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  • FIRST POST
    • MikeEngTech
    • By MikeEngTech 8th Feb 18, 12:46 AM
    • 42Posts
    • 8Thanks
    MikeEngTech
    Stressed with family wanting to work on my house
    • #1
    • 8th Feb 18, 12:46 AM
    Stressed with family wanting to work on my house 8th Feb 18 at 12:46 AM
    Hi,
    So yea. I know this might be a silly thing to get stressed about but we are planning some building work on our house. Itís a complete refurb of a Victorian semi.
    My brother owns a building company and does lots of large contracts in domestic and commercial premises, running into the millions of pounds I think but his business is all about being the cheapest and they have only been going a few years. He is offering to do the work for stupid money. Like £1500 for a roof re lay and same again for a rewire or something.
    Problems are.
    1. Iím not stupid and I know he is a good salesman. He always says his work is the cheapest and the best but itís impossible.
    2. He and his mates did work on the flat we have just sold and we werenít impressed, but he says he uses all different guys now.
    3. He is quite rude and shouts when I tried pulling him up on issues with the work.
    4. My Dad is worried itís all going to cost too much if I get anyone else to do it plus he believes my brothers work genuinely is excellent. He is insulted Iím not using my brother who did all the work on his house and the politest I can say isnít ďitís not the kind of finish weíre looking forĒ.
    5. Neither my wife or I particularly get on with him and being family we donít want to make it worse.
    6. I bumped into him today and he heard I was planning on getting the largest and most reputable but expensive building company around and was quite childish over it saying ďIíll doing it for a fraction of the price, I donít see why you want to pay moreĒ then having a pop at my wife assuming itís her say like ďwhy is she saying thatĒ when the concern is equally on both of us but probably my wife more. I know a bit about building as an engineer and can probably make sure they do a decent job even if it means falling out over a dispute.

    I wish nobody knew about the house now! I honestly think weíll just have to get on with the work and try to keep family out until itís done. My Dad will get over it and my relationship with my brother canít get much worse but it is upsetting .

    I donít suppose anyone would say hire him and trust he will put any problems right? My Dad has a heart of gold and says if I donít like the work heíll pay for it to be put right but itís all family pressure I donít want.

    Anyone else used family? Good or bad experiences?
Page 1
    • MikeEngTech
    • By MikeEngTech 8th Feb 18, 12:50 AM
    • 42 Posts
    • 8 Thanks
    MikeEngTech
    • #2
    • 8th Feb 18, 12:50 AM
    • #2
    • 8th Feb 18, 12:50 AM
    Sorry forgot to say, he offered to take us around some hotels he has recently refurbished to see the standard. I might take him up on that but I don!!!8217;t want to end up arguing with my wife over it as she already seems dead against getting him in and i don!!!8217;t blame her. I!!!8217;ll ask her if she would be interested in seeing these jobs be has done.
    • MikeEngTech
    • By MikeEngTech 8th Feb 18, 12:52 AM
    • 42 Posts
    • 8 Thanks
    MikeEngTech
    • #3
    • 8th Feb 18, 12:52 AM
    • #3
    • 8th Feb 18, 12:52 AM
    Sorry first time posting. Not sure why my last post is messed up with symbols.
    • littlerock
    • By littlerock 8th Feb 18, 1:34 AM
    • 1,277 Posts
    • 191 Thanks
    littlerock
    • #4
    • 8th Feb 18, 1:34 AM
    • #4
    • 8th Feb 18, 1:34 AM
    I think you have to say you want to get it done by a third party because there are bound to be disagreements in such a big project, nothing personal and complaining to you brother could cause a family row which you don't want, particularly if there are cost over runs, which there inevitably are. so to avoid family rows hou want to get it done by a third party.
    • MikeEngTech
    • By MikeEngTech 8th Feb 18, 2:05 AM
    • 42 Posts
    • 8 Thanks
    MikeEngTech
    • #5
    • 8th Feb 18, 2:05 AM
    • #5
    • 8th Feb 18, 2:05 AM
    Thanks. I did say to him today actually that with it being such a big job we are trying to keep family and friends out of it. Wasn!!!8217;t sure if that just sounded like a bad excuse. Even if he is good, it!!!8217;s still awkward. I!!!8217;ve worked for friends before and now I!!!8217;m glad when they don!!!8217;t ask me, it just too often becomes awkward.
    • trailingspouse
    • By trailingspouse 8th Feb 18, 11:32 AM
    • 2,681 Posts
    • 4,236 Thanks
    trailingspouse
    • #6
    • 8th Feb 18, 11:32 AM
    • #6
    • 8th Feb 18, 11:32 AM
    For what it's worth, I think you and your wife are absolutely right to avoid using your brother to do the work.

    We got OH's brother-in-law to lay some solid wood flooring for us - it's since shrunk horribly in places (which we knew could happen) but we don't feel we can complain and get him to come and fix it. We also (on his recommendation) used his next-door-neighbour to fit new door handles throughout the house. They did a truly rubbish job, and again we don't feel we can complain. Bit by bit OH is going through the house and re-doing them, which he doesn't really have time for (which is why we employed someone in the first place!!)

