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    • fraz_babe
    • By fraz_babe 2nd Dec 17, 11:47 PM
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    fraz_babe
    Parents not replying to party invites
    • #1
    • 2nd Dec 17, 11:47 PM
    Parents not replying to party invites 2nd Dec 17 at 11:47 PM
    Hi all

    Just posting as I am concerned at the lack of replies I have received. I have invited 20 children from my sons school at £11 per head for the play area I need to know numbers ideally in case I need pay extra in advance ( not a problem just like to be organised)

    Now one is parent to 3 of the children invited her 3 cant make it
    2 are confirmed
    1 has replied saying cant make it.

    So that leaves me not knowing if the other 14 can make it or not. I understand probably not everyone will reply which I do find extremely rude.

    Minimum booking for the party was 10 .. we have no where near I feel like cancelling and I have been crying today silly I know!!

    Now I was thinking of sending another lot of invites out with a polite note could parents please let me know either way by such a date. Party is 1 week before Christmas so I appreciate parents will be busy but even a quick text saying cant make it would be much appreciated.

    2 of the children invited have told my son
    1, cant come as he is going on holiday
    2, he cant come as his mum wont let him

    A teacher passed on 10 of the invites out of behalf of my son my son give out the other 10 so I don't know whether or not to send another invite out in case parents haven't received them if they've got lost by the child but ask the teacher give them all out this time if possible.

    Sorry I am so concerned about lack of numbers. I wont bother again with a party. Gutted for my son to say the least. Of course hard time of year near Christmas but even a no would be appreciated.

    Many thanks for any advise given I am not sure how much longer to wait I am just concerned with it being close to Christmas families will be busy anyway so if I do send out another lot of invites to prompt/remind/ in case first ones were lost when to do it.

    thank you I just want my son have some friends to be able attend his party even 2-3 would be lovely.

    I know I could ask the parents myself but I am not very confident to go and ask in all honesty. I guess if worse comes to worse I will have to.
    Proud mummy to 3 beautiful children who I love so so much xxxx

    Baby girl due april 2016! cant wait to meet her. xxx
Page 2
    • balletshoes
    • By balletshoes 3rd Dec 17, 8:12 PM
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    balletshoes
    I,d be tempted to contact everybody and say that as time is running out to make arrangements, several people haven,t yet replied and you realise it’s a busy time of year for everybody you've decided to cancel the idea. “Perhaps another time when we’re all less busy and not so stressed ?”
    Originally posted by Primrose
    thats only going to work if the OP does in fact want to cancel the whole thing. I'm not sure she does?
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 3rd Dec 17, 8:18 PM
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    Spendless
    I never ever had parties at places where you had to have a minimum amount going. You end up paying for 15 places when only 7 turned up.
    I invited children to be there at ? O'clock until ? O'clock and whoever turned up I paid for,hey you 'miss out' on the organised party and food but in my opinion that were dire anyway. Have you got time to cancel that?
    This may end up being an expensive lesson this year but in the jungle of the playground you will need to be strong.
    Originally posted by suejb2
    This is exactly what I went to doing after DD's disastraous 7th birthday party. I'd book an event eg bowling that didn't take a deposit. I'd have the kids turn up at my house, then we'd take whoever arrived to the place, afterwards we'd call in a McDs or KFC, or maybe take one home to where the cake would be.

    OP- I think your party is further 'complicated' by being December and close to Christmas. My friend with 2 Dec born children, one only a few days before Xmas day, used to complain about people letting her down too. The very last party she had before her boys outgrew them, she had a joint party at the end of November instead.
    • luxor4t
    • By luxor4t 3rd Dec 17, 8:38 PM
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    luxor4t
    OP, my 'baby' is 27 and it is disheartening to learn that this still happens!

