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  • FIRST POST
    • Mr.Grey
    • By Mr.Grey 7th Feb 18, 6:11 PM
    • 11Posts
    • 0Thanks
    Mr.Grey
    Spousal maintenance
    • #1
    • 7th Feb 18, 6:11 PM
    Spousal maintenance 7th Feb 18 at 6:11 PM
    I have been married for 9 years and have 2 children aged 6 and 18mths. My wife is divorcing me and we have been apart for a year. We both have solicitors and hers is saying that she is entitled to spousal maintenance. She works 2 days a week and her earnings are just under £16K, I earn £60k.
    I accept that I have to pay for the kids, but I see no reason why I should subsidise her new life. We have both got new partners, and once our property is sold, (I am still paying the mortgage as she and the kids still live there as it is jointly owned.)
    I want to move on and don't want to be financially tied to her for years to come. I have told her to get another better paid job but she says her salary for just 2 days is good and there isn't an option to work full time. If that's the case I don't know why she can't get a different job.
    We have sorted the child access, it's 50/50 (nights), but the stumbling block is this maintenance she wants.
    She say's she needs it as she has to now rent and cannot manage on the money she will get.
    I don't want to go to mediation as I am not going to change my mind, I intend to buy another house with my new partner and I won't be able to afford to subsidise her.
    Any advise would help, I am just wondering if anyone else has had a similar problem. She is not living with her new partner deliberately because she knows it will go against her as far as finances is concerned.
Page 3
    • Mr.Grey
    • By Mr.Grey 7th Feb 18, 9:34 PM
    • 11 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    Mr.Grey
    I would suggest that you read through the (very long) thread started by JackRS entitled "Separated, how much should I provide?" It might prove enlightening!
    Originally posted by thorsoak
    Reading this is exactly the reason I don't want to pay. This guys ex is ripping him off. That's not happening to me.
    • seashore22
    • By seashore22 7th Feb 18, 9:41 PM
    • 861 Posts
    • 1,794 Thanks
    seashore22
    seashore I think you were quoted because thorsoak was agreeing with your sentiment.

    That's how I read it anyway
    Originally posted by Seanymph
    Maybe, but I was the one who mentioned empathy, not the op.
    • seashore22
    • By seashore22 7th Feb 18, 9:45 PM
    • 861 Posts
    • 1,794 Thanks
    seashore22
    This is so obviously a windup and it's really not worth the effort. A bit of subtlety might have helped.
    • Mupette
    • By Mupette 7th Feb 18, 9:55 PM
    • 4,255 Posts
    • 6,945 Thanks
    Mupette
    I have to admit to being unfaithful on a few occasions, I guess she had enough in the end. I am now with the lady I was seeing, although I don't want her to mention this in the divorce as it's unfair to my new partner. Too bad she can bring her up in this as you did the dirty and you have to accept the consequences of that. Her grounds for divorce are mainly my unreasonable behaviour, she said I was controlling but I was not different than when we married, maybe she has just realised that I knew best. Do you know best? or do you assume being the man you will know better than the wife who's duty is to produce your offspring?

    I have a very responsible job and I think that I take my attitude home with me, it works in my job so I assume as the bread winner I should make all the decisions. Money doesn't talk, just because you were the bread winner doesn't make you the expert of a pint of milk in Asda.

    I love my children more than life itself, I will do anything for them, if necessary I will buy their food clothes and anything they need but I will not give money to my ex wife as how can I be sure she won't spend it on herself. (yup just like the ex husband) I spent all my money on providing for my son for all his needs, my ex decided to lie to child maintenance so that he only paid £5 per week, It actually impacted on our son, he went without a lot because my small job couldn't afford it, the ex purposely left me in debt it took me 10 years to clear, debts he dumped on me. I know you all think bad of me, but my kids are as I said important.
    My ex, has even objected to me taking them to Florida in August, she says it's too far and too long for the youngest to be away from her. I disagree and have told her I have already booked it. Yes it's a big holiday for very small children, you don't like her partner in your equally owned home, yet you'll be taking your children,
    your bit on the side and her children on holiday? not equal at all.
    Originally posted by Mr.Grey
    You are very blindsided by all this, you got caught with your trousers around your ankles and this ripped your world apart as you knew it, as a big child you are now punishing your ex because of it, grow up man your're not 5

