Overbearing overspending parent

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  • Hugh_Cumber
    Hugh_Cumber Posts: 7 Forumite
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    Wow !
    Thank you all for the reply’s (both positive and negative).
    I really do feel like a !!!! now.

    I’ll try answer some of the points/questions that have been brought up.

    Yes I know this is a stupid ‘bratty’ thing to be ‘upset’ about which is why its making me feel so bad. I feel angry, guilty and sad about it. It really is getting to me.

    I have a younger sibling, but we’re both in our 30’s.

    Yes she can afford it but that’s not the point.

    It’s quantity over quality, if my sibling seems to have ‘more’ than me it’s seen as a problem by my mum. Regardless of cost. I couldn’t care less

    If I do ask for something I’m told that’s not enough and the most expensive version is bought instead. E.g I asked for a kindle one year, was told that’s only cheap, I was bought a tablet instead (which I do use and am very grateful for btw)

    I have tried explaining how it makes me feel and that I know she loves me regardless of the amount she spends but nothing changes.

    Did no one find the gun offer completely mental ? Neither of us live on a farm ?!

    Best way I can describe it is, it’s like having a meal, enjoying it, thanking the chef for it.
    Then you are brought another meal and told to eat it, eat more, more, more...

    I don’t know, maybe it is me :/
  • ska_lover
    ska_lover Posts: 3,773 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Post
    edited 4 December 2017 at 1:47PM
    Hugh_Cumber wrote: »
    Wow !


    Did no one find the gun offer completely mental ? Neither of us live on a farm ?!
    :/



    No. She was trying to do something nice for you and misjudged your interest in having shooting as a hobby. You said no, why is it an ongoing problem? You are actually ridiculing your own mother to strangers, for the crime of suggesting the wrong xmas present


    Giving you gifts clearly gives your mother a great deal of pleasure, and she is trying to make you happy.
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • alk29
    alk29 Posts: 45 Forumite
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    Most of my family got with the rule anything is fine if you can wear it, eat it or drink it (of course for food and drink it should be something you like). That way you get presents but it is always something that gets used up / wears out so you don't need to have an ever expanding house to keep it all in...
  • Hugh_Cumber
    Hugh_Cumber Posts: 7 Forumite
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    I’m not ridiculing her at all, I’m trying to show the escalation of her obsessive spending. It’s moved from household items to weaponry !

    How is a gun an appropriate present, in any situation ?
    I live in a city center !
  • ska_lover
    ska_lover Posts: 3,773 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Post
    Hugh_Cumber wrote: »
    I’m not ridiculing her at all, I’m trying to show the escalation of her obsessive spending. It’s moved from household items to weaponry !

    How is a gun an appropriate present, in any situation ?
    I live in a city center !




    Where you live isn't really relevant to being a responsible gun owner



    I know 3 chaps that shoot as a hobby, and live in towns. I don't see what is so ridiculous about it from that perspective as I actually know people that do it and see how responsible they are with it


    It is a hobby, properly licensed shot guns, locked cabinets, and they drive out to the country to do clay pigeon shooting.


    It has nothing to do with where they live. They don't take their shot guns for a walk down the local Sainsbury's - god forbid they would end up getting arrested or worse, and rightly so


    I am sure this responsible gun ownership was what your mother had in mind.
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
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    Hugh_Cumber wrote: »
    Best way I can describe it is, it’s like having a meal, enjoying it, thanking the chef for it.

    Then you are brought another meal and told to eat it, eat more, more, more...

    I don’t know, maybe it is me :/

    That's a good analogy - the 'nice' person who is generous is ignoring your wants and needs and everything you say - that's not being nice to you, it's fulfilling some need they have. :(

    It seems pretty clear that you won't be able to change her so change yourself - let her give you what she wants but stop feeling guilty about moving the gifts on.
  • Slinky
    Slinky Posts: 9,985 Forumite
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    Christmas, although I'm not religious, does seem to be a strange thing to 'celebrate' by buying somebody a gun.
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  • cloudy-day
    cloudy-day Posts: 245 Forumite
    Hugh_Cumber wrote: »
    I’m not ridiculing her at all, I’m trying to show the escalation of her obsessive spending. It’s moved from household items to weaponry !

    How is a gun an appropriate present, in any situation ?
    I live in a city center !


    I agree with you - totally mental.


    As a Mum I feel you've been given a rough ride on this thread.


    Your mother needs to LISTEN to you.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,683 Forumite
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    cloudy-day wrote: »
    I agree with you - totally mental.
    I can sort-of see where the OP's Mum is coming from.
    I have friends who are keen clay pigeon enthusiasts.
    cloudy-day wrote: »
    Your mother needs to LISTEN to you.
    I think the OP needs to make his Mum listen to him.
    ampersand wrote: »
    'Mum, whatever you buy will be going straight to the charity shop - all of it.
    Maybe this is a good start.

    A friend of mine used to buy me lots of silly, waste-of-money gifts that went straight to the charity shop. I think she used to buy them from there in the first place.
    I told her it wasn't necessary to buy me lots of gifts and that one thoughtful gift meant more to me than a great big pile.
    She got the message.
  • Hugh_Cumber
    Hugh_Cumber Posts: 7 Forumite
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    @Ska Lover - Look mate,
    I read your original reply with some introspective interest, of course I like my mother, I love her, it’s her behaviour I don’t like, and yes I’m probably not blame free either !

    I just wanted to get some outside perspective and to vent, but I’ve obviously hit a nerve because you seem to have a bee in your bonnet with everything I say.

    Twisting this it into an argument about proper gun practices, I really don’t care.

    Fair enough you don’t agree with me, noted.
    I’ve spent enough time arguing with my mum over this, I’m not getting into another argument with a random bore online.

    :mad::mad::mad:
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