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  • FIRST POST
    • Breo
    • By Breo 1st Nov 17, 5:49 PM
    • 41Posts
    • 86Thanks
    Breo
    New Start - New Life - New Plan!
    • #1
    • 1st Nov 17, 5:49 PM
    New Start - New Life - New Plan! 1st Nov 17 at 5:49 PM
    I've just separated from my husband in less than pretty circumstances, and having had some great support and ideas on the main thread thought it best to move to a diary. Hopefully to help keep me accountable, but also to keep me organised too and get more ideas.

    Here is my latest SOA:
    Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

    Household Information

    Number of adults in household........... 1
    Number of children in household......... 1
    Number of cars owned.................... 1

    Monthly Income Details

    Monthly income after tax................ 2817
    Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
    Benefits................................ 82.8
    Other income............................ 0
    Total monthly income.................... 2899.8


    Monthly Expense Details

    Mortgage................................ 756
    Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 47.629999999999995
    Rent.................................... 0
    Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
    Council tax............................. 121.5
    Electricity............................. 72
    Gas..................................... 0
    Oil..................................... 0
    Water rates............................. 63
    Telephone (land line)................... 0
    Mobile phone............................ 14
    TV Licence.............................. 12.54
    Satellite/Cable TV...................... 90
    Internet Services....................... 0
    Groceries etc. ......................... 150
    Clothing................................ 0
    Petrol/diesel........................... 100
    Road tax................................ 12.68
    Car Insurance........................... 34.38
    Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 20
    Car parking............................. 0
    Other travel............................ 0
    Childcare/nursery....................... 874
    Other child related expenses............ 30
    Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 26
    Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
    Buildings insurance..................... 11
    Contents insurance...................... 0
    Life assurance ......................... 50.37
    Other insurance......................... 0
    Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0
    Haircuts................................ 0
    Entertainment........................... 0
    Holiday................................. 0
    Emergency fund.......................... 20
    Professional Union...................... 26.05
    Total monthly expenses.................. 2531.15



    Assets

    Cash.................................... 250
    House value (Gross)..................... 220000
    Shares and bonds........................ 0
    Car(s).................................. 5000
    Other assets............................ 0
    Total Assets............................ 225250



    Secured & HP Debts

    Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
    Mortgage...................... 160000...(756)......0
    Hire Purchase (HP) debt ...... 1238.95..(47.63)....0
    Total secured & HP debts...... 161238.9.-.........-


    Unsecured Debts
    Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
    Car Loan.......................3242......216.1.....4.9
    Credit Card Debt...............10106.5...102.......0
    Total unsecured debts..........13348.5...318.1.....-



    Monthly Budget Summary

    Total monthly income.................... 2,899.8
    Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 2,531.15
    Available for debt repayments........... 368.65
    Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 318.1
    Amount left after debt repayments....... 50.55


    Personal Balance Sheet Summary
    Total assets (things you own)........... 225,250
    Total HP & Secured debt................. -161,238.95
    Total Unsecured debt.................... -13,348.5
    Net Assets.............................. 50,662.55




    My Goals:
    1) Pay my childcare costs every month without building up any more debt
    2) Sell some old baby things to pay off my HP Debt
    3) Get back to work and survive until Christmas

    Lets go!
Page 2
    • Breo
    • By Breo 25th Nov 17, 4:09 PM
    • 41 Posts
    • 86 Thanks
    Breo
    Quick update - feeling very positive, and have spent a few weeks living with my parents whilst sorting myself out .

    Savings I've made: 90 a month TV and internet replaced with a £39.99 package. Not spent any money on food this month so paid a small bit off the credit card. £40 made on ebay sales.

