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  • FIRST POST
    • fraz_babe
    • By fraz_babe 2nd Dec 17, 11:47 PM
    • 2,752Posts
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    fraz_babe
    Parents not replying to party invites
    • #1
    • 2nd Dec 17, 11:47 PM
    Parents not replying to party invites 2nd Dec 17 at 11:47 PM
    Hi all

    Just posting as I am concerned at the lack of replies I have received. I have invited 20 children from my sons school at £11 per head for the play area I need to know numbers ideally in case I need pay extra in advance ( not a problem just like to be organised)

    Now one is parent to 3 of the children invited her 3 cant make it
    2 are confirmed
    1 has replied saying cant make it.

    So that leaves me not knowing if the other 14 can make it or not. I understand probably not everyone will reply which I do find extremely rude.

    Minimum booking for the party was 10 .. we have no where near I feel like cancelling and I have been crying today silly I know!!

    Now I was thinking of sending another lot of invites out with a polite note could parents please let me know either way by such a date. Party is 1 week before Christmas so I appreciate parents will be busy but even a quick text saying cant make it would be much appreciated.

    2 of the children invited have told my son
    1, cant come as he is going on holiday
    2, he cant come as his mum wont let him

    A teacher passed on 10 of the invites out of behalf of my son my son give out the other 10 so I don't know whether or not to send another invite out in case parents haven't received them if they've got lost by the child but ask the teacher give them all out this time if possible.

    Sorry I am so concerned about lack of numbers. I wont bother again with a party. Gutted for my son to say the least. Of course hard time of year near Christmas but even a no would be appreciated.

    Many thanks for any advise given I am not sure how much longer to wait I am just concerned with it being close to Christmas families will be busy anyway so if I do send out another lot of invites to prompt/remind/ in case first ones were lost when to do it.

    thank you I just want my son have some friends to be able attend his party even 2-3 would be lovely.

    I know I could ask the parents myself but I am not very confident to go and ask in all honesty. I guess if worse comes to worse I will have to.
    Proud mummy to 3 beautiful children who I love so so much xxxx

    Baby girl due april 2016! cant wait to meet her. xxx
Page 1
    • Saver-upper
    • By Saver-upper 3rd Dec 17, 12:25 AM
    • 1,668 Posts
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    Saver-upper
    • #2
    • 3rd Dec 17, 12:25 AM
    • #2
    • 3rd Dec 17, 12:25 AM
    Aww,bless you fraz-babe.I have 4 children,and it has always been my nightmare that nobody turns up for my children's party .
    I don't think anyone would be offended if you asked them in person.You sound a bit shy to do this,but,honestly,I don't think anyone could take offence with you saying "hey,I wonder if (your child) is able to come to the party.I just need to know numbers to confirm with the venue by next week".At that point,some will say yes/no, others will say "Oh!I haven't seen the invitation.I will check the bottom of his bag" (Ask me how I know..........)
    You could re-issue invites,but I really don't think you need to.
    Of those who have told your son "yes",I would also get confirmation from the parents.
    Organising parties for lots of kids like this is a nightmare.I was pleased when kids got older,and invited a few kids for a pizza/sleepover.Even now,before planning a party,I ask parents whether their child would be around for a party/sleepover etc on a particular date.The thought of planning a kid's party but nobody being able to accept has always made me sad,so,now that I don't feel obliged to invite whole classes,I plan the party according to when people can make it .
    Good luck,and be brave.I hope your son has a fab time .
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    • CKhalvashi
    • By CKhalvashi 3rd Dec 17, 1:41 AM
    • 8,796 Posts
    • 25,077 Thanks
    CKhalvashi
    • #3
    • 3rd Dec 17, 1:41 AM
    • #3
    • 3rd Dec 17, 1:41 AM
    I read it actually as the OP would be paying it but didn't want to book 18-ish (brain is too tired to read back through) places if only 10 were going to come.

    If that, I agree it's rudeness. If OP is expecting other parents to pay then I agree this is completely unacceptable and can understand the lack of response.
    "I kada sanjamo san, nek bude hiljadu raznih boja" (L. Stamenkovic)

    Call me Remainer or Romaniac, but not Remoaner. It's insulting and I have the right to have my voice heard too.

