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  • FIRST POST
    • Shamed&Scared
    • By Shamed&Scared 2nd Jan 18, 12:25 PM
    • 3Posts
    • 10Thanks
    Shamed&Scared
    Terrified......
    • #1
    • 2nd Jan 18, 12:25 PM
    Terrified...... 2nd Jan 18 at 12:25 PM
    Hello


    I don’t know what to say other than I need help. I am scared. Scared for my family with the debt.
    My husband and I both have debt, he is nonchalant and claims it will sort itself and we “just need to stop spending” then goes and spends. I have been utterly foolish in my spending and have had a realisation that I am now subsidising actually food shopping with credit cards etc.

    If he wont find help, I need help for myself.

    I think looking on here it called light bulb moment?

    My debts currently are – (this is making me cry as I actually type them out):

    Barclayloan: £12807.12 – monthly payment £245
    Barclaycard: £2036 – min payment 121.91
    M&S Credit card: £2468.21 min payment £55.50
    Next: £35.48
    Very: 329.66

    Total: £17,766

    This is terrifying to me and knowing my husband has his own debt, probably equally around this but he won’t tell me

    What is the best course of action? The loan is because I thought consolidating the debts to one monthly payment would be best but this hasn’t worked as ended up using credit cards on fuel shopping etc too.

    Do I contact the providers and try and arrange a payment plan? I've spent many years juggling cards on 0% balance transfer deals but now the one card I was relying on the transfer back to hasn’t offered me a 0% transfer deal which has now left me snookered a bit. My plan tonight is to ring Virgin and our energy suppliers to try and reduce bills. Do I go for a Debt repayment plan? Which debt charities are the best?

    My mental health is suffering intolerably to the point I had 7 weeks off sick before Christmas and this is the first time in 11 year ever off sick, the debt is a huge factor of the depression and anxiety (however other marital issues too). I even considered contacting the Samaritans I was at such a low point.


    How could I do this and be so utterly irresponsible when I am a grown adult with 2 young children.....
Page 1
    • Purplemumof2
    • By Purplemumof2 2nd Jan 18, 12:32 PM
    • 5,565 Posts
    • 20,316 Thanks
    Purplemumof2
    • #2
    • 2nd Jan 18, 12:32 PM
    • #2
    • 2nd Jan 18, 12:32 PM
    Hi,

    First of all big well done for posting.

    Please can you post a SOA so that others a bit more knowledgeable can help to see where you can cut back?

    There is always a solution, so please don't worry too much.

    They're a friendly lot here too and I'm sure someone will be along very shortly.

    Big hugs xxx
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 791 - Proud to be dealing with my debts
    MBNA: £6900.00 Cap 1: £467.97 BC: £6900.00

    AFD 4/14 NSD 9/17 LTW 10/17
    POAMAYC 2018 #041 PD £878.17/£4000
    20p Savers 2018 £2 Savers 2018 50p Savers 2018 SPC 11 2018 #003
    • Shamed&Scared
    • By Shamed&Scared 2nd Jan 18, 12:38 PM
    • 3 Posts
    • 10 Thanks
    Shamed&Scared
    • #3
    • 2nd Jan 18, 12:38 PM
    • #3
    • 2nd Jan 18, 12:38 PM
    SOA? Statement of affairs? Such as bills etc
    • kb_soma
    • By kb_soma 2nd Jan 18, 12:38 PM
    • 261 Posts
    • 2,037 Thanks
    kb_soma
    • #4
    • 2nd Jan 18, 12:38 PM
    • #4
    • 2nd Jan 18, 12:38 PM
    Hey there, welcome to the forums, and well done for coming. My advice would be to look into setting up a debt management plan. I did this through stepchange, but there are a lot of other free organisations who can help you.

    There are lots of threads on here who can offer you support if you go down that route, and these guys are great. http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5623951#topofpage

    Good luck. Xxx
    LBM: NOVEMBER 2011 || debt free date:30/06/15 || The Fighting Debt Army: #442 || Frugal Living Challenge 2018 || January 2018 Grocery £1.22/£100 ||
    • Purplemumof2
    • By Purplemumof2 2nd Jan 18, 12:41 PM
    • 5,565 Posts
    • 20,316 Thanks
    Purplemumof2
    • #5
    • 2nd Jan 18, 12:41 PM
    • #5
    • 2nd Jan 18, 12:41 PM
    SOA? Statement of affairs? Such as bills etc
    Originally posted by Shamed&Scared
    Yes, I think there's a link at the top of the thread somewhere.
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 791 - Proud to be dealing with my debts
    MBNA: £6900.00 Cap 1: £467.97 BC: £6900.00

    AFD 4/14 NSD 9/17 LTW 10/17
    POAMAYC 2018 #041 PD £878.17/£4000
    20p Savers 2018 £2 Savers 2018 50p Savers 2018 SPC 11 2018 #003
    • Dobbibill
    • By Dobbibill 2nd Jan 18, 12:49 PM
    • 2,649 Posts
    • 3,746 Thanks
    Dobbibill
    • #6
    • 2nd Jan 18, 12:49 PM
    • #6
    • 2nd Jan 18, 12:49 PM
    Hi - welcome to the forum.

