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  • FIRST POST
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 6th Oct 17, 5:53 PM
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    Fireflyaway
    Money for wedding gift
    • #1
    • 6th Oct 17, 5:53 PM
    Money for wedding gift 6th Oct 17 at 5:53 PM
    We have been invited to a wedding of friends. I've known the bride for 10 years, however these days we meet up maybe once every 4 months ( used to be every week before she met her partner etc). I've met her partner a handful of times ( by chance at public events) she seems nice but only really exchanged pleasantries. We have only purposefully gone out as a group once.
    So my question is, what's a fair amount of money to gift them? I don't want to be stingy but they are not really close friends! I'm thinking £50 ish. I had originally thought £100, but if I bought a present I wouldn't spend that much.
    Last edited by Fireflyaway; 06-10-2017 at 5:55 PM. Reason: T
Page 2
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 7th Oct 17, 10:15 AM
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    cjdavies
    As a day guest as a couple attending a wedding at a nice venue I would be thinking £100 as a present.

    I've always thought of it as roughly the cost of our meals and evening buffet etc.

    It's 2017 not 1999, £50 doesn't go that far anymore.
    Originally posted by mark5
    As a person who would go on their own as a guest and by your definition £50 does not go far, you should give £200 and me £100
    Last edited by cjdavies; 07-10-2017 at 10:52 AM.
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 7th Oct 17, 10:27 AM
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    Fireflyaway
    To answer some questions, we are paying for the hotel room ourselves. I would be really grateful if they gave us £50 because I know to them that's a sizeable amount. Even £10 really.
    I'd much rather give a gift because I agree, even if its low value, its more personal and remembered for a lot longer. They specifically asked for cash though.... I'm thinking a low cost gift to unwrap and then £50 is generous enough.
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 7th Oct 17, 10:53 AM
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    cjdavies
    They should be grateful they receive a gift in the first place, the amount should not matter.

    I do wonder though when people get married abroad and have a celebration back home is it a way to gain more £.
    • BBH123
    • By BBH123 7th Oct 17, 6:39 PM
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    BBH123
    I just wish people didn't expect money, it's such an
    awkward thing to guage, too little and you are mean , too much and you're flash .

    Personally I would buy a gift, something to keep as a reminder of the day and if they aren't grateful that's their loss .
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 7th Oct 17, 8:35 PM
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    ska lover
    I'd much rather give a gift because I agree, even if its low value, its more personal and remembered for a lot longer. They specifically asked for cash though.....
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway
    It is not though, so much stuff ends up in charity shops because the B & G do not want it.

    We got Six sets of ''Just married'' champagne flutes..six sets, - five of which ended up in the charity shop as they were IDENTICAL from the same cheapo place - and i have to be honest, these weren't the only presents that ended up in the charity shop.

    you could say it our loss, or the lack of effort by the present giver, choice is yours lol - but either way we didn't want several of the same item and we felt a lot of people had brought whatever they could get their hands on without giving any thought. Multiple toasters etc, when we had lived together for ten years. I mean really its like people just buy any old rubbish so they have a present to inflict on someone

    Wedding gifts are very samey, and boring and someone elses taste - how can you class someone else as ungrateful merely for not wanting to decorate their home in the present givers taste?
    Last edited by ska lover; 07-10-2017 at 8:41 PM.
    Blah blah blah.
    • Jamiehelsinki
    • By Jamiehelsinki 7th Oct 17, 9:04 PM
    • 100 Posts
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    Jamiehelsinki
    50 sounds tight to me. I would be in the 80-100 range.
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 7th Oct 17, 9:29 PM
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    cjdavies
    Considering the other post about a man separating from wife due to her disability and someone said people separate for less, it's true and now thought process, stuff the gift, save your money.

    I remember a work collegaue got married, collection, cheated a few months later, 2 years later remarried, another collection, I refused to give and said I give to the first one!
    • Gavin83
    • By Gavin83 7th Oct 17, 11:17 PM
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    Gavin83
    I just wish people didn't expect money, it's such an
    awkward thing to guage, too little and you are mean , too much and you're flash .
    Originally posted by BBH123
    Surely it's better to give money so they can buy what they want rather than a gift that they possibly won't like? Traditionally gifts would have been given to fill their house as they move in together but these days the vast majority live together before marriage.

    I'm getting married soon so I've got this dilemma but being honest I'd probably rather have money. If everyone bought gifts I'd expect 60%+ to be stuff we'd never want. Just seems a waste. I'd probably rather people gave nothing than bring a tacky gift they'd clearly put no thought into.
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 8th Oct 17, 9:01 AM
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    pollypenny
    Id say £50 is enough. Are people suggesting that guests should cover the cost of their food and drink? They'd hardly be 'guests' in that case.

    We're preparing our Golden Wedding do, with a 'no presents' specification.

    We want the company, not things and we're glad to pay for our guests' food and a drink.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 8th Oct 17, 9:14 AM
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    Mojisola
    We have been invited to a wedding of friends.

