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  • FIRST POST
    • Uniscots97
    • By Uniscots97 14th Dec 17, 6:08 PM
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    Uniscots97
    Back, still in debt, probably depressed and not a lot going right!!!
    • #1
    • 14th Dec 17, 6:08 PM
    Back, still in debt, probably depressed and not a lot going right!!! 14th Dec 17 at 6:08 PM
    Where do I start? I left the forums a while back as had so much going on (birth of my LO, an accident that changed my health, death of 2 family members and lots of job stuff). I'm back now as I need some help and support from people that aren't connected to everything that's going on.

    I'll post more details as I go but in a nutshell:

    - trying to get house done up to sell (OH doing it or supposed to be doing it and taking ages over everything)
    - got another house but have to pay back share that was left to other family members (once larger house sold should be mortgage free)
    - getting no support from OH, he swings from self pity to nothing
    - I pay all the bills (including LO nursery fees as I work full time). OH varies how much he gives me per month but I'm currently paying his car loan (taken out in my name) and paying bills on 2 houses (my mum trying to help) and all my debts. 1 credit card nearly gone (sub £1000) but have others
    - have nightmare of a boss who put me on a warning (along with others) because he didn't tell us right thing to work on in first place (and constantly changes his mind) and awaiting a letter from HR about how my review will go. No instructions from him written down so difficult to prove stuff but thinking about involving Union
    - boss told friend (colleague) at work we're too friendly. She got no training from boss, all left to me and others.
    - OH complaining about everything, nothing is ever good enough. We're both full of the cold at the moment yet you would think he was at deaths door. Disappears off for a sleep whenever he likes if I say anything he blows up, and I get left to deal with LO.
    - my health hasn't been same since an accident, left me with a lot of problems below the waist, on a lot of medication

    Sorry needed to vent. I broke down in tears a couple of days ago (OH wasn't in) and LO asked if Mummy needed a hug.

    I'm not as strong as I was years ago when I first came on here. But so much as happened. I think if I was debt free I might find things a bit easier. I'll pull together numbers etc as I go. But I have managed to pay for Christmas all upfront.