    I can spell, my iPad can't.
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 3rd Dec 17, 3:10 AM
    • 19,725 Posts
    • 31,892 Thanks
    Spendless
    • #4
    • 3rd Dec 17, 3:10 AM
    • #4
    • 3rd Dec 17, 3:10 AM
    Feel your pain. I stopped paying for parties like this after my daughter's 7th due to this very thing. I'd had to pay in advance at the most expensive place in town (it was new so kids wanted to try it) only to have no-showers, people not tellling me or cancelling at last minute. If you are in the playground , I'd go approaching the parents to ask.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 3rd Dec 17, 7:05 AM
    • 5,505 Posts
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    thorsoak
    • #5
    • 3rd Dec 17, 7:05 AM
    • #5
    • 3rd Dec 17, 7:05 AM
    Are you expecting the parents to pay for their child/children to attend this party?
    • katglasgow
    • By katglasgow 3rd Dec 17, 7:37 AM
    • 375 Posts
    • 287 Thanks
    katglasgow
    • #6
    • 3rd Dec 17, 7:37 AM
    • #6
    • 3rd Dec 17, 7:37 AM
    Do you have any of the parents mobile numbers to text? I think you either need to just ask the parents if you can make it or not it's not sure to do that but you need to know where the numbers are. Personally if it was me I would change the booking now to the minimum of 10 anyway if more happened to turn up it could be dealt with on the day. It is very rude not to.RSVP but so e.times there is a reason why e.g. i vote went missing or major .familyt.crisis and they forgot it does happen quite a lot. I am sure the party will be great though x
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    • jackyann
    • By jackyann 3rd Dec 17, 8:11 AM
    • 3,278 Posts
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    jackyann
    • #7
    • 3rd Dec 17, 8:11 AM
    • #7
    • 3rd Dec 17, 8:11 AM
    Oh fraz, I am assuming you are paying for this. And yes, I do think that you have to walk up to someone and ask, in explaining the need to know, you can make it clear 'I have to pay for the numbers who are coming' so they know the set up.
    If this was my own party, then I would be quite harsh (and have been!) but of course you have to do your best for your son.
    Lesson to be learned:
    1. Be clear about deadline on the invitation (in fact, make it 2-3 days earlier!)
    2.Do be clear about payment - if there is even a slight doubt that parents might be expected to pay, they will feel uncomfortable. It is not easy to say 'hey everyone, don't worry, we're not expecting you to pay!' - but you can add a little bit saying 'need to know by deadline so I pay the correct amount' or something similar so parents know.
    3. Consider - as I did (all of my kids are Dec/Jan!) - a summer party when all can play outside (home or local park) so you are not crowding Xmas time either for expense or number of invitations. Call it 'breaking up from school party' - or - the one I found best 'day before return to school party' although I did know where to find all the kids that were invited - I didn't have to rely on teachers.
    4. I know it is more difficult these days, but putting invitations through doors, or handing them out to the adults at the school gate gets a MUCH better response.

    I do hope that you can sort something out - if it is a problem then be brave and explain to your son that it can be a difficult time of year, and talk about what might be done another time. I wonder if a few friends could just come to tea?
    • unforeseen
    • By unforeseen 3rd Dec 17, 8:16 AM
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    unforeseen
    • #8
    • 3rd Dec 17, 8:16 AM
    • #8
    • 3rd Dec 17, 8:16 AM
    Are you expecting the parents to pay for their child/children to attend this party?
    Originally posted by thorsoak
    As having to pay extra in advance is mentioned in the OP then it is safe to assume that she is paying
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 3rd Dec 17, 8:23 AM
    • 1,373 Posts
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    Fireflyaway
    • #9
    • 3rd Dec 17, 8:23 AM
    • #9
    • 3rd Dec 17, 8:23 AM
    Had to jump on and say a few words on this one! The same happened to me. I find it extremely rude. You spend money and time on people and they don't even acknowledge you. Fine if they can't make it but at least say so! Argh!
    Like you I needed to know numbers. I'd booked a face painter who charged by the hour. Did I pay for one or two hours? Then party bags. Didn't want to spend money on bags that wouldn't be claimed, nor look stingy if I didn't have enough. In the end I booked the painter for 1 hour and let the people who replied have a turn. If there was time left the others could also and if we ran out of time then tough, some kids were left out.
    Did your invite have a RSVP date? Even that doesn't always work anyway! What I did when this happened to me was to approach any parents I knew ( not friends, just knew by sight- that's Bob's mum etc) and ask if they had received the invite as sometimes the kids might forget to hand it over / drop them etc. ( code for ' I know you just don't have the manners to reply').
    Try not to worry though. Most parents of small kids will be happy to offload them on you for a couple of hours so I'm sure they will come! I felt the same worries, will anyone come, does my child have any friends, is it me they don't like etc!
    These people are the same people who ignore you when you stop for them at a pedestrian crossing. They must know you stopped ; who would walk out in front of a speeding car? But they are too arrogant to acknowledge you, let alone say thanks!
    As you can see, lack of manners really annoys me!
    It will work out in the end. You will swear never to do it again then next year you will!
    Good luck x
    • daveyjp
    • By daveyjp 3rd Dec 17, 8:32 AM
    • 7,201 Posts
    • 5,604 Thanks
    daveyjp
    Did the invite state you needed to know by a certain date?

    People are busy. Knowing whether they can attend an event 4 weeks in advance may simply be too far ahead and parents may wait until a few days before the event before deciding.
    • warby68
    • By warby68 3rd Dec 17, 8:42 AM
    • 876 Posts
    • 9,008 Thanks
    warby68
    Plenty of experience

    I'm afraid you might just have to pluck up your courage and ask around.

    Some parents are rude but forgetfulness, miscommunication (via child), distraction and lost invitations are all equal culprits for that age group.

    You've chosen a bad time for all of that unfortunately ( and I have a son with a Christmas birthday - we always did mid Jan after return to school) so even more probable that asking is the only realistic option. But its also a good time for parents needing a bit of childfree time as well so I bet you get the numbers.