    Changes I've made: Clearing out the house. I've gutted all the downstairs of the house, got rid of everything which didn't make me happy (all his mess and my rubbish!). We now have a clean and tidy, child friendly home with space for playing/eating/relaxing

    Next Challenge - formal separation. I'm getting worried about my finances. I'm balancing the books and can even see a light at the end of the tunnel of paying off my debts. But will he then be able to benefit from all of this? He has never contributed financially in the 10 years we have lived together - but has done all the DIY etc. (I've paid for all materials and tools). His only substantial contribution has been primary carer for our daughter full time when I went back to work - for 1 year and 7 months. He will not be contributing anything going forward for the very foreseeable future.

    My parents want to pay off my car loan for me and contribute to child related costs (buying her clothes/shoes/toys/non essential nice things). But is this a bad idea? Would he then benefit from our assets without having to contribute to debts.

    One thing he has offered to do are all the jobs around the house in leu of child support (he is unemployed, and the circumstances of the split involve the police so he is unlikely to get work anytime soon). But again I don't know if this is a bad as continues his claim on the house.

    I know I need to get legal advice but everytime I look online I have no idea how to pick a solicitor, and don't want to spend money until I really need to. Plus I get upset.

    All that said, I'm stronger than I was when this all happened 5 weeks ago, and overall happier day to day.
    Debt at seperation in October 2017: £15858
    Current Debt: £11,081.68
    Pay Off the Bed Challenge £90/1238.95
    [/FONT]
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 25th Nov 17, 8:47 PM
    • 49,047 Posts
    • 182,127 Thanks
    beanielou
    Yes, you do need to get legal advice ASAP.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • Kitten868
    • By Kitten868 25th Nov 17, 9:02 PM
    • 846 Posts
    • 1,727 Thanks
    Kitten868
    Lots of local legal firms will let you ask a question or have a free initial consultation so look online. Decent legal advice in your situation is worth the cost. If the reason for the split is a police matter then I don't think it's wise having your ex in the house to do repairs or around your child without advice. Right now you're just going to be in shock. Let things start to settle and get all your legal stuff in order. I really like those 'For Dummies' books. I'm certain there's one on divorce. Get your head around the basics to feel empowered and a lawyer for the big stuff. You can do this. One step at a time. Very soon you will know what is going to happen in sure xxx
    Loan 1 £7100/£8000
    Loan 2 £5100/£5800
    Total £12200/£13800 12% PAID
    • Breo
    • By Breo 25th Nov 17, 9:48 PM
    • 41 Posts
    • 86 Thanks
    Breo
    Lots of local legal firms will let you ask a question or have a free initial consultation so look online. Decent legal advice in your situation is worth the cost.
    Originally posted by Kitten868
    Logically I know this is right. Just emotionally find it very annoying to have this cost to suddenly find!

    If the reason for the split is a police matter then I don't think it's wise having your ex in the house to do repairs or around your child without advice.
    He certainly would not be allowed in when she is there - absolutely not. But even so, just writing it down as an idea made me realise it was a daft one :-(

    Right now you're just going to be in shock. Let things start to settle and get all your legal stuff in order. I really like those 'For Dummies' books. I'm certain there's one on divorce. Get your head around the basics to feel empowered and a lawyer for the big stuff. You can do this. One step at a time. Very soon you will know what is going to happen in sure xxx
    Yes you are right thanks x
    Debt at seperation in October 2017: £15858
    Current Debt: £11,081.68
    Pay Off the Bed Challenge £90/1238.95
    [/FONT]
    • mummypops
    • By mummypops 26th Nov 17, 12:13 AM
    • 55 Posts
    • 184 Thanks
    mummypops
    Just passing by and wanted to say Good luck on your journey.
    • 117pauline
    • By 117pauline 26th Nov 17, 12:38 AM
    • 462 Posts
    • 5,655 Thanks
    117pauline
    Hi Breo

    It must be confusing as well as very upsetting. Many womens' refuges can give you advice, either directly or by recommending a solicitor to advise you.

    How about looking in your local library for the which guide or the dummies books on divorce. It might also make a good activity for the little one. Our library has activities both during the week and on a Saturday.

