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  • FIRST POST
    • svain
    • By svain 1st Dec 17, 2:03 PM
    • 228Posts
    • 403Thanks
    svain
    our kids should not be the most important
    • #1
    • 1st Dec 17, 2:03 PM
    our kids should not be the most important 1st Dec 17 at 2:03 PM
    Just came across this from earlier this year (sorry if posted before).

    Although American publication it is still relevant imo and hits a nail firmly on the head

    "I recently asked a married couple who have three kids, none of whom are yet teens, “Who are the most important people in your family?”

    Like all good moms and dads of this brave new millennium, they answered, “Our kids!”

    “Why?” I then asked. “What is it about your kids that gives them that status?” And like all good moms and dads of this brave new millennium, they couldn’t answer the question other than to fumble with appeals to emotion.

    So, I answered the question for them: “There is no reasonable thing that gives your children that status.”

    I went on to point out that many if not most of the problems they’re having with their kids — typical stuff, these days — are the result of treating their children as if they, their marriage, and their family exist because of the kids when it is, in fact, the other way around. Their kids exist because of them and their marriage and thrive because they have created a stable family.

    Furthermore, without them, their kids wouldn’t eat well, have the nice clothing they wear, live in the nice home in which they live, enjoy the great vacations they enjoy, and so on. Instead of lives that are relatively carefree (despite the drama to the contrary that they occasionally manufacture), their children would be living lives full of worry and want.

    This issue is really the heart of the matter. People my age know it’s the heart of the matter because when we were kids it was clear to us that our parents were the most important people in our families. And that, right there, is why we respected our parents and that, right there, is why we looked up to adults in general. Yes, Virginia, once upon a time in the United States of America, children were second-class citizens, to their advantage.

    It was also clear to us — I speak, of course, in general terms, albeit accurate — that our parents’ marriages were more important to them than their relationships with us. Therefore, we did not sleep in their beds or interrupt their conversations. The family meal, at home, was regarded as more important than after-school activities. Mom and Dad talked more — a lot more — with one another than they talked with you. For lack of pedestals, we emancipated earlier and much more successfully than have children since.

    The most important person in an army is the general. The most important person in a corporation is the CEO. The most important person in a classroom is the teacher. And the most important person in a family are the parents.

    The most important thing about children is the need to prepare them properly for responsible citizenship. The primary objective should not be raising a straight-A student who excels at three sports, earns a spot on the Olympic swim team, goes to an A-list university and becomes a prominent brain surgeon. The primary objective is to raise a child such that community and culture are strengthened.

    “Our child is the most important person in our family” is the first step toward raising a child who feels entitled.

    You don’t want that. Unbeknownst to your child, he doesn’t need that"



    http://lacrossetribune.com/lifestyles/relationships-and-special-occasions/john-rosemond-your-kids-should-not-be-the-most-important/article_e61f4a20-c15e-53c6-ba51-e86af16ab957.html#2
Page 1
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 1st Dec 17, 2:12 PM
    • 2,551 Posts
    • 6,222 Thanks
    ska lover
    • #2
    • 1st Dec 17, 2:12 PM
    • #2
    • 1st Dec 17, 2:12 PM
    I would have said the same, on the basis that I would have always put my kids requirements above my own. I wanted them to have more chances and opportunities than me


    Most of us go without and make sacrifices to enable our kids to have a better start, more opportunities than we ever did - so I guess, treat them as a more important ,than we do ourselves, without verbalizing it


    (I'm not talking about buying them stuff - like huge amounts of xmas presents etc, I mean more about providing a lifestyle where they are able to take advantage of opportunities that weren't available to me - opportunities for further education, not forced into work as soon as legally possible etc)


    I think If you provide your kids with reams of presents , unearned pocket money etc, and don't teach them the value of a £1 then yes you will get entitled bratty behavior. I know someone whose child has two bedrooms jam packed full of possessions and is the most bratty kid I have ever met and screams when she don't get her own way
    Last edited by ska lover; 01-12-2017 at 2:18 PM.
    Blah blah blah.
    • esuhl
    • By esuhl 1st Dec 17, 2:31 PM
    • 7,775 Posts
    • 5,578 Thanks
    esuhl
    • #3
    • 1st Dec 17, 2:31 PM
    • #3
    • 1st Dec 17, 2:31 PM
    What kind of family ranks its members based on importance?! That's just weird.

    Anyway, it looks like you've quoted the whole article -- careful you don't find yourself liable for copyright infringement damages.
    • ognum
    • By ognum 1st Dec 17, 2:37 PM
    • 4,499 Posts
    • 6,788 Thanks
    ognum
    • #4
    • 1st Dec 17, 2:37 PM
    • #4
    • 1st Dec 17, 2:37 PM
    Just came across this from earlier this year (sorry if posted before).

    Although American publication it is still relevant imo and hits a nail firmly on the head

    "I recently asked a married couple who have three kids, none of whom are yet teens, “Who are the most important people in your family?”