    Firstly, well done taking the first step for help. It's the hardest part and you've done it so you are heading the right direction already.

    Here is the link for a SOA.

    http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php

    Format it for MSE at the bottom and then post it here.
    Be brutally honest with your SOA.

    Once you've done this we will look at what options may be available but don't panic - there is always, always a solution.
    I'm a Board Guide on the Energy, Student Money Saving, UK Armed Forces and
    Local Money Saving - Wales boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there.
    Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an abusive or illegal post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.


    A person who never made a mistake, never tried anything new.
    • kram
    • By kram 2nd Jan 18, 1:40 PM
    • 87 Posts
    • 79 Thanks
    kram
    • #7
    • 2nd Jan 18, 1:40 PM
    • #7
    • 2nd Jan 18, 1:40 PM
    Hi Shamed&Scared,

    Do the soa as other have suggested then you could also look at the debt remedy tool on the stepchange website, its anonymous with no commitment.

    You also need to make your husband realize that you both need help to sort this out as it wont go away by itself and will get worse if you both dont stop spending now.

    Good luck

    K
    • Castrum
    • By Castrum 2nd Jan 18, 2:48 PM
    • 4 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    Castrum
    • #8
    • 2nd Jan 18, 2:48 PM
    • #8
    • 2nd Jan 18, 2:48 PM
    Well done for taking your first step! I've been debt free since 2016 and I promise you can get there too! The people on here will help you to break down the actions into manageable steps to help you get debt free and have the skills to stay there.

    However your relationship with your husband isn't so easy to help with via a forum and it sounds like you need to get that sorted as part of getting debt free.

    As has already been mentioned do contact step change, but also consider Relate. They can help you resolve the relationship issues.

    Have you got anything you could sell?
    • Suseka97
    • By Suseka97 2nd Jan 18, 3:05 PM
    • 162 Posts
    • 251 Thanks
    Suseka97
    • #9
    • 2nd Jan 18, 3:05 PM
    • #9
    • 2nd Jan 18, 3:05 PM
    Hello S&S

    Okay - firstly well done for climbing aboard the DFW train and for lifting your head above the parapet. As others have said, by all means post up an SOA am I'm sure many will be along to give advice on that.

    A Debt Management Plan may well be the best option for you in the longer term - and so if considering that, grab a coffee and head over to the DMP Mutual Support Thread. It's a long thread, but full of advice and information you'll find helpful. Also do have a go with the StepChange Debt Remedy Tool online if you don't feel up to speaking to anyone right now. But the SC advisers are a helpful bunch and help hundreds of people in similar situations.

    If you search for me on the DMP thread you'll read bits about my journey - which started back in 2013. I was much like you back then, but now 4+ years on (reducing a debt not far off £100k to a more manageable £12k) I feel empowered and no longer scared or ashamed of my situation.

    Above all you will need to get your husband on-board and realise he too has to face what is clearly an unsustainable situation for you both. Does he realise you are using credit to buy food? He is probably being nonchalant about it because he may well be a wee bit scared about facing up to the financial crisis you appear to be in. A bit of an 'ostrich type' defence mechanism.

    Whatever you decide, do know there are plenty of us in the same boat and all at different points along our debt-free journey. So you'll get lots of support and no judgement.

    Good luck
    LBM Apr13: 14 Creditors / £85k+ owed
    Self-managed Aug17
    Current Status: 6 Creditors / £11,994
    • bloomfelt
    • By bloomfelt 2nd Jan 18, 3:09 PM
    • 139 Posts
    • 783 Thanks
    bloomfelt
    Hi dont be shamed there are a lot of us who are or have been where you are now, the forums on here are a great place to start your journey back to being debt free.
    Whilst I may not be the most knowledgeable I can share with you some of the things that I have done in the last 12 months that have helped get me from where you are now to a slightly more manageable debt.

    First of all look at your smallest - whilst it may not seem much it will be the easiest to clear and you will have one less bill to worry about each month.

    I joined the earn £10 a day challenge setting myself a small monthly target which i have now increased. I do a lot of survey sites and use Swagbucks which I cash out for paypal credit or Mastercard vouchers which I use as soon as they are credited to pay off my store cards.

