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  • FIRST POST
    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 22nd Oct 17, 11:57 PM
    • 158Posts
    • 188Thanks
    camz2017
    Paying off debt to freedom
    • #1
    • 22nd Oct 17, 11:57 PM
    Paying off debt to freedom 22nd Oct 17 at 11:57 PM
    Started my debt free diary, 31k in the red. The way I see it, the sooner I can become debt free the sooner I can live my life.

    I am starting this diary as I have always kept my debt to myself, and I split with the girl I am seeing today... I think all of my debt and worries have meant I just ignored her, I feel bad I have literally said almost zero to her for the past 3 or 4 weeks, blanking her messages just thinking of my own mess. I was unsure how to tell her what is going on so I got kinda messy and couldn't explain myself and she naturally assumed I was hiding something and jumped to I have cheated...

    Had a huge argument where she told me I encourage women to throw themselves at me and I am a psychopath, I'm a sociopath, and a horrible human being with no conscience guilt, can't remember what else, but basically told me I'm a horrible human being. I mean I can be an !!! at times, and I am quite nasty if I'm moody, but I do really care about those around me I feel sad my debt has caused this for me, as I'd have been fine otherwise. Amazing eh how debt can impact so much.

    Anyway, felt like time to get my stuff together, get a diary going and vent out a little bit.

    I imported all my spending for the past 4 months into YNAB, and it was frankly disgusting how I spent over £80 a month on fast food alone! So bad for my budget, and also my health! Likewise I spent £109 on average per month dining out!!! I have done a budget for next month, where I have said no fast food, and halved my dining out (with a view to phase out). I just think I am best to tackle one problem area per month, whilst keeping myself on budget and not going over into more debt. If I go crazy all at once, I know me, I will break everything and go wild.
    Last edited by camz2017; 23-10-2017 at 12:00 AM.
Page 1
    • zippygeorgeandben
    • By zippygeorgeandben 23rd Oct 17, 12:26 AM
    • 724 Posts
    • 910 Thanks
    zippygeorgeandben
    • #2
    • 23rd Oct 17, 12:26 AM
    • #2
    • 23rd Oct 17, 12:26 AM
    Good luck with it all
    End Sep 2016 End Nov 2017
    £8236.57 £0
    (Tesco 4.8%) £0pcm
    £6185.75 £0(Zopa 4.0%) £0pcm

    £5344.50
    £2470.04 (Sainsburys 0% until 06/19) £140pcm
    £2000.00 £933.36 (Sister 0%) £133.33pcm

    Total debt
    £19.766.82 £3403.40 Original DFD May 2019.
    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 23rd Oct 17, 12:38 AM
    • 158 Posts
    • 188 Thanks
    camz2017
    • #3
    • 23rd Oct 17, 12:38 AM
    • #3
    • 23rd Oct 17, 12:38 AM
    Have subbed to your thread zippy!
    • timetobefrugal
    • By timetobefrugal 23rd Oct 17, 3:09 PM
    • 71 Posts
    • 189 Thanks
    timetobefrugal
    • #4
    • 23rd Oct 17, 3:09 PM
    • #4
    • 23rd Oct 17, 3:09 PM
    Just wanted to pop in and say good luck!

    Can relate to pushing people away because you're consumed by your debt, it will get better!
    Debt Total October 2017 £20,511.27
    • Cherryjack
    • By Cherryjack 23rd Oct 17, 10:14 PM
    • 1,098 Posts
    • 4,127 Thanks
    Cherryjack
    • #5
    • 23rd Oct 17, 10:14 PM
    • #5
    • 23rd Oct 17, 10:14 PM
    Im joining please tell your lady... i felt so sad reading this as 1. she will think its her and 2. you are low...

    send her a text/ call her.. as women we always jump to the cheating line ( she really wont have any idea why you have finished it)

    Good luck!! you could be Mr & Mrs Frugal (give her a chance)
    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 23rd Oct 17, 11:25 PM
    • 158 Posts
    • 188 Thanks
    camz2017
    • #6
    • 23rd Oct 17, 11:25 PM
    • #6
    • 23rd Oct 17, 11:25 PM
    Yeah youíre right sheís definitely blaming herself. Iím just a real hard shell I find it almost impossible to make myself even slightly vulnerable and telling her about this makes me feel vulnerable.

    I will call her anyway when I get my head together, sheís genuinely too good for me, like Iíve always been the one not that keen, letting her down, being a general douche. I will make it up to her somehow even if we donít get back together. I just need to apologise for the last few weeks Iíve been out of line and I feel really guilty.

