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  • FIRST POST
    • AWPTheo
    • By AWPTheo 27th Nov 17, 12:51 PM
    • 10Posts
    • 5Thanks
    AWPTheo
    Stop filling voids
    • #1
    • 27th Nov 17, 12:51 PM
    Stop filling voids 27th Nov 17 at 12:51 PM
    Hello,

    I've had a reality check this week, and now I'm creating plans to stop this stupid over spending and apparent shopping addiction I have.

    Bipolar

    I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2010 which as anyone with knowledge of it would know, makes you at times spend very erratically. I am not in a chronic amount of debt, but my spending is getting out of hand and I want to track myself to start creating better spending habits. My debts are as follows:

    £1,276.40 personal loan
    £401.83 credit card
    £152.86 store credit

    I have spent months trying to crack down and I have paid off quite a large sum, but I need more help and figured tracking it might make things easier. I know this probably seems very small compared to some debts, but I am on ESA and PIP to get by whilst I focus on my health (signed off for the forseeable future) so having almost £2,000 in debts on a benefits income is quite scary. I'm on a part time college course to get me out of the house which is helping, but I'm still having regular panic attacks and breakdowns and am not really in a fit state! I also have a physical disability that keeps my costs high, as I sometimes have to get taxis etc to get out to get some food or see the Dr, and as live in the middle of nowhere it's extortionate (but I suppose that's what benefits are for!).

    At the moment I receive;

    ESA: £188/pw (roughly £750/month)
    PIP: £220/month

    My Direct Debits are around £400/month, including gas, electric, phone etc.

    To give you an idea of how out of control my spending currently is, I spent £1100 on Christmas presents alone in October/November, and over £500 on clothes and makeup, decimating any savings I had. I have maxed out my credit card almost (I set it to a low limit of £450) and am starting to hit the panic zone.

    Shopping Addiction

    I think the thing that keeps me spending is a low self esteem. I usually will see a photo or a video of someone I perceive to be far better looking, more successful, more likeable and I will like their personal style, which will drive me to buy clothes and makeup to try and emulate them. Quite a tough pill to swallow!

    Part of this journey will be me coming to terms with being myself, and trying to be okay with who I am, without the extras, and trying to stop this. I use the term shopping addiction as that's the terminology my Psychiatrist used when I last saw him a month ago, even though it sits very uncomfortably, as I'm sure people out there have it far worse! I'm definitely not trying to cause offense.

    If you got this far, thank you here's to a good journey.

    AWPTheo x
    Last edited by AWPTheo; 29-11-2017 at 6:00 PM.
Page 1
    • doingitanyway
    • By doingitanyway 27th Nov 17, 9:33 PM
    • 2,197 Posts
    • 10,178 Thanks
    doingitanyway
    • #2
    • 27th Nov 17, 9:33 PM
    • #2
    • 27th Nov 17, 9:33 PM
    Well done for facing up to your issues. Wishing you luck
    JANUARY 2016/SECURED DEBT=24,822/November 2017=3,500
    MORTGAGE FREE 25/07/16
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 28th Nov 17, 7:38 PM
    • 49,035 Posts
    • 182,026 Thanks
    beanielou
    • #3
    • 28th Nov 17, 7:38 PM
    • #3
    • 28th Nov 17, 7:38 PM
    Happy shiny new diary
    Keep posting!
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • AWPTheo
    • By AWPTheo 29th Nov 17, 5:59 PM
    • 10 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    AWPTheo
    • #4
    • 29th Nov 17, 5:59 PM
    Stop filling voids
    • #4
    • 29th Nov 17, 5:59 PM
    Okay so, I suck.

    Littlewoods extended my credit limit to £900 which was almost instant disaster as soon as I got the email. I now owe £227.23 in store credit... I bought a gift for my partners Christmas, then of course saw a candle... and a bracelet... Thankful I stopped where I did but I want to close it down once I've paid it off. However, I got store credit to improve my credit rating (which it has) so I don't think my partner will agree, but it so easily feeds my spending addiction!

    I also got a repayment from a family member for some money lent a long time ago of £1300. I now have £800 left, in a day I owed £250 in personal debts, then somehow have spent over £250 today on a mixture of Christmas presents, essentials, Christmas decorations and... Clothes. Transferring £600 tonight to my parents because I just need it out of my bank to stop myself spending the entire thing.

    The honest breakdown was:

    £250 repay debt to partner and his Mum
    £65 on Christmas presents
    £65 in ASDA - Food, college supplies (printer paper), packing materials for eBay, Christmas decs, homewares (including two bed cushions???)
    £45 on underwear (online, to go with xmas outfit)
    £5 on scrapbook stickers
    £25 on Christmas outfit for best friends daughter

    I then paid £50 off of my credit card.

