Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • MLA73
    • By MLA73 2nd Dec 17, 9:19 AM
    • 8Posts
    • 5Thanks
    MLA73
    Work's Xmas Party Exclusion
    • #1
    • 2nd Dec 17, 9:19 AM
    Work's Xmas Party Exclusion 2nd Dec 17 at 9:19 AM
    I just found out earlier in the week that one of my colleagues has organised an unofficial Xmas Party for work colleagues and invited all 25 or so office staff, with the exception of myself and 2 others.

    I'm this person's boss and work alongside her husband who hasn't said anything to me either. I'm a little confused and a little hurt as I've felt that I've been getting on well lately and been very praiseworthy of this individual. Either I've really upset this person or someone else is pushing the buttons.

    The company I work for is very cliquey as most of the people who work there are either in their 20's and early 30's (I'm in my 40s) and live either in the local commuter town or near to it and I don't.

    This person has a precedence - she got married last year and similarly everyone from work was invited with the exception of 1 or 2 people (I was invited on this occasion and attended), but I told her future husband at that time that it was a bit off to do this.

    I know an unofficial staff party and occasions such as weddings are not work occasions so outside the jurisdiction of work but I feel using these situations to make some people at work social pariahs is a bit off.

    Does anyone have any advice? Should I confront this person and her husband and let them know how uncomfortable they have made me feel, should I make them aware indirectly that I'm aware what has happened and play with their minds (this is the vengeful me talking I know!) or do nothing and be the bigger person?

    Thanks.
Page 1
    • Pixie5740
    • By Pixie5740 2nd Dec 17, 9:36 AM
    • 11,202 Posts
    • 15,655 Thanks
    Pixie5740
    • #2
    • 2nd Dec 17, 9:36 AM
    • #2
    • 2nd Dec 17, 9:36 AM
    I just found out earlier in the week that one of my colleagues has organised an unofficial Xmas Party for work colleagues and invited all 25 or so office staff, with the exception of myself and 2 others.

    I'm this person's boss and work alongside her husband who hasn't said anything to me either. I'm a little confused and a little hurt as I've felt that I've been getting on well lately and been very praiseworthy of this individual. Either I've really upset this person or someone else is pushing the buttons.

    The company I work for is very cliquey as most of the people who work there are either in their 20's and early 30's (I'm in my 40s) and live either in the local commuter town or near to it and I don't.

    This person has a precedence - she got married last year and similarly everyone from work was invited with the exception of 1 or 2 people (I was invited on this occasion and attended), but I told her future husband at that time that it was a bit off to do this.

    I know an unofficial staff party and occasions such as weddings are not work occasions so outside the jurisdiction of work but I feel using these situations to make some people at work social pariahs is a bit off.

    Does anyone have any advice? Should I confront this person and her husband and let them know how uncomfortable they have made me feel, should I make them aware indirectly that I'm aware what has happened and play with their minds (this is the vengeful me talking I know!) or do nothing and be the bigger person?

    Thanks.
    Originally posted by MLA73
    Are you for real?

    You are her boss not her friend. It's not a night out that is being organised on behalf of the company or paid for by the company so she can invite whom she likes. As for trying to play with their minds that would be truly pathetic behaviour from a manager. It also assumes that she gives two figs about what you think of an invite list she has created for a non-work event.
    Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen pounds nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds nought and six, result misery.
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 2nd Dec 17, 9:41 AM
    • 2,848 Posts
    • 2,885 Thanks
    cjdavies
    • #3
    • 2nd Dec 17, 9:41 AM
    • #3
    • 2nd Dec 17, 9:41 AM
    Are you for real?

    You are her boss not her friend. It's not a night out that is being organised on behalf of the company or paid for by the company so she can invite whom she likes. As for trying to play with their minds that would be truly pathetic behaviour from a manager. It also assumes that she gives two figs about what you think of an invite list she has created for a non-work event.
    Originally posted by Pixie5740
    Adding to this, some people prefer no managers as feel they will be judged on whatever happens at the party.
    • pmlindyloo
    • By pmlindyloo 2nd Dec 17, 9:41 AM
    • 10,903 Posts
    • 12,787 Thanks
    pmlindyloo
    • #4
    • 2nd Dec 17, 9:41 AM
    • #4
    • 2nd Dec 17, 9:41 AM
    I just found out earlier in the week that one of my colleagues has organised an unofficial Xmas Party for work colleagues and invited all 25 or so office staff, with the exception of myself and 2 others.

