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  • FIRST POST
    • Habib2342
    • By Habib2342 29th Nov 17, 10:24 PM
    • 84Posts
    • 5Thanks
    Habib2342
    Disciplinary at work
    • #1
    • 29th Nov 17, 10:24 PM
    Disciplinary at work 29th Nov 17 at 10:24 PM
    Hello,
    Unfortunately I have found myself on the wrong end of disciplinary action taken against me . i have clashed several times with a female colleague over the lasts four years with two 'incidents' in the past two weeks.

    Last Thursday, my manager said a 'full scale investigation' will take place. What occured last week was a mildly audible discussion ( but to them an audible shouting match, which apparently the whole floor heard - but i think my manager exaggerates ). Thw way he said it sounded like MI5 and the police were going to be called. But i digress...

    What occured last week was that this colleague was talking about teammates who understood each other ...She then proceeded to have a discussioon with a another colleague about a work process. At the end of the discusssion, they had a disagreement about this particular process. So i sent an IM message to this other colleague stating ' but she just said you understood each other'.

    This female colleague then proceeded to badger this other colleague to reveal who sent him the message after she heard the ping sound on his pc. When this colleague told her to leave it, she threatened to get IT to investigate his PC. in order to avoid wasitng other people's time, I told her it was me that sent the message and offered to print the message and show it to her .. She refused.

    As we had clashed several times before and in an attempt to diffuse the tension which everybody in the department knows is there I asked her, maybe quite assertively and vocally to have a chat away from our desks. She again refused. She then told me to concentrate on my work and I retorted 'that's rich, coming from you and given our history' Specifically i was referring to year end of 2015 when she let me do all the work whilst she strolled off early and came in for the afternoon only.

    There was an earlier incident where i politely messaged her to watch her lanaguage. She partially acknowledged it and said she wouldn't say it again. However she then proceeded to make a mountain out of a molehill and made a ccomplaint to management stating i was buillying her. ?"!?""? Mgt did not take any action against me. But now after a mildly heated request to stop her disrupting the department, she is going all out to see me dismissed. Pardon my french but what a *****!!

    Yesterday i gave my side of events but they said they're investigations will conclude towards the end of next week. Its tough going to work knowing that possibly you might be out of it just before xmas. I nvever knew such minor, petty, trivial comments can be blown out of all proportion warranting an investigation. I'm not a member of a TU but depending on how this goes I may have to join one.

    anyone had similar expereinces ? i haven't come on to her, sexually harrased her,just told her to watch her language as it was disrupting my attempts to work....and she's blown this all out of proportion...
Page 1
    • marliepanda
    • By marliepanda 29th Nov 17, 10:41 PM
    • 4,880 Posts
    • 9,837 Thanks
    marliepanda
    • #2
    • 29th Nov 17, 10:41 PM
    • #2
    • 29th Nov 17, 10:41 PM
    I see two instances of you being needlessly confrontational.

    1. The IM to a colleague which was clearly meant in a unhelpful and probably sarcastic way.

    2. The ‘that’s rich coming from you’ comment which dragged up something from years ago?

    You’re not her manager, so you don’t get to tell her to ‘watch her language’ (you phrased it like that twice) if you are bothered by her choice of words discuss it with your supervisor. Swearing in front of customers or other professionals I can understand, but swearing ‘disrupting your work?’ How exactly...

    Your comments are petty and trivial, however that reflects badly on you rather than being something not to make a big deal out of. You sound like someone who doesn’t let things go...
    Survey Earnings 2017 - £163
    • sangie595
    • By sangie595 30th Nov 17, 7:28 AM
    • 4,175 Posts
    • 6,866 Thanks
    sangie595
    • #3
    • 30th Nov 17, 7:28 AM
    • #3
    • 30th Nov 17, 7:28 AM
    I see two instances of you being needlessly confrontational.

    1. The IM to a colleague which was clearly meant in a unhelpful and probably sarcastic way.

    2. The ‘that’s rich coming from you’ comment which dragged up something from years ago?

    You’re not her manager, so you don’t get to tell her to ‘watch her language’ (you phrased it like that twice) if you are bothered by her choice of words discuss it with your supervisor. Swearing in front of customers or other professionals I can understand, but swearing ‘disrupting your work?’ How exactly...

    Your comments are petty and trivial, however that reflects badly on you rather than being something not to make a big deal out of. You sound like someone who doesn’t let things go...
    Originally posted by marliepanda
    I agree. You should have stayed out of it - especially since you know there is history.