    I sometimes think my life mess is Godís way of punishing me for my past, another thing to be ashamed of I guess, in school I was brutal, I like to think I wasnít a bully but deep down Iím sure I was. I made a girl I was dating cry when I dumped her the day after her dad died of cancer. I remember smiling at her as she broke down on webcam, like man I feel awful for it now, makes my heart hurt to think what I did. I was such a horrible person. I made a girl with cerebral palsy cry as I got chatty with her and she really trusted me then I spread personal things around school. I feel like a horrible human being writing this down.

    Then in uni I used to purposefully play with womenís emotions, it was like a game to me. I had a lot of stuff going on... I do feel like my bad times now is what I deserve. Donít ask me why Iíve been like that, as Iíve grown up Iíve developed such a big heart like I could never do the things I used to. Iíd struggle to sleep nowadays lol.

    I just want to get through this struggle as quickly as possible and come out the other end being true to myself, and most importantly a genuinely good person. For me itís been eye opening to grow older and see the changes in myself, for one Iím definitely happier nowadays. I also really bend over backwards nowadays for other people.

    I had a messy childhood in that my parents always argued about debts and I had social services who removed my sister from the home, so I donít think all of that helped. I moved down to London to study in 2010 and havenít looked back.

    Anyway here I am. Topped up my monzo this morning to control my spending, had it in a draw for months.
    • Cherryjack
    • By Cherryjack 23rd Oct 17, 11:38 PM
    • 1,098 Posts
    • 4,127 Thanks
    Cherryjack
    • #7
    • 23rd Oct 17, 11:38 PM
    • #7
    • 23rd Oct 17, 11:38 PM
    Its so amazing you are able to think about what you have done and want to change and be a better person.

    Please watch the Magic (Youtube) Law of attraction- will change your life.

    The main thing is your moving forward..up..and you have a whole life ahead of you to change things.

    Venerable you might be telling her...but you can go to bed each night with a clean conscience which is invaluable. Think about donating some items / clothing to a charity...maybe something to do with cerebral palsy .

    Good luck
    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 24th Oct 17, 7:21 PM
    • 158 Posts
    • 188 Thanks
    camz2017
    • #8
    • 24th Oct 17, 7:21 PM
    • #8
    • 24th Oct 17, 7:21 PM
    ts so amazing you are able to think about what you have done and want to change and be a better person.
    No way will I be that guy I used to be, I try to treat everybody right nowadays.

    Please watch the Magic (Youtube) Law of attraction- will change your life.
    Damn I can't find it!?

    The main thing is your moving forward..up..and you have a whole life ahead of you to change things.
    Thanks a lot, that is very true, the plan is to be debt free before I am 30, totally do-able.

    Venerable you might be telling her...but you can go to bed each night with a clean conscience which is invaluable.
    I agree, I just don't feel I can have this conversation with her given how she has been these last few days, plus I have only been with her for 6 months... I am not great at keeping relationships, I date the wrong kind of girls who initially pretend they're cool with just sleeping around, get attached, I feel obliged to say I care and ultimately we don't work out. I don't think I want anything long-term right now until my head figured out.

    Think about donating some items / clothing to a charity...maybe something to do with cerebral palsy .
    Love this idea. I will donate a few bits, it will make me feel so much better inside, as deep deep down I do feel like I can be a really nasty horrible natured person. It will hopefully make me feel like a better person.
    • timetobefrugal
    • By timetobefrugal 24th Oct 17, 8:49 PM
    • 71 Posts
    • 189 Thanks
    timetobefrugal
    • #9
    • 24th Oct 17, 8:49 PM
    • #9
    • 24th Oct 17, 8:49 PM
    From a woman's perspective, I would say you need to suck it up and have the conversation with her, the sooner the better before more damage is done. If it's already in her head you've cheated those thoughts are going to keep whirring around and escalating in her mind.

    With regards to feeling like you can be a nasty horrible natured person, don't let the past shape what you are made of, I'm sure you have a heart of gold really. We tend to be bully-ish and standoffish to protect ourselves because we are the most fragile, I'm sure there are small steps you can make towards working on that within yourself, I know I try!

    All the best
    Debt Total October 2017 £20,511.27
    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 24th Oct 17, 9:26 PM
    • 158 Posts
    • 188 Thanks
    camz2017
    From a woman's perspective, I would say you need to suck it up and have the conversation with her, the sooner the better before more damage is done. If it's already in her head you've cheated those thoughts are going to keep whirring around and escalating in her mind.
    I totally get this... I've basically resigned to just letting things die out with her. Maybe I'm a bad person for doing this, but I do not trust her enough at all.