    We've lived, and we've learnt. Much better to keep it all professional with trades people that you've chosen yourself. You don't need to tell your family every last detail of what you're doing.

    Or to put it another way - if he wasn't your brother, and you'd just found him online, would he get the job?
    • Doozergirl
    • By Doozergirl 8th Feb 18, 11:53 AM
    • 24,460 Posts
    • 67,326 Thanks
    Doozergirl
    • #7
    • 8th Feb 18, 11:53 AM
    • #7
    • 8th Feb 18, 11:53 AM
    You are right to do what you want to do. Builders do have differing standards. If you can afford to have it done by someone reputable where you are sure that you will get what you want then there is no reason not to.

    My in laws genuinely think we know nothing about building and would rather sort themselves out or get my brother-in-law to organise stuff in their house. It!!!8217;s a bit insulting, but they still think we!!!8217;re kids and we!!!8217;ve got plenty to do that does actually earn us money.

    You can use that as well with your brother - he!!!8217;s better off earning the money than doing mates rates for you.

    Building is stressful and families are always known for arguing more than theybwouod with others. It probably is best for him too.
    Everything that is supposed to be in heaven is already here on earth.
    • p00hsticks
    • By p00hsticks 8th Feb 18, 12:06 PM
    • 5,960 Posts
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    p00hsticks
    • #8
    • 8th Feb 18, 12:06 PM
    • #8
    • 8th Feb 18, 12:06 PM
    Sorry first time posting. Not sure why my last post is messed up with symbols.
    Originally posted by MikeEngTech
    It's a current glitch when (apparently) posting here from apple devices. If you can avoid using apostrophes (which are what's getting converted to !!!8217 then you should be OK
    • Silvertabby
    • By Silvertabby 8th Feb 18, 12:32 PM
    • 2,282 Posts
    • 3,070 Thanks
    Silvertabby
    • #9
    • 8th Feb 18, 12:32 PM
    • #9
    • 8th Feb 18, 12:32 PM
    Sorry first time posting. Not sure why my last post is messed up with symbols.
    Originally posted by MikeEngTech
    There are gremlins about - nothing you've done wrong!
    • phill99
    • By phill99 8th Feb 18, 1:51 PM
    • 8,020 Posts
    • 7,265 Thanks
    phill99
    I run a property maintenance company and refuse to work for friends and family for the reasons you have stated.


    the relationship needs to be at arms length and professional. For that reason, you need to get a third party contractor in.
    Eat vegetables and fear no creditors, rather than eat duck and hide.
    • parking_question_chap
    • By parking_question_chap 10th Feb 18, 5:53 PM
    • 1,485 Posts
    • 1,301 Thanks
    parking_question_chap
    Yes, tell him you dont want family involved in case there are issues. Especially seeing as you dont get on with him

    If he cannot accept that, its him thats at fault, not yours.

    If he gets really persistent tell him you are holding off for a while, then get somebody else in anyway.

    Dont back down, trust your instincts.
    • TheCyclingProgrammer
    • By TheCyclingProgrammer 10th Feb 18, 6:01 PM
    • 3,060 Posts
    • 1,764 Thanks
    TheCyclingProgrammer
    I would try and avoid it in most cases.

    Even if you get somebody really good there!!!8217;s always the possibility of something going wrong or you not being happy with something. If it!!!8217;s not a family member and the job finishes with you not on the best of terms with the builder, oh well you never have to use or see them again.

    We had our downstairs shower room tiled by my father in law. Now he is a very good and experienced tiler and the end result was good but there were a few minor issues and it!!!8217;s very awkward to point them out (especially in this case as he didn!!!8217;t even charge us for labour).
    • MikeEngTech
    • By MikeEngTech 10th Feb 18, 11:41 PM
    • 42 Posts
    • 8 Thanks
    MikeEngTech
    So far sticking to our instinct not to use him. He probably would do a good job in the end but he doesn!!!8217;t take well to complaints as he snapped at me for pointing out issues with some work he done and said he uses different people now. Think he is just embarrassed I!!!8217;m not using him but he should understand. I!!!8217;m a heating engineer and ignore my family said they didn!!!8217;t want to use me I would be glad and recommend someone else if they wanted.
    • MikeEngTech
    • By MikeEngTech 10th Feb 18, 11:43 PM
    • 42 Posts
    • 8 Thanks
    MikeEngTech
    Damn autocorrect. I mean if roles were reversed I would be glad they weren!!!8217;t using me and recommend someone else
    • missile
    • By missile 11th Feb 18, 1:39 AM
    • 9,247 Posts
    • 4,545 Thanks
    missile
    I would suggest you simply avoid any further discussion with him.
    "A nation's greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members." ~ Mahatma Gandhi
    Ride hard or stay home
    • Socajam
    • By Socajam 11th Feb 18, 3:11 PM
    • 28 Posts
    • 8 Thanks
    Socajam
    Don't do it.
    Ask yourself how free will you be in asking and giving advice when things do not look right.
    Ask family he may think it is ok to give you the run around, thus delaying finishing your job. Can you and your wife life with this delay?
    Money and family does not mix and putting your residence into this is even more problematic.
    Your dad will get over it and so will your brother, if not, it's on them.
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