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  • FIRST POST
    • fbrander
    • By fbrander 7th Feb 18, 9:30 AM
    • 54Posts
    • 21Thanks
    fbrander
    Separating after 26 years.
    • #1
    • 7th Feb 18, 9:30 AM
    Separating after 26 years. 7th Feb 18 at 9:30 AM
    Hi. Need some advice please. My husband and I are separating (amicably) after 26 years and are trying to sort out our finances. I am working part time but looking to increase my hours and he is retired. We are mortgage free thankfully.
    However I have a personal credit card debt with M&S of £11000. I know its horrific and make no excuse but it just got out of hand due to university fees and the like.
    What are my options? The interest rate is a horrendous 24% apr.
    Should I contact them in the first instance? I dont want to involve my husband as he is signing the house over to me in lieu of me making a claim on his pension.
    Any advice most welcome.
Page 2
    • happyandcontented
    • By happyandcontented 10th Feb 18, 10:45 AM
    • 964 Posts
    • 1,889 Thanks
    happyandcontented
    I understand you want to keep things amicable but you should still be able to do that and protect yourselves financially. The debt includes payments to your joint child so it seems unfair that your husband does not shoulder some of that.

    Teaching until you are in your middle 60's from choice is one thing, having to do so is quite another.
    • fbrander
    • By fbrander 10th Feb 18, 10:45 AM
    • 54 Posts
    • 21 Thanks
    fbrander
    I would also add you should do wills or update your existing ones
    Originally posted by MeenaM
    Yes thats on the to do list.
    • fbrander
    • By fbrander 10th Feb 18, 10:49 AM
    • 54 Posts
    • 21 Thanks
    fbrander
    I understand you want to keep things amicable but you should still be able to do that and protect yourselves financially. The debt includes payments to your joint child so it seems unfair that your husband does not shoulder some of that.

    Teaching until you are in your middle 60's from choice is one thing, having to do so is quite another.
    Originally posted by happyandcontented

    Yes I agree and in my darkest moments I struggle with this. Its not the life I had planned and a stark lesson I think. OH used £45,000 of his lump sum towards the house so I will inherit that so to speak. Also, if I decide to sell in the future, I will keep the proceeds.
    We thought this was fair and the least complicated.
    The credit card debt was run up entirely by me so I feel responsible. I hid it from him (what an idiot but there it is)
    • eskbanker
    • By eskbanker 10th Feb 18, 11:26 AM
    • 6,290 Posts
    • 6,358 Thanks
    eskbanker
    I know you will probably think I am mad but splitting things 50/50 would involve selling our house which we dont want to do.
    Originally posted by fbrander
    Surely any sort of dividing of your marital assets (and debts) involves working out valuations of these, however informal or estimated this may be? This doesn't necessarily entail selling anything, but you must have some idea of the relative values of the house and both pensions to inform your decision?

    You mention that "OH used £45,000 of his lump sum towards the house" which suggests that the value of the pension is probably fairly significant, but more importantly it's a marital asset if built up during your marriage, so even though it may be that you and/or he see it as him putting his money towards your (plural) house, that's not really how it works legally, in the context of separation.

    Anyway, I'll leave it at that - it's not in anyone's interests to interfere and try to force you to do anything you really don't want to do, but personally I think there's a risk that you're selling yourself short and potentially single-handedly taking on a debt that you don't really need to....
    • fbrander
    • By fbrander 10th Feb 18, 1:55 PM
    • 54 Posts
    • 21 Thanks
    fbrander
    Many thanks. I had indeed thought of it as "his pension". I will take advice. I think part of the problem is that I am shell shocked and finding day to day difficult enough and finding it hard to get my head round things.
    • happyandcontented
    • By happyandcontented 10th Feb 18, 2:05 PM
    • 964 Posts
    • 1,889 Thanks
    happyandcontented
    That is very understandable, a similar thing (though not amicably) has just happened out of the blue to my best friend and she is in bits.

    Where will your husband live and how will he fund that? Are you aware of the detail of the marital finances?

    You do need to protect your long-term interests when separating towards the end of your working life. Good luck.
    • fbrander
    • By fbrander 10th Feb 18, 2:25 PM
    • 54 Posts
    • 21 Thanks
    fbrander
    That is very understandable, a similar thing (though not amicably) has just happened out of the blue to my best friend and she is in bits.

    Where will your husband live and how will he fund that? Are you aware of the detail of the marital finances?

    You do need to protect your long-term interests when separating towards the end of your working life. Good luck.
    Originally posted by happyandcontented
    Husband will be renting nearer his family. I am very aware of the finances as I have mostly dealt with them. Apart from the credit card we have no debts and very few direct debits.
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