    Like all good moms and dads of this brave new millennium, they answered, “Our kids!”

    “Why?” I then asked. “What is it about your kids that gives them that status?” And like all good moms and dads of this brave new millennium, they couldn’t answer the question other than to fumble with appeals to emotion.

    So, I answered the question for them: “There is no reasonable thing that gives your children that status.”

    I went on to point out that many if not most of the problems they’re having with their kids — typical stuff, these days — are the result of treating their children as if they, their marriage, and their family exist because of the kids when it is, in fact, the other way around. Their kids exist because of them and their marriage and thrive because they have created a stable family.

    Furthermore, without them, their kids wouldn’t eat well, have the nice clothing they wear, live in the nice home in which they live, enjoy the great vacations they enjoy, and so on. Instead of lives that are relatively carefree (despite the drama to the contrary that they occasionally manufacture), their children would be living lives full of worry and want.

    This issue is really the heart of the matter. People my age know it’s the heart of the matter because when we were kids it was clear to us that our parents were the most important people in our families. And that, right there, is why we respected our parents and that, right there, is why we looked up to adults in general. Yes, Virginia, once upon a time in the United States of America, children were second-class citizens, to their advantage.

    It was also clear to us — I speak, of course, in general terms, albeit accurate — that our parents’ marriages were more important to them than their relationships with us. Therefore, we did not sleep in their beds or interrupt their conversations. The family meal, at home, was regarded as more important than after-school activities. Mom and Dad talked more — a lot more — with one another than they talked with you. For lack of pedestals, we emancipated earlier and much more successfully than have children since.

    The most important person in an army is the general. The most important person in a corporation is the CEO. The most important person in a classroom is the teacher. And the most important person in a family are the parents.

    The most important thing about children is the need to prepare them properly for responsible citizenship. The primary objective should not be raising a straight-A student who excels at three sports, earns a spot on the Olympic swim team, goes to an A-list university and becomes a prominent brain surgeon. The primary objective is to raise a child such that community and culture are strengthened.

    “Our child is the most important person in our family” is the first step toward raising a child who feels entitled.

    You don’t want that. Unbeknownst to your child, he doesn’t need that"



    http://lacrossetribune.com/lifestyles/relationships-and-special-occasions/john-rosemond-your-kids-should-not-be-the-most-important/article_e61f4a20-c15e-53c6-ba51-e86af16ab957.html#2
    Originally posted by svain
    IMO there is no heirachy of importance in a family, need and importance alters according to time and circumstance. At times the ‘most important’ is one person at another time it’s another.

    Most important could be spouse, child parent, sibling. Life moves and changes.
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 1st Dec 17, 2:40 PM
    • 1,261 Posts
    • 1,020 Thanks
    Comms69
    • #5
    • 1st Dec 17, 2:40 PM
    • #5
    • 1st Dec 17, 2:40 PM
    What kind of family ranks its members based on importance?! That's just weird.

    Anyway, it looks like you've quoted the whole article -- careful you don't find yourself liable for copyright infringement damages.
    Originally posted by esuhl


    Try researching copyright legislation?
    • esuhl
    • By esuhl 1st Dec 17, 3:52 PM
    • 7,775 Posts
    • 5,578 Thanks
    esuhl
    • #6
    • 1st Dec 17, 3:52 PM
    • #6
    • 1st Dec 17, 3:52 PM
    Try researching copyright legislation?
    Originally posted by Comms69
    Why? Have you? What did you discover?

    You can't just lift a copyright article and repost it in it's entirety.
    • Tabbytabitha
    • By Tabbytabitha 1st Dec 17, 4:30 PM
    • 459 Posts
    • 908 Thanks
    Tabbytabitha
    • #7
    • 1st Dec 17, 4:30 PM
    • #7
    • 1st Dec 17, 4:30 PM
    I think one of the reasons that divorce is so common is because many parents put their children and their needs ahead of their partner.
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 1st Dec 17, 4:33 PM
    • 1,261 Posts
    • 1,020 Thanks
    Comms69
    • #8
    • 1st Dec 17, 4:33 PM
    • #8
    • 1st Dec 17, 4:33 PM
    Why? Have you? What did you discover?

    You can't just lift a copyright article and repost it in it's entirety.
    Originally posted by esuhl


    Not getting into pettiness, there are various criteria which allow for the use of copyrighted material without permission.
    • clairec79
    • By clairec79 1st Dec 17, 5:18 PM
    • 2,292 Posts
    • 6,189 Thanks
    clairec79
    • #9
    • 1st Dec 17, 5:18 PM
    • #9
    • 1st Dec 17, 5:18 PM
    My childrens NEEDS are always going to come first, their WANTS however rank right along with everyone else's wants (behind mine and husbands needs). I want to raise them to independence (and hope they still see me because they want to)

