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    • paul2louise
    • By paul2louise 27th Dec 17, 6:50 PM
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    paul2louise
    Regifted present from sister in law
    • #1
    • 27th Dec 17, 6:50 PM
    Regifted present from sister in law 27th Dec 17 at 6:50 PM
    At christmas i usually get christmas presents from sister in law that are not things that i would choose. I usually just let it ride. This year i was surprised to open my present from her. A hat that is too small and a fur collar. They both look like they have been worn. They smell scented and musty like they have been in a drawer. Its not about the money but we spent quite a bit of time and money getting what she and her kids wanted for christmas. I know regifting quite acceptable nowadays but surely not things that are obviously used. How can approach this without upsetting my husband and his family.
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    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 1st Jan 18, 10:03 AM
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    Pollycat
    Hmmmm...me thinks you missed the joke. lol
    Originally posted by scd3scd4
    I'm splitting my sides at your 'sense of humour'.
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 1st Jan 18, 10:25 AM
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    Spendless
    Sorry this is like one of dilemma where the op doesn't explain it properly.
    My SIL wanted something off EBay but it wouldn't be delivered in time so he gave her enough to cover it. She bought him a bottle of bombay sapphire gin and my son a telescope. Both substantial presents. My Oh gave the 3 grown up girls a litre of vodka each and a few nik naks. The 15 year old boy had £20 game voucher.
    We have a joint account but I only work a few hours part time so he is the main earner in the family so I don't really contribute to the family income.

    I showed him the items yesterday. We have had visitors staying until then and it's been quite busy. He didn't really say much at the time and the doorbell went while I was talking to him so we got interrupted. He hasn't mentioned it since. I think he likes things to just go away. I spoke to my mum about it. She said I should email message her and say the hat doesn't fit and the collar isn't suitable and offer to pass it back to her for the girls who might like it instead.
    Originally posted by paul2louise
    Do you normally get unsuitable gifts from your sis-in-law? She seems to have got the rest of your family things that they'd like, is there some issue between you and her?

    Just re-read your opening post and yes she does do something like this for you each year. I think your husband is aware and that's why he wants the issue to go away.
    Last edited by Spendless; 01-01-2018 at 10:27 AM.
    • GwylimT
    • By GwylimT 1st Jan 18, 10:45 AM
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    GwylimT
    We don't do xmas, but my mother is another one who ignores allergies. Our daughter has a severe nut allergy and coeliacs so we have to be careful, without fail my mum will buy a food related item with nuts in, now before she is even allowed through the door with gifts I ask her to guarantee they are nut free, it is always a no so presents do not come into our house.
    • paul2louise
    • By paul2louise 4th Jan 18, 9:54 PM
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    paul2louise
    I asked SIL If she had a receipt for the items. She said she had bought them off eBay. She said I could try reselling them
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 4th Jan 18, 10:58 PM
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    Pollycat
    I asked SIL If she had a receipt for the items. She said she had bought them off eBay. She said I could try reselling them
    Originally posted by paul2louise
    So you've let her know you didn't appreciate the gift she gave you.

    And you can always resell them on eBay.
    Or donate to charity.
    • zarabelle
    • By zarabelle 5th Jan 18, 10:42 AM
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    zarabelle
    When I was young, my mum put her foot down and said "no presents", not even for the younger children (i.e. me), because of the amount of money she was spending on my cousins, aunts and uncles, only to get rubbish in return.

    My gran was a hoarder so I think it physically pains my mum to have unwanted/useless stuff around. It changed my view of stuff - I don't tend to buy things impulsively and nothing comes into this house without a purpose or a place. As a result, I really dislike the "gifting" culture that's developed around holidays as I see it as wasteful.
    • suejb2
    • By suejb2 5th Jan 18, 1:10 PM
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    suejb2
    Christmas
    I saw a good line on another thread

    It's all about expectation and appreciation.

    I take that to mean manage your expectations , be it no gift,a rubbish gift,an o.t.t gift or the perfect gift and appreciate it accordingly
    Life is like a bath, the longer you are in it the more wrinkly you become.
    • Lover of Lycra
    • By Lover of Lycra 5th Jan 18, 1:16 PM
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    Lover of Lycra
    I asked SIL If she had a receipt for the items. She said she had bought them off eBay. She said I could try reselling them
    Originally posted by paul2louise
    I would only buy someone a second hand hat off eBay as a present if I knew they collected/wore vintage hats and it's one I thought they would like.

