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  • FIRST POST
    • Uniscots97
    • By Uniscots97 14th Dec 17, 6:08 PM
    • 6,331Posts
    • 23,104Thanks
    Uniscots97
    Back, still in debt, probably depressed and not a lot going right!!!
    • #1
    • 14th Dec 17, 6:08 PM
    Back, still in debt, probably depressed and not a lot going right!!! 14th Dec 17 at 6:08 PM
    Where do I start? I left the forums a while back as had so much going on (birth of my LO, an accident that changed my health, death of 2 family members and lots of job stuff). I'm back now as I need some help and support from people that aren't connected to everything that's going on.

    I'll post more details as I go but in a nutshell:

    - trying to get house done up to sell (OH doing it or supposed to be doing it and taking ages over everything)
    - got another house but have to pay back share that was left to other family members (once larger house sold should be mortgage free)
    - getting no support from OH, he swings from self pity to nothing
    - I pay all the bills (including LO nursery fees as I work full time). OH varies how much he gives me per month but I'm currently paying his car loan (taken out in my name) and paying bills on 2 houses (my mum trying to help) and all my debts. 1 credit card nearly gone (sub £1000) but have others
    - have nightmare of a boss who put me on a warning (along with others) because he didn't tell us right thing to work on in first place (and constantly changes his mind) and awaiting a letter from HR about how my review will go. No instructions from him written down so difficult to prove stuff but thinking about involving Union
    - boss told friend (colleague) at work we're too friendly. She got no training from boss, all left to me and others.
    - OH complaining about everything, nothing is ever good enough. We're both full of the cold at the moment yet you would think he was at deaths door. Disappears off for a sleep whenever he likes if I say anything he blows up, and I get left to deal with LO.
    - my health hasn't been same since an accident, left me with a lot of problems below the waist, on a lot of medication

    Sorry needed to vent. I broke down in tears a couple of days ago (OH wasn't in) and LO asked if Mummy needed a hug.

    I'm not as strong as I was years ago when I first came on here. But so much as happened. I think if I was debt free I might find things a bit easier. I'll pull together numbers etc as I go. But I have managed to pay for Christmas all upfront.

    Thank you for listening 😊, I feel a little better getting some of this off my chest.
    CC1 = £87.87 (£9983 ); Reusing shopping bags savings =£1.20 vs spent £0.70 .Wine is like opera. You can enjoy it even if you don't understand it and too much can give you a headache the next day J
Page 3
    • Uniscots97
    • By Uniscots97 2nd Jan 18, 8:36 PM
    • 6,331 Posts
    • 23,104 Thanks
    Uniscots97
    I got some bargains at the supermarket and the freezer is now full and I spent less than £10.
    Got meeting with the union this week, my Mum and I sat and went through everything I need to talk through with them. Just wish it was all over and sorted out.
    CC1 = £87.87 (£9983 ); Reusing shopping bags savings =£1.20 vs spent £0.70 .Wine is like opera. You can enjoy it even if you don't understand it and too much can give you a headache the next day J
    • MoneysavingmadGem
    • By MoneysavingmadGem 2nd Jan 18, 10:38 PM
    • 31 Posts
    • 152 Thanks
    MoneysavingmadGem
    Hi
    Sorry to hear about your situation but I am a great believer that if u put your mind to it you can do anything!