    Thank you for listening 😊, I feel a little better getting some of this off my chest.
    CC1 = £87.87 (£9983 ); Reusing shopping bags savings =£1.05 vs spent £0.70 .Wine is like opera. You can enjoy it even if you don't understand it and too much can give you a headache the next day J
Page 4
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 6th Jan 18, 4:38 PM
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    Toni'sfriend
    I know it's easy for us all to tell you to tell him to leave and not so easy for you to do it but, honestly, is he going to change? I bet he tries to makes you feel that this is your fault and you're a failure in everything you do. It's not and you're not. You really don't deserve to be treated like this and it will not be doing the wee one any good. I think you have to give him an ultimatum. Either he changes his behaviour and pulls his weight or he goes and you have to stick to your guns.
    • jaxsmar
    • By jaxsmar 6th Jan 18, 5:45 PM
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    jaxsmar
    Do you love your partner? Are you IN love with him. Can someone look after LO and you go on a date together? Maybe you need time together. A lot of men get jealous of a mother and child's relationship. How does he make you feel as a woman. Maybe you both need to talk to a a professional. Have you asked him if his happy? Maybe his as frustrated as you, men can't always communicate or express there feelings. Its OK for us to say get rid of him, life isn't always straightforward, or the heart. Only you can decide what's best. Is this just a bad patch? If not one more thing could tip you over the edge. Which ever you decide we will support you.
    Penny wise pound foolish #266 emergency fund 50/£1000.
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 6th Jan 18, 6:03 PM
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    Toni'sfriend
    Do you love your partner? Are you IN love with him.
    jaxmar is right. Maybe this is the first thing you have to ask yourself and then you have to ask him the same thing. If you both answer is "yes" then you have to have an honest discussion about why things are the way they are.
    • Uniscots97
    • By Uniscots97 7th Jan 18, 1:59 PM
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    Uniscots97
    He's currently getting counselling about what happened to him before but because they're only hearing part of the story I'm not sure they'll be able to get to the root of it easily. Do I love him? Sometimes. At the moment that's not often as he just won't take responsibility for his actions and blames everyone else.
    CC1 = £87.87 (£9983 ); Reusing shopping bags savings =£1.05 vs spent £0.70 .Wine is like opera. You can enjoy it even if you don't understand it and too much can give you a headache the next day J
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 7th Jan 18, 2:38 PM
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    Toni'sfriend
    Do I love him? Sometimes.
    To me, that's sounding like "no". I think you want to but he's driving you away. To be honest, if he's having counselling and there is still no change I doubt that there ever will be or, if there is, it's going to take a very long time. The question is how long can you persevere with his present treatment of you in the hope that that change will come.
    • jaxsmar
    • By jaxsmar 7th Jan 18, 2:40 PM
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    jaxsmar
    You and my mate are going through similar thing's. He talks to her like a piece of s**t. He has issues relating to being in care. However 7 years on nothings really changed. He says he wants to be with her, but lies to her. She's in limbo. She can't move forward I think she's afraid of being on her own. She has adult children, your LO is young and being exposed to this. You say "sometimes" you love him. Is that enough? What actually are you waiting for? ... Financially being in a better position? Hoping he changes? Are you ever afraid of him?
    Penny wise pound foolish #266 emergency fund 50/£1000.
    • jaxsmar
    • By jaxsmar 7th Jan 18, 2:49 PM
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    jaxsmar
    Toni'sfriend is right its almost like he has a self destruct button. He drive's you away. Same as my friend's fellow I have abandament issues therefore no one can want me.. Obviously we don't know your mans history is but a pattern occurs...
    Penny wise pound foolish #266 emergency fund 50/£1000.
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 7th Jan 18, 2:58 PM
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    Toni'sfriend
    Are you ever afraid of him?
    I hope the answer to this is "no" but if it isn't you really have to get out of this situation now.
    • Uniscots97
    • By Uniscots97 8th Jan 18, 10:25 AM
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    Uniscots97
    Not had a great morning. Couldn't get car started as was frozen solid. So LO and I are in the house. I'm trying to get some work done but LO not understanding why I'm not at work.

    To answer the question, no I'm not afraid of him. Once told him if that ever happened (early in the relationship and he'd been out which is a rare occurrence and got very drunk and he asked what had happened had he got violent etc) then we'd be finished

    Anyone know what's going on with the supermarkets? The shelves are empty and it's not just certain supermarkets or just this area as friends have said the same
    Last edited by Uniscots97; 08-01-2018 at 10:52 AM.
    CC1 = £87.87 (£9983 ); Reusing shopping bags savings =£1.05 vs spent £0.70 .Wine is like opera. You can enjoy it even if you don't understand it and too much can give you a headache the next day J
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 8th Jan 18, 11:13 AM
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    Toni'sfriend
    To answer the question, no I'm not afraid of him.
    I'm really glad to hear that. He does seem to realize that he has problems - just doesn't seem to be able to find a way of dealing with them.
    It is freezing here. Rooftops are still white and the cars which haven't moved are sparkling.
    The supermarkets here aren't empty but there are quite a lot of things missing. The local butcher was devoid of all kinds of pies. Wonder if the're trying to sell off there festive items before restocking.
    Hope you get some work done and the car starts eventually.
    Take care.
    • jaxsmar
    • By jaxsmar 8th Jan 18, 3:38 PM
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    jaxsmar
    Also glad to here. Not a good start to the week then! Will the car be OK for tomorrow? Not been to the supermarket, so I'm not sure what's going on shopped online. Enjoy your time with LO.
    Penny wise pound foolish #266 emergency fund 50/£1000.
    • Uniscots97
    • By Uniscots97 8th Jan 18, 4:12 PM
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    Uniscots97
    LO's had a ball today being at home but I've not got much done.