    As a gift giver I would be fine with someone asking for the receipt in order to exchange or return a gift. I would rather they receiver had something they wanted and would use rather than something that ended up on eBay or a charity shop. Mind you I only buy for a small number of people I know and are in regular contact with.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 5th Jan 18, 1:27 PM
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    Pollycat
    I would only buy someone a second hand hat off eBay as a present if I knew they collected/wore vintage hats and it's one I thought they would like.

    As a gift giver I would be fine with someone asking for the receipt in order to exchange or return a gift. I would rather they receiver had something they wanted and would use rather than something that ended up on eBay or a charity shop. Mind you I only buy for a small number of people I know and are in regular contact with.
    Originally posted by Lover of Lycra
    I think this is the crux of the issue.

    So many people seem to buy gifts for people with little or no thought.
    Bottles of wine for teetotallers, nut products for people with nut allergies.
    Swapping bottles of wine or cheques.

    What is the point of that?
    It's just gift buying for the sake of it.

    I personally wouldn't mind if someone bought me a second hand item.
    I buy a lot of my clothes from charity shops.
    But I wouldn't appreciate an item that smelled and/or didn't fit.

    I posted this on the 'charity shop bargain' thread:
    My lovely sister (who buys me the most amazing gifts) bought me a wonderful Karen Millen skirt from a charity shop one Christmas - at least 15 years ago. She had it professionally dry-cleaned (bless her) although she also wears charity shop stuff.
    Over the years, it's fitted me, been too tight, been too loose and currently fits me again.
    It's one item that I'll never, ever get rid of.
    I'll wear it on Christmas Day when we go to see her (it's a gorgeous deep maroony-red) and she'll recognise it instantly and be so pleased.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    And I did wear it and she was very pleased.
    I said 'a skirt isn't just for Christmas, you know' and we had a laugh.

    It's about knowing the person you are buying for, knowing their likes and dislikes at all?
    If you don't know them that well (or don't like them enough to make the effort), why would you buy them a gift anyway?
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 5th Jan 18, 2:04 PM
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    NeilCr

    It's about knowing the person you are buying for, knowing their likes and dislikes at all?
    If you don't know them that well (or don't like them enough to make the effort), why would you buy them a gift anyway?
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    My partner has five children and numerous grandchildren. They are scattered around, mostly local, but as we donít live together I donít see them that much.

    The first Xmas after we started going out most of them bought me a present. It was lovely of them. I was aghast -I am an only child of only children and have no living relatives so present buying has always been quite a light task. The thought of having to think up a number of presents every Xmas made me go cold -especially for children!

    So I said to my partner how touched I was, that it was a bit overwhelming but could we do a deal where they didnít buy me presents and I wouldnít reciprocate. That has worked well since and no-one has been offended. On occasions her sons have bought some beers or wine - partly, at least, I think that they feel a bit sorry for me not having any presents to open at the family Christmases.

    Iíve still got the aftershaves that quite a few of them gave me that first Xmas.

    After all that, in response to your question above. They didnít know me well but all felt it was the right thing to do for their mumís new partner. I can see that and it was very kind of them.
    • paul2louise
    • By paul2louise 5th Jan 18, 4:16 PM
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    paul2louise
    I should change the title of the post now to
    My sister in law bought me 2nd hand clothes from eBay

    She bought her mum and daughters pj's from asda. I worked there for 5 years and would have been happy with something from the big supermarkets. My fav shops at the moment are Aldi and lidl.
    I have got loads of running and cycling stuff from Aldi and lidl. I buy stuff for myself and son from charity shops but I wouldn't buy my OH or anyone else as they have personal tastes.
    • m1kjm
    • By m1kjm 5th Jan 18, 10:36 PM
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    m1kjm
    Was it this one?

    https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1950s-60s-VINTAGE-FUR-HAT-Dark-Mink-And-matching-collar-2-colour-mink-scarf/162775494159?hash=item25e62cee0f:g:R50AAOSwLYBaGwn g

    If so you haven't mentioned the bald patch

    If it wasn't that one, then I can't see that it was a recent purchase...if indeed it was an ebay purchase...
    • paul2louise
    • By paul2louise 9th Jan 18, 10:18 PM
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    paul2louise
    Was it this one?

