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    • heart_broken
    • By heart_broken 4th Feb 18, 2:58 PM
    • 7Posts
    • 1Thanks
    heart_broken
    Death of adult child (Scotland)
    • #1
    • 4th Feb 18, 2:58 PM
    Death of adult child (Scotland) 4th Feb 18 at 2:58 PM
    My son died very suddenly before Christmas. He was a student studying abroad so it's taken until this week to arrange repatriation, funeral and cremation. We've managed to gather most of his belongings (which were abroad and scattered among friends here - he had a LOT of stuff). Now I really don't have a clue what happens next. Who becomes executor (and how) and who inherits? There is very little information out there on this type of scenario. There is a foreign death certificate and I gather this may be sufficient rather than having to apply for a British one.

    He has an older sister and a father who I've been estranged from for over 18 years and who is causing me a lot of stress and anxiety on top of everything else. So far I've been treated as next of kin as far as the university and funeral directors are concerned.

    I'm just grieving and utterly clueless.
Page 1
    • bluebear36
    • By bluebear36 4th Feb 18, 3:10 PM
    • 37 Posts
    • 60 Thanks
    bluebear36
    • #2
    • 4th Feb 18, 3:10 PM
    • #2
    • 4th Feb 18, 3:10 PM
    OP, I'm very sorry for your loss. Have a look at the link below, hopefully it will be of some help

    http://www.gov.scot/Publications/2006/04/12094440/0

    Take care of yourself!
    • kremmen
    • By kremmen 4th Feb 18, 3:59 PM
    • 711 Posts
    • 1,731 Thanks
    kremmen
    • #3
    • 4th Feb 18, 3:59 PM
    • #3
    • 4th Feb 18, 3:59 PM
    I am sorry that you have to go through this alone.

    I can't help with information on Scottish law but hopefully you can get some support here:
    https://www.tcf.org.uk

    Paul xx
    • littleredhen
    • By littleredhen 4th Feb 18, 4:09 PM
    • 3,074 Posts
    • 3,316 Thanks
    littleredhen
    • #4
    • 4th Feb 18, 4:09 PM
    • #4
    • 4th Feb 18, 4:09 PM
    sorry for your loss, do you have a good friend who can help you navigate through this?
    The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open.

    A winner listens, a loser just waits until it is their turn to talk
    • Margot123
    • By Margot123 4th Feb 18, 4:54 PM
    • 670 Posts
    • 686 Thanks
    Margot123
    • #5
    • 4th Feb 18, 4:54 PM
    • #5
    • 4th Feb 18, 4:54 PM
    So sorry for your loss.

    There are many helpful posts on here about applying for 'confirmation' (Probate) in Scotland. I hope they are of help to you.

    When you are feeling up to it, give this page a look, there is some useful advice: https://www.scotcourts.gov.uk/taking-action/dealing-with-a-deceased%27s-estate-in-scotland
    • Yorkshireman99
    • By Yorkshireman99 4th Feb 18, 5:22 PM
    • 3,701 Posts
    • 3,020 Thanks
    Yorkshireman99
    • #6
    • 4th Feb 18, 5:22 PM
    • #6
    • 4th Feb 18, 5:22 PM
    My son died very suddenly before Christmas. He was a student studying abroad so it's taken until this week to arrange repatriation, funeral and cremation. We've managed to gather most of his belongings (which were abroad and scattered among friends here - he had a LOT of stuff). Now I really don't have a clue what happens next. Who becomes executor (and how) and who inherits? There is very little information out there on this type of scenario. There is a foreign death certificate and I gather this may be sufficient rather than having to apply for a British one.

    He has an older sister and a father who I've been estranged from for over 18 years and who is causing me a lot of stress and anxiety on top of everything else. So far I've been treated as next of kin as far as the university and funeral directors are concerned.

    I'm just grieving and utterly clueless.
    Originally posted by heart_broken
    Next of kin has no real legal meaning and does not even have to be a relative. Assuming there is no will the estate gets divided equally between the parents and any siblings. You may need to apply for confirmation if there are monies to be dealt with. Check the links already given and come back if you need more advice.there does not seem to be any rush.
    Last edited by Yorkshireman99; 04-02-2018 at 5:56 PM.
    • heart_broken
    • By heart_broken 5th Feb 18, 11:49 PM
    • 7 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    heart_broken
    • #7
    • 5th Feb 18, 11:49 PM
    • #7
    • 5th Feb 18, 11:49 PM
    Thank you.