    I've known the bride for 10 years

    I've met her partner a handful of times ( by chance at public events) she seems nice but only really exchanged pleasantries.
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway
    I have a little feeling the partner of friend might think we are being stingy. Comes across a bit needy and dramatic.
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway
    Will your friend think you're being stingy? Why are you so concerned about what her partner may think?

    Chances are you'll hardly ever see the couple after the wedding.

    Give what's right for your pocket - it the partner isn't happy, that's her problem!
    • borkid
    • By borkid 8th Oct 17, 9:28 AM
    • 1,598 Posts
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    borkid
    How about a good bottle of wine? When my son got married and people asked ( they didn't really want presents) that is what he said so that they could lay down a small cellar and then when they drank it could look back on the wedding. It didn't work out like that but they did get a few bottles of nice wine to enjoy.
    • Abbafan1972
    • By Abbafan1972 8th Oct 17, 9:40 AM
    • 5,125 Posts
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    Abbafan1972
    £30 is fine. £50 is generous. £100 is too much unless a very close friend or family IMO.
    Originally posted by hazyjo

    ^^This^^ is what I would do!
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    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 8th Oct 17, 1:23 PM
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    ska lover
    I have a little feeling the partner of friend might think we are being stingy. Comes across a bit needy and dramatic.... .
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway
    Sorry but this is super judgemental considering in post one you say that the partner is a virtual stranger who you have only gone out with once. I don't know how you can claim to know what a virtual stranger is thinking?

    I think you should asses whether to go to this wedding, as you obvs don't like half the couple or wish them well.
    Blah blah blah.
    • eamon
    • By eamon 8th Oct 17, 2:03 PM
    • 1,567 Posts
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    eamon
    Money is the way forward now. Its easier, none of this trawling the net or real shops. Though I do find wedding lists distasteful yet strangely interesting.
    • selement
    • By selement 9th Oct 17, 7:41 AM
    • 363 Posts
    • 1,766 Thanks
    selement
    It's rude to expect a certain amount of money so I'm pretty sure the couple wouldn't challenge you if you gave £10 in all honesty.
    If I heard someone complaoning about only getting £50 I would definitely challenge them. I consider it a generous amount of money.

    If it helps I got married last year and other than family members (some of which gave quite a lot) the generous friend size gift was £50 but most did £10-£30 I think. We didn't think anyone was being stingy.
    Trying to lose weight (13.5lb to go)
    • fairy lights
    • By fairy lights 9th Oct 17, 11:03 AM
    • 8,354 Posts
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    fairy lights
    As a day guest as a couple attending a wedding at a nice venue I would be thinking £100 as a present.

    I've always thought of it as roughly the cost of our meals and evening buffet etc.

    It's 2017 not 1999, £50 doesn't go that far anymore.
    Originally posted by mark5
    Why should a wedding guest be expected to cover the cost of their own meal though?
    It already costs a small fortune to attend weddings these days, with travel costs, an outfit, accommodation (not to mention stag and hen-do, bridal shower costs etc) without there being an expectation of a cash gift on top.
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 9th Oct 17, 11:51 AM
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    Fireflyaway
    Sorry but this is super judgemental considering in post one you say that the partner is a virtual stranger who you have only gone out with once. I don't know how you can claim to know what a virtual stranger is thinking?

    I think you should asses whether to go to this wedding, as you obvs don't like half the couple or wish them well.
    Originally posted by ska lover
    Yes I am making a judgement and its based on the things she has said and the way she has reacted to things when we have been out. Although we only arranged a get together once, we have been at the same functions maybe 8 times and that's where I've built up an opinion.
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 9th Oct 17, 12:50 PM
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    ska lover
    Yes I am making a judgement and its based on the things she has said and the way she has reacted to things when we have been out. Although we only arranged a get together once, we have been at the same functions maybe 8 times and that's where I've built up an opinion.
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway


    Fair enough - we all make judgments. We are human, none of us perfect


    However claiming the fantasy of being able to read minds, merely so you can make a negative judgment based on what you want other people to believe she is thinking, is merely a reflection of yourself. None of it is actually .....real


    If you don't want to give much because you don't like the woman, then be honest, no need to make yourself a victim in this, with the claim she may or may not be thinking something negative about you in the future is preposterous dramatics


    Go to the wedding and wish them well, the amount of money really doesn't matter
    Last edited by ska lover; 09-10-2017 at 12:53 PM.
    Blah blah blah.
    • lillie421
    • By lillie421 9th Oct 17, 4:23 PM
    • 46 Posts
    • 23 Thanks
    lillie421
    You don't even need to spend £50! You can get some nice gifts for under £50 that look more expensive than they are. Plus, if you aren't that close to her then you shouldn't feel like you need to spend a lot of money on their gift. I am sure she will appreciate anything you buy her, despite the price
    • pearl123
    • By pearl123 9th Oct 17, 9:09 PM
    • 1,269 Posts
    • 1,874 Thanks
    pearl123
    Why has everything become so expensive? £50.00 it's madness.
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