    I'm this person's boss and work alongside her husband who hasn't said anything to me either. I'm a little confused and a little hurt as I've felt that I've been getting on well lately and been very praiseworthy of this individual. Either I've really upset this person or someone else is pushing the buttons.

    The company I work for is very cliquey as most of the people who work there are either in their 20's and early 30's (I'm in my 40s) and live either in the local commuter town or near to it and I don't.

    This person has a precedence - she got married last year and similarly everyone from work was invited with the exception of 1 or 2 people (I was invited on this occasion and attended), but I told her future husband at that time that it was a bit off to do this.

    I know an unofficial staff party and occasions such as weddings are not work occasions so outside the jurisdiction of work but I feel using these situations to make some people at work social pariahs is a bit off.

    Does anyone have any advice? Should I confront this person and her husband and let them know how uncomfortable they have made me feel, should I make them aware indirectly that I'm aware what has happened and play with their minds (this is the vengeful me talking I know!) or do nothing and be the bigger person?

    Thanks.
    Originally posted by MLA73
    If you had made comments about who should be invited to my wedding I too would have crossed you off my list of people I want to spend time with!
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 2nd Dec 17, 9:42 AM
    • 18,571 Posts
    • 47,816 Thanks
    Pollycat
    • #5
    • 2nd Dec 17, 9:42 AM
    • #5
    • 2nd Dec 17, 9:42 AM
    I just found out earlier in the week that one of my colleagues has organised an unofficial Xmas Party for work colleagues and invited all 25 or so office staff, with the exception of myself and 2 others.

    I'm this person's boss and work alongside her husband who hasn't said anything to me either. I'm a little confused and a little hurt as I've felt that I've been getting on well lately and been very praiseworthy of this individual. Either I've really upset this person or someone else is pushing the buttons.

    The company I work for is very cliquey as most of the people who work there are either in their 20's and early 30's (I'm in my 40s) and live either in the local commuter town or near to it and I don't.

    This person has a precedence - she got married last year and similarly everyone from work was invited with the exception of 1 or 2 people (I was invited on this occasion and attended), but I told her future husband at that time that it was a bit off to do this.

    I know an unofficial staff party and occasions such as weddings are not work occasions so outside the jurisdiction of work but I feel using these situations to make some people at work social pariahs is a bit off.

    Does anyone have any advice? Should I confront this person and her husband and let them know how uncomfortable they have made me feel, should I make them aware indirectly that I'm aware what has happened and play with their minds (this is the vengeful me talking I know!) or do nothing and be the bigger person?

    Thanks.
    Originally posted by MLA73
    I think the bit in bold may hold the answer.

    Very rude of you (imho) to tell the groom they should have invited someone else.

    Also you mention
    as I've felt that I've been getting on well lately
    which sounds to me that that wasn't always the case.

    I guess you could ask the organiser straight out why you haven't been invited.
    'Confront' is a bad idea.
    Personally, I'd carry on as though I know nothing about the party.
    • motorguy
    • By motorguy 2nd Dec 17, 9:45 AM
    • 15,825 Posts
    • 9,118 Thanks
    motorguy
    • #6
    • 2nd Dec 17, 9:45 AM
    • #6
    • 2nd Dec 17, 9:45 AM
    I just found out earlier in the week that one of my colleagues has organised an unofficial Xmas Party for work colleagues and invited all 25 or so office staff, with the exception of myself and 2 others.

    I'm this person's boss and work alongside her husband who hasn't said anything to me either. I'm a little confused and a little hurt as I've felt that I've been getting on well lately and been very praiseworthy of this individual. Either I've really upset this person or someone else is pushing the buttons.

    The company I work for is very cliquey as most of the people who work there are either in their 20's and early 30's (I'm in my 40s) and live either in the local commuter town or near to it and I don't.

    This person has a precedence - she got married last year and similarly everyone from work was invited with the exception of 1 or 2 people (I was invited on this occasion and attended), but I told her future husband at that time that it was a bit off to do this.

