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  • FIRST POST
    • 117pauline
    • By 117pauline 4th Dec 17, 4:00 PM
    • 462Posts
    • 5,648Thanks
    117pauline
    Mindful or Mind full?
    • #1
    • 4th Dec 17, 4:00 PM
    Mindful or Mind full? 4th Dec 17 at 4:00 PM
    So....... life appears to have changed today!

    I came downstairs to a letter from my partner saying he needed time away. After 11 plus years. Not sure how I feel.

    At the moment I need to get a job. Not as easy as that sounds as I have quite a problem leaving the house at all. I am waiting to get to the top of the list for some CBT help. I also have some chronic conditions too which have hindered our relationship.

    As you can imagine, I am not sure what will happen. My plan is to do nothing rash but try to pay down my loan as much as possible. Then I am going to have to find somewhere to live etc.

    I did say I was going to start a diary so I think this is one hell of a way to get started!

    Pauline
    Don't get it perfect - Get it going
    Better Than Before
Page 3
    • fay66
    • By fay66 7th Dec 17, 10:18 PM
    • 664 Posts
    • 1,575 Thanks
    fay66
    glad to see you have some to do things going , and making healthy foods,
    Inland revenue £4500=
    Loan £2610
    Pay day loans - 135+600+300+300
    Credit card 1 - 5186
    CC2 -1038
    CC3 - 548 cc4 234
    • WannabeFree
    • By WannabeFree 7th Dec 17, 10:24 PM
    • 413 Posts
    • 2,842 Thanks
    WannabeFree
    Hope you've had a good day Pauline x
    “Once you hit rock bottom, that's where you perfectly stand; That's your chance of restarting, but restarting the right way.”
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 8th Dec 17, 5:25 PM
    • 49,035 Posts
    • 182,036 Thanks
    beanielou
    Hope you are plodding today
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 8th Dec 17, 6:21 PM
    • 2,233 Posts
    • 10,723 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    How are you getting on today Pauline? Keep posting .
    My Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5716867
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 October 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build an Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund
    Emergency Fund 1 = £818/Emergency Fund 2 = £203.76
    • 117pauline
    • By 117pauline 8th Dec 17, 9:39 PM
    • 462 Posts
    • 5,648 Thanks
    117pauline
    Thanks for checking in with me.

    I managed some of yesterday. I just couldn't face the e-mail and Christmas cards - I just didn't feel able to explain

    Today - 1 hour on CV, pineapple, porridge, oven fish, salad and potato, 3 loads of washing, sorted dried laundry, changed a bed. Not managed outside today though.

    I cashed out £20.18 with prolific and £2.53 Qmee so that's positive.

    Have a lovely weekend
    Take care
    Pauline
    Don't get it perfect - Get it going
    Better Than Before
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 8th Dec 17, 9:42 PM
    • 2,233 Posts
    • 10,723 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    Don't worry about cards Pauline, you have plenty of time, or miss them out completely.

    I'm glad you're eating healthily, that always helps and great about the survey money .
    My Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5716867
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 October 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build an Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund
    Emergency Fund 1 = £818/Emergency Fund 2 = £203.76
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 8th Dec 17, 9:50 PM
    • 4,731 Posts
    • 28,150 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Don't worry about the cards if you don't feel up to it, those who matter will understand.
    Virtual Sealed Pot 2018 £20.70
    December 3 NSD
    Weight loss 2/7lbs
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • fay66
    • By fay66 8th Dec 17, 9:52 PM
    • 664 Posts
    • 1,575 Thanks
    fay66
    Well done pauline on a great day x youve done alot
    Inland revenue £4500=
    Loan £2610
    Pay day loans - 135+600+300+300
    Credit card 1 - 5186
    CC2 -1038
    CC3 - 548 cc4 234
    • 117pauline
    • By 117pauline 8th Dec 17, 11:31 PM
    • 462 Posts
    • 5,648 Thanks
    117pauline
    I have just done the most difficult thing - telling my mum. She is 91, old school and lives 100 miles away so realistically there isn't much she can do. She was quite sympathetic, in her own way. I just hated the idea of her being disappointed in me, yet again.

