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  • FIRST POST
    • kelly78
    • By kelly78 1st Dec 17, 7:28 PM
    • 16Posts
    • 8Thanks
    kelly78
    Without Prejudice
    • #1
    • 1st Dec 17, 7:28 PM
    Without Prejudice 1st Dec 17 at 7:28 PM
    Iíve been off work for 3 weeks this is due to mental health Iím unable to have children and itís the 2 year anniversary of being dumped of the IVF list. Iíve never hidden my problems and my struggles and this year it has hit me so hard.

    I emailed my employer stating I was going back to work Monday had a pretty shitty reply and I had not realised my note had run out yeasterday. HR stated in there email they didnít appreciate being told half an hour before I was due and and I was to attend a meeting Monday with HR, my manager and a director to discuss my absence.

    I replied stating that I felt the reply was not in support of my problems and had upset me greatly and that I had never hidden my problems and felt I had not been treated with any empathy or sympathy and wished to resign and would be seeking advice.

    I had a reply with the heading WITHOUT PREJUDICE and her reply it was a little backtracking and stating they did take mental health issues seriously.

    Why would they head this up in this manner from what I can gather this is only used in settlement letters so a bit confused.
Page 1
    • IAmWales
    • By IAmWales 1st Dec 17, 7:41 PM
    • 1,838 Posts
    • 3,821 Thanks
    IAmWales
    • #2
    • 1st Dec 17, 7:41 PM
    • #2
    • 1st Dec 17, 7:41 PM
    They think you might get litigious on them, which is understandable given your reply.

    It's not their job to be sympathetic, and it's standard to have a meeting after a lengthy absence.

    You're letting your emotions rule your head. In future, take a step back and think before sending impulsive emails.

    Do you still want to resign? How long have you worked there?
    • Takeaway_Addict
    • By Takeaway_Addict 1st Dec 17, 7:48 PM
    • 5,666 Posts
    • 6,466 Thanks
    Takeaway_Addict
    • #3
    • 1st Dec 17, 7:48 PM
    • #3
    • 1st Dec 17, 7:48 PM
    Iíve been off work for 3 weeks this is due to mental health Iím unable to have children and itís the 2 year anniversary of being dumped of the IVF list. Iíve never hidden my problems and my struggles and this year it has hit me so hard.

    I emailed my employer stating I was going back to work Monday had a pretty shitty reply and I had not realised my note had run out yeasterday. HR stated in there email they didnít appreciate being told half an hour before I was due and and I was to attend a meeting Monday with HR, my manager and a director to discuss my absence.

    I replied stating that I felt the reply was not in support of my problems and had upset me greatly and that I had never hidden my problems and felt I had not been treated with any empathy or sympathy and wished to resign and would be seeking advice.

    I had a reply with the heading WITHOUT PREJUDICE and her reply it was a little backtracking and stating they did take mental health issues seriously.

    Why would they head this up in this manner from what I can gather this is only used in settlement letters so a bit confused.
    Originally posted by kelly78
    Have you been off more times this year? Perhaps they're struggling with the repeated absenteeism?
    Don't trust a forum for advice. Get proper paid advice. Any advice given should always be checked
    • sangie595
    • By sangie595 1st Dec 17, 7:54 PM
    • 4,172 Posts
    • 6,863 Thanks
    sangie595
    • #4
    • 1st Dec 17, 7:54 PM
    • #4
    • 1st Dec 17, 7:54 PM
    I'm very sorry for your situation. But you are in the wrong. Your fit note expired and you didn't go back to work. That is your responsibility to know. Not theirs to tell you. So you were absent without any reason. And I am very sorry, but I agree with them. Giving them 30 minutes notice of returning to work is unreasonable of you.

    Employment is a job. They might sympathise - but your personal problems are not any of their concern. They employ you to do a job. You are treating that job as an optional extra - when you feel up to turning up you'll let them know; perhaps - since you should have gone back yesterday. I suggest that you start apologising for your mistakes. There is only so far that sympathy takes you before you are seen to be taking the proverbial. You might well have been upset - but you were still in the wrong.
    • Sarastro
    • By Sarastro 3rd Dec 17, 5:53 PM
    • 339 Posts
    • 268 Thanks
    Sarastro
    • #5
    • 3rd Dec 17, 5:53 PM
    • #5
    • 3rd Dec 17, 5:53 PM
    I am sorry that you are going through this. There is still so much stigma attached to mental health issues and people do get treated completely differently. Others are right that it was still your responsibility to make sure you had your dates in order, etc. I'm afraid that if you have a mental health problem, rather than a physical health problem, you will have to take more ownership of the problems as most employers simply don't know what to say or how to support you.

    Assuming you don't really want to resign...

    I would focus on the 'return to work' aspect. You should attend the meeting and (even if it is through gritted teeth) apologise for not being clear. Discuss your return to work, how many hours you can do and whether they could help with anything particular e.g. a slight change in duties for a week or so. Make and agree a plan with them there and then as this will probably give them a lot more confidence in you. If it helps you feel better about it, you can just decide in your head to forgive them for handling it badly. Don't need to say it out loud, but it might help you move on when you talk to them next.

    I suggest you also put a plan in place to help if you struggle again. This might be an few bullet point reminders on the fridge, asking a friend or relative to keep an eye on dates for you, asking if you can text your manager to keep in touch if you find it difficult to call, etc. Think about what went wrong this time and how it can be avoided.

    I think if you stay open and honest with them (which takes a huge amount of courage) and focus on the practical, you will be able to get things back on track.

    Are you accessing any services from the NHS? If not, you could ask your GP to a referral to Mental Health services - they are likely to have employment specialists who are very helpful in helping you talk to employers. Depending on where you are, there may be charities that have similar services as well.

    I hope it goes well.
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