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    • Bath cube
    • By Bath cube 9th Feb 18, 9:51 PM
    • 187Posts
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    Bath cube
    Grandparent fostering a grandchild?
    • #1
    • 9th Feb 18, 9:51 PM
    Grandparent fostering a grandchild? 9th Feb 18 at 9:51 PM
    I have started this post as this issue sounds a bit strange to me. A lady I work with has a grand daughter aged almost six. Her daughter and her ex partner split 18 months ago due to daughters partner taking illegal drugs and a mental health issue. The social services became involved when her daughter called the police about her partner a few times. My colleague says children's services wanted to place the child into local authority care but herself and her husband challenged it. She says she has her grand daughter on a fostering agreement and reduced her work hours to accommodate this. She did have to take a fostering course in line with children's services rules if she wanted the child to remain with her and her husband. Her daughter and her ex partner can only see the child under her supervision once a month. Her daughters ex is not permitted to go into her house or on the street where they live, he has to arrange to meet them in a different location in order to see the child. It all sounds a bit off to me. How can someone receive fostering allowances for their own grand child and if the child's father is deemed such a danger wouldn't the child have been placed into care away from the area? . My colleague said she fears her grand child's dad could apply for custody one day. Also the other set of grandparents have to arrange to see the child once a month through children's services once per month but the child's father must not be with them when they take the child out for the 3 hours per month. Also if my colleague was found to be allowing the child's dad to call round or take him out by himself. The child would be taken into alternative care and she would lose all rights to see the child again. Does anyone know if this is correct?.
Page 1
    • GlasweJen
    • By GlasweJen 9th Feb 18, 10:03 PM
    • 6,401 Posts
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    GlasweJen
    • #2
    • 9th Feb 18, 10:03 PM
    • #2
    • 9th Feb 18, 10:03 PM
    Yes, it sounds perfectly correct. Why do you think your colleague would lie about something so serious?
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    • Robisere
    • By Robisere 9th Feb 18, 10:15 PM
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    Robisere
    • #3
    • 9th Feb 18, 10:15 PM
    • #3
    • 9th Feb 18, 10:15 PM
    In a word: yes.

    It is 17 years since my son's marriage broke up and his two were taken into care, due to his horrible wife's neglect, drunkeness, drugs and discovered abuse. We lived in another county, but ds wanted his children and the only way was for us to take them, which our own County's Childrens Services helped us to achieve. After a court case in which our son was granted access, but their mother completely barred, our son came over here to find his own house and a job. Social Services monitored him with the children and after another Hearing, he was given Parental Responsibility, then allowed to take his children and we gave up fostering them. He has brought them up on his own (with any help we could give) for 17 years and they are a very close little family: the kids (now adults) adore their dad.

    So yes, it is perfectly possible for grandparents to foster any children, including their own grandchildren, if the authorities and the Court decide, after checks and investigation, that this is the best solution for the children. After all, what solution is best for the children involved, given loving, responsible grandparents?

    I might add that this has made our whole family a tight, loving unit. We also have a dd with two children who was a single parent of one until she met the right man. Now the whole family is one loving unit and our family "Do's" are fantastic. All because grandparents and one parent would not give up.
    There may be more than one way to skin a cat.
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    • Ms Chocaholic
    • By Ms Chocaholic 9th Feb 18, 10:22 PM
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    Ms Chocaholic
    • #4
    • 9th Feb 18, 10:22 PM
    • #4
    • 9th Feb 18, 10:22 PM
    Yes it sounds very plausible. The grandparents would have been assessed as suitable to care for the child, Social Services wouldn't just have "presumed" they were okay without speaking to them at length.
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    • Detroit
    • By Detroit 9th Feb 18, 10:33 PM
    • 615 Posts
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    Detroit
    • #5
    • 9th Feb 18, 10:33 PM
    • #5
    • 9th Feb 18, 10:33 PM
    I don't understand the reason for the post?

    Are you concerned something is amiss in the care of the children?


    Put your hands up.
    • suki1964
    • By suki1964 9th Feb 18, 10:34 PM
    • 10,549 Posts
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    suki1964
    • #6
    • 9th Feb 18, 10:34 PM
    • #6
    • 9th Feb 18, 10:34 PM
    This really does sound like Blue lasses stepsons child

    Remember the one who left the GF 18 months ago to live with the gypsy and her six kids. The one that got him to taking drugs

    The grandchild would be coming six now

    Just saying
    if you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it
    • mickey54
    • By mickey54 9th Feb 18, 10:41 PM
    • 352 Posts
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    mickey54
    • #7
    • 9th Feb 18, 10:41 PM
    • #7
    • 9th Feb 18, 10:41 PM
    You obviously doubt what she's saying.
    Why? Because she's now doing shorter hours.
    I think it's very admiral of her, and I'm sure most grandparents would do the same.
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 9th Feb 18, 10:45 PM
    • 3,319 Posts
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    gettingtheresometime
    • #8
    • 9th Feb 18, 10:45 PM
    • #8
    • 9th Feb 18, 10:45 PM
    I suggest you download the adoption podcast. Whilst it primarily deals with the adoption process of two small siblings, it mentions this very issue
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    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 10th Feb 18, 12:43 AM
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    Savvy_Sue
    • #9
    • 10th Feb 18, 12:43 AM
    • #9
    • 10th Feb 18, 12:43 AM
    I suggest you download the adoption podcast. Whilst it primarily deals with the adoption process of two small siblings, it mentions this very issue
    Originally posted by gettingtheresometime
    I'm guessing you mean the one on Radio 4? Agree, it's a useful basic guide!

