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  • FIRST POST
    • ManofLeisure
    • By ManofLeisure 3rd Dec 17, 6:52 PM
    • 419Posts
    • 867Thanks
    ManofLeisure
    Brexit Explained
    • #1
    • 3rd Dec 17, 6:52 PM
    Brexit Explained 3rd Dec 17 at 6:52 PM
    Mr Dave Davis is at the golf club returning his locker key
    when Mr Barnier, the membership secretary sees him.

    "Hello Mr Davis", says Mr Barnier. "I'm sorry to hear you
    are no longer renewing your club membership, if you would
    like to come to my office we can settle your account".

    "I have settled my bar bill" says Mr Davis.

    "Ah yes Mr Davis", says Mr Barnier, "but there are other
    matters that need settlement"

    *In Mr Barniers office -*

    Mr Davis explains that he has settled his bar bill so
    wonders what else he can possibly owe the Golf Club?

    "Well Mr Davis" begins Mr Barnier, "you did agree to buy one
    of our Club Jackets".

    "Yes" agrees Mr Davis "I did agree to buy a jacket but I
    haven't received it yet". "As soon as you supply the jacket
    I will send you a cheque for the full amount".

    "That will not be possible" explains Mr Barnier. "As you are
    no longer a club member you will not be entitled to buy one
    of our jackets"!

    "But you still want me to pay for it" exclaims Mr Davis.

    "Yes" says Mr Barnier, "That will be £500 for the jacket.
    "There is also your bar bill".

    "But I've already settled my bar bill" says Mr Davis. "Yes"
    says Mr Barnier, "but as you can appreciate, we need to
    place our orders from the Brewery in advance to ensure our
    bar is properly stocked".. "You regularly used to spend at
    least £50 a week in the bar so we have placed orders with
    the brewery accordingly for the coming year". "You therefore
    owe us £2600 for the year".

    "Will you still allow me to have these drinks?" asks Mr
    Davis. "No of course not Mr Davis". "You are no longer a
    club member!" says Mr Barnier. "Next is your restaurant
    bill" continues Mr Barnier. "In the same manner we have to
    make arrangements in advance with our catering suppliers".
    "Your average restaurant bill was in the order of £300 a
    month, so we'll require payment of £3600 for the next
    year".
    "I don't suppose you'll be letting me have these meals
    either" asks Mr Davis.

    "No, of course not" says an irritated Mr
    Barnier, "you are no longer a club member!"

    "Then of course" Mr Barnier continues, "there are repairs to
    the clubhouse roof".
    "Clubhouse roof" exclaims Mr Davis, "What's that got to do
    with me?"
    "Well it still needs to be repaired and the builders are
    coming in next week", your share of the bill is £2000".
    "I see" says Mr Davis, "anything else?".
    "Now you mention it" says Mr Barnier, "there is Fred the
    Barman's pension". "We would like you to pay £5 a week
    towards Fred's pension when he retires next month". "He's
    not well you know so I doubt we'll need to ask you for
    payment for longer than about five years, so £1300 should do
    it".

    "This brings your total bill to £10,000" says Mr Barnier.

    "Let me get this straight" says Mr Davis, "you want me to
    pay £500 for a jacket you won't let me have, £2600 for
    beverages you won't let me drink and £3600 for food you
    won't let me eat, all under a roof I won't be allowed under
    and not served by a bloke who's going to retire next month!"

    "Yes, it's all perfectly clear and quite reasonable" says
    Mr Barnier.

    "P*** off!" says Mr Davis

    Made me smile anyway
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