    I hope you get to where you want to be this year.
    Keep smiling
    Crazy clothes 2018 #8 - £120, handmade or cs
    Pay all debt off xmas 2018 #066. ( £9900)
    2018 frugal living #34 (£2500)
    1% a day #36 (9000)
    • Uniscots97
    • By Uniscots97 3rd Jan 18, 4:31 PM
    • 6,331 Posts
    • 23,104 Thanks
    Uniscots97
    Had meeting with union rep they're going to see what they can do. He's reading through everything I have but told me some of the 'rules' I was told are absolute nonsense. I'm afraid I cried during the meeting just couldn't keep it together
    CC1 = £87.87 (£9983 ); Reusing shopping bags savings =£1.20 vs spent £0.70 .Wine is like opera. You can enjoy it even if you don't understand it and too much can give you a headache the next day J
    • Mnd
    • By Mnd 3rd Jan 18, 5:25 PM
    • 338 Posts
    • 362 Thanks
    Mnd
    Don't worry about a few tears, you have got enough on your plate to justify that.
    At least that 1 thing that's moving in a positive way, thinking of you.m
    • Uniscots97
    • By Uniscots97 3rd Jan 18, 5:50 PM
    • 6,331 Posts
    • 23,104 Thanks
    Uniscots97
    Glad OH isn't at home still quite teary (if that's a word?), made dinner for LO and I (who keeps asking why mummy is upset). OH asked me for more money today as he's "miscalculated" and will go overdrawn. I caved in, funnily enough it's roughly same amount as a takeaway
    Last edited by Uniscots97; 03-01-2018 at 5:52 PM.
    CC1 = £87.87 (£9983 ); Reusing shopping bags savings =£1.20 vs spent £0.70 .Wine is like opera. You can enjoy it even if you don't understand it and too much can give you a headache the next day J
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 3rd Jan 18, 6:15 PM
    • 753 Posts
    • 10,924 Thanks
    Toni'sfriend
    Don't worry about being tearful during the interview and I'll just bet that what you've been told is by your manager is nonsense. Good managers value their staff and bend over backwards to help them. Bad managers will tell you anything if they can get away with it. Been there.
    Don't know what to say about OH. I would hope that he understands what he's doing but unfortunately I doubt it and I really don't know how you can change that.
    Having said that., it's a new year so try to be positive and remember we're here and support you.
    • Mnd
    • By Mnd 3rd Jan 18, 6:53 PM
    • 338 Posts
    • 362 Thanks
    Mnd
    Please stop and think about your giving in to your partner. You need to say no sooner or later
    I realise that you have enough to think about at the moment, but eventually you need to stop letting him take advantage of your kindnesz
    • jaxsmar
    • By jaxsmar 3rd Jan 18, 7:01 PM
    • 391 Posts
    • 1,539 Thanks
    jaxsmar
    How's things going? Sounds like Xmas day was ruined. Are you OK? Bit worried about you.
    Penny wise pound foolish #266 emergency fund 50/£1000.
    • Uniscots97
    • By Uniscots97 3rd Jan 18, 7:08 PM
    • 6,331 Posts
    • 23,104 Thanks
    Uniscots97
    Don't worry about being tearful during the interview and I'll just bet that what you've been told is by your manager is nonsense. Good managers value their staff and bend over backwards to help them. Bad managers will tell you anything if they can get away with it. Been there.
    Don't know what to say about OH. I would hope that he understands what he's doing but unfortunately I doubt it and I really don't know how you can change that.
    Having said that., it's a new year so try to be positive and remember we're here and support you.
    Originally posted by Toni'sfriend
    Thank you it is appreciated. I just hope the union can help me sort this out
    CC1 = £87.87 (£9983 ); Reusing shopping bags savings =£1.20 vs spent £0.70 .Wine is like opera. You can enjoy it even if you don't understand it and too much can give you a headache the next day J
    • Uniscots97
    • By Uniscots97 3rd Jan 18, 7:09 PM
    • 6,331 Posts
    • 23,104 Thanks
    Uniscots97
    Please stop and think about your giving in to your partner. You need to say no sooner or later
    I realise that you have enough to think about at the moment, but eventually you need to stop letting him take advantage of your kindnesz
    Originally posted by Mnd
    Thanks Mnd, told him I just don't have the spare cash after this for anymore without compromising bills
    CC1 = £87.87 (£9983 ); Reusing shopping bags savings =£1.20 vs spent £0.70 .Wine is like opera. You can enjoy it even if you don't understand it and too much can give you a headache the next day J
    • Uniscots97
    • By Uniscots97 3rd Jan 18, 7:11 PM
    • 6,331 Posts
    • 23,104 Thanks
    Uniscots97
    How's things going? Sounds like Xmas day was ruined. Are you OK? Bit worried about you.
    Originally posted by jaxsmar
    Thanks Jaxsmar, I'd be lying if I said I was ok. I've been better but glad of the support here and from the union