    GNU
    Terry Pratchett
    ((((Ripples))))

    • Ames
    • By Ames 7th Feb 18, 9:58 PM
    • 16,882 Posts
    • 29,560 Thanks
    Ames
    Reading this is exactly the reason I don't want to pay. This guys ex is ripping him off. That's not happening to me.
    Originally posted by Mr.Grey
    In this little fantasy of yours, what will happen when the court has a different opinion to you?
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 7th Feb 18, 10:21 PM
    • 3,335 Posts
    • 8,079 Thanks
    gettingtheresometime
    Sometimes you read a thread & have immediate sympathy for the other side.
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - JD Williams
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 7th Feb 18, 10:32 PM
    • 19,061 Posts
    • 50,354 Thanks
    Pollycat
    I have to admit to being unfaithful on a few occasions, I guess she had enough in the end. I am now with the lady I was seeing, although I don't want her to mention this in the divorce as it's unfair to my new partner. Her grounds for divorce are mainly my unreasonable behaviour, she said I was controlling but I was not different than when we married, maybe she has just realised that I knew best.

    I have a very responsible job and I think that I take my attitude home with me, it works in my job so I assume as the bread winner I should make all the decisions. I love my children more than life itself, I will do anything for them, if necessary I will buy their food clothes and anything they need but I will not give money to my ex wife as how can I be sure she won't spend it on herself. I know you all think bad of me, but my kids are as I said important.
    My ex, has even objected to me taking them to Florida in August, she says it's too far and too long for the youngest to be away from her. I disagree and have told her I have already booked it.
    Originally posted by Mr.Grey
    I think the bit in bold is one of the most arrogant statements I've ever read on here.
    No my current partner doesn't get money, she had a settlement, which we want to use to buy a big house. She is NOT having any of my pension, I am allowing 50/50 on the sale of the house,, that's all. She does have a new partner, but they don't live together, she say's she doesn't want to rush into that. I don't allow him in the house as I pay the mortgage even though it's jointly owned. She stays with him when I have the kids.
    My solicitor says I can refuse spousal maintenance and make her take me to court, I don't see the point of mediation as I am not agreeing to anything other than access and house sale.
    Originally posted by Mr.Grey
    I'd love to be a fly on the wall when you bring that attitude to the table.
    My friend's now ex had the same idea of how things were going to go as you do.
    How we laughed when he found he couldn't call the shots.
    • starting_again_in_the_sun
    • By starting_again_in_the_sun 7th Feb 18, 10:43 PM
    • 107 Posts
    • 507 Thanks
    starting_again_in_the_sun
    Are you sure it's a good idea to be buying a house together after such a short relationship? ( I don't class any time before you left your wife as being in a relationship!)

    Not sure why you feel the need to control who stays over with your ex tbh.


    I hope this is a joke!
    • Ames
    • By Ames 8th Feb 18, 12:00 AM
    • 16,882 Posts
    • 29,560 Thanks
    Ames
    Are you sure it's a good idea to be buying a house together after such a short relationship? ( I don't class any time before you left your wife as being in a relationship!)

    Not sure why you feel the need to control who stays over with your ex tbh.


    I hope this is a joke!
    Originally posted by starting_again_in_the_sun
    Imagine the next thread - 'I've just split up with my second wife and all she's getting is half the house. Even though she provided all the deposit.'
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
    • LilElvis
    • By LilElvis 8th Feb 18, 5:45 AM
    • 3,377 Posts
    • 9,284 Thanks
    LilElvis
    I'm surprised no one has noticed yet that this thread appears to be written by the husband of another poster who started her thread a month ago:

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5772292

    Note the similarities:
    Wife works 2 days a week and refuses to do more
    Children age 1 and 6
    New partner wants to be a childminder
    50/50 custody
    Adulterous husband now with woman he had affair with
    Both spouses now have new partners
    Husband refuses to allow wife's new partner into marital home because he's paying for it

