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  • FIRST POST
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 11th Nov 17, 6:40 PM
    • 1,660Posts
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    faerielight
    have lost my most significant friendship with this inheritance
    • #1
    • 11th Nov 17, 6:40 PM
    have lost my most significant friendship with this inheritance 11th Nov 17 at 6:40 PM
    I feel absolutely devastated.. My best friend of 30 years, who has been my only family substitute I've ever known , has walked away.. I stupidly talked about the possibility of moving in together when I , get my inheritance and buy a home, without thinking things through , as I wasn't copi9ng too well that week. then freaked out and realised that it wasn't possible, due to many factors, such as both of our MH issues, my huge care bill and not enough money to house us both in a place big enough for our needs. She sees it that I gave her hope that I would rescue her from her rented studio flat that she hates and give her some security. She has made it really clear that this friendship is over, as to her, I sold her under the bus and saved myself, and I know her so well, she will never forgive m,e for this. she will never forgive me, I know her too well.. We have had a very codependant relationship due to us both having no contact with family. I feel so utterly torn appart, feel so guilty and I really am alone now, money changes everything, it's horrible .
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
Page 2
    • elsien
    • By elsien 13th Nov 17, 6:18 PM
    • 15,422 Posts
    • 38,718 Thanks
    elsien
    There's not necessarily anything wrong with a leasehold flat- it really depends on the terms of the leasehold and how good the management company is. There has been a lot of publicity lately about new build leasehold properties where the management company doubles the ground rent every ten years or so and it rapidly becomes unaffordable. But if you do careful checks beforehand, then they're not all bad.

    https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/leasehold-or-freehold-financial-implications

    If you are buying a flat as a freeholder, there is still a lease but it is owned jointly by the flat owners, or by a company they've set up to run it themselves, rather than by a management company out to make money.
    I would suggest that when you're ready, you go back to the advisor and ask her to go through the leasehold/freehold thing again in more detail until you understand it. If you rule out all leasehold flats, then you're ruling out a large proportion of potential properties, more so than with houses. Did she understand you're looking for a flat rather than a house?

    There are probably some good folk on the housing forum who could help with any questions you have about leasehold/freehold as well.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • Quizzical Squirrel
    • By Quizzical Squirrel 13th Nov 17, 6:38 PM
    • 168 Posts
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    Quizzical Squirrel
    I think you might have lost this friend anyway if she couldn't have lived with you. Even if you hadn't raised her hopes, it would have driven some sort of wedge between you.

    She would have found it difficult to see your star ascending while her situation is unchanged. That can be difficult for anyone, let alone someone who feels they are in a desperate situation.

    Therefore, there's a strong chance she would have pulled away from uncomfortableness or envy.

    In a way, you perhaps gave her an easy "out" - it's now all your fault for being so apparently awful and untrustworthy rather than her being the awkward, jealous one. She wouldn't want you to think that of her (because she's probably not normally like that) but here you've laid out a better alternative where you're the unreasonable one.

    It's all very unfortunate.
    Giving it time to settle is probably all you can do at this stage.
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 13th Nov 17, 7:47 PM
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    faerielight
    Thanks guys, she's not a drama queen, she's desperate , mentally unwell , ill and disabled, and suffers a lot, she's had a really difficult life, but I think squirrel is right, she wouldn't be able to handle me getting the security of a home that she desperately needs. it's complex.. she has been there for me through so much illness and hospitals, and my mental health,she's been my rock, but I have been hers too.. I am worried about her too, as her mum is dying of dementia and she wasn't coping before all of this .I do somewhat feel like she is cutting off her nose to spite her face, but the bottom line is that I'm devastated and I don't want to lose my best friend, but she won't talk to me.

    Elsein.. thanks for the advice, I guess that without an income I would worry with a leasehold about it going up and up, but I won't rule it out.
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • Sarastro
    • By Sarastro 28th Nov 17, 9:23 PM
    • 339 Posts
    • 268 Thanks
    Sarastro
    Co-dependent relationships are really damaging and difficult. I've been thinking of you. I hope you are okay and things are improving. You will not be able to help your friend by continuing the codependent relationship. Better to think of a patio that you own and which will always be yours that you can share with her when she wants to sit on it.
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 30th Nov 17, 4:58 PM
    • 1,660 Posts
    • 3,086 Thanks
    faerielight
    aww thanks Sarastro she did finally apologize for some of the things she shouted at me, but she has changed her mind and taken it back, and doesn't want to contact me, and can't handle things. it really sucks, especially as she won't talk it through at all. I've just got to focus on the task in hand and hope we can resolve things one day and have a healthier friendship.

    While I'm here, my uncle has inherited the flat ion spain, they have finally sent me a copy of the spanish will, but he is trying to claim £20,000 in "pre death expenses" for him to get new furniture, appliances, and even a coffee machine! surely as he is inheriting the flat, I shouldn't have to pay for him getting new items for the home?.. here are some of the items,..new bed linen, new mattresses and beds x3, vacuum cleaner, curtains, patio furniture, wardrobes, lightbulbs (!!), coffee machine., bathroom fittings, bedroom fans for air conditioning, washing machine, oven, crockery, cushions, bedding and "accessories and decorations"! He is also claiming for all travel expenses and hotel stays visiting my mum when she was ill, plus travel expenses to the funeral etc.. is this right? I am shocked TBH.. lightbulbs, really?!
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 30th Nov 17, 5:22 PM
    • 3,444 Posts
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    Malthusian
    Claiming from who or what?