    Tomorrow and Sunday I will be staying in the house. I don't know whether he will come back as I have respected his request for time alone and I haven't contacted him, although I've wanted to.

    Christmas is on hold. I have lost friends along the way as my anxiety and social anxiety took over. I know I am improving as I can now write about it. Oh, I have got a CBT ebook from the lIbrary which I am trying to get my head around. 20 minute chunks I think might be the order of the day.
    Don't get it perfect - Get it going
    Better Than Before
    • Chrystal
    • By Chrystal 9th Dec 17, 2:39 AM
    • 126 Posts
    • 850 Thanks
    Chrystal
    Just popping in Pauline to send support and virtual (((hugs))) your way.

    I hope that things turn out the way you want them to, but either way you can get through this. Real life friends may be thin on the ground, and it's sometimes hard to express your feelings to them anyway, but virtual friends on here will give you all the support you need. Stay strong XX
    GC. Oct.17 = £261.18/ £300 = + £38.82 NSDs 20/31
    GC. Sept.17 = £354.89/£300 = - £54.39

    • DebtFreeDuo
    • By DebtFreeDuo 9th Dec 17, 9:07 AM
    • 617 Posts
    • 3,018 Thanks
    DebtFreeDuo
    Oh Pauline it sounds like telling your mum was very difficult for you, well done for taking that step. The last few days must have been difficult for you but you're getting through it. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and be kind to yourself along the way.

    Try and get out of the house if you can, even just for 5 minutes, the fresh air will do you the world of good although I know this may not be possible for you.

    The most important thing is that you take care of yourself, don't worry too much about others at the moment, you don't have to explain anything to anyone until you're ready.
    Loan:1780.49 2207.38 Car Loan:2039.22 2419.64 0% CC:984.98 1063.48 Overdraft: 860 Overpayment:1781 Total: 7445.69 DFD Dec 18
    SPC 586
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 9th Dec 17, 9:10 AM
    • 2,233 Posts
    • 10,723 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    Just popping in Pauline to send support and virtual (((hugs))) your way.

    I hope that things turn out the way you want them to, but either way you can get through this. Real life friends may be thin on the ground, and it's sometimes hard to express your feelings to them anyway, but virtual friends on here will give you all the support you need. Stay strong XX
    Originally posted by Chrystal
    Oh Pauline it sounds like telling your mum was very difficult for you, well done for taking that step. The last few days must have been difficult for you but you're getting through it. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and be kind to yourself along the way.

    Try and get out of the house if you can, even just for 5 minutes, the fresh air will do you the world of good although I know this may not be possible for you.

    The most important thing is that you take care of yourself, don't worry too much about others at the moment, you don't have to explain anything to anyone until you're ready.
    Originally posted by DebtFreeDuo
    I can only echo what Chrystal and DFD have said. You are being very brave Pauline and coping very well. Stay strong and be kind to yourself.
    My Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5716867
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 October 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build an Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund
    Emergency Fund 1 = £818/Emergency Fund 2 = £203.76
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 9th Dec 17, 11:01 AM
    • 951 Posts
    • 4,257 Thanks
    Cherryfudge
    Well done on telling your Mum. It must have been hard but it's no longer hanging over you and hopefully that gives you someone who understands in 'real life'. (Not that your support network here isn't real. I'm sure I'm real, for a start!)

    I did some CBT reading at a point when my anxiety levels were high, and it did help. I'm one of those people for whom the reading would also set off anxiety so I only did a very little but it still gave me something to work on and now anxiety doesn't feature most of the time. I think I'm trying to say it doesn't even have to be twenty minutes of reading. If you just read a sentence or two it's a start.

    Hoping for a better day for you today xx
    • Seasidegal58
    • By Seasidegal58 9th Dec 17, 11:08 AM
    • 1,173 Posts
    • 6,600 Thanks
    Seasidegal58
    Echoing the above posters as well Pauline.

    Take your time with things - baby steps are the order of the day. The cards can wait until you feel in the right place to answer and, anyway you’ve still to sit down with OH to discuss matters.

    The talk with your mum must have been difficult - but hey! You did it! I’m so pleased that you’ve a supportive G.P. - this will make a world of difference. Perhaps in the future a few little tentative steps to rebuilding RL friendships could be a goal for you to aim for.

