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  • FIRST POST
    • Rasharoon
    • By Rasharoon 29th Nov 17, 5:07 PM
    • 1Posts
    • 0Thanks
    Rasharoon
    Sharing Bedroom
    • #1
    • 29th Nov 17, 5:07 PM
    Sharing Bedroom 29th Nov 17 at 5:07 PM
    Hi
    Just after some thoughts please.
    I have a 19 year old Son who lives with his Dad and Step Mum in a 2 bedroomed rented flat.
    His wife has a Daughter who is about 22 and has just come back from travelling.
    They are having to share a bedroom- separate beds and my Son is ok with this.
    I feel very unsure about this situation but canít speak to the Dad as our relationship is non existent.
    Am I just being silly. I donít think for a second anything is going on but privacy etc. In my min - just doesnít sit right.
    Thanks
Page 2
    • JayJay100
    • By JayJay100 30th Nov 17, 10:53 AM
    • 169 Posts
    • 307 Thanks
    JayJay100
    I get it; as a parent it just doesn't 'feel' right. When you're bringing children up, you're expected to provide separate rooms for different sexes, as soon as you realistically can, and this, in a way, goes against that.

    The reality is that they're both adults, and it's up to them how they handle this. It could just be a short term fix, or they've decided to give it a go, and see if it works. I'm pretty sure that one could sleep in the lounge if it didn't work out.
    • suejb2
    • By suejb2 30th Nov 17, 10:59 AM
    • 1,298 Posts
    • 1,965 Thanks
    suejb2
    Bedroom
    If it's short term, it hasn't been mentioned. Can there be a division of the sexes. Dad goes with son and mum with daughter. If he, as he says, is ok with it, then that's fine.
    Life is like a bath, the longer you are in it the more wrinkly you become.
    • MEM62
    • By MEM62 30th Nov 17, 12:10 PM
    • 1,392 Posts
    • 1,008 Thanks
    MEM62
    I have a 19 year old Son who lives with his Dad and Step Mum
    Originally posted by Rasharoon
    His wife has a Daughter who is about 22
    Originally posted by Rasharoon
    They are having to share a bedroom
    Originally posted by Rasharoon
    Forgive me for extracting the relevant point of your post. My thoughts;

    * I doubt that your son will have any issue with this.

    * If the girl has an issue she would have voiced an opinion by now.

    * They are both adults and can easily make arrangements to live elsewhere is the arrangement did no suit them.

    * Your son is now and adult. Unless he is vulnerable in some way, as already advised, this is not something that is a concern for you any more.
    • badmemory
    • By badmemory 30th Nov 17, 5:31 PM
    • 1,050 Posts
    • 1,105 Thanks
    badmemory
    Maybe look at this from a different viewpoint. Sharing a room with a young woman may actually make him see what is involved when you have an actual relationship with someone, you putting up with their habits, them putting up with yours, both good & bad. It may make him consider harder who he does actually get into a long term relationship with.
    • Tabbytabitha
    • By Tabbytabitha 30th Nov 17, 6:10 PM
    • 414 Posts
    • 837 Thanks
    Tabbytabitha
    If it's short term, it hasn't been mentioned. Can there be a division of the sexes. Dad goes with son and mum with daughter. If he, as he says, is ok with it, then that's fine.
    Originally posted by suejb2
    I'm sorry, that seems just a daft way for 4 adults to make their sleeping arrangements. It's also something of an insult to the 2 young people concerned as it implies that they'll jump on each other if sharing a room (or that there's something wrong if they do).
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 30th Nov 17, 6:31 PM
    • 36,180 Posts
    • 152,903 Thanks
    silvercar
    Yet another strange question for a newbie (let's hope they don't trip over the Ugg Boots LOL).


    If real - as above, what is the issue?! I have no idea what you're asking. My friend was in a relationship with her step-brother for a while. It's not illegal. If they're not in a relationship, then I'm not sure what it's got to do with anyone else if the two of them are okay with it.
    Originally posted by hazyjo
    It depends on the people and family dynamics. On its own, then so long as they don't mind sharing, then that's fine.

    Either of them have the option of sleeping on the sofa in the living room, so they must have chosen this arrangement over that for whatever reason.

    For the record, in my family tree I have a couple where the parents met/married and each of them had a child they brought into the marriage - and those children married.
    Originally posted by PasturesNew
    Some websites suggest this is illegal eg the family tree forum says:

    Step-Relatives
    Step-relatives may marry provided they are at least 21 years of age. The younger of the couple must at no time before the age of 18 have lived in the same household as the older person. Neither must they have been treated as a child of the older person's family.
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 30th Nov 17, 6:59 PM
    • 2,549 Posts
    • 6,217 Thanks
    ska lover
    Why not have your son move in with you
    Blah blah blah.
    • suejb2
    • By suejb2 30th Nov 17, 7:41 PM
    • 1,298 Posts
    • 1,965 Thanks
    suejb2
    Bed
    I'm sorry, that seems just a daft way for 4 adults to make their sleeping arrangements. It's also something of an insult to the 2 young people concerned as it implies that they'll jump on each other if sharing a room (or that there's something wrong if they do).
    Originally posted by Tabbytabitha
    I did say if it were short term. I wasn't implying anything no need to be sorry Tabbytabitha
    Life is like a bath, the longer you are in it the more wrinkly you become.
    • unforeseen
    • By unforeseen 30th Nov 17, 8:06 PM
    • 1,967 Posts
    • 2,477 Thanks
    unforeseen
    Some websites suggest this is illegal eg the family tree forum says:
    Originally posted by silvercar
    There is a better analysis at http://www.genetic-genealogy.co.uk/Toc115570145.html