    The hard-faced ones won't care and the genuine ones will be glad of the nudge - just ask and when you get a nice one or the mum who is 'well-connected' ask them to also ask around. Leave your mobile number with those you can. Its good to have a few playground 'contacts'. I understand shyness but for the most part people are usually ok when you take the chance and direct contact is always the most efficient. Its tricky when you don't know who is who when you haven't invited the whole class but start off with one you do know and then ask them if they know any of the others. Once you have enough 'yesses' stop worrying!

    Good luck
    Last edited by warby68; 03-12-2017 at 8:47 AM.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 3rd Dec 17, 8:46 AM
    • 18,590 Posts
    • 47,847 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Did the invite state you needed to know by a certain date?

    People are busy. Knowing whether they can attend an event 4 weeks in advance may simply be too far ahead and parents may wait until a few days before the event before deciding.
    Originally posted by daveyjp
    Good question.

    I think your best option is to pull on your big-girl pants and contact each of the parents to ask if their child will be attending.

    If you did put on a RSVP & a date, I agree the parents who've not replied are rude.
    If you didn't do that, it's down to you.
    • getmore4less
    • By getmore4less 3rd Dec 17, 8:53 AM
    • 30,857 Posts
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    getmore4less
    Did the first invite have an RSVP date?

    if yes and the date has passed cancel due to lack of interest

    if no start again this time with an RSVP date
    • pmlindyloo
    • By pmlindyloo 3rd Dec 17, 10:23 AM
    • 10,907 Posts
    • 12,791 Thanks
    pmlindyloo
    Hope you know all these parents as you are going to have to ask them face to face. Perhaps do new invites and hand them out personally saying 'just in case you didn't find the invite'. Did you give a telephone number for RSVP/

    The very likely explanation is that they have never even seen the invitation - like a previous poster I have experience of children having notes in their book bag from months ago.
    • suejb2
    • By suejb2 3rd Dec 17, 10:24 AM
    • 1,301 Posts
    • 1,974 Thanks
    suejb2
    Party
    I never ever had parties at places where you had to have a minimum amount going. You end up paying for 15 places when only 7 turned up.
    I invited children to be there at ? O'clock until ? O'clock and whoever turned up I paid for,hey you 'miss out' on the organised party and food but in my opinion that were dire anyway. Have you got time to cancel that?
    This may end up being an expensive lesson this year but in the jungle of the playground you will need to be strong.
    Life is like a bath, the longer you are in it the more wrinkly you become.
    • balletshoes
    • By balletshoes 3rd Dec 17, 10:29 AM
    • 15,989 Posts
    • 40,905 Thanks
    balletshoes
    these threads come up a lot OP - as you're finding out its very stressful organising a class party, and people only do it once .

    When you do a class-size invitation, you need to have an RSVP on it, and then be prepared to chase it up with the parents once the RSVP date has been reached.

    Next year - only invite your child's closest school friends and organise a smaller event (ie maybe half a dozen - or less - including your child).
    • lika_86
    • By lika_86 3rd Dec 17, 2:06 PM
    • 1,197 Posts
    • 4,253 Thanks
    lika_86
    I'm trying to sort out final numbers for our office Christmas do - first request for confirmation went out and nearly half ignored it (despite giving a deadline), second email was targeted to those who hadn't confirmed one way or another and two thirds of those who hadn't responded then replied. The next email will be one giving a final deadline by which if they haven't responded, they aren't coming. And that's the response rate from adults who were asked directly via their work email inboxes!

    Don't be afraid to chase and confirm firstly whether the invite has been received and secondly whether invitees are attending.
    • Threebabes
    • By Threebabes 3rd Dec 17, 3:00 PM
    • 1,214 Posts
    • 1,367 Thanks
    Threebabes
    Been there, done that...

    Again I would grab parents at school to see who can't make it.

    Or could you send round just a note, saying can you let me know by ?? date if I don't have a reply I will take it you have plans, as I need to know numbers for the venue.

    Its a horrible mine field.

    Pleased my 3 are past this stage.
    • peachyprice
    • By peachyprice 3rd Dec 17, 4:10 PM
    • 18,825 Posts
    • 43,381 Thanks
    peachyprice
    Did the invite state you needed to know by a certain date?

    People are busy. Knowing whether they can attend an event 4 weeks in advance may simply be too far ahead and parents may wait until a few days before the event before deciding.
    Originally posted by daveyjp
    This exactly.

    OP, 4 weeks in advance was probably far too early to have sent out invites, there are probably quite a few people who don't plan that far in advance and can't answer either way yet, especially coming up to Christmas. I would hold on for now and re-send them 10 days - 1 week before the party.

    I do feel your pain, my daughter's birthday is in the summer hols, I soon learnt to have her party before they broke up!
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 3rd Dec 17, 8:10 PM
    • 7,884 Posts
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    Primrose
    I,d be tempted to contact everybody and say that as time is running out to make arrangements, several people haven,t yet replied and you realise it’s a busy time of year for everybody you've decided to cancel the idea. “Perhaps another time when we’re all less busy and not so stressed ?”
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