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    • mrseyes
    • By mrseyes 19th Dec 17, 10:54 PM
    • 267Posts
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    mrseyes
    heart broken
    • #1
    • 19th Dec 17, 10:54 PM
    heart broken 19th Dec 17 at 10:54 PM
    i am heart broken about my son's girlfriend who is 6 months pregnant and had hemorrhagic stroke. She had big brain surgery 2 weeks ago and have woken up form coma. She is unable to talk, and unable to move her right leg and right arm. I am really worried how my son will cope specially he has 2 yrs to look after and new baby too. Also i don't know how he going to afford to pay the mortgage and all the bills too on his own.
Page 1
    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 19th Dec 17, 11:32 PM
    • 9,952 Posts
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    hazyjo
    • #2
    • 19th Dec 17, 11:32 PM
    • #2
    • 19th Dec 17, 11:32 PM
    There is help out there - make sure he exhausts every avenue to see what they are entitled to. My friend's husband had a massive stroke a few years ago in his 40s and still needs round the clock care. She still works and they have a carer, and are entitled to taxis and lots of support.

    Sorry to hear about what happened - must be awful for everyone. I hope she makes a full recovery.

    Hopefully they have some sort of insurance in place that might help. Her pension may also provide some support if out of work or unable to work.

    People have a funny way of muddling through - and if they don't or can't cope, they must speak out. It will be a tough journey. Hopefully they will get lots of support.
    2018 wins:
    • chesky
    • By chesky 20th Dec 17, 6:36 AM
    • 924 Posts
    • 1,387 Thanks
    chesky
    • #3
    • 20th Dec 17, 6:36 AM
    • #3
    • 20th Dec 17, 6:36 AM
    What a worrying time you must be having. Do make sure your son asks the hospital to put him in touch with a social worker. You could talk to your local CAB about what benefits could be claimed in these circumstances.

    Make sure the 2 year old has a jolly Christmas - children often get overlooked when something like this happens.
    • Judi
    • By Judi 20th Dec 17, 9:22 AM
    • 15,618 Posts
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    Judi
    • #4
    • 20th Dec 17, 9:22 AM
    • #4
    • 20th Dec 17, 9:22 AM
    Take one day at a time. Dont look too far forward, just concentrate on the present for now.
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 20th Dec 17, 9:33 AM
    • 23,308 Posts
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    pollypenny
    • #5
    • 20th Dec 17, 9:33 AM
    • #5
    • 20th Dec 17, 9:33 AM
    Oh, dear. How awful. You just have to support them as much as you can. Bless them.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 20th Dec 17, 7:04 PM
    • 1,463 Posts
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    Fireflyaway
    • #6
    • 20th Dec 17, 7:04 PM
    • #6
    • 20th Dec 17, 7:04 PM
    Sounds like a difficult situation to be in. See if there is a floating support charity in your area. They can advise on benefits, accessing care, housing advice etc. There may also be a support group for her condition and hopefully this is the worst she will be. Many stroke victims are able to improve their speech and mobility over time, especially if young.
    • Katgrit
    • By Katgrit 24th Dec 17, 10:14 AM
    • 496 Posts
    • 1,351 Thanks
    Katgrit
    • #7
    • 24th Dec 17, 10:14 AM
    • #7
    • 24th Dec 17, 10:14 AM
    Just to reassure you a little, the right sided paraysis might improve. It can take a good long while, she can be seeing improvements for up to 2 years so her situation may well not be permanent. She got youth on her side, so her recovery is likely to be greater than that of an 85yr old suffering a stroke.