    Total: £255

    I didn't even include the money I owed my partner and his Mum in my original list I totally forgot, but they're done now

    I hate days like today where I lose total self control, I need to tackle the debts. I still have almost £200 in presents to buy (which I can't avoid, that's bare minimum... Eldest of 6 siblings with five parents) and a day in London tomorrow. I have to get my sister a onesie from Primark (that's what she's asked for as xmas gift) and I'm a total sucker in there. If I walk out having spent less than £100 it's considered a win for me. I paid my train in advance so that's cheaper, but I'm seeing my Grandmother for lunch too so that's another expense.

    So here's where I stand today

    £1,276.40 personal loan
    £351.83 credit card
    £227.23 store credit

    So I paid off £50 and gained £74.37.

    Writing this stuff down makes me realise that this is out of hand, but I still have the voice in my head saying "well I did need X & Y..." I want to retrain my brain! Very frustrating day. I understand so much how people spiral into way more debt than this, I keep telling myself to grow up but with Christmas coming up I can't seem to stop! I'm really stressed with college (doing an adult course) and almost certainly failed an exam today so I think this has been about filling a void.

    STOP FILLING VOIDS.

    Buckle up, this is going to be a long ride.
    Debts Nov 2017: £1,855.46 £1,835.46
    Savings Nov 2017: £400

    2018 Goal: Save £1200

    • Karonher
    • By Karonher 29th Nov 17, 6:47 PM
    • 439 Posts
    • 2,006 Thanks
    Karonher
    • #5
    • 29th Nov 17, 6:47 PM
    • #5
    • 29th Nov 17, 6:47 PM
    Are there any things you can send back? If you have receipts and the clothes have tags, then send them back and put the money away. I would have thought that out of £1600 worth, you could get a fair bit back.
    Getting ready for Christmas 2017

    Aiming to make £4,500 online in 2017.
    • DebtFreeDuo
    • By DebtFreeDuo 29th Nov 17, 7:49 PM
    • 617 Posts
    • 3,018 Thanks
    DebtFreeDuo
    • #6
    • 29th Nov 17, 7:49 PM
    • #6
    • 29th Nov 17, 7:49 PM
    I would also look at sending some stuff back if it was me. Could you use some of the money you received to pay off the store credit and then close it down? If something tempts you into buying things on credit then it really is better to close them down even if they are improving your credit file. You still have your credit card which will help more with your credit file. Also ignore the actual score you see on your file as it is meaningless, what lenders want to see is you lending responsibly, so paying back on time and not just minimum payments. Good luck with your journey.
    Loan:1780.49 2207.38 Car Loan:2039.22 2419.64 0% CC:984.98 1063.48 Overdraft: 860 Overpayment:1781 Total: 7445.69 DFD Dec 18
    SPC 586
    • vampire-girl
    • By vampire-girl 29th Nov 17, 9:04 PM
    • 4,427 Posts
    • 7,026 Thanks
    vampire-girl
    • #7
    • 29th Nov 17, 9:04 PM
    • #7
    • 29th Nov 17, 9:04 PM
    Like the others have said I would also send some things back if you can.

    I don't have much advice other than you said your not so good in Primark with spending, you know you need to get a onesie so why not just head straight to that section and choose one, and try and ignore other things. Or you could try and say I have a set amount ie £30 and not spend more.

    Good luck
    • AWPTheo
    • By AWPTheo 29th Nov 17, 10:46 PM
    • 10 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    AWPTheo
    • #8
    • 29th Nov 17, 10:46 PM
    • #8
    • 29th Nov 17, 10:46 PM
    I must sound so juvenile! Sorry for that. I could certainly send some things back that were for me - how slow am I that it hadn't even occured to me?!

    Not to deflect, but most of my spending the last two months has been on Christmas mainly, around 85% looking at my statements (of course, with my personal spending that needs whipping into shape too!). Christmas wise I don't really feel like I can return much really. I'm from a massive family, most of which are quite well off. If I'm honest, one year I made cookie/hot chocolate jars for everyone and home made things as I was saving for furniture and everyone was just kind of... deflated and disappointed. I absolutely couldn't bear going through that again, it was so embarrassing so now I just save and stretch to spend as much as I have. My family/friends always go so overboard with me too (I have asked them not to and they were horrified) so I feel like I have to match it. This year I have done a £20 limit for my siblings (some of which I've gone a tiny bit over) and made them all a cross stitch so it's worked out at roughly £30/person... But there's seven of them, so it's easily £200-£250 just on them, and that's only the start! I then have 11 cousins that I exchange gifts with, five parents, my Grandparents... It's so overwhelming and gets out of control so easily. My biological Mum is also in financial hardship so I've had to buy most of two of my siblings presents so they don't go without anything (at 17 and 12 they would know about it) and subsidise friends often.