    Which shows that there is no problem with step brother/uncle/nephew and thermals equivalent
    • lincroft1710
    • By lincroft1710 30th Nov 17, 8:23 PM
    • 10,026 Posts
    • 8,080 Thanks
    lincroft1710
    Like PasturesNew I also know of an instance where step brother/sister married. An elderly former neighbour of my parents was widowed with a daughter and married a widower with a son, in time son and daughter married.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 1st Dec 17, 8:54 AM
    • 18,538 Posts
    • 47,726 Thanks
    Pollycat
    I'm a bit bemused about all this talk of who can or can't marry.

    I thought it was a simple case of a young adult male who currently lives in a flat with his own bedroom being agreeable to share that room with a young adult female.

    I wouldn't be rushing out to buy a new hat in the circumstances described.
    • NBLondon
    • By NBLondon 1st Dec 17, 9:13 AM
    • 1,465 Posts
    • 7,421 Thanks
    NBLondon
    Some websites suggest this is illegal eg the family tree forum says:
    Originally posted by silvercar
    Step-relatives may marry provided they are at least 21 years of age. The younger of the couple must at no time before the age of 18 have lived in the same household as the older person. Neither must they have been treated as a child of the older person's family.
    Surely the point of that quote is about whether the younger person might have been groomed by the older rather than co-sangunity. In this case it probably doesn't apply unless the 19yo lad was living as a child of that family before the 22yo daughter went travelling. In which case - the sharing situation would have arisen then.


    In practical terms - if he's happy and she's happy it's not really anyone else's business is it?
    This Be the Verse - Philip Larkin. The first line that everyone knows.
    • getmore4less
    • By getmore4less 1st Dec 17, 9:43 AM
    • 30,712 Posts
    • 18,359 Thanks
    getmore4less
    Some websites suggest this is illegal eg the family tree forum says:
    Originally posted by silvercar
    I think you have read that wrong there are no mention of step brother/sister in the excluded list.

    if you follow the link in your link you get to


    The full set of in-laws and step relatives are included to match the equivalent blood relatives of the same name except the following:
    Stepsister Stepbrother
    Stepaunt Stepuncle
    Stepniece Stepnephew
    • FreddieFrugal
    • By FreddieFrugal 1st Dec 17, 3:29 PM
    • 1,552 Posts
    • 1,644 Thanks
    FreddieFrugal
    What a garbage thread.

    Which of course was the intention of the OP...who hasn't returned to respond.

    Person is worried about son and immediately signs up to a money saving forum for a non money saving related post?

    Or bored loser tries and succeeds in starting a conversation about incest...

    Mortgage remaining: £43,140 of £77,000 (2.59% til 04/18)

    Savings target July 17 - £17,960 / £28,000
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 1st Dec 17, 7:27 PM
    • 36,180 Posts
    • 152,903 Thanks
    silvercar
    What a garbage thread.

    Which of course was the intention of the OP...who hasn't returned to respond.

    Person is worried about son and immediately signs up to a money saving forum for a non money saving related post?

    Or bored loser tries and succeeds in starting a conversation about incest...

    Originally posted by FreddieFrugal
    That's a bit mean. People wander onto MSE for all sorts of reasons. Just as in RL, discussions wander away from the original question.
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 1st Dec 17, 7:48 PM
    • 1,349 Posts
    • 1,357 Thanks
    Fireflyaway
    Its not like they are 13 and 9 or something. They probably don't hang out in the bedroom like younger kids, its just a place to sleep. I'm guessing there is a bathroom / loo etc with a lock for showering and dressing.
    If either really hated it they could crash on the sofa or move out. At that age they are old enough to be respectful of the other. Its not like they don't have a say either. A child would be stuck whether they liked it or not whereas these guys can do something if they are unhappy.
    • FreddieFrugal
    • By FreddieFrugal 1st Dec 17, 8:57 PM
    • 1,552 Posts
    • 1,644 Thanks
    FreddieFrugal
    That's a bit mean. People wander onto MSE for all sorts of reasons. Just as in RL, discussions wander away from the original question.
    Originally posted by silvercar
    The poster joined - posted - then hasn't even returned to view the forum. Checked last activity.

    Theres another similar thread with someone who joined the day before and hasn't been back since.

    Probably same person
    Last edited by FreddieFrugal; 01-12-2017 at 9:00 PM.
    Mortgage remaining: £43,140 of £77,000 (2.59% til 04/18)

    Savings target July 17 - £17,960 / £28,000
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