    As far as the 2 year old in concerned, a Mummy with a poorly right arm and leg is still a Mummy. Could they sit together on her hospital bed with them practicising drawing/writing together on a chalkboard, this would help your DiL improve her left hand dexterity (assuming she's not already naturally left handed). And while you'd naturally worry about ANY parent having a small tot and new baby to look after on their own, (and please don't be offended by this) don't doubt his abilities because he's a man.....he'll do her proud I'm sure. I only say this because my Mum would be having kittens if my brother had to look after his daughter by himself (even if wifey was just out for a night with friends) because it has never crossed her mind that's he does a great job becsuse he's a natural, regardless of his sex. I can only apologise that I'm tarring you with the same brush as my Mother......even if you're the same generation I feel bad for even implying you'd think like her! ☺

    Practical ways you could help. Batch cook and take him a freezer full of lasagne portions, cottage pies, chilli's etc that he can just nuke in the microwave when he finally flops onto the sofa at night. Maybe spag bol for the little one, pre mixed with spaghetti cut into short bits. If your funds will allow nip out and buy a gross of toddler (and baby) socks, vest and pants so hes got stock easily available, he doesnt want to be faffin drying pairing up miniscule tiny articles (If ever I've got a lot on and my stress levels are going through the roof organising CLOTHES is easy, but checking radiators full of damp socks is something that makes me want to throw plates at walls!).

    I feel bad I can't fix this for you! 😔
    • Lolly88
    • By Lolly88 24th Dec 17, 12:19 PM
    • 265 Posts
    • 780 Thanks
    Lolly88
    • #8
    • 24th Dec 17, 12:19 PM
    • #8
    • 24th Dec 17, 12:19 PM
    I'm really sorry that this has happened. As someone else mentioned there is a good chance that she will regain some strength in her arm and leg and possibly improve with her speech also. It would be good to get in touch with the Stroke Association who can send someone to come out to see you and they will be able to help and advise on all the different types of support available to your family in terms of finances etc. She should also have a stroke specialist nurse when she gets discharged who will be able to offer support to them too.
    House Fund - £32104.67
    Currently buying a house
    • Mr Costcutter
    • By Mr Costcutter 24th Dec 17, 1:01 PM
    • 299 Posts
    • 764 Thanks
    Mr Costcutter
    • #9
    • 24th Dec 17, 1:01 PM
    • #9
    • 24th Dec 17, 1:01 PM
    So sorry to hear that this has happened to your family. Please keep hope in your heart as there may well be improvement in time to come. I'm a survivor of a major stroke and was not expected to survive. Even though I was left with a mountain to climb, I'm determined to do so. Please stay strong and I hope that with each day you will see a little improvement.
    • mrseyes
    • By mrseyes 10th Jan 18, 11:27 AM
    • 267 Posts
    • 32 Thanks
    mrseyes
    Thank you so much for your support, it did really helped.

    My sons girlfriend's is getting slowly better now, her feeding tube is out and that she can eat now, she can talk few words at a time and you can hear her now (not whispering), she can feel her right side and wiggles her toes. She can also squeeze her rand hand when asked to do. Physiotherapist has planned out routine for her and speech therapist attends to her too.

    The problem is that when baby is delivered in 10 weeks we have been told that they cant keep baby in the hospital but she would like to breast feed as much possible so don't know what we going to do.

    Even if we take baby in out of hospital its 40 miles journey for my son.

    But thanked god she is with us and improving day by day.

    Thank you so much for your support.
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 10th Jan 18, 11:51 AM
    • 23,308 Posts
    • 60,498 Thanks
    pollypenny
    Thanks for sharing the good news, mrseyes.

    Hopefully things will continue to improve. Lots can happen in ten weeks.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
    • masonsmum
    • By masonsmum 10th Jan 18, 12:41 PM
    • 825 Posts
    • 1,471 Thanks
    masonsmum
    Glad to hear your daughter in law is getting better. My mum had a massive brain aneurysm that burst 2 years ago and afterwards she took a stroke. She also lost her speech and had problems with mobility.


    It has been a long road to recovery but she is now almost back to normal, her speech and language therapist was fantastic and we also had a lot of help from Headway (the brain injury charity) worth giving them a call as they are on hand with excellent advice, activities and exercise and can also help with benefit claims.


    Hope she makes a full recovery.
    • Bean83
    • By Bean83 10th Jan 18, 1:57 PM
    • 232 Posts
    • 408 Thanks
    Bean83
    Glad to hear she is on the road to recovery.