    Your parents sound as if they are supportive and you have made some really positive steps to making your house a safe and happy home for you and the little one. Their support will help you to get stronger.

    Have you gone back to work? Also I wondered about childcare vouchers via work.

    If your parents want to help financially, I think the best thing would be to fund your solicitor costs. Good advice will be priceless.

    And don't forget, your child is quite small and really only needs a happy mum (well as happy as you can be) rather than lots of presents. Keep Christmas simple and start making new happy memories

    Take care honey
    Pauline
    Don't get it perfect - Get it going
    Better Than Before
    • jackieblack
    • By jackieblack 26th Nov 17, 7:17 AM
    • 7,414 Posts
    • 10,292 Thanks
    jackieblack
    I will be eventually - and thats what I've budgeted for, but I cannot get it yet as he doesn't have a permanent address for me to give to the council people.
    Originally posted by Breo
    I had this problem. I gave the council his email address and mobile number and they contacted him and he confirmed that he wasn't living here any more. They sent someone out to visit and I got the discount.
    2.22kWp Solar PV system installed Oct 2010, Fronius IG20 Inverter,
    south facing (-5 deg), 30 degree pitch, no shading

    Quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur
    (Revera linguam latinam vix cognovi )
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 26th Nov 17, 10:04 AM
    • 709 Posts
    • 9,693 Thanks
    Toni'sfriend
    Have you looked at the Gingerbread website. There is lots of advice there for people who have recently separated.
    • Kitten868
    • By Kitten868 26th Nov 17, 9:10 PM
    • 846 Posts
    • 1,727 Thanks
    Kitten868
    I meant to say well done on the decluttering and getting your home ready for you.
    I wasn't meaning you were stupid. I just wanted to give you a clear answer in the fog. Or maybe I'm just stupid answering rhetorical questions? My husband says when I write down my lists I'm "taking my brain for a s**t" and all the silly things get written as well as the proper things. Doing it always helps me so you go ahead and do it here. We are not judging xxxx
    Loan 1 £7100/£8000
    Loan 2 £5100/£5800
    Total £12200/£13800 12% PAID
    • Breo
    • By Breo 6th Dec 17, 12:45 PM
    • 41 Posts
    • 86 Thanks
    Breo
    Hi - thank stop everyone who is commenting and giving me advice. Sorry if I don't always respond, but I do always read. I have strong moments and weaker ones, and when feeling down I don't always post.

    Some good things - sold another £50 of things on Facebook (less paypal fees) so my savings account is looking a bit healthier (I'm putting all the money aside and once I get to the target of the amount owing on the bed I'll pay off in a lump sum as its interest free but I cant overpay)

    I've done a food inventory and think I can manage without spending much on food. I'm setting myself a challenge to only spend what is in my purse on food this month - so that is £36.50. Should be perfectly do-able as I have a freezer full of meet, some frozen fruit and veg and ready made meals for my toddler (Luckily had a mega cook just before all the stuff hit the fan so I have 1 meal a day for all of December of her). I also found lots of store cupboard stuff that needs eating like bread mixes, cous cous, porridge etc. The only things I will need to buy are her milk (total of £10), some eggs for weekend lunches, some coffee for me, and some fresh bits like yogurts/cheese etc. I'm going to family for Christmas so I may even have some change, but it should save me £120 from my budget, which will buy Christmas presents for little one/mum and dad/brother and my closest friends.

    An unexpected bonus is a HUGE improvement in my daughters behaviour. We are really very happy the 2 of us together and with very minimal fuss when its just the two of us. And I get 2 hours a night to myself that I've never had now that she has a regular normal bedtime.

    Less positive - had an initial look at divorce financial settlements and its suggesting I will have to PAY HIM maintenance. He has never paid a penny into anything, never worked and now I might have to pay him from what little I have because he has no money to live on. From what I could see online my childcare costs don't count as essential, and my mortgage payment is higher than would be taken into consideration. I have booked an appointment with a solicitor next week so will see if its correct, but this has left me feeling really down this week.

