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  • FIRST POST
    • swingaloo
    • By swingaloo 6th Jan 18, 1:33 PM
    • 1,768Posts
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    swingaloo
    What could he be up to?
    • #1
    • 6th Jan 18, 1:33 PM
    What could he be up to? 6th Jan 18 at 1:33 PM
    Asking on behalf of my friend. She is divorced and is still living in the family home with the 3 children as agreed by a court order at the time of the divorce.

    The father does not see the children who are now all in their early teens. He has almost no contact with my friend either.

    Recently he sent a message asking her to let him have a photocopy of a utility bill showing her name for the address of the family home.

    He has also asked for copies of the children's birth certificates and passports.

    When asked why he needed these things he said it was for 'a check his company needed to make for his job'????? He has been in the job for three and a half years.

    She isn't going to provide them to him as it seems a very odd thing for his company to need.

    Any ideas what he could be up to to need this kind of info?
Page 2
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 6th Jan 18, 6:38 PM
    • 2,954 Posts
    • 3,061 Thanks
    cjdavies
    I would tell your ex-husband a straight "No".

    I cannot see any reason why he wants them.
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 6th Jan 18, 7:03 PM
    • 1,463 Posts
    • 1,509 Thanks
    Fireflyaway
    I can't see why any work security checks would require the kids passport details.
    I'd be worried he is trying to pose as your friend to do something fraudulent like borrow on the house but not sure where passport details come in!
    Yes abducting the kids by getting new passports did come to mind but you say they are older so that's not relevant.
    Does he pay child support? Are the kids turning old enough he can stop?
    Does your friend claim any benefits and he is trying to stitch her / him up?
    • Jojo the Tightfisted
    • By Jojo the Tightfisted 6th Jan 18, 7:09 PM
    • 23,507 Posts
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    Jojo the Tightfisted
    Just to answer some of the posts above-

    The mortgage on the house my friend lives in is in her ex's name only so if he were to re-mortgage she would not be involved. The mortgage company would not be able to speak to her for this reason. There is very little equity in the property.

    He lives in a rented property and has 4 more children. He is very much a snob and would not consider a council house if he was offered one rent free.

    He is a very high earner and besides the mortgage on the marital home and maintenance he is also paying 1500 a month rent. He may well have money issues though as he has always lived above his means and likes to appear as a 'well to do man of the world'. The reality is far different.

    He has definitely not lost his job and he is paying maintenance on time.
    Originally posted by swingaloo
    Sounds like an attempt for the 2nd wife to claim benefit, then - or she's already been doing that and has been caught. Although I wouldn't dismiss the 'free house' theory, as plenty seem to think that you can make money through subletting/right to buy - in addition, 1500 for somewhere to house 6 people is only a scrappy little 3 bed ex council place down here at best. Local housing Allowance for somebody claiming to be single (because the husband has provided 'evidence' that he lives at another address) and a parent of 7 kids that are older, so are not necessarily expected to share rooms, is more than that of a couple still living together where one works and brings in good money and have children that can be expected to share a room due to their age and gender.

    Or she's left him and he's trying to get out of paying her any money.

    Whatever, it's still unlikely to be be legit.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
    Originally posted by colinw
    • Sam Fallow
    • By Sam Fallow 6th Jan 18, 8:36 PM
    • 824 Posts
    • 1,895 Thanks
    Sam Fallow
    Get your friend to ask 'can I have the contact details of the person within the company that I should I send the papers to?'

    Doesn't have to send them but it might get a bit more info out of him.
    I don't like morning people. Or mornings. Or people.
    • troubleinparadise
    • By troubleinparadise 6th Jan 18, 8:48 PM
    • 993 Posts
    • 1,652 Thanks
    troubleinparadise
    Numerous replies to your first post, OP, and not one person has ever heard of this information or paperwork being needed for a particular but simple reason.

    I have heard of full name and place and date of birth being needed for extended family members for high security clearance for Government security jobs...but copies of a passport details? No, unless itís for finance or flight booking or proof of ID - but not for an estranged parent.

    Odd. Wait for better information, just ignore for now.
    • paddy's mum
    • By paddy's mum 7th Jan 18, 8:58 AM
    • 3,491 Posts
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    paddy's mum
    Offer to be helpful by taking the documents into the office yourself since it just happens you'll be in that neck of the woods next week!

    Cat and pigeons, anyone?!
    • kingfisherblue
    • By kingfisherblue 7th Jan 18, 10:03 AM
    • 7,486 Posts
    • 16,161 Thanks
    kingfisherblue
    If he is constantly texting her at the moment, can she block his number? Or maybe she could text back, telling him to make the request, with a detailed reason, through his solicitor, and she will reply through her solicitor once she has taken legal advice.

    Personally I would say no, but I appreciate that not everyone feels strong enough to do that.
    • Tamsin Temrin
    • By Tamsin Temrin 9th Jan 18, 2:16 PM
    • 397 Posts
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    Tamsin Temrin
    How old are the children? Could he apply for finance in their names?
    • Judi
    • By Judi 9th Jan 18, 2:31 PM
    • 15,598 Posts
    • 65,208 Thanks
    Judi
    if he cant be bothered with his kids id tell him to sling his hook
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • SuperPikachu
    • By SuperPikachu 9th Jan 18, 3:05 PM
    • 114 Posts
    • 146 Thanks
    SuperPikachu
    Intrigued to know the outcome of this
    "Wild Pikachu appeared!"
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 9th Jan 18, 3:48 PM
    • 16,287 Posts
    • 40,554 Thanks
    FBaby
    I would suspect he is intending to go back to court to force same of the house saying children are now old enough. Is the friend living on her own or does she have a new partner living there too.

