have have to believe what he says and believe he is trying to sort it out.

Samaki - Unfortunately I have never seen any paperwork relating to his jobs and there have been times when he has admitted that he was doing voluntary work to start with. I have suggested CAB to him as well and he has talked about it, but because it is such a touchy subject for both of us I don't push.

Believe me there have been many times when I have questioned with him whether he is telling me the truth, to the point of total frustration and me getting tired of having to hear myself ask the same questions! I hope he has learnt to tell me the truth about everything - he used to say he hid the truth so as not to hurt me. My response was that it hurt me more that he couldn't tell me the truth just to save his pride.

There have been times when I've wondered about just walking away and he also said I should leave him, but we're married and I love him, so it is a case of working through it and hoping that very soon, we can start to move forward!

Thanks again for your interest. QBx

boredofbeingathome

Woohooo, QB has a diary. I can fill me boots as often as i want now of RA *sigh*.:D

Well hun what can i say? As you know we are all here for a reason and you know i have trials and tribulations myself. One of the things which may help is having a separate account for bills etc. I know how much of a kick in the teeth life can be and i have never found a solution myself so i am not going to be judging you as i am the same.lol.

I have considered this myself and don't feel offended, but have you thought about a DMP ?if you go on one then it stops as he has no further access to credit...just a thought. haven't done it but it sure does make you sit up and think.:o

Other stuff would be to sit down and make a plan..i am fond of plans as you know and you have to be very cunning here in making sure you can get all the extra in, cut up CC's and pay off one by one. Claim any charges etc. Set up a slush fund for emergencies and fun things..use tesco vouchers for days out, plan romantic breaks away anything really. Even the dreaded bingo..*shudder*All the little things do add up.:cool:

I am working on the premise that life is for living and i have to once again take charge as i want to live my life, not worry my life away. So i have dragged Mr.B screeching and kicking on board as he is very economical with the truth at times too.

So after putting the image in your head of Me in Flash mode and Mr.B in a dress screeching, there you have a summed up version of my life at the moment..:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Cue Turnips..lifes great cure all:D :rotfl:

Olderbutnotwiser

Hi Queen Bess, Just want to say good luck with your diary and your journey.
You are a lucky lady to have love in your life, and let those whose lives are perfect judge....goodness knows I've got my own issues:rolleyes:
I'm basically crap at the financial stuff as you can see by my signature but I can encourage and take an interest so I'm going to subscribe if you don't mind:D

Queen.Bess

Hey Bob! Glad you popped along! There are so many things that are in place to help us save money, and it's not like he's spending behind my back, he isn't as he doesn't have any credit cards and has no money of his own. Once he starts getting paid our life will improve so much and we really will be making plans and moving forward.

I just love the support on this place and am so glad to have made friends with lots of people - including you Bob - my Blackadder friend!

Thanks OBNW, really pleased to have you on board! Well done on your LBM and doing so well so quickly! I hope that very soon, I can work out my true debt but see the amount go down as I become debt free!

We have the day off today and we're off into town so it will be nice spending some extra time together. We won't be spending much - just some on dry cleaning and also taking advantage of a McDonald's meal offer - using vouchers wherever we go!!

Thanks for your support. QBx

redsquirrel80

Hi Bess, just wanted to wish you lots of luck with sorting it all out. Have a lovely day! x

boredofbeingathome

Enjoy your day QB. x

Storm

Hi Queen Bess

I just wanted to thank you for sharing what is such personal stuff with us - no-one can judge a relationship from the outside, whether that relationship is with a person or money, and I hope you get no judgement here.

Good luck with your journey

Storm x