    cc is down to £170.99, not bad considering not much money till payday on 16th.
    Last edited by Uniscots97; 08-01-2018 at 4:17 PM.
    CC1 = £87.87 (£9983 ); Reusing shopping bags savings =£1.05 vs spent £0.70 .Wine is like opera. You can enjoy it even if you don't understand it and too much can give you a headache the next day J
    • jaxsmar
    • By jaxsmar 9th Jan 18, 3:03 PM
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    jaxsmar
    Well done on the cc payment. How old is LO? .. Did the car start OK today?
    Penny wise pound foolish #266 emergency fund 50/£1000.
    • Uniscots97
    • By Uniscots97 9th Jan 18, 3:11 PM
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    Uniscots97
    Hello all, LO will be 3 very shortly. Car started, thank goodness. Work meeting is tomorrow but I at least know union will be there for me, still nervous though.
    CC1 = £87.87 (£9983 ); Reusing shopping bags savings =£1.05 vs spent £0.70 .Wine is like opera. You can enjoy it even if you don't understand it and too much can give you a headache the next day J
    • jaxsmar
    • By jaxsmar 9th Jan 18, 4:49 PM
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    jaxsmar
    Let us know what happens tomorrow, let's hope the union can resolve the matter/issue, and you can go forward. I bet LO is fall of beans that age where their getting a bit independent but like you within arms reach.
    Penny wise pound foolish #266 emergency fund 50/£1000.
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 9th Jan 18, 4:52 PM
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    Toni'sfriend
    Please try not to worry. Be guided by your union rep - he/she will have the experience to know what to do and most of all DO NOT BE BULLIED. You can tell I've experienced this in my time, can't you?
    Three years old? I love that age. I love the way they try to express things in the limited language that they have. MY son once described twins as two girls with the same face. I just love it and think of him trying to tell me about it every time I see twins.
    Glad the car started. Took the boy twenty minutes to defrost his yesterday. There was even ice on the inside of the windscreen!
    Hope everything goes well tomorrow. Let us know how you get on and remember we'll be here thinking about you.
    • Uniscots97
    • By Uniscots97 9th Jan 18, 6:07 PM
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    Uniscots97
    Thank you Toni's friend and Jaxsmar that means a lot to me.

    I had ice on the inside of my windscreen too this morning. I've made LO's favourite dinner baked macaroni cheese.

    I'm trying not to be nervous about the meeting but difficult. Rep says they've not followed process. He doesn't think there's enough to prove bullying etc but will give them a warning(?) so they think twice about trying something again, if that makes sense.

    Anymore payments to cc spoken about and other debts will have to wait till I get paid. I found some records in the loft, wondering whether to sell them? Wouldn't be much each (£4-15 each from a quick google) and maybe around ££80 in total. Some were my grandpa's but I can't hang onto them all.
    Last edited by Uniscots97; 09-01-2018 at 6:12 PM.
    CC1 = £87.87 (£9983 ); Reusing shopping bags savings =£1.05 vs spent £0.70 .Wine is like opera. You can enjoy it even if you don't understand it and too much can give you a headache the next day J
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 9th Jan 18, 6:27 PM
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    Toni'sfriend
    It does make sense. Bullying is difficult to prove but they will know that your manager has gone beyond his remit even if they don't admit it. And if they haven't followed their own procedures they can hardly blame you if things have gone wrong. Just standing up to them will give them a warning that they can't get away with it.
    Have you looked at selling the records to a specialist shop or a collector. I'm assuming these are vinyl. We have loads that belonged to OH's late brother and he won't sell them but we always look in second hand/antique shops and it's amazing how much they sell for even if the're not in great condition.
    • Uniscots97
    • By Uniscots97 12th Jan 18, 10:16 PM
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    Uniscots97
    Update coming soon, family all unwell
    CC1 = £87.87 (£9983 ); Reusing shopping bags savings =£1.05 vs spent £0.70 .Wine is like opera. You can enjoy it even if you don't understand it and too much can give you a headache the next day J
    • jaxsmar
    • By jaxsmar 13th Jan 18, 1:32 PM
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    jaxsmar
    Thanks for the update. Sorry your all unwell the sickness bug has taken its toll at work ( I work in a primary school) I just hope I'm not the next victim as well as cough's. Constantly reminding them to wash hand's and use a tissue instead of cuffs! ��
    Penny wise pound foolish #266 emergency fund 50/£1000.
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