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    • Bath cube
    • By Bath cube 9th Feb 18, 9:51 PM
    • 187Posts
    • 81Thanks
    Bath cube
    Grandparent fostering a grandchild?
    • #1
    • 9th Feb 18, 9:51 PM
    Grandparent fostering a grandchild? 9th Feb 18 at 9:51 PM
    I have started this post as this issue sounds a bit strange to me. A lady I work with has a grand daughter aged almost six. Her daughter and her ex partner split 18 months ago due to daughters partner taking illegal drugs and a mental health issue. The social services became involved when her daughter called the police about her partner a few times. My colleague says children's services wanted to place the child into local authority care but herself and her husband challenged it. She says she has her grand daughter on a fostering agreement and reduced her work hours to accommodate this. She did have to take a fostering course in line with children's services rules if she wanted the child to remain with her and her husband. Her daughter and her ex partner can only see the child under her supervision once a month. Her daughters ex is not permitted to go into her house or on the street where they live, he has to arrange to meet them in a different location in order to see the child. It all sounds a bit off to me. How can someone receive fostering allowances for their own grand child and if the child's father is deemed such a danger wouldn't the child have been placed into care away from the area? . My colleague said she fears her grand child's dad could apply for custody one day. Also the other set of grandparents have to arrange to see the child once a month through children's services once per month but the child's father must not be with them when they take the child out for the 3 hours per month. Also if my colleague was found to be allowing the child's dad to call round or take him out by himself. The child would be taken into alternative care and she would lose all rights to see the child again. Does anyone know if this is correct?.
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    • Tabbytabitha
    • By Tabbytabitha 11th Feb 18, 4:44 PM
    • 1,137 Posts
    • 2,188 Thanks
    Tabbytabitha
    Ok, no point going any further with this especially when I'm being quoted saying things I certainly didn't say!

    My point was only from a financial perspective and gaining financially from opting to take the 'foster parent' route. That's because I remember a post on the debt forum from a grand parent who was claiming both WTC and foster payments and her benefit income was massive. This poster was overpaying her mortgage with that income because she'd been on interest only for years and was at risk of losing her house.

    There was also a discussion on another forum with grand-parents being advised to take the foster parent route rather because you can still claim WTC this way and they would be much better off than just claiming child tax credits.

    I do have great admiration from any grandparent who take on that role, however, I stand to my position that trying to maximise benefits by considering oneself a foster parent rather than a grand parent quite disheartening. My view and position!
    Originally posted by FBaby
    There is a reason that foster carers aren't called foster parents these days and that is because the role is in many ways more similar to a therapeutic carer than a parent. I do think that if you could get your head round this fact rather than seeing it as simply grandparents stepping into the parental role when parents are unable to fulfil their responsibilities you might understand the situation better.
    • Robisere
    • By Robisere 11th Feb 18, 4:47 PM
    • 2,056 Posts
    • 2,901 Thanks
    Robisere
    Fbaby I think it is time for you to admit that your arguments are specious, wrong and not based upon knowledge and/or experience.

    I am never going to apologise for the feelings behind my last post, but I did go OTT somewhat. Your words and your views made me very angry.
    There may be more than one way to skin a cat.
    But the result is always inedible.

    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 11th Feb 18, 4:55 PM
    • 1,244 Posts
    • 1,504 Thanks
    NeilCr
    Fbaby I think it is time for you to admit that your arguments are specious, wrong and not based upon knowledge and/or experience.

    I am never going to apologise for the feelings behind my last post, but I did go OTT somewhat. Your words and your views made me very angry.
    Originally posted by Robisere
    I wouldn’t hold your breath. Certain posters can’t accept that they are ever wrong.