    But to add - don't bother with the union now. They won't bother with you! The time to be a member of a union is when you don't need help - not to suddenly join, get help and then resign. This matter has already started, they won't represent you and nor should they.

    Minor, petty and trivial does appear to apply to both parties here.
    • getmore4less
    • By getmore4less 30th Nov 17, 8:06 AM
    • 30,791 Posts
    • 18,396 Thanks
    getmore4less
    • #4
    • 30th Nov 17, 8:06 AM
    • #4
    • 30th Nov 17, 8:06 AM
    It is highly probable that management are fully aware of what is going on are getting fed up with it.

    They will if smart already know who is the lead in these clashes.

    I am not sure what if anything we should be reading into you highlighting (a lot) that this is a female colleague.

    Would you be doing the same if they were of a different ethnic origin?
    • ReadingTim
    • By ReadingTim 30th Nov 17, 9:41 AM
    • 2,218 Posts
    • 3,143 Thanks
    ReadingTim
    • #5
    • 30th Nov 17, 9:41 AM
    • #5
    • 30th Nov 17, 9:41 AM
    I am not sure what if anything we should be reading into you highlighting (a lot) that this is a female colleague.

    Would you be doing the same if they were of a different ethnic origin?
    Originally posted by getmore4less
    Said person may also be of a different ethnic origin - the OP doesn't mention. And the fact is, her gender is a statement of fact and a perfectly adequate description of the person concerned. I don't see anything subjective in the post relating to that gender - only that "female colleague" is probably someone trying to be PC, when they mean "woman" (that I work with) - the same as 'a bloke at work'.

    Unfortunately, as you have illustrated, gender (as well as ethnicity etc) can add a nasty, unwelcome and often irrelevant dimension, which doesn't benefit anyone.
    • phillw
    • By phillw 30th Nov 17, 10:30 AM
    • 1,041 Posts
    • 621 Thanks
    phillw
    • #6
    • 30th Nov 17, 10:30 AM
    • #6
    • 30th Nov 17, 10:30 AM
    But now after a mildly heated request to stop her disrupting the department,
    Originally posted by Habib2342
    It sounds like you don't have the authority or responsibility for that.

    Your best bet is to tell them that on reflection you understand that you've overstepped the mark because you were frustrated and that from now on you will take your concerns to your boss so that they can deal with it.

    Book into anger management and self esteem courses, so that you can stop yourself from feeling the need to control situations.
    Last edited by phillw; 30-11-2017 at 10:33 AM.
    • ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    • By ScorpiondeRooftrouser 30th Nov 17, 1:20 PM
    • 2,106 Posts
    • 3,138 Thanks
    ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    • #7
    • 30th Nov 17, 1:20 PM
    • #7
    • 30th Nov 17, 1:20 PM
    Said person may also be of a different ethnic origin - the OP doesn't mention. And the fact is, her gender is a statement of fact and a perfectly adequate description of the person concerned. I don't see anything subjective in the post relating to that gender - only that "female colleague" is probably someone trying to be PC, when they mean "woman" (that I work with) - the same as 'a bloke at work'.

    Unfortunately, as you have illustrated, gender (as well as ethnicity etc) can add a nasty, unwelcome and often irrelevant dimension, which doesn't benefit anyone.
    Originally posted by ReadingTim
    That's why it's best not to mention it unless it is relevant. "Colleague" would have done just as well throughout.
    • Diamandis
    • By Diamandis 30th Nov 17, 3:18 PM
    • 54 Posts
    • 99 Thanks
    Diamandis
    • #8
    • 30th Nov 17, 3:18 PM
    • #8
    • 30th Nov 17, 3:18 PM
    I've got to say if you acted like this at my workplace we would probably conduct an investigation too. This can't be allowed to continue between the two of you. It's not fair on the rest of the employees having to put up with this.
    • motorguy
    • By motorguy 30th Nov 17, 5:36 PM
    • 15,821 Posts
    • 9,108 Thanks
    motorguy
    • #9
    • 30th Nov 17, 5:36 PM
    • #9
    • 30th Nov 17, 5:36 PM
    Hello,
    Unfortunately I have found myself on the wrong end of disciplinary action taken against me . i have clashed several times with a female colleague over the lasts four years with two 'incidents' in the past two weeks.

