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  • FIRST POST
    • trojan10_om
    • By trojan10_om 23rd Nov 17, 8:54 PM
    • 48Posts
    • 9Thanks
    trojan10_om
    Divorce proceedings
    • #1
    • 23rd Nov 17, 8:54 PM
    Divorce proceedings 23rd Nov 17 at 8:54 PM
    Sadly, my wife no longer wants to be with me and there is 100% no going back. I have been living with a friend for the past few weeks making a small contribution towards bills.

    I'm guessing the answer is to seek legal advice? I'm not sure where to begin. We both want to do mediation, but from initial conversation our financial expectations are very different


    We have 2 children - 4 months and 2 years
    We have a mortgage - Around 110k owed 180k equity (5 year fix started this year)
    My wife is currently on maternity leave - plans to take the full year off and go back in May.
    I work full time and contribute the majority of the finances


    I've agreed to continue splitting the finances this month in he same way we've always done - I put all my salary into a shared pot except for £200. My wife does the same with her maternity pay/child benefit.

    My wife expects this to continue until May - which isn't great for me.

    Should I just go ahead and take legal advice? How do I pay for legal advice... using the shared money? £200/month doesn't go far.

    I know I can't expect someone to come up with all the answers in a complex situation.. but any indication on what my financial responsibilities should be would be helpful.

    I have already read all the links on Citizens Advice, but they are of course all very generic
    Last edited by trojan10_om; 23-11-2017 at 8:59 PM.
Page 4
    • triple choc chip
    • By triple choc chip 29th Nov 17, 6:10 PM
    • 827 Posts
    • 2,893 Thanks
    triple choc chip
    Towards the mortgage? Because I own the house, I signed up to a 5 year fixed deal, I don't want to default on payment.

    Anything I pay for the next 6 months, I will more or less get back when I sell my equity?
    Originally posted by trojan10_om
    Maybe not, that will be for the court to decide when you do the financial part of the divorce, it could be 50/50, 70/30 or 100% to her, depends on both personal circumstances and you may have to wait until the youngest is 18 years to see your equity. It's a long road, don't start off too fast.
    Life's greatest satisfactions: Getting the last laugh, having the last word and paying the last instalment.
    Debt Free since 6.8.13
    Saving for Xmas 2017 #3: £594/£650 94.4%
    Saving for Xmas 2018 #3: £10/£600
    Emergency fund £1k
    • trojan10_om
    • By trojan10_om 30th Nov 17, 8:43 AM
    • 48 Posts
    • 9 Thanks
    trojan10_om
    Maybe not, that will be for the court to decide when you do the financial part of the divorce, it could be 50/50, 70/30 or 100% to her, depends on both personal circumstances and you may have to wait until the youngest is 18 years to see your equity. It's a long road, don't start off too fast.
    Originally posted by triple choc chip
    Oh, I didn't consider that. She initially offered to buy me out based on a 50% split, but to subtract the money her father paid for the extension. I haven't done the sums to work out what that split would be.

    So much to think about.
    • gonzo127
    • By gonzo127 30th Nov 17, 9:10 AM
    • 4,403 Posts
    • 5,635 Thanks
    gonzo127
    Oh, I didn't consider that. She initially offered to buy me out based on a 50% split, but to subtract the money her father paid for the extension. I haven't done the sums to work out what that split would be.

    So much to think about.
    Originally posted by trojan10_om
    there is, which is why i keep on about getting things a little more concrete but doing it in bite size chunks

    once again the first and main thing you need to do right now is

    work out child maintenance - online tool for that, which has already been linked to

    work out how much you NEED to live - check 2 bed rentals in your area, have a look at council tax costs (i would estimate a band B or C for a 2 bed house/flat), add on say £30 a week for food, £60 a month for gas and elec, £20 a month for broadband and phone and then any other normal outgoings you will have such as mobile phone, TV license, commuting costs, debt repayments etc, honestly i cant stress enough how helpful a statement of affairs can be for this as it will list things you might not think about (and i havent listed like hair cuts)

    see how much you have left over, IF ANY!

    you can now decide how much, if any, you are willing to pay to your ex over and above the basic child maintenance.

    once you have worked this out you can 'present' your offer to your ex to discus - although do not be surprised if you have to show your ex the break down of the living costs you will need - once again a very good reason to get a SOA sorted. in my experience when i seperated from my ex wife, she did not believe how much it was going to cost me to live, and was only able to consider what she needed. your ex might be different, but be prepared is probably the best solution

    do not worry about her buying you out just yet, or you buying her out, just sort the current living issues out and current finances. the buying out of the house will be a long term discussion and not something you want to rush into agreeing, especially not without full financial disclosure and legal advice, which will take time, so really, just try to park that for the moment, whilst you sort out the most pressing issues of how you are going to live right now.
    Last edited by gonzo127; 30-11-2017 at 9:13 AM.
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    • triple choc chip
    • By triple choc chip 30th Nov 17, 6:44 PM
    • 827 Posts
    • 2,893 Thanks
    triple choc chip
    http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php

    Here's the link to the statement of affairs (SOA)
    Life's greatest satisfactions: Getting the last laugh, having the last word and paying the last instalment.
    Debt Free since 6.8.13
    Saving for Xmas 2017 #3: £594/£650 94.4%
    Saving for Xmas 2018 #3: £10/£600
    Emergency fund £1k
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