    Thing are just pretty raw right now. I went to see CAB today and have an appointment with a lawyer later in the week. As someone already said, it looks like assets might be split equally between parents and his sister. I'll know more once I've spoken to the lawyer obviously. Can I make myself executor or does it have to be someone impartial? Things are just so terrible with his father that I'm scared he gets in there first. He can afford legal help, we can't.

    Meanwhile we've forked out thousands to bring him home, I alone arranged the celebration of life and (separate, private) cremation and I have a flat full of belongings that I daren't do anything with in case I'm expected to inventorise/value everything (lots of guitars/snowboards, etc). Not that I'm desperate to get rid of his things but I was hoping to donate some of them to the societies he was part of at university and we really don't have any space to keep them. It just seems so unfair that I'm doing all the work (and will be for months by the looks of things) and he's sat at home with his grief doing !!!!!! all yet has the same rights.
    • UKTigerlily
    • By UKTigerlily 6th Feb 18, 1:23 AM
    • 4,390 Posts
    • 5,520 Thanks
    UKTigerlily
    • #8
    • 6th Feb 18, 1:23 AM
    • #8
    • 6th Feb 18, 1:23 AM
    I'm so, so sorry
    I know you don't need me, but feel free to PM if you need to, i'm here x
    • Keep pedalling
    • By Keep pedalling 6th Feb 18, 1:30 AM
    • 4,544 Posts
    • 4,966 Thanks
    Keep pedalling
    • #9
    • 6th Feb 18, 1:30 AM
    • #9
    • 6th Feb 18, 1:30 AM
    Does your daughter still have a good relationship with both of you? If so would she be willing to take on the administration of his estate,

    You cant really give anything away without the other beneficiaries agreement. Is there any property involved, or is it just chattels and cash?
    • heart_broken
    • By heart_broken 6th Feb 18, 12:49 PM
    • 7 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    heart_broken
    She doesn't live nearby and I wouldn't want to burden her with the job anyway (she's only 22).
    Fortunately no property but a reasonable amount of money (taught him to save from a young age!), jewellery and sports/musical equipment.
    Last edited by heart_broken; 06-02-2018 at 1:15 PM. Reason: More info
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 6th Feb 18, 10:07 PM
    • 6,264 Posts
    • 8,066 Thanks
    TBagpuss
    I'm so very sorry for your loss.
    It's usual for the executor to be a relative, you don't have to appoint someone independent. I think you, your daughter and your son's father would all be entitled to ask to be appointed as executor
    http://www.gov.scot/Publications/2016/11/6948/0 may be helpful to you.

    In terms of his possessions, I think you'll probably need to get them valued, so that his dad can't accuse you of keeping /disposing of valuable assets.
    • SevenOfNine
    • By SevenOfNine 7th Feb 18, 8:12 AM
    • 1,202 Posts
    • 1,155 Thanks
    SevenOfNine
    I am sorry that you have to go through this alone.
    I can't help with information on Scottish law but hopefully you can get some support here:
    https://www.tcf.org.uk
    Paul xx
    Originally posted by kremmen
    Paul has made an excellent suggestion. You'd be surprised at how much support, empathy & knowledge you will gain from the site. Every bereaved parent there will try to help you, sadly it's pretty much "been there, done/doing that".

    Tragically, several parents who lost their son/daughter abroad, & those in your situation who can help direct you from their own wealth of unwelcome experience from such a terrible loss, from all over the UK. Several support groups meeting monthly all over the place in Scotland (there's a map under the 'support in your area' drop down box).

    I've fine tuned Paul's link a little so that you can locate the registration more easily (not that it's hard), though you must meet the sad requirements in order to register to utilise the site, you do not have to 'join', so there is no fee, & you are not obliged to 'donate' either.

    https://www.tcf.org.uk/content/online-support-forum/

    I'm so sorry for your loss.
    Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
    • sheramber
    • By sheramber 8th Feb 18, 2:40 PM
    • 4,275 Posts
    • 3,235 Thanks
    sheramber
    Meanwhile we've forked out thousands to bring him home, I alone arranged the celebration of life and (separate, private) cremation

    These expenses should come out of his estate before anybody inherits.
    • heart_broken
    • By heart_broken 22nd Feb 18, 2:29 PM
    • 7 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    heart_broken
    To SevenofNine

    I've been looking at that site a lot and am in their Facebook group but never knew they had a forum, thank you!
    Last edited by heart_broken; Yesterday at 2:31 PM. Reason: Being a div
    • heart_broken
    • By heart_broken 22nd Feb 18, 2:38 PM
    • 7 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    heart_broken
    Executor
    So I found out today that my son's father has appointed himself as executor. I had a consultation with a lawyer who said that we really didn't need one as the estate was so small and could be dealt with quite simply.