    Good for you going OTT. I completely get it. I was angry for my partner (and I do not do angry) While not fostering I know just how much my partner puts into looking after her grandchild - and then you see nasty comments that are made without any understanding or knowledge of what it is like to be in that situation
    • kingfisherblue
    • By kingfisherblue 11th Feb 18, 5:13 PM
    • 7,558 Posts
    • 16,334 Thanks
    kingfisherblue
    I know a grandparent who has had both of her grandchildren in her care since they were small. Both were born with specific problems due to her daughter's lifestyle choices. However, she is by no means rolling in money. I don't know what benefits she receives, but she apppears (at least outwardly) to be like most people - on a budget, managing, but not with loads to spare. We don't really talk about money, but on the odd occasions that it has been mentioned, she certainly hasn't given the impression that she has a lot.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 11th Feb 18, 5:48 PM
    • 18,992 Posts
    • 50,145 Thanks
    Pollycat
    FBaby quite clearly said that fathers don't intentionally become fathers and their parenthood is only occuring due to engineered pregnancies caused by a lack of contraception on the mothers part. So FBaby is clearly implying that men don't have to accept responaibility or use contraception.
    Originally posted by GwylimT
    Or maybe she didn't...
    Ok, no point going any further with this especially when I'm being quoted saying things I certainly didn't say!
    Originally posted by FBaby
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 12th Feb 18, 7:38 AM
    • 16,417 Posts
    • 40,771 Thanks
    FBaby
    Robisere, I'm sorry if my views upset you and will only answer your post. Yes, I do have children, who I have raised on my own with no financial support from their dad. I know what it is like, it's hard, but I do strongly believe that if I ever have to take on my kids children because for whatever reason it has to come to it, then no, I could never go the foster route however tough it would be financially because I could never consider them my foster children. If the children needed extra care for their disability, I would claim DLA and whatever else is available for children with additional needs like I would do if they were my own children.

    I do have experience, not as a foster parent, but working with children taken away from their parents in residential settings. This was often after a number of failed fostering placements. I worked mainly with teenagers and the one thing they had in common was how much they hated being in the system. They wanted to be 'normal', loved by a family member without that label of being a 'child of the system'. This is what I meant by 'sad' and people can judge me as they want, but yes, I'd rather struggle a bit more financially than put them through the system and being labeled 'foster children'. It's easy to protect them from it when they are little but not so much when they become older children/teenagers.

    Either way, it doesn't take away the fact that as I've already mentioned but has of course been ignored that I do have great admiration for anyone who takes on children, of their own blood or not, and do their upmost to give them the best life they can offer.
    • Tabbytabitha
    • By Tabbytabitha 12th Feb 18, 8:13 AM
    • 1,137 Posts
    • 2,188 Thanks
    Tabbytabitha
    Robisere, I'm sorry if my views upset you and will only answer your post. Yes, I do have children, who I have raised on my own with no financial support from their dad. I know what it is like, it's hard, but I do strongly believe that if I ever have to take on my kids children because for whatever reason it has to come to it, then no, I could never go the foster route however tough it would be financially because I could never consider them my foster children. If the children needed extra care for their disability, I would claim DLA and whatever else is available for children with additional needs like I would do if they were my own children.

    I do have experience, not as a foster parent, but working with children taken away from their parents in residential settings. This was often after a number of failed fostering placements. I worked mainly with teenagers and the one thing they had in common was how much they hated being in the system. They wanted to be 'normal', loved by a family member without that label of being a 'child of the system'. This is what I meant by 'sad' and people can judge me as they want, but yes, I'd rather struggle a bit more financially than put them through the system and being labeled 'foster children'. It's easy to protect them from it when they are little but not so much when they become older children/teenagers.

    Either way, it doesn't take away the fact that as I've already mentioned but has of course been ignored that I do have great admiration for anyone who takes on children, of their own blood or not, and do their upmost to give them the best life they can offer.
    Originally posted by FBaby
    You're still missing the point that their extra needs wouldn't be because of a disability but because of the way they'd been treated by their parent's, your children. You don't get extra funds because their father's been raping them regularly or because their mother's been putting her cigarette on them, which aren't particularly extreme examples.
    Like most of us (thank God) you wouldn't have the experience or training to deal with the effects of this treatment outside the system - sometimes love just isn't enough.
    • sheramber
    • By sheramber 12th Feb 18, 1:25 PM
    • 4,269 Posts
    • 3,221 Thanks
    sheramber
    Children who are fostered by grandparents are children who have been taken into care by the local authority. The grandparents didn't have the choice of just taking care of them as the local authority have been appointed guardian by the courts.

    The local authority then assess the grandparents as to whether they are suitable to take care of the child. They start off as fosterers and can then progress to guardianship.

    This gives them parental rights which they would not have if they were 'just taking care' of the children.
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