    CC1 = £87.87 (£9983 ); Reusing shopping bags savings =£1.20 vs spent £0.70 .Wine is like opera. You can enjoy it even if you don't understand it and too much can give you a headache the next day J
    • jaxsmar
    • By jaxsmar 3rd Jan 18, 8:11 PM
    • 391 Posts
    • 1,539 Thanks
    jaxsmar
    Good, my friend has just popped around to offload her OH isn't pulling his weight, she takes him to work he doesn't drive she put some money away its now missing I said this has been going on for year's his not going to change so either ' put up and shut up or ship him out' harsh I know but the poor woman keeps giving him ultimatums, but nothing change's. I think because its a new year we kind of look at change's its sounds like your a strong resourceful women who needs support from your OH and his let you down. Maybe you've outgrown each other but the heart says one thing and the head another. Your get through this you've already made positive steps keep us updated.
    Penny wise pound foolish #266 emergency fund 50/£1000.
    • Uniscots97
    • By Uniscots97 3rd Jan 18, 10:40 PM
    • 6,331 Posts
    • 23,104 Thanks
    Uniscots97
    Just tried to tidy up my living room and 'moved' my LO's main Christmas gift (huge play set I got for £50 instead of £300) and I've snapped a corner off. I really want to cry as nothing is going right ��
    CC1 = £87.87 (£9983 ); Reusing shopping bags savings =£1.20 vs spent £0.70 .Wine is like opera. You can enjoy it even if you don't understand it and too much can give you a headache the next day J
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 4th Jan 18, 1:31 PM
    • 753 Posts
    • 10,924 Thanks
    Toni'sfriend
    I really want to cry as nothing is going right ��
    I know it feels like that. You have an awful lot to deal with just now and things that wouldn't normally bother you that much are taking on massive proportions. I don't think you can see a way out at present but once you start to see things a bit more clearly it will get better.
    • jaxsmar
    • By jaxsmar 4th Jan 18, 2:21 PM
    • 391 Posts
    • 1,539 Thanks
    jaxsmar
    Are you feeling better today?
    Penny wise pound foolish #266 emergency fund 50/£1000.
    • Uniscots97
    • By Uniscots97 6th Jan 18, 10:33 AM
    • 6,331 Posts
    • 23,104 Thanks
    Uniscots97
    Not feeling great (either mentally or physically), LO not well and I just don't feel like eating. OH had another go at me last night as soon as I got in. How he's fed up etc etc and kept shouting in front of LO. Not words/attitude I want LO thinking is normal.
    CC1 = £87.87 (£9983 ); Reusing shopping bags savings =£1.20 vs spent £0.70 .Wine is like opera. You can enjoy it even if you don't understand it and too much can give you a headache the next day J
    • Mnd
    • By Mnd 6th Jan 18, 1:50 PM
    • 338 Posts
    • 362 Thanks
    Mnd
    Tell him to stop shouting at you, it's disrespectful and unacceptable behaviour, either in front of your child or not.
    If he's fed up, tell him to do something about it and move out.
    • Uniscots97
    • By Uniscots97 6th Jan 18, 3:34 PM
    • 6,331 Posts
    • 23,104 Thanks
    Uniscots97
    I have told him and he's done his usual, sulk then act like nothing is wrong.

    LO still being sick, not done much apart from clean and wash things today
    CC1 = £87.87 (£9983 ); Reusing shopping bags savings =£1.20 vs spent £0.70 .Wine is like opera. You can enjoy it even if you don't understand it and too much can give you a headache the next day J
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 6th Jan 18, 3:54 PM
    • 5,204 Posts
    • 9,909 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    This is not a healthy relationship for you or your LO. Stop giving him money to start with. You have a job, a home are financially independent and have your LO and your mum and from the sound of it other family support. Just think what your OH brings to your relationship. You need to take care of yourself and your child first.
    Debt free and mortgage free and early retiree. Living the dream

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • Karonher
    • By Karonher 6th Jan 18, 4:14 PM
    • 467 Posts
    • 2,057 Thanks
    Karonher
    I have told him and he's done his usual, sulk then act like nothing is wrong.
    Originally posted by Uniscots97
    Then ask him where he is going to go and what date he will move out. . Tell him you need to contact council tax to change to single person occupancy. That should get a reaction and it least you would know one way or another.

    At the moment he is dictating everything. Taking charge by shouting and yelling then sulking and doing nothing when you try to be in control.
    Getting ready for Christmas 2018

    Aiming to make £5,000 online in 2018.
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