    Have a peaceful weekend.

    SSG x
    Finally Debt Free! - July 2016
    Finished Emergency Fund- £10,000 April 2017

    Next Scrimpy Goal - Save for New Kitchen!
    My debt free diary - " Paid off the £31,000 - BUT still scrimping!"
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 9th Dec 17, 7:11 PM
    • 49,035 Posts
    • 182,036 Thanks
    beanielou
    Glad that you told your mum.
    I am sure that she is not dissapointed in you.
    She will just worry about you.
    ( I am 55 & my mum still worries about me )
    Be kind to yourself & take care.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 9th Dec 17, 7:25 PM
    • 2,233 Posts
    • 10,723 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    My mum worries about me too and I'm 53 . I'm sure she's not disappointed in you but just worried about you. Parents generally just want their children to be happy.

    I hope you're getting on all right today.

    I really rate CBT. I read a brilliant book a few years ago called 'Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy' by David Burns and it changed the way I think completely. It made me realise how illogical all my fears and anxieties were, and I still use his techniques to calm myself when anxiety gets a grip on me. I highly recommend it.
    My Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5716867
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 October 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build an Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund
    Emergency Fund 1 = £818/Emergency Fund 2 = £203.76
    • fay66
    • By fay66 9th Dec 17, 9:57 PM
    • 664 Posts
    • 1,575 Thanks
    fay66
    Im 51 and a failure in relationships Pauline, through anxiety but I have met a lovely guy 8 years ago, Ive pushed him away but he still comes back and even says hes sorry when hes been rude to me. You deserve the best you have us all here waiting and listening, its supposed to be snowing tomorrow, be safe , my perfect companions are my pets 2 cats and 2 dogs, they are therapyx
    Inland revenue £4500=
    Loan £2610
    Pay day loans - 135+600+300+300
    Credit card 1 - 5186
    CC2 -1038
    CC3 - 548 cc4 234
    • Freedom beckons
    • By Freedom beckons 9th Dec 17, 10:29 PM
    • 10 Posts
    • 78 Thanks
    Freedom beckons
    Hi 117Pauline
    I hope you are having a better evening. I am on the job hunt now, but for the first time in weeks feel more positive to be out of it. I am hoping things happen for a reason. I am taking less medication so thats a positive. I hope you are taking care too! Little things like birds, nature help!

    You/we will get there!
    • Cumbria lass
    • By Cumbria lass 10th Dec 17, 8:38 AM
    • 891 Posts
    • 4,552 Thanks
    Cumbria lass
    Hi Pauline , it's been my dad's greatest wish for the past 14 years for me to remarry so I can be looked after ! It's never going to happen, I have the man in my life who is the only person I would consider living with , but sadly he doesn't feel,the same . I enjoy my single life and wouldn't change it but parents worry all the time.

    I hope you and partner can get together and see if you can sort things out . Time apart may be work.

    Posting helps I'm sure.
    Last edited by Cumbria lass; 10-12-2017 at 1:12 PM.
    Nov 2017 CC1 £3329 CC2 £600

    Debt Free Nov 2019: earlier if I have my way
    • 117pauline
    • By 117pauline 10th Dec 17, 1:00 PM
    • 462 Posts
    • 5,648 Thanks
    117pauline
    So thanks again to everyone sending such positive messages. They really do help.

    I went out twice yesterday, one walking and once in the car. Even managed asda on a Saturday afternoon and the lIbrary.

    It's snowing here at the moment but as I am on a bus route the road is clear. I am going across the road in a minute to make sure one of my elderly neighbours has all he needs.

    Continuing with the 15 minute chunks I am keeping myself busy. There seems a few surveys about.

    I've been with the man for over 11 years so it does seem empty without him. I still haven't phoned him and I am determined not to. However, you know, life goes on and I am fed up with looking out the window as it passes me by. Roll on 2018.

    I am focused on thriving. That's going to be my word for 2018 - look out world!

    You have no idea how much your messages mean to me. The wonderful world of MSE.

    Off to brave the snow
    Pauline
    Don't get it perfect - Get it going
    Better Than Before
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