    https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1950s-60s-VINTAGE-FUR-HAT-Dark-Mink-And-matching-collar-2-colour-mink-scarf/162775494159?hash=item25e62cee0f:g:R50AAOSwLYBaGwn g

    If so you haven't mentioned the bald patch

    If it wasn't that one, then I can't see that it was a recent purchase...if indeed it was an ebay purchase...
    Originally posted by m1kjm
    No, but how can you see ended auction items unless you have been watching them. U made me smile tho. 😝
    • m1kjm
    • By m1kjm 9th Jan 18, 10:43 PM
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    m1kjm
    No, but how can you see ended auction items unless you have been watching them. U made me smile tho. 😝
    Originally posted by paul2louise
    If you go into Advanced search you can select sold items.
    Please have a look because I'm dying to know more
    • Sharonella
    • By Sharonella 10th Jan 18, 11:05 AM
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    Sharonella
    My auntie bought me nylon flowery knickers that would have covered my boobs and a box of mints for my 18th birthday! Even my mum wouldn't wear the knickers. The mints were nice though!
    • LandyAndy
    • By LandyAndy 10th Jan 18, 11:55 AM
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    LandyAndy
    It must be something with SIL's . . .
    Originally posted by UKTigerlily


    I expect she thinks the same.
    • paul2louise
    • By paul2louise 12th Jan 18, 7:02 PM
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    paul2louise
    If you go into Advanced search you can select sold items.
    Please have a look because I'm dying to know more
    Originally posted by m1kjm
    I think this is the scarf. This is quite scary.
    https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/362169611369?_trksid=p2471758.m4704

    I think this is the hat.
    https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/192387240480?_trksid=p2471758.m4704
    • ognum
    • By ognum 12th Jan 18, 7:13 PM
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    ognum
    Time to let it go I feel and move on!
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 12th Jan 18, 8:01 PM
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    Spendless
    Originally posted by paul2louise
    Working on the assumption that these are the items.

    Looking at them, has she bought them because you are into branded clothing items, or the Ugg brand? It sounds like she's not had a good deal from ebay seller, sending fusty stuff and either didn't notice (I have an appalling sense of smell!) or thought 'it'd do' or wasn't able to get an alternative in time.


    The price she's paid (no personal idea of whether that's a good or bad deal) is a fair enough amount (IMO) for a present for you, the equivalent of perhaps buying you a bottle of booze or the star gift at Boots.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 13th Jan 18, 9:03 AM
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    Pollycat
    I should change the title of the post now to
    My sister in law bought me 2nd hand clothes from eBay

    She bought her mum and daughters pj's from asda. I worked there for 5 years and would have been happy with something from the big supermarkets. My fav shops at the moment are Aldi and lidl.
    I have got loads of running and cycling stuff from Aldi and lidl. I buy stuff for myself and son from charity shops but I wouldn't buy my OH or anyone else as they have personal tastes.
    Originally posted by paul2louise
    Originally posted by paul2louise
    If these are the things she's bought you, she's spent (imho) a reasonable amount - just under £30 for the scarf and hat.

    In fact, she probably spent more on you than on the gin for her own brother.
    My SIL wanted something off EBay but it wouldn't be delivered in time so he gave her enough to cover it. She bought him a bottle of bombay sapphire gin and my son a telescope. Both substantial presents. My Oh gave the 3 grown up girls a litre of vodka each and a few nik naks. The 15 year old boy had £20 game voucher.
    We have a joint account but I only work a few hours part time so he is the main earner in the family so I don't really contribute to the family income.
    Originally posted by paul2louise
    The hat is BNWT (did you miss that when you opened the present?) and has probably picked up the smell of the used scarf when wrapped together.

    I think it's less that she didn't spend as much on you as she did for your husband and more that the present was unwanted (and maybe not thought-about by the donor).
    And she probably spent more on you than on the gifts from
    And spent more on you than you did on her son (£20 Game voucher).
    And more than pjs from Asda that she bought for her side of the family..
    Do you wear hats? I could see my sis buying me a hat from ebay BNWT as I wear a lot of hats.

    If you continue to buy gifts for Christmas, I'd drop hints that a bottle of wine, chocs, cheap pjs would be appreciated.
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