    With regards to feeling like you can be a nasty horrible natured person, don't let the past shape what you are made of, I'm sure you have a heart of gold really.
    Awww thanks that made me smile haha, I will work on it

    Anyway, on the budgetting aspect, so far been good Kept on budget! Did treat myself to some 99p ice cream lol. Laying in my bed munching away, doing a bit of work, feeling quite happy today... I have a lot of be happy and grateful for, I can be a scrooge and still happy

    ps good luck on the debt busting!!
    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 25th Oct 17, 5:28 PM
    • 158 Posts
    • 188 Thanks
    camz2017
    Planned a chat with the girlfriend (possibly-ex) later, she can buy her own coffee!!! Lets see how things go.
    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 29th Oct 17, 6:37 PM
    • 158 Posts
    • 188 Thanks
    camz2017
    Enjoying using the monzo and YNAB. Probably MONZO more than YNAB.

    Just got back from a great workout, also discussed with the gym if I can help out at weekends for personal training, like running some classes and stuff. They seemed quite keen as I used to be at a central London gym which is well known and expensive. That might be a second stream of income, depending on my time.

    Me and the girlfriend have gone seperate ways for now which is nice, I feel relieved.

    Food wise I have been spending around £30 a week. Fast food and eating out has just been replaced with copious amounts of chocolate lol, much cheaper in Poundland. Ordered my protein with a discount coupon I found online

    Dry cleaning has stopped, I am now ironing away. I feel quite confident about things right now.
    • Cherryjack
    • By Cherryjack 29th Oct 17, 7:40 PM
    • 1,098 Posts
    • 4,127 Thanks
    Cherryjack
    Damn it lol its the secret law of attraction I got carried away! Well done on your moves this week money wise and for having ''the chat'' need to do some ironing. ..it's my worst job/chore
    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 29th Oct 17, 7:47 PM
    • 158 Posts
    • 188 Thanks
    camz2017
    Got me a date tonight watching the X factor. Nice free entertainment

    Eating chocolates I took home from helping at the Work HR event.

    I will post up debt levels in a few weeks to see how much I’ve got down.
    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 29th Oct 17, 7:48 PM
    • 158 Posts
    • 188 Thanks
    camz2017
    Can you send me a link to this law of attraction thing?
    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 29th Oct 17, 11:02 PM
    • 158 Posts
    • 188 Thanks
    camz2017
    Considering doing one of those bank account switch things - £250 apparently!
    • Cherryjack
    • By Cherryjack 30th Oct 17, 1:40 AM
    • 1,098 Posts
    • 4,127 Thanks
    Cherryjack
    Let us know how it goes..is a worry for me lol think I might be set in my ways
    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 30th Oct 17, 7:21 PM
    • 158 Posts
    • 188 Thanks
    camz2017
    I possibly wasnít very clear, me and the girlfriend broke up after we had a discussion. I think largely I just wasnít too into it. She tried to turn it into me apparently leading her on and then she accused me of still speaking to my ex lol. If Iím totally honest she didnít make me feel like a good person in that she always said I was nasty and picked at little things I did saying a nice guy wouldnít do that. For example apparently Iím always racing ahead and thatís a sign I apparently donít respect other people lol. Little things but over time I started to question why she was even with me & I donít think sheís ever made me feel like a good person. She used to constantly bring up how she found out Iíve cheated on other girls, which is true, but she would bring it up when in a mood & tell me Iím a horrible person & that I deserve to go through an awful breakup & when anything bad happened to me she would be like thatís karma for cheating on people.

    Dunno it just boils down to me not feeling overly elevated as a person whilst with her.

    Anyways, I feel like this is my life story rather than my budgeting.
    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 31st Oct 17, 7:17 PM
    • 158 Posts
    • 188 Thanks
    camz2017
    Day 1 vs now

    Natwest Loan: £8365.03 / £8167.60
    Barclaycard: £14838.40 / 14,630.94
    MBNA: £7600 / £7600
    Bank Overdraft: £162.39 - Positive £510.22 (paid rent and most of bills this month)
    Total = £30965.82 / £29888.32

    Over £1000 better off today than I was when I started, with most bills paid. I will update on a monthly basis going forward.
    • Cherryjack
    • By Cherryjack 31st Oct 17, 7:49 PM
    • 1,098 Posts
    • 4,127 Thanks
    Cherryjack
    Oh my gosh this sounds like me on a bad day haha. .I feel guilty now lol karma is literally my favourite word but in all honesty don't read to much into it..we say these things but don't always been it.
    My stuck in my ways line was in relation to changing bank accounts as in I'm too scared to move.

    Hope you've had a gr8 day
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