    This isn't a quick and easy fix but when you pay off that first account and you can start focusing more on the next smallest it does help get rid of a bit of the sinking feeling.

    I wish you the best of luck in getting your debts to a more level in the coming months
    £10 a day January£1624.89/£310
    • datlex
    • By datlex 2nd Jan 18, 11:29 PM
    • 1,513 Posts
    • 1,352 Thanks
    datlex
    OP just remember it is not in the interests of any of those companies to put you in a position where you pay nothing. They may play hard ball and try to convince you they take priority over other expenses. Truth of the matter is if you don't pay your rent/mortgage and lose your home you are likely to face other difficulties such as job loss. This is not in the interest of the credit card companies, their loans are unsecured so they need you to be in a position where you can pay them something. It is in their interest to help you be able to afford repayments. So perhaps with support from a company like CAP or Citizen's Advice, sit down and ring the companies.
    • sourcrates
    • By sourcrates 3rd Jan 18, 12:06 AM
    • 13,073 Posts
    • 12,384 Thanks
    sourcrates
    Hi,

    We can’t tell you anything specific until we see an SOA.

    Then, and only then, can we give you constructive advice.

    There are 3 formal debt solutions laid down by parliament, they are :

    Bankrupcy

    Individual voluntary arrangement (IVA)

    Debt relief order (DRO)

    And one informal arrangement :

    Debt management plan (DMP)

    An SOA will tell us which solution, or solutions, would best suit you.
    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Credit File And Ratings, and
    Bankruptcy And Living With It, boards. "I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly".
    Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an abusive or illegal post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

    For free debt advice, contact either : Stepchange, National Debtline, or, CAB.
    For Legal advice see : http://legalbeagles.info/
    • ani*fan
    • By ani*fan 12th Jan 18, 6:50 AM
    • 1,537 Posts
    • 3,906 Thanks
    ani*fan
    Hi,

    We can’t tell you anything specific until we see an SOA.

    Then, and only then, can we give you constructive advice.

    There are 3 formal debt solutions laid down by parliament, they are :

    Bankrupcy

    Individual voluntary arrangement (IVA)

    Debt relief order (DRO)

    And one informal arrangement :

    Debt management plan (DMP)

    An SOA will tell us which solution, or solutions, would best suit you.
    Originally posted by sourcrates
    I would like to add that until we see the OP's soa and think about reducing outgoings and increasing incomings as a way of freeing cash to pay off debt, talking about bankrupcy, dmps or anything else that could trash a person's credit rating for years is seriously unhelpful.
    If you know you have enough, you're rich.
    • enjoyyourshoes
    • By enjoyyourshoes 12th Jan 18, 9:10 AM
    • 951 Posts
    • 1,165 Thanks
    enjoyyourshoes
    You both need to sit down and work out your LIFE Goals and agree.

    Possibly being debt free might be a good start.

    Then work out why you both are compulsive spenders.

    Often psychological so this may need some digging, then agree strategies to stop these triggers.

    Stop the spending and stop all spending one WANTS (phones, mags fags, booze , lotto, caffe lattes , treats etc etc)

    Then get all debts in order, apr, loan periods, 0% periods and post 0% charges, also include OD

    Then do cash flow identifying debt, payments to each debt and over what period of time and ascertain its affordability.

    Then set up DD to these debts

    Key then is to know where yo are financially every day by reconciling bank account and accruing for annual costs on a monthly basis.

    Good luck
    Debt is a symptom, solve the problem.
    • sourcrates
    • By sourcrates 12th Jan 18, 12:19 PM
    • 13,073 Posts
    • 12,384 Thanks
    sourcrates
    I would like to add that until we see the OP's soa and think about reducing outgoings and increasing incomings as a way of freeing cash to pay off debt, talking about bankrupcy, dmps or anything else that could trash a person's credit rating for years is seriously unhelpful.
    Originally posted by ani*fan
    Please read my first sentence again :

    "We can’t tell you anything specific until we see an SOA."

    The OP has already consolidated once :

    "The loan is because I thought consolidating the debts to one monthly payment would be best but this hasn’t worked as ended up using credit cards on fuel shopping etc too."

    I think they have already passed the stage where creative budgeting can help, hence why i posted her options for dealing with the matter correctly..
    Last edited by sourcrates; 12-01-2018 at 12:48 PM.
    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Credit File And Ratings, and
    Bankruptcy And Living With It, boards. "I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly".
    Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an abusive or illegal post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

    For free debt advice, contact either : Stepchange, National Debtline, or, CAB.
    For Legal advice see : http://legalbeagles.info/
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