    I know an unofficial staff party and occasions such as weddings are not work occasions so outside the jurisdiction of work but I feel using these situations to make some people at work social pariahs is a bit off.

    Does anyone have any advice? Should I confront this person and her husband and let them know how uncomfortable they have made me feel, should I make them aware indirectly that I'm aware what has happened and play with their minds (this is the vengeful me talking I know!) or do nothing and be the bigger person?

    Thanks.
    Originally posted by MLA73
    I think its in very poor taste and mean spirited by the person / people organising it, and i can understand why you're a little hurt / offended.

    There could be various reasons - you're older than them and they dont think it would be "your sort of thing", you're their manager OR you're not as popular as you think....

    I personally probably wouldnt mention it or "pass any remarks". I think if it is deliberate and someone is trying to make a point, then you'd be playing in to that by letting them see it gets to you.

    The last paragraph worries me slightly - is it a tiny insight in to what sort of a manager you are?
    You are not special. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.
    • Pixie5740
    • By Pixie5740 2nd Dec 17, 9:47 AM
    • 11,202 Posts
    • 15,655 Thanks
    Pixie5740
    • #7
    • 2nd Dec 17, 9:47 AM
    • #7
    • 2nd Dec 17, 9:47 AM
    Adding to this, some people prefer no managers as feel they will be judged on whatever happens at the party.
    Originally posted by cjdavies
    A good piece of advice I received for managers and work nights out is to buy the first round and be gone by the second.
    Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen pounds nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds nought and six, result misery.
    • pinkshoes
    • By pinkshoes 2nd Dec 17, 9:49 AM
    • 15,389 Posts
    • 21,010 Thanks
    pinkshoes
    • #8
    • 2nd Dec 17, 9:49 AM
    • #8
    • 2nd Dec 17, 9:49 AM
    It's a fun night out and they don't want the boss there.

    Given your previous comment to her husband regarding the wedding, then they probably don't want you there so you weren't invited.

    Have you, as the boss, organised them a Christmas social?
    Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
    Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')

    No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)
    • meer53
    • By meer53 2nd Dec 17, 9:53 AM
    • 8,989 Posts
    • 13,052 Thanks
    meer53
    • #9
    • 2nd Dec 17, 9:53 AM
    • #9
    • 2nd Dec 17, 9:53 AM
    Maybe the person simply doesn't like you OP ? It's not unheard of. It's not compulsory to be friends with everyone you work with. There are people in my team at work that i wouldn't invite on a night out. If you're that bothered, why not ask them ? Personally, i would just move on.
    • MLA73
    • By MLA73 2nd Dec 17, 9:53 AM
    • 8 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    MLA73
    I think the bit in bold may hold the answer.

    Very rude of you (imho) to tell the groom they should have invited someone else.

    Also you mention
    which sounds to me that that wasn't always the case.

    I guess you could ask the organiser straight out why you haven't been invited.
    'Confront' is a bad idea.
    Personally, I'd carry on as though I know nothing about the party.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    Oops I dont think Ive explained myself very well. The groom told me who wasnt being invited to his wedding and I said to him ok it might be a bit awkward but its your wedding. His future to be wife was regularly talking about her wedding in front of someone who wasnt invited and that person was very upset about it.

    On the Xmas party thing you're right I should let it go. Confront wasnt the word I meant to use.
    • Pixie5740
    • By Pixie5740 2nd Dec 17, 10:02 AM
    • 11,202 Posts
    • 15,655 Thanks
    Pixie5740
    That person should grow a thicker skin or perhaps consider some counselling if not being invited to a colleague's wedding causes them that much upset.
    Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen pounds nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds nought and six, result misery.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 2nd Dec 17, 10:07 AM
    • 18,571 Posts
    • 47,816 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Oops I dont think Ive explained myself very well. The groom told me who wasnt being invited to his wedding and I said to him ok it might be a bit awkward but its your wedding. His future to be wife was regularly talking about her wedding in front of someone who wasnt invited and that person was very upset about it.

    On the Xmas party thing you're right I should let it go. Confront wasnt the word I meant to use.
    Originally posted by MLA73
    But who was invited to the wedding was still none of your business as it was nothing to do with work.
    Move on is the best policy.
    • MLA73
    • By MLA73 2nd Dec 17, 10:08 AM
    • 8 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    MLA73
    It's a fun night out and they don't want the boss there.