    I'd booked the local swimming pool, and just 4 parents bothered to respond - two to say they couldn't come. That was one of the last 'outside' parties that had to be fixed up in advance. I just couldn't understand the dismissive attitude "oh, yes, I'm not sure right now, I''ll get back to you" just 2 days before the event!
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    • tibawo
    • By tibawo 3rd Dec 17, 9:03 PM
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    tibawo
    Being a single mum I love as much notice as possible so it gives me chance to organise 'our' activities etc. especially in the run up to Xmas. About 90% of the time I respond straight away but must admit sometimes I forget and need a gentle nudge


    I think it is rude not letting people know either way. I still remember DD2 was invited to a party at a play centre and she asked if DD1 wanted to stay. I was about to say no as my girls have to learn about etiquette when she continued to tell me that her daughter was a little upset at the no shows and I would be doing her a favour. I really felt for the little girl.


    So agree that you may nee to nudge people and just put it as you need to finalise numbers.
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    • Newly retired
    • By Newly retired 3rd Dec 17, 10:03 PM
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    Newly retired
    As well as all the excellent advice already given, I think it is inappropriate to ask the teacher to give out invitations. It is not her job, nor part of school life. I just hope this meant that the whole class was invited, as to ask the teacher to be selective in giving out letters is even more inappropriate.
    As others have said, keep it small and stick to children of parents you actually know and can therefore easily contact.
    A steep learning curve for you.
    • Newly retired
    • By Newly retired 3rd Dec 17, 10:16 PM
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    Newly retired
    I could also add that the last party I gave, to adults, in my own home, two people did not reply, two said yes but then were ill so could not come, two said yes then did not turn up, and three did reply and did turn up. That's life. Planned for 12 ( three of us plus guests), ended up with a total of six, and lots of spare food left over.
    • kerri gt
    • By kerri gt 3rd Dec 17, 10:26 PM
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    kerri gt
    OP I think you need to contact the parents direct and ask, who knows, you might make a couple of new friends / acquaintances yourself out of it.
    Whilst I do think it is rude that people don't rsvp, that is assuming the parents have actually got the invites passed from child to child to parent, or teachers child to parent - with small children involved it's not inconceivable that invites have not even made it to the parents in question.
    Hope it all works out ok for you.
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    • onlyroz
    • By onlyroz 3rd Dec 17, 11:29 PM
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    onlyroz
    For future ref, my daughter has a late December birthday. She’s only had one party but I arranged it for the first weekend after the term started in January. And I only invited 10 kids and not the whole class. Far less stressful and far fewer people to chase up.
    • janninew
    • By janninew 4th Dec 17, 12:12 PM
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    janninew
    I've got recent experience with this OP, having organised a similar party for a week ago. Had it at our local soft play with 10 being the minimum and I invited 15. I was getting worried a week before when I had a flurry of rsvp's. In the end I only had 2 who I hadn't heard from so I didn't include them, I wasn't paying £30.00 for those 2 children if they weren't coming and luckily they didn't come!

    Time of year isn't great but can't be helped, people are busy in December with various bits going on. If I were you I'd start asking people at school drop off, pick up times. I've overheard a few mums do this in the playground.

    Don't envy you OP, it is stressful organising a kids party!

    Good luck.
    Newborn Thread Member

    'Children reinvent the world for you.' - Susan Sarandan
    • fabforty
    • By fabforty 4th Dec 17, 1:51 PM
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    fabforty
    This exactly.

    OP, 4 weeks in advance was probably far too early to have sent out invites, there are probably quite a few people who don't plan that far in advance and can't answer either way yet, especially coming up to Christmas. I would hold on for now and re-send them 10 days - 1 week before the party.

    I do feel your pain, my daughter's birthday is in the summer hols, I soon learnt to have her party before they broke up!
    Originally posted by peachyprice