    Last Thursday, my manager said a 'full scale investigation' will take place. What occured last week was a mildly audible discussion ( but to them an audible shouting match, which apparently the whole floor heard - but i think my manager exaggerates ). Thw way he said it sounded like MI5 and the police were going to be called. But i digress...

    What occured last week was that this colleague was talking about teammates who understood each other ...She then proceeded to have a discussioon with a another colleague about a work process. At the end of the discusssion, they had a disagreement about this particular process. So i sent an IM message to this other colleague stating ' but she just said you understood each other'.

    This female colleague then proceeded to badger this other colleague to reveal who sent him the message after she heard the ping sound on his pc. When this colleague told her to leave it, she threatened to get IT to investigate his PC. in order to avoid wasitng other people's time, I told her it was me that sent the message and offered to print the message and show it to her .. She refused.

    As we had clashed several times before and in an attempt to diffuse the tension which everybody in the department knows is there I asked her, maybe quite assertively and vocally to have a chat away from our desks. She again refused. She then told me to concentrate on my work and I retorted 'that's rich, coming from you and given our history' Specifically i was referring to year end of 2015 when she let me do all the work whilst she strolled off early and came in for the afternoon only.

    There was an earlier incident where i politely messaged her to watch her lanaguage. She partially acknowledged it and said she wouldn't say it again. However she then proceeded to make a mountain out of a molehill and made a ccomplaint to management stating i was buillying her. ?"!?""? Mgt did not take any action against me. But now after a mildly heated request to stop her disrupting the department, she is going all out to see me dismissed. Pardon my french but what a *****!!

    Yesterday i gave my side of events but they said they're investigations will conclude towards the end of next week. Its tough going to work knowing that possibly you might be out of it just before xmas. I nvever knew such minor, petty, trivial comments can be blown out of all proportion warranting an investigation. I'm not a member of a TU but depending on how this goes I may have to join one.

    anyone had similar expereinces ? i haven't come on to her, sexually harrased her,just told her to watch her language as it was disrupting my attempts to work....and she's blown this all out of proportion...
    Originally posted by Habib2342
    Sounds like you weighed in to something that didnt concern you then antagonised the situation in front of other people and opened old wounds.

    If your colleague has put in a formal complaint against you - for bullying by the sound of it - then you could find yourself in a lot of hot water. Companies take bullying complaints very seriously these days.

    Dont forget that its not up to you to deem if it was bullying or antagonistic, its down to how your behaviours make the other person feel. If she feels bullied by you then you have a real problem on the horizon.
    You are not special. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.
    • GothicStirling
    • By GothicStirling 1st Dec 17, 8:13 AM
    • 985 Posts
    • 725 Thanks
    GothicStirling
    Same thing is happening with me at the moment. Except my response was to inform management after the third time of my colleague being really nasty. Currently getting the silent treatment, but I would like to keep this informal, but my colleague isn't making it easy.
    • Sarastro
    • By Sarastro 3rd Dec 17, 6:12 PM
    • 339 Posts
    • 269 Thanks
    Sarastro
    [QUOTE=phillw;73488044

    Book into anger management and self esteem courses, so that you can stop yourself from feeling the need to control situations.[/QUOTE]

    Thank you, Freud but I don't think that's the problem.
    • Sarastro
    • By Sarastro 3rd Dec 17, 6:27 PM
    • 339 Posts
    • 269 Thanks
    Sarastro
    i have clashed several times with a female colleague over the lasts four years with two 'incidents' in the past two weeks...

    As we had clashed several times before
    Originally posted by Habib2342
    So, when are you going to learn that you are half of the problem? You clearly think she doesn't behave in the right way...perhaps you're right...but you don't have the authority to tell her so you end up in a cycle of really negative behaviour. I'm willing to suspect the office is probably fed up with the pair of you.

    You are responsible for how you feel about her and how you behave. What exactly is she doing that compromises your values? Identifying that might help you understand why you feel motivated to keep engaging. You can't change her and she's as much right to be there as you do. So your best bet will be to disengage. If you have to communicate with her, do it without any emotion. Set boundaries if you need to and treat her as if she were emotionally mature. Focus on yourself and learning from the experience (you are going to have to work with other you people you don't like at some point in the future).

    You may find it very powerful to simply decide in your head to forgive her for her behaviour; sounds a bit odd, but it will allow you to move on.

    If you do find yourself getting annoyed with her, imagine a zip wire from your head to a point far away. Put her on the zip wire and wave goodbye as she whizzes off into the distance. Repeat until you don't feel annoyed.
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