    With regards to breastfeeding, could she express milk for the baby? If there was a way of storing it at the hospital, your son could then take batches of it home after every visit and feed it to baby via a bottle. Breast milk can be kept at room temp for 4 hours, in the fridge for 4 days, and in the freezer for 4 weeks. If she could freeze batches of it he could take it home in a freezer bag and defrost as and when needed. I would recommend borrowing/hiring a hospital grade breast pump to make the job a lot quicker!!!

    • haras_nosirrah
    • By haras_nosirrah 10th Jan 18, 1:58 PM
    • 1,366 Posts
    • 2,538 Thanks
    haras_nosirrah
    with the breast feeding the answer may be for mum to pump and send dad home with milk for baby and feed with baby is with her. I hope things continue to improve
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    • DevilsAdvocate1
    • By DevilsAdvocate1 10th Jan 18, 6:49 PM
    • 1,519 Posts
    • 2,843 Thanks
    DevilsAdvocate1
    Thank you so much for your support, it did really helped.

    My sons girlfriend's is getting slowly better now, her feeding tube is out and that she can eat now, she can talk few words at a time and you can hear her now (not whispering), she can feel her right side and wiggles her toes. She can also squeeze her rand hand when asked to do. Physiotherapist has planned out routine for her and speech therapist attends to her too.

    The problem is that when baby is delivered in 10 weeks we have been told that they cant keep baby in the hospital but she would like to breast feed as much possible so don't know what we going to do.

    Even if we take baby in out of hospital its 40 miles journey for my son.

    But thanked god she is with us and improving day by day.

    Thank you so much for your support.
    Originally posted by mrseyes
    If your son's girlfriend wants to breastfeed can I suggest that you ring the NCT breastfeeding line on 0300 330 0771

    They have some very knowledgeable breastfeeding counsellors who will have come across similar situations before and may be able to advise on how to approach the hospital in order to enable this to happen.

    A good friend had her twin babies 10 weeks early and had to leave them in the hospital when she went home. She found it really helpful breastfeeding as she said it was the one thing she could do for her baby that the lovely nursing staff could not do.

    Although the situation is the opposite here, it might help your son's girlfriend feel that the baby is hers if she can do this, even if its not all the time.
    • olgadapolga
    • By olgadapolga 10th Jan 18, 8:27 PM
    • 813 Posts
    • 972 Thanks
    olgadapolga
    If your son's girlfriend wants to breastfeed can I suggest that you ring the NCT breastfeeding line on 0300 330 0771

    They have some very knowledgeable breastfeeding counsellors who will have come across similar situations before and may be able to advise on how to approach the hospital in order to enable this to happen.
    Originally posted by DevilsAdvocate1
    I'd second this. The NCT are really good at helping people to deal with the NHS. You could also try talking to PALS or the maternity unit to see what they can suggest. Thinking about it, the hospital should have a dedicated breastfeeding support - often a midwife, so it might be worth chatting with her/him as well.
    • sazdes
    • By sazdes 10th Jan 18, 8:44 PM
    • 88 Posts
    • 77 Thanks
    sazdes
    I would definitely double check regarding letting the baby stay in the hospital with her, every hospital I've worked at in similar circumstances have gone out of their way to borrow cots from maternity to allow mum and baby to stay together on the ward (ideally side room but with current pressures this may be less easy to arrange). Best wishes, age is on her side in terms of better chance of a good recovery
    • Mrs Imp
    • By Mrs Imp 10th Jan 18, 9:49 PM
    • 960 Posts
    • 1,559 Thanks
    Mrs Imp
    If she can get the right support, then breastfeeding may be possible.
    http://theleakyboob.com/2012/04/breastfeeding-the-icu-support-and-facebook-support-that-keeps-on-giving/
    You might want to try contacting NCT and LLL. She may have to be quite firm with her medical team about her desire to BF.
    I hope it all goes well for her
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