    I'm also stressing because my parents have booked this massive house in Scotland for 6 days over New Years for our family and my partner to go up to. I do appreciate it massively, but it's going to cost us £300 roughly in fuel alone (we're near Brighton and going to Oban) plus we have to pay for food, drinks and other costs. Just feels like a total spiral, but it's been booked for over a year and I feel way too guilty to back out.

    Not quite sure what to do about the whole Christmas guilt thing, but this isn't sustainable I know Thank God it's almost over.

    Small victory though, spoke to my Dad this evening and put £400 away in a savings account I can't get to. We also went through my credit card and as long as I pay £50/month off for the next 7 months I will avoid interest. My personal loan has 12 months of no interest left so I need to start ploughing money into that, but at least I have a plan now. So I finally have a tiny start on that front. Confessed to him that I'm having issues with spending and he was very kind about it, although I still feel absolutely terrible.

    Thanks for putting up with me today!
    Debts Nov 2017: £1,855.46 £1,835.46
    Savings Nov 2017: £400

    2018 Goal: Save £1200

    • AWPTheo
    • By AWPTheo 30th Nov 17, 7:52 PM
    • 10 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    AWPTheo
    • #9
    • 30th Nov 17, 7:52 PM
    • #9
    • 30th Nov 17, 7:52 PM
    Yaaay!

    I went into London today. Spent £15 on a light lunch with my Nan and went into primark - and did not buy a single thing for myself besides a £3 keyring!! I see my psychiatrist on the 18th about enrolling in some therapy, so I figure at the moment it's just "putting out fires" and trying to be sensible wherever possible until I can get some therapy to deal with this void filling part of my brain.

    So relieved I (mostly) kept my sh*t together today - if I put my mind to it, I can beat this!!
    Debts Nov 2017: £1,855.46 £1,835.46
    Savings Nov 2017: £400

    2018 Goal: Save £1200

    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 4th Dec 17, 12:31 PM
    • 49,035 Posts
    • 182,026 Thanks
    beanielou
    Great result in Primark
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • AWPTheo
    • By AWPTheo 5th Dec 17, 12:01 PM
    • 10 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    AWPTheo
    Sooo didn't post over the weekend - but I had a no spend weekend

    Really happy with myself. Small victories.

    I had some makeup delivered yesterday (I ORDERED ON BLACK FRIDAY STOP JUDGING) that I got in the sales, but the boxes were damaged. The company are resending, but it's £70 worth of products, so I'm going to use the products from the damaged boxes (the products themselves were perfect condition) and resell the new ones. Hopefully I can make £40-£50 to pay off my cards!

    Paid another £20 off of my credit card today, slowly chipping away I'm hoping to clear my credit card as soon as possible as the interest is not going to be friendly next year.

    Hitting home how bad my spending is. I went crazy on black friday to the point where things are turning up that I'd utterly forgotten I'd ordered. Returning things like crazy, my usual online stores are probably gutted!

    Also had a clear out this morning of some clothes, I've been stockpiling! I'm going to donate them later.

    Not sure what to do about when I do actually need to buy things, as I seem utterly unable to differenciate between "need" and "want". If I "need" shampoo/conditioner, there will be a 3 for 2 offer on, and I'll end up walking out with £30 worth of products and some fake eyelashes to boot. Maybe Amazon is the answer? Some of the temptation comes from things just being -there- so if I remove that it might make it easier. Food for thought.

    Hope anyone reading had a fab weekend too
    Debts Nov 2017: £1,855.46 £1,835.46
    Savings Nov 2017: £400

    2018 Goal: Save £1200

    • AWPTheo
    • By AWPTheo 5th Dec 17, 1:25 PM
    • 10 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    AWPTheo
    Things are getting more interesting.

    Applied for a student current account (I'm in college on an access course, hoping for uni next year) and got denied on the grounds of poor credit rating. My credit rating is 846, which I was assured by the bank was more than high enough.

    I did however change my name in 2016, completely (I had an awful first name, so changed to my nickname, and went back to my maiden name finally after a failed marriage in 2010) and now believe I am being haunted by the spectre of previous poor credit. I have no idea what my deadbeat of an ex took out in my name during the marriage, and with my mental health issues I dread to think what's lurking. Before this year I have been very much head-in-the-sand about my credit, debts etc so this could be about to get messy.

    Contacted Experian for my full credit file and to add an alias to see my previous history, and they're going to take FIVE WORKING DAYS to confirm me and give me my report. I already access my report through Credit Club which is Experian so I'm livid!
    Debts Nov 2017: £1,855.46 £1,835.46
    Savings Nov 2017: £400

    2018 Goal: Save £1200

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