    I must say that I disagree with this. I think most people know already if they are free on a particular date four weeks away - you either have something already arranged on the date or you don't. This smacks of 'I'll wait to see if I get a better offer in the meantime', which is not the same thing as being unavailable. Getting an invitation 7-10 days before the date is more problematic, as you are more likely to have something else arranged and less time to make alternative arrangements, swap work days, arrange childcare etc.
    OP - it's annoying but it happens, I have had this two years in a row and had to approach parents and just ask outright - is x coming or not? Even an 'I'm not sure yet because..... but will let you know by x date' is better than the outright rudeness of not responding.
    • sulkisu
    • By sulkisu 4th Dec 17, 2:03 PM
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    sulkisu
    I must say that I disagree with this. I think most people know already if they are free on a particular date four weeks away - you either have something already arranged on the date or you don't. This smacks of 'I'll wait to see if I get a better offer in the meantime', which is not the same thing as being unavailable. Getting an invitation 7-10 days before the date is more problematic, as you are more likely to have something else arranged and less time to make alternative arrangements, swap work days, arrange childcare etc.
    OP - it's annoying but it happens, I have had this two years in a row and had to approach parents and just ask outright - is x coming or not? Even an 'I'm not sure yet because..... but will let you know by x date' is better than the outright rudeness of not responding.
    Originally posted by fabforty
    I think sometimes there is definitely a bit of 'keeping your options open' going on. DS1 had a party in January, and a number of parents hadn't replied. I caught up with one who said that she was waiting to see if another child was having a party - as their birthday was the same weekend. Another mum was waiting until nearer the time to see if she felt like 'dragging her child to yet another party'!!
    • tibawo
    • By tibawo 4th Dec 17, 7:12 PM
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    tibawo
    I think sometimes there is definitely a bit of 'keeping your options open' going on. DS1 had a party in January, and a number of parents hadn't replied. I caught up with one who said that she was waiting to see if another child was having a party - as their birthday was the same weekend. Another mum was waiting until nearer the time to see if she felt like 'dragging her child to yet another party'!!
    Originally posted by sulkisu

    Oh my! My two already know to check the calendar as it will be the first thing i ask! It is then a case of if there is something in the diary things have to be negotiated. I still remember DD2 when she found me huffing and puffing that she had already got something on the calendar and I'd just found out
    I had a works party.
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    • BucksLady
    • By BucksLady 4th Dec 17, 8:19 PM
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    BucksLady
    If someone has been kind enough to offer an invite, then I think it's only polite to say thank you - whether attending or not. The fact that xmas is approaching and people may be too busy to reply, seems a lame excuse to me.
    I really feel for you OP and hope the party goes ahead and everyone has a wonderful time.
    • kerri gt
    • By kerri gt 4th Dec 17, 10:05 PM
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    kerri gt
    [QUOTE=BucksLady;73513044IThe fact that xmas is approaching and people may be too busy to reply, seems a lame excuse to me.
    [/QUOTE]

    Couldn't agree more, it's not like OP doesn't also have Xmas to think about, as well as a kids party. Personally I'd have thought parents would love to offload their munchkins for a couple of hours just before xmas and get some last min shopping / wrapping / mulled wine consumption done
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    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 4th Dec 17, 10:37 PM
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    Pollycat
    I feel sorry for the poor birthday boy.
    Shame on those parents who haven't replied (assuming they did actually receive the invitation).
    • red devil
    • By red devil 5th Dec 17, 2:28 PM
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    red devil
    Theres a lot of apathy about
    • Mr Costcutter
    • By Mr Costcutter 5th Dec 17, 5:12 PM
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    Mr Costcutter
    I find it ironic that this thread is essentially about people who do not have the courtesy to reply to invites, yet since first posting the OP hasn't logged on, or replied to those who have taken the time to respond.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 5th Dec 17, 6:12 PM
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    Pollycat
    I find it ironic that this thread is essentially about people who do not have the courtesy to reply to invites, yet since first posting the OP hasn't logged on, or replied to those who have taken the time to respond.
    Originally posted by Mr Costcutter
    Maybe she's been too busy chasing parents for a answer to the invitations.......
    • jackieblack
    • By jackieblack 5th Dec 17, 6:13 PM
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    jackieblack
    Theres a lot of apathy about
    Originally posted by red devil
    And alot of bad manners
    And alot of people who think that requests like RSVP don't apply to them - they're far too busy/self important!


    My daughter has discovered that trying to get replies to a wedding invitation is just as difficult (and that'll cost them £125 per head if people don't show up!)
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