    Also worth reading up on Mooloo's threads, she's doing exactly this.
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    • elsien
    • By elsien 10th Feb 18, 12:48 AM
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    elsien
    Doesn't really matter if it sounds off to you or not, does it, seeing as it's absolutely none of your business. Or is a made up scenario. Or a combination of the two.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • seashore22
    • By seashore22 10th Feb 18, 6:09 AM
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    seashore22
    Blue lass/bath cube/yellow petal etc etc.

    Keep out of other people's business/stop making things up. Whatever you are doing on here, it's not healthy.
    • spirit
    • By spirit 10th Feb 18, 6:36 AM
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    spirit
    Gets the popcorn for another of bluelass' pointless posts.
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    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 10th Feb 18, 7:01 AM
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    FBaby
    I agree with the sentiment that 'fostering' your own grandchildren is a really sad concept and I can't imagine what kids must feel like when they feel that they are not only not good enough for their parents, but can only live with their grandparents if they act like foster parents. It sounds like the only reason to have gone down that route is to maximise finances, as otherwise, they could have just claimed CB and tax credits, so if that is indeed the reasoning behind it, then I think the system has gone completely mad.
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 10th Feb 18, 7:49 AM
    • 3,319 Posts
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    gettingtheresometime
    I'm guessing you mean the one on Radio 4? Agree, it's a useful basic guide!

    Also worth reading up on Mooloo's threads, she's doing exactly this.
    Originally posted by Savvy_Sue
    Oops sorry yes.

    Very rarely do I listen to something that forces me to stay in the car when I!!!8217;ve arrived so that I can finish listening to an episode but this was one of them. I really hope they are able to do a follow up on the children
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    Next on the list - JD Williams
    • Detroit
    • By Detroit 10th Feb 18, 8:10 AM
    • 615 Posts
    • 1,925 Thanks
    Detroit
    I agree with the sentiment that 'fostering' your own grandchildren is a really sad concept and I can't imagine what kids must feel like when they feel that they are not only not good enough for their parents, but can only live with their grandparents if they act like foster parents. It sounds like the only reason to have gone down that route is to maximise finances, as otherwise, they could have just claimed CB and tax credits, so if that is indeed the reasoning behind it, then I think the system has gone completely mad.
    Originally posted by FBaby
    As mentioned, there may have been no choice. Once the children became the responsibility of the authorities, it would be necessary to ensure suitable arrangements were in place. Sometimes these are informal, sometimes not. The formal route has the advantage of enabling the grandparents to access various support, including financial.

    I disagree this is sad in the way I believe you mean it.

    Grandparents have usually moved beyond the period in their lives when they were responsible for children, with all the additional financial burden that brings.

    I have great empathy for those who may have thought their child rearing days beyond them, and possibly planned their finances accordingly, yet suddenly find themselves stepping in again; and think it entirely appropriate they access any additional funding they are entitled to as foster parents.

    As for the children, while I see no suggestion they are told they are not good enough, as it's clearly the parents with the difficulties, nothing can remove the sadness of the parental situation. However, this is likely to be greatly minimized by living with known, and presumably loving, family members rather than strangers.

    I doubt the children would care less if there was money involved, if they even knew. After all, they may well benefit directly from a greater household income.

    Sadly there are significant numbers of grandparents in this situation, and while many find great satisfaction in their role, they are nevertheless performing a challenging role unlikely to be of their choosing (as they would no doubt prefer the child' parents were able to cope). Their contribution should be valued and financial support not begrudged.
    Last edited by Detroit; 10-02-2018 at 8:13 AM.


    Put your hands up.
    • seashore22
    • By seashore22 10th Feb 18, 8:55 AM
    • 861 Posts
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    seashore22
    I agree with the sentiment that 'fostering' your own grandchildren is a really sad concept and I can't imagine what kids must feel like when they feel that they are not only not good enough for their parents, but can only live with their grandparents if they act like foster parents. It sounds like the only reason to have gone down that route is to maximise finances, as otherwise, they could have just claimed CB and tax credits, so if that is indeed the reasoning behind it, then I think the system has gone completely mad.
    Originally posted by FBaby
    I don't find it sad either that a grandparent may have to go through official hoops and foster their grandchildren.

    I would bring up my own grandchildren in a heart beat if it was necessary, but it would mean a serious hit on our finances. We could just about manage without any extra funding, but it would be tight and the children would probably have to go without as a result. Many potential grandparent carers would be far worse off than us and really need the extra money. In any case it's money for the children's care and quality of life, not a nice little earner for the grandparents.
    • seashore22
    • By seashore22 10th Feb 18, 8:57 AM
    • 861 Posts
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    seashore22
    My last comment was part of an interesting debate on this subject and in no way endorses the op's ridiculous post. Just felt the need to make that clear.
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 10th Feb 18, 9:30 AM
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    pollypenny
    Here we go again!

    A great problem - for someone else.
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    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 10th Feb 18, 9:35 AM
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    Fireflyaway
    Its preferable for a child to be fostered by a family member than be sent to live with strangers. The local authority have a duty to protect the child so probably will ask for the foster carer to go on a course even if they are a relative and yes foster carers are paid so why wouldn't she be?
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 10th Feb 18, 9:43 AM
    • 18,984 Posts
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    Pollycat
    Bath cube
    What is the basis for your concern?
    That your colleague is receiving benefits for caring for this child who is a relative?
    Worry that the Father may somehow get unsupervised access to the child?
    Concern that your colleague may lose the child into the care system?

    TBH, if any of my colleagues had told me such a story, I wouldn't have posted it on a public forum.
    I think that's a pretty shabby thing for you to have done.
    If your colleague has any sense, she'll keep her mouth firmly shut about her business within earshot of you.
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