    Though my also it could be with his pension and death in service but in either case it makes no sense to ask for both birth certificate AND passport unless he said one or the other.
    • Judi
    • By Judi 9th Jan 18, 4:47 PM
    • 15,598 Posts
    • 65,208 Thanks
    Judi
    I would suspect he is intending to go back to court to force same of the house saying children are now old enough.
    Surely a birth certificate would suffice...they are easy enough to obtain.
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • peachyprice
    • By peachyprice 9th Jan 18, 4:58 PM
    • 18,970 Posts
    • 43,807 Thanks
    peachyprice
    The only thing I can think of is housing, he would need a utility in the ex wife's name to show she is still living at the house and children's birth certs/passports to prove he is their father and 'needs bedrooms' for them. Could be social housing although you said he'd never do that but maybe his new partners would, or a help to buy scheme, or a second mortgage.

    He would be mad to waste money going back to court to get the house sold when the children are early teens and still in full-time education, not going to happen and he wouldn't need birth certs or passports for that as the court would already have details of the children'd DoB's.
    Last edited by peachyprice; 09-01-2018 at 5:02 PM.
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
    • SmarterNotHarder
    • By SmarterNotHarder 9th Jan 18, 7:31 PM
    • 227 Posts
    • 1,385 Thanks
    SmarterNotHarder
    The children don't even get Xmas or birthday presents and he has already said they will never see a penny from him.

    Even if that was the case why would he need a utility bill to show she was paying the bills at the property?
    Originally posted by swingaloo
    Just to answer some of the posts above-

    The mortgage on the house my friend lives in is in her ex's name only so if he were to re-mortgage she would not be involved. The mortgage company would not be able to speak to her for this reason. There is very little equity in the property.

    He lives in a rented property and has 4 more children. He is very much a snob and would not consider a council house if he was offered one rent free.

    He is a very high earner and besides the mortgage on the marital home and maintenance he is also paying 1500 a month rent. He may well have money issues though as he has always lived above his means and likes to appear as a 'well to do man of the world'. The reality is far different.

    He has definitely not lost his job and he is paying maintenance on time.
    Originally posted by swingaloo
    Just reading through this thread, and I have no idea why he'd want those documents, and I agree that it doesn't sound completely legit, but I'm confused by the above?

    He said the kids will never see a penny off him even though he's paying the mortgage and paying child maintenance? Although he has a beneficial interest in the property, his ex wife may have a claim on it as it appears they were married for some time. It doesn't actually matter that her name isn't on the mortgage.
    • zx81
    • By zx81 9th Jan 18, 7:37 PM
    • 14,840 Posts
    • 15,661 Thanks
    zx81
    Recently he sent a message asking her to let him have a photocopy of a utility bill showing her name for the address of the family home.
    Originally posted by swingaloo
    He probably just wants to check that you are on the cheapest electricity tariff...
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 9th Jan 18, 7:38 PM
    • 5,525 Posts
    • 25,109 Thanks
    thorsoak
    Why not just tell him "NO - I don't trust you"!
    • Detroit
    • By Detroit 9th Jan 18, 10:14 PM
    • 577 Posts
    • 1,771 Thanks
    Detroit
    He could be trying to claim a means tested benefit and be encountering difficulties due to his ownership of the house your friend lives in being treated as his capital, thus rendering him ineligible.
    He may be trying to prove an ex partner and dependent children live there in order for the property to be disregarded as capital.
    His secrecy could be embarrassment about claiming benefits.


    Put your hands up.
    • swingaloo
    • By swingaloo 10th Jan 18, 10:49 AM
    • 1,768 Posts
    • 3,103 Thanks
    swingaloo
    Ok, just time for an update-

    Just to answer a few points. My friend cant apply to his work or pop in as he works over 200 miles away and she does not know the company.

    He is still insisting that it is for his job as he is applying for a higher position.

    Its definitely nothing to do with benefits as his income is far too high to make that feasible.

    He has a family with his second wife and although he pays maintenance to my friend he has no interest in any other way in his first children, he says everything will go to his second family should he die.

    There is a court order in place and when the time comes that they sell the house the percentage is already agreed.


    As yet its stalemate, she is asking for more info and something from him to prove why he wants what he is asking for and he is refusing to give anymore info so as yet no progress.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 10th Jan 18, 10:56 AM
    • 28,758 Posts
    • 73,402 Thanks
    Mojisola
    As yet its stalemate, she is asking for more info and something from him to prove why he wants what he is asking for and he is refusing to give anymore info so as yet no progress.
    Originally posted by swingaloo
    He's the one who wants the stuff - if he isn't willing to co-operate with more information, he won't get it.

    If it's that important to him, he'll give more details.
    • AylesburyDuck
    • By AylesburyDuck 10th Jan 18, 11:21 AM
    • 715 Posts
    • 1,661 Thanks
    AylesburyDuck
    He's the one who wants the stuff - if he isn't willing to co-operate with more information, he won't get it.

    If it's that important to him, he'll give more details.
    Originally posted by Mojisola
    This with bells on, she's not the one being unreasonable, but he is the one that desperately needs the info so the balls in his court.
    ,
    Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.
    If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.
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