    But I'm staying strong for my daughter. I have all her Christmas presents bought - I pooled my money with my parents so she has some really lovely things that she would have needed anyway over the next year.

    So in balance, another good week
    :-)
    Debt at seperation in October 2017: £15858
    Current Debt: £11,081.68
    Pay Off the Bed Challenge £90/1238.95
    [/FONT]
    • Plush
    • By Plush 6th Dec 17, 1:10 PM
    • 82 Posts
    • 193 Thanks
    Plush
    Less positive - had an initial look at divorce financial settlements and its suggesting I will have to PAY HIM maintenance. He has never paid a penny into anything, never worked and now I might have to pay him from what little I have because he has no money to live on. From what I could see online my childcare costs don't count as essential, and my mortgage payment is higher than would be taken into consideration. I have booked an appointment with a solicitor next week so will see if its correct, but this has left me feeling really down this week.
    Originally posted by Breo
    This sounds wrong on too many levels. I'm not a solicitor but this sounds absurd. You are supposed to provide for yourself and your child AND for your soon to be exH who has never worked? Is he an able body - if yes, then he can get work and pay maintenance for his child. I hope you find strength to deal with all of this...
    current credit debt Dec-2017 £12800 @ 0% // initial debt Sep-2017 £14200
    • Breo
    • By Breo 6th Dec 17, 1:29 PM
    • 41 Posts
    • 86 Thanks
    Breo
    This sounds wrong on too many levels. I'm not a solicitor but this sounds absurd. You are supposed to provide for yourself and your child AND for your soon to be exH who has never worked? Is he an able body - if yes, then he can get work and pay maintenance for his child. I hope you find strength to deal with all of this...
    Originally posted by Plush
    Thats what I thought too. I admit he has been the primary career for our child for about 18 months - but that was because he was unemployed not because he gave up work.

    I'm hoping the solicitor says that because he came into the marriage with nothing, and contributed nothing, that this isn't right. I don't want any child support from him, just a clean break.

    He cannot get a job at the minute as he is awaiting trial, and no one will employ him. But he now has job seekers allowance and he has free board and lodgings with a relative.

    All I want is to be able to still provide everything I planned for my daughter - I'll cut back on anything for myself, but I have to have decent childcare if I am to continue my job which involves long hours and unpredictable ones at that.

    If I have to pay him several hundred pounds a month and buy him out of the house I may as well pack in work and live off benefits myself. (Not entirely serious as there as obviously other benefits to working than pay, but it feels like it).
    Debt at seperation in October 2017: £15858
    Current Debt: £11,081.68
    Pay Off the Bed Challenge £90/1238.95
    [/FONT]
    • Plush
    • By Plush 6th Dec 17, 1:45 PM
    • 82 Posts
    • 193 Thanks
    Plush
    Thats what I thought too. I admit he has been the primary career for our child for about 18 months - but that was because he was unemployed not because he gave up work.

    I don't want any child support from him, just a clean break.

    He cannot get a job at the minute as he is awaiting trial, and no one will employ him. But he now has job seekers allowance and he has free board and lodgings with a relative.
    Originally posted by Breo
    He was, but as you say - if he has never worked - he has not lost anything (skills, experience, opportunities) while looking after his child. If anything, he has gained skills.

    Regarding child support, it's not about wanting it... Your child is entitled to it by law. At the moment he doesn't work but he does get JSA and - if I were you - I would make him pay what he has to, I believe it's a very low flat rate. Not out of revenge or out of spite, simply because I think it is fair to all of you. You are a responsible parent, he should be too.
    • Breo
    • By Breo 6th Dec 17, 2:06 PM
    • 41 Posts
    • 86 Thanks
    Breo
    He was, but as you say - if he has never worked - he has not lost anything (skills, experience, opportunities) while looking after his child. If anything, he has gained skills.