    Given your previous comment to her husband regarding the wedding, then they probably don't want you there so you weren't invited.

    Have you, as the boss, organised them a Christmas social?
    Originally posted by pinkshoes
    The other two havent been invited are bosses too. Concerning her husband, I play 5-a-side football with him twice a week so don't think he hates me that much. I just think his wife manipulates situations like this to have a go at other people. It is blatantly obvious that she uses her relationship with her husband to her advantage but what can you say. The joys of working with a husband and wife!

    As some of the posters have suggested I should rise above it and let it wash over me. I was speaking with some anger earlier.

    Thanks all for helping me see the light.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 2nd Dec 17, 10:13 AM
    • 18,571 Posts
    • 47,816 Thanks
    Pollycat
    The other two havent been invited are bosses too. Concerning her husband, I play 5-a-side football with him twice a week so don't think he hates me that much. I just think his wife manipulates situations like this to have a go at other people. It is blatantly obvious that she uses her relationship with her husband to her advantage but what can you say. The joys of working with a husband and wife!

    As some of the posters have suggested I should rise above it and let it wash over me. I was speaking with some anger earlier.

    Thanks all for helping me see the light.
    Originally posted by MLA73
    And there you have the answer.
    Instead of looking for a deep and meaningful reason for your lack of invitation, it's right there in bold.
    They don't want bosses at the party.
    • getmore4less
    • By getmore4less 2nd Dec 17, 10:36 AM
    • 30,821 Posts
    • 18,429 Thanks
    getmore4less
    I suspect the person doing the organization has a far better idea of the workplace dynamic than you do.

    It is not a you/them it is you/everybody.

    If they invited you how many would not want to come?
    • JayJay100
    • By JayJay100 2nd Dec 17, 10:53 AM
    • 169 Posts
    • 312 Thanks
    JayJay100
    That horrible blurred area between boss/staff/colleagues/friends. I think others are right, and it is just because you are the boss. Try looking at it this way; if you witnessed something that they shouldn't be doing, and it went against your company's policy, as a boss, you'd be obliged to do something about it. I know, because I've been there. I thought I could handle it, by just having a quiet word, and it would stop, but it blew up in my face, with a massive show-down. Not only was my colleague in big trouble, but I was too, because I didn't use the official channels. No invitation can be a good thing.
    • suejb2
    • By suejb2 2nd Dec 17, 10:54 AM
    • 1,299 Posts
    • 1,970 Thanks
    suejb2
    party
    You have different types of party's . This is a D.A.T.B party.
    Don't Ask The Boss, don't over think it .

    On a side note I wouldn't dream of saying to any host who you invite and don't invite.
    Life is like a bath, the longer you are in it the more wrinkly you become.
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 2nd Dec 17, 10:57 AM
    • 2,848 Posts
    • 2,885 Thanks
    cjdavies
    Oops I dont think Ive explained myself very well. The groom told me who wasnt being invited to his wedding and I said to him ok it might be a bit awkward but its your wedding. His future to be wife was regularly talking about her wedding in front of someone who wasnt invited and that person was very upset about it..
    Originally posted by MLA73
    True it's never nice, I think what would !!!! me off more is if I was asked to provide a contribution as part of a work collection.
    • Zeni
    • By Zeni 2nd Dec 17, 2:58 PM
    • 360 Posts
    • 716 Thanks
    Zeni
    Ditto, think you reading way to much into this. You are the boss - I wouldn't want to go to a social event with my boss there, never feel like you can switch off and have fun!
    Swagbuckling since Aug 2016 - Earnings so far.. £55.
    • z1a
    • By z1a 2nd Dec 17, 4:40 PM
    • 816 Posts
    • 653 Thanks
    z1a
    So, you're not paranoid, they really DO hate you.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

215Posts Today

1,340Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • Have a lovely weekend folks. Don't do anything (fiscally) that I wouldn't do!

  • RT @thismorning: With his last deals of the year, @MartinSLewis wishes us all a 'very merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah and a wonderful and?

  • RT @stoneygran: @MartinSLewis I furtively used a pub toilet last night before getting on the bus and felt really guilty!

  • Follow Martin