    However I wouldn't say anyone in the family was more important than anyone else (I'm the least important in my mind - but I expect husband would say he was least important, and I'd hope the kids would put us and their siblings ahead of themselves)
    • clairec79
    • By clairec79 1st Dec 17, 5:21 PM
    • 2,292 Posts
    • 6,189 Thanks
    clairec79
    I also know a few people whose seem proud that their mid/late teens still need them to do everything for them. That I feel is failing them.
    • Judi
    • By Judi 1st Dec 17, 5:27 PM
    • 15,459 Posts
    • 63,814 Thanks
    Judi
    I think one of the reasons that divorce is so common is because many parents put their children and their needs ahead of their partner.
    Originally posted by Tabbytabitha
    When my kids were little their needs came before myself and my husband. Once they reached adulthood and independence, my husband became my priority. Do i apologise for that? No.
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • starting_again_in_the_sun
    • By starting_again_in_the_sun 1st Dec 17, 6:08 PM
    • 49 Posts
    • 180 Thanks
    starting_again_in_the_sun
    My ( young) child is the most important person in my life and I will make no apologies for this.

    Actually, I want my child to feel entitled; entitled to a safe home, a full tummy and a family that love her. Every child ( in fact, every person) deserves this.

    My child doesn't get everything she wants, she doesn't get the latest toys but I don't think you can measure the importance you place on someone by the amount you spend on them.

    I agree it's important not to forget your partner though.
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 1st Dec 17, 7:29 PM
    • 36,200 Posts
    • 152,990 Thanks
    silvercar
    I think one of the reasons that divorce is so common is because many parents put their children and their needs ahead of their partner.
    Originally posted by Tabbytabitha
    It could also be because people put themselves first; plenty childless couples divorce.
    • boliston
    • By boliston 1st Dec 17, 7:42 PM
    • 2,452 Posts
    • 2,018 Thanks
    boliston
    It could also be because people put themselves first; plenty childless couples divorce.
    Originally posted by silvercar
    I think a lot depends on how "high maintenance" the partner is - the only sort of partner who would ever tolerate me would need to be ultra low maintenance
    • Tabbytabitha
    • By Tabbytabitha 1st Dec 17, 7:42 PM
    • 459 Posts
    • 908 Thanks
    Tabbytabitha
    It could also be because people put themselves first; plenty childless couples divorce.
    Originally posted by silvercar
    I think that's always been the case though. Making your child (of whatever age) the centre if your universe is a comparatively recent phenomenon.
    • unholyangel
    • By unholyangel 1st Dec 17, 7:45 PM
    • 11,599 Posts
    • 8,734 Thanks
    unholyangel
    Why? Have you? What did you discover?

    You can't just lift a copyright article and repost it in it's entirety.
    Originally posted by esuhl
    Under the circumstances in OP's case though, it would likely fall under the fair dealing exception.

    Its not as if OP has posted it as a journalist being paid to write a story or a blogger receiving ad revenue or is attempting to pass it off as their own - not only have they accredited it, but they've linked to it also and have posted specifically to discuss/highlight that piece itself rather than referencing it as part of their own article.
    Money doesn't solve poverty.....it creates it.
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 1st Dec 17, 7:53 PM
    • 1,355 Posts
    • 1,372 Thanks
    Fireflyaway
    Every family member is equally important but we treat each other differently because of age / intimacy etc.
    If I had to chose to fed my husband or child ( and many the world over do) of course I'd chose my child because she is dependent on me more so than my husband. You have to prioritise the needs of a child so maybe that's where the view of 'importance' comes in.
    In my view there needs be more respect in general.
    • Gloomendoom
    • By Gloomendoom 1st Dec 17, 8:55 PM
    • 13,252 Posts
    • 17,468 Thanks
    Gloomendoom
    Anyway, it looks like you've quoted the whole article -- careful you don't find yourself liable for copyright infringement damages.
    Originally posted by esuhl
    Utter nonsense. The OP gave the source.
    Advice; it rhymes with mice. Advise; it rhymes with wise.
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 1st Dec 17, 9:30 PM
    • 19,707 Posts
    • 31,855 Thanks
    Spendless
    Interesting topic including the replies about putting kids needs first. Some years back I watched a documentary about Polar bears. Mum and baby polar bear had got stranded from mainland when an ice cap broke away. Facing a winter with a lack of food, mum bear eventually came across some. She ate first and only when she'd had sufficient did she give the remainder to baby bear. The reason that she had to remain alive in order to ensure survival of her son.
    • Tabbytabitha
    • By Tabbytabitha 2nd Dec 17, 9:35 AM
    • 459 Posts
    • 908 Thanks
    Tabbytabitha
    Every family member is equally important but we treat each other differently because of age / intimacy etc.
    If I had to chose to fed my husband or child ( and many the world over do) of course I'd chose my child because she is dependent on me more so than my husband. You have to prioritise the needs of a child so maybe that's where the view of 'importance' comes in.
    In my view there needs be more respect in general.
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway
    If your husband needed to work to provide food for his family (a situation that used to exist here and exists in many other countries) then feeding him would be not only the priority but a necessity.
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