    Regarding child support, it's not about wanting it... Your child is entitled to it by law. At the moment he doesn't work but he does get JSA and - if I were you - I would make him pay what he has to, I believe it's a very low flat rate. Not out of revenge or out of spite, simply because I think it is fair to all of you. You are a responsible parent, he should be too.
    Originally posted by Plush
    I'll add it to the list of what to discuss with the solisitor next week. I guess if I did go down that route I could just put it all in an account for her when she is older - wouldn't be much but at the moment I cant afford to save anything for her
    Debt at seperation in October 2017: £15858
    Current Debt: £11,081.68
    Pay Off the Bed Challenge £90/1238.95
    [/FONT]
    • Breo
    • By Breo 10th Dec 17, 10:04 AM
    • 41 Posts
    • 86 Thanks
    Breo
    Food challenge update - was going great until yesterday. Went out for what I thought was a coffee with ex's family (they have children too so nice for my LO to at least have some family contact) but it ended up with everyone ordering lunch in a gastro pub - £10 on soup and sandwich for the two of us gone :-O

    Then went to the supermarket on the way home and spent another £10.60 - but I now have enough milk for toddler until Christmas, bread, ingredients for chocolate cake for friends coming over today and a bag of coffee. So I'm down to £16 left for the next 2 weeks. Should still be OK, but the lunch means it won't be as easy. I guess thats why its a challenge!!

    Going to spend some time today looking at recipes as next weekend we have a big party where everyone takes food to share. Hopefully can find stuff in the cupboards!!

    And I need to buy christmas presents today.....
    Debt at seperation in October 2017: £15858
    Current Debt: £11,081.68
    Pay Off the Bed Challenge £90/1238.95
    [/FONT]
    • Plush
    • By Plush 14th Dec 17, 12:37 PM
    • 82 Posts
    • 193 Thanks
    Plush
    How did the meeting with the solicitor go, Breo? Any good?
    current credit debt Dec-2017 £12800 @ 0% // initial debt Sep-2017 £14200
    • Breo
    • By Breo 14th Dec 17, 9:27 PM
    • 41 Posts
    • 86 Thanks
    Breo
    How did the meeting with the solicitor go, Breo? Any good?
    Originally posted by Plush
    It was good - huge relief if that because of the circumstances and relatively short marriage she thinks a clean break order is realistic (i.e. I take the assets and the debts and he walks away from any claims on house or mortgage). Worst case scenario is I have to give him a 'nuisance payment' to make him go away if he contests which she thinks would cost me less than legal fees to fight it. She said there was NO prospect of me having to pay him maintenance or buy him out of the house. My daughters childcare costs will be agreed by the court as essential and not quibbled on. PHEW!

    The only downside is the cost - it will cost me about 2,500 to do the divorce with her (she fixes a fee which is rare in this geographic area from what I've seen). Because some bits are complicated/related to his behaviour I'm not convinced I could do a DIY divorce and clean break order. Plus I'm not strong enough. So it maybe it will be something I have to factor in to my debt in order to have the freedom. I know not a moneysaving attitude, but gut says it might be worth it.

    But I cannot begin to tell you the relief - slept well last night for the first time in weeks :-) Thank you so much for asking
    Debt at seperation in October 2017: £15858
    Current Debt: £11,081.68
    Pay Off the Bed Challenge £90/1238.95
    [/FONT]
    • Plush
    • By Plush 15th Dec 17, 3:40 PM
    • 82 Posts
    • 193 Thanks
    Plush
    That's a relief indeed. I'm not familiar with solicitors' costs - it seems like a lot of money, perhaps it's worth shopping around, meet with 1-2 more? Having said that, a flat fee sounds good, at least you know what you can expect. Don't feel bad about asking for professional help on this one, it sounds like a complicated situation.
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