    You haven't given us any details but it sounds like a right try on. From what I can gather from previous threads, there was a Spanish Will which left the Spanish flat to him, and an English will which leaves all her other (English) assets to you?

    If he has been left the flat then that is all he is due. If he wants to do it up then he has to pay for it.

    How on earth can they be "pre death expenses" if he is buying them now?

    He is also claiming for all travel expenses and hotel stays visiting my mum when she was ill, plus travel expenses to the funeral etc.. is this right?
    No. Utter nonsense. Those are his expenses. Funeral expenses can be claimed from the estate but the relatives' travel expenses cannot. He can no more make her estate pay for visiting her than he could make her pay when she was alive.

    Has your solicitor not told you this?
    • Jenniefour
    • By Jenniefour 30th Nov 17, 6:55 PM
    • 1,241 Posts
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    Jenniefour
    This looks like an opportunistic attempt to make inroads into your inheritance. Don't fall for it. He should appreciate what he's been left, and it's his responsibility to pay for any new items, and to pay his own expenses for visits to your mother and to attend her funeral. His choice.
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 30th Nov 17, 7:21 PM
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    • 3,086 Thanks
    faerielight
    He is claiming against the estate and I have to pay him out of it.
    He did pay for the stuff , last year,before she died, by the looks of the dates. yes, my solicitor is outraged! here's her response..

    " Although a breakdown of the pre death expenses, it is still by no means clear to us why the executor is claiming these sums from the deceased estate, and we do think a full explanation is requited. If he had an agreement with the deceased, that he would expend certain sums on her behalf, and would be repaid by the estate, then evidence of that agreement is required.
    We simply don't think it is sufficient for the executor to produce a list of expenses, without either evidence in support, or an explanation,.the sums involved are significant.,and as the sole beneficiary of the estate, our client is entitled to have a full and clear explanation.if the alleged debt is unenforceable, then it should simply not be paid by the estate. The matter may need to be determined by a Chancery Master, under CPR part 64 should a satisfactory explanation not be provided. "
    Last edited by faerielight; 30-11-2017 at 7:28 PM.
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 30th Nov 17, 7:32 PM
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    faerielight
    thanks jennie four.. because he lives in Ireland, he is trying to claim plane and ferry trips as well as hired cars.
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • Sarastro
    • By Sarastro 30th Nov 17, 8:25 PM
    • 339 Posts
    • 268 Thanks
    Sarastro
    Let your solicitor handle it.
    • Jenniefour
    • By Jenniefour 30th Nov 17, 8:40 PM
    • 1,241 Posts
    • 1,277 Thanks
    Jenniefour
    thanks jennie four.. because he lives in Ireland, he is trying to claim plane and ferry trips as well as hired cars.
    Originally posted by faerielight
    Your solicitor is clearly challenging all that very strongly, quite properly. Wait and see what his response is.
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 30th Nov 17, 9:30 PM
    • 1,660 Posts
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    faerielight
    thanks guys, I'm really glad that I have a solicitor
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
    • mum of joey
    • By mum of joey 1st Dec 17, 9:57 AM
    • 11 Posts
    • 10 Thanks
    mum of joey
    Is he trying to pass off the items that he apparently bought before your mum's death as items for her to use if she went to the flat? It seems most unlikely that someone (ie your mother) would ask him to do that - it sounds to me that the extent of his 'caring' extends only to what he might get out of it in the event of her death, if he is now claiming for travel expenses to go and see her as well as everything else...what a self-serving person he sounds.

    It's a bit like these people who, when they go to a deceased person's house after their funeral, home in on the expensive items, saying, 'Oh, so-and-so always promised that 55" TV/canteen of expensive cutlery/bone china dinner service/leather sofa (or whatever) to me.' It can't be proved that they WEREN'T promised it as the person in question isn't around any longer, but it sounds like a strange conversation to have with anyone.

    But to imply that kitting out an entire flat on the deceased person's 'behalf' means that he should now be reimbursed for it all sounds like a cold, calculated act thought out in advance of your mother's death. He was just setting things up for himself for when she passed away. Horrible man.
    • faerielight
    • By faerielight 1st Dec 17, 10:48 AM
    • 1,660 Posts
    • 3,086 Thanks
    faerielight
    he is a horrible person, he really is, and he has shown his true colours so many times.. No, she hadn't been to the flat in spain for at least 5 years, since she had a stroke.. he is kitting it out for himself, without a doubt. He cleaned out her house of everything valuable before I had a chance to go there, even took the things he knew were precious to me that were my grandmothers..I am shocked still though by his audacity to claim for coffee machines and lightbulbs, and the travelling expenses before she died, I'm absolutely livid.
    Many thanks to all who contribute on MSE
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