    As the frequent mantra on this board is "we're only getting one side of the story" it's quite clever trolling to give us the other side's view.
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 8th Feb 18, 7:33 AM
    • 16,437 Posts
    • 40,809 Thanks
    FBaby
    I'm surprised no one has noticed yet that this thread appears to be written by the husband of another poster who started her thread a month ago:
    Just read this thread and thought exactly the same from the second post by OP. It' clearly a wind-up, don't believe for a second in such coincidences!
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 8th Feb 18, 7:44 AM
    • 5,568 Posts
    • 25,363 Thanks
    thorsoak
    Clang! Penny hadn't dropped before you pointed this out, Elvis! Thanks for that - won't waste any more time on this x
    • AlwaysWorking
    • By AlwaysWorking 8th Feb 18, 9:16 AM
    • 565 Posts
    • 822 Thanks
    AlwaysWorking
    LilElvis I realised this when I read the first post...I then read everyone's response to see how long it would take for it to be noticed. The OP clearly has too much time on his hands!! I for one am relieved he's not genuine...he sounds a delight!
    "I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Marilyn Monroe
    • Judi
    • By Judi 8th Feb 18, 9:21 AM
    • 15,743 Posts
    • 66,569 Thanks
    Judi
    Thought they had done away with spousal maintenance anyway.
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • LilElvis
    • By LilElvis 8th Feb 18, 9:28 AM
    • 3,377 Posts
    • 9,284 Thanks
    LilElvis
    Thought they had done away with spousal maintenance anyway.
    Originally posted by Judi
    I believe it's rare but I do know a woman who was awarded it in her divorce last year. She received it so that she can work part time til their son is 13 - he's currently 6.
    • WillowCat
    • By WillowCat 8th Feb 18, 9:49 AM
    • 765 Posts
    • 923 Thanks
    WillowCat
    I believe it's rare but I do know a woman who was awarded it in her divorce last year. She received it so that she can work part time til their son is 13 - he's currently 6.
    Originally posted by LilElvis
    It is rarer now, and often time limited to when the lower earning party (not necessarily the wife) is able to be independent.

    What should be noted though is that instead of spousal maintenance, it is often the case that a larger proportion of the assets will go to that party, so they have a smaller or no mortgage etc.
    • spirit
    • By spirit 8th Feb 18, 10:08 AM
    • 2,700 Posts
    • 6,113 Thanks
    spirit
    I have to admit to being unfaithful on a few occasions, I guess she had enough in the end. I am now with the lady I was seeing, although I don't want her to mention this in the divorce as it's unfair to my new partner. Her grounds for divorce are mainly my unreasonable behaviour, she said I was controlling but I was not different than when we married, maybe she has just realised that I knew best.

    I have a very responsible job and I think that I take my attitude home with me, it works in my job so I assume as the bread winner I should make all the decisions. I love my children more than life itself, I will do anything for them, if necessary I will buy their food clothes and anything they need but I will not give money to my ex wife as how can I be sure she won't spend it on herself. I know you all think bad of me, but my kids are as I said important.
    My ex, has even objected to me taking them to Florida in August, she says it's too far and too long for the youngest to be away from her. I disagree and have told her I have already booked it.
    Originally posted by Mr.Grey


    After this post especially, I'm calling troll
    Mortgage free as of 10/02/2015. Every brick and blade of grass belongs to meeeee.
    • Judi
    • By Judi 8th Feb 18, 10:11 AM
    • 15,743 Posts
    • 66,569 Thanks
    Judi
    After this post especially, I'm calling troll
    Originally posted by spirit
    Of course its a troll. Noone who is in the right mind would post what he has.
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 8th Feb 18, 10:19 AM
    • 2,405 Posts
    • 2,282 Thanks
    Comms69
    Shame it's not real, sometimes you just want karma to bite...
    • Judi
    • By Judi 8th Feb 18, 10:21 AM
    • 15,743 Posts
    • 66,569 Thanks
    Judi
    I believe it's rare but I do know a woman who was awarded it in her divorce last year. She received it so that she can work part time til their son is 13 - he's currently 6.
    Originally posted by LilElvis
    Not sure i agree with it to be honest but i suppose in exceptional cases...
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
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