    Can I apply for executorship too? It feels like he now has all the power whereas I'm the one that's done all the work. Will his legal fees come out of the estate as that would hardly be fair.

    I'm paranoid he's going to turn up with a van and remove all my son's belongings, violate his childhood home and leave me with nothing. Can he demand I hand things over or is that not how it works?
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 22nd Feb 18, 3:16 PM
    • 6,264 Posts
    • 8,066 Thanks
    TBagpuss
    I think strictly speaking he would, as executor, be entitled to your son's things (although not to have access to your home, so while you will probably have to hand your son's belogings over to him if he requests them, it's likely to be reasonable for this to be by arrangments, not for him to just show up with no warning.

    I don't know whether you can apply to be made a co-executor, I think in England when you apply you have to explain why the pother people with equal rights are not applying, but I don't know whether that is the case in Scotland - if you call the solicitor you saw earlier this month they may be able to tell you without you having to make a new appointment.
    • Robisere
    • By Robisere 22nd Feb 18, 3:32 PM
    • 2,068 Posts
    • 2,908 Thanks
    Robisere
    I don't know if this can help or encourage, but I had a nephew (only 5 years my junior) who lived, worked, married, divorced and died in Scotland from the age of 18. He ran a welding company with his son who was born there and was an adult when his dad died. His son was able to be executor, having lived most of his life with dad and not mum. He ran the whole funeral and wake, organised reaching all English relatives and getting accommodation for us. He was 21 at the time, so I don't believe that youth would be preventing your daughter doing the same: although you know her best of course. The key is whether your dd can talk with both her parents and come to some arrangement suitable to both. There is also the fact that you may have been regarded as Responsible Parent: was he living with you as a child after divorce?

    I am not familiar with Scottish law, so may be wrong. But I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my other nephew shortly before his eldest brother and I was very close to them both, more like a big brother. Age of the deceased has no bearing upon the grief felt by those who love them.
    There may be more than one way to skin a cat.
    But the result is always inedible.

    • heart_broken
    • By heart_broken 22nd Feb 18, 5:40 PM
    • 7 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    heart_broken
    He walked out on him when he was 3 (we were never married), why on earth should I have to hand my son's things over to him? He's never even been in my son's bedroom. He gave my son a Rolex which he wants back but this is going to make up a large part of the estate (and has sentimental value to me too) and he is only entitled to 1/4 of it. I've resigned myself to handing it back - the stuff that mean something to me are t-shirts, his guitar and stupid valueless little things.

    I just feel so powerless.


    I think strictly speaking he would, as executor, be entitled to your son's things (although not to have access to your home, so while you will probably have to hand your son's belogings over to him if he requests them, it's likely to be reasonable for this to be by arrangments, not for him to just show up with no warning.
    Originally posted by TBagpuss
    • heart_broken
    • By heart_broken 22nd Feb 18, 5:50 PM
    • 7 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    heart_broken
    His sister lives 200 miles away and she's grieving too so I'd rather not make her a middleman. She has enough to deal with and is in the position of having no-one around her that knew him to talk to. They were like twins. My son lived with me until he left for uni in 2014 but came home every weekend for work (we worked in the same place) until he started his 3rd year and it got too much to be working and studying.

    He graduated at his own funeral.

    I don't know if this can help or encourage, but I had a nephew (only 5 years my junior) who lived, worked, married, divorced and died in Scotland from the age of 18. He ran a welding company with his son who was born there and was an adult when his dad died. His son was able to be executor, having lived most of his life with dad and not mum. He ran the whole funeral and wake, organised reaching all English relatives and getting accommodation for us. He was 21 at the time, so I don't believe that youth would be preventing your daughter doing the same: although you know her best of course. The key is whether your dd can talk with both her parents and come to some arrangement suitable to both. There is also the fact that you may have been regarded as Responsible Parent: was he living with you as a child after divorce?

    I am not familiar with Scottish law, so may be wrong. But I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my other nephew shortly before his eldest brother and I was very close to them both, more like a big brother. Age of the deceased has no bearing upon the grief felt by those who love them.
    Originally posted by Robisere
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