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  • FIRST POST
    • sofarbehind
    • By sofarbehind 2nd Oct 17, 10:10 PM
    • 246Posts
    • 1,036Thanks
    sofarbehind
    buyers remorse - six months later
    • #1
    • 2nd Oct 17, 10:10 PM
    buyers remorse - six months later 2nd Oct 17 at 10:10 PM
    After years of saving and dreaming I finally bought a house six months ago. It's a really nice little house. I couldn't sleep for the first couple of weeks after I moved, I felt that I had made a mistake moving to a new area.

    The new area is quiet and I have good neighbours but there are no things to do nearby and I feel miserable and lonely here. It was a practical choice, more affordable than where I was renting. I miss having things to do nearby, I find I am less motivated to travel to do things and spend too much time home alone. I thought I would feel better after six months but I don't and I just want to move back to my old area. Has anyone else been in this position? Did you move or did things just get better over time? I'm embarrassed and surprised by my feelings..

    Do I need to wait at least a year before I can sell? I just want to move to a flat in my old neighbourhood.
    Last edited by sofarbehind; 02-10-2017 at 10:15 PM.
    Save 12k in 2015, Number #052 (19.4k)
    Save 12k in 2016, Number #031 (15.1)
    Student loan remaining: £0
    Huge mortgage £145K
Page 1
    • HampshireH
    • By HampshireH 2nd Oct 17, 10:21 PM
    • 125 Posts
    • 134 Thanks
    HampshireH
    • #2
    • 2nd Oct 17, 10:21 PM
    • #2
    • 2nd Oct 17, 10:21 PM
    Is this the same property you were having cold feet in buying last year or did you decide to wait a while longer?

    How did you feel when you bought this property as your previous posts said you were worried about the commitment? Are there no local activities you can join to get you out of the house?
    • venison
    • By venison 2nd Oct 17, 10:23 PM
    • 1,219 Posts
    • 1,302 Thanks
    venison
    • #3
    • 2nd Oct 17, 10:23 PM
    • #3
    • 2nd Oct 17, 10:23 PM
    We many years ago moved and regretted it but stuck it out for 3 years, made friends although it helped having a child for meeting other parents.
    We then moved back to where we had lived before and found we had lost track of old friends.
    You don't have to wait a year, but it might be an idea to hold off till the spring to try and sell.
    Doomed I say we're all doomed.
    • sofarbehind
    • By sofarbehind 2nd Oct 17, 10:33 PM
    • 246 Posts
    • 1,036 Thanks
    sofarbehind
    • #4
    • 2nd Oct 17, 10:33 PM
    • #4
    • 2nd Oct 17, 10:33 PM
    Is this the same property you were having cold feet in buying last year or did you decide to wait a while longer?

    How did you feel when you bought this property as your previous posts said you were worried about the commitment? Are there no local activities you can join to get you out of the house?
    Originally posted by HampshireH
    This is a different house in the same area. I did feel a bit anxious about the commitment but positive and desperate for my own place and some roots. I feel good about the financial commitment now and I'm budgeting fine and still saving. In some ways I wish I had borrowed more and stayed in my old area. To be honest I definitely struggled psychologically with buying on my own, even though I know it's silly and you have to pay to live somewhere.

    There are very few local activities and I am just not motivated to drive 30 mins to the old ones after a long day. I know I have to make myself, I think I'm a bit depressed.
    Save 12k in 2015, Number #052 (19.4k)
    Save 12k in 2016, Number #031 (15.1)
    Student loan remaining: £0
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    • RedFraggle
    • By RedFraggle 2nd Oct 17, 10:38 PM
    • 398 Posts
    • 914 Thanks
    RedFraggle
    • #5
    • 2nd Oct 17, 10:38 PM
    • #5
    • 2nd Oct 17, 10:38 PM
    Have you looked on things like meetup for things to get involved in? There's sometimes more going on than is apparent.
    Officially in a clique of idiots
    • sofarbehind
    • By sofarbehind 2nd Oct 17, 10:47 PM
    • 246 Posts
    • 1,036 Thanks
    sofarbehind
    • #6
    • 2nd Oct 17, 10:47 PM
    • #6
    • 2nd Oct 17, 10:47 PM
    Have you looked on things like meetup for things to get involved in? There's sometimes more going on than is apparent.
    Originally posted by RedFraggle
    I have and they are all 30-40 mins away, which has left me unmotivated to go.
    Save 12k in 2015, Number #052 (19.4k)
    Save 12k in 2016, Number #031 (15.1)
    Student loan remaining: £0
    Huge mortgage £145K
    • bobsaunders
    • By bobsaunders 3rd Oct 17, 5:58 AM
    • 9 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    bobsaunders
    • #7
    • 3rd Oct 17, 5:58 AM
    • #7
    • 3rd Oct 17, 5:58 AM
    That's just a poor excuse.

    Get in the car and go and do it. All it requires is a bit of mental application, practical preparation, and some time management.

    You do not have to do activities every night of the week e.g. day on, day off, etc. So the being tired thing does not apply unless your job is practical.

    Is there not activities near work? Which would a) make it easier to get to b) quicker to get home. c) new group of friends?

    Additionally, if time management is an issue, speak to your boss about leaving earlier (but coming in earlier!), most companies nowadays promote work/life balance - i know i do with my guys.
    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 3rd Oct 17, 10:01 AM
    • 9,629 Posts
    • 12,145 Thanks
    hazyjo
    • #8
    • 3rd Oct 17, 10:01 AM
    • #8
    • 3rd Oct 17, 10:01 AM
    There was a very similar thread recently but I can't find it Anyone remember it? Am sure they'd been there 6-12 months and he wanted to move but the missus was happy enough staying put. Mixed replies - might help you get it in perspective. There's also a longer 'buyers' remorse' thread somewhere which might help.
    2017 wins: Opera tickets; film preview; lipstick; Ideal Home Show tickets + afternoon tea & bottle of Champagne; 2 cases of NKD; notebook; bath rack; books; film Premiere; Broadchurch DVDs; lipbalms; hamper (food/wine/Echo Dot/Jo Malone goodies); Avon lippies; cowhide rug; Windsor luxury break, foundation; Flybe flight
    • sofarbehind
    • By sofarbehind 3rd Oct 17, 11:05 AM
    • 246 Posts
    • 1,036 Thanks
    sofarbehind
    • #9
    • 3rd Oct 17, 11:05 AM
    • #9
    • 3rd Oct 17, 11:05 AM
    That's just a poor excuse.

    Get in the car and go and do it. All it requires is a bit of mental application, practical preparation, and some time management.

    You do not have to do activities every night of the week e.g. day on, day off, etc. So the being tired thing does not apply unless your job is practical.

    Is there not activities near work? Which would a) make it easier to get to b) quicker to get home. c) new group of friends?

    Additionally, if time management is an issue, speak to your boss about leaving earlier (but coming in earlier!), most companies nowadays promote work/life balance - i know i do with my guys.
    Originally posted by bobsaunders

    I don't think poor mental health is an excuse, it's a barrier to everything. It's not very nice or easy, I hope you are never in this situation.

    I don't work regular hours and can't chose what time I leave because I deal with emergencies The one constant is starting at 7am.
    Save 12k in 2015, Number #052 (19.4k)
    Save 12k in 2016, Number #031 (15.1)
    Student loan remaining: £0
    Huge mortgage £145K
    • Grenage
    • By Grenage 3rd Oct 17, 11:55 AM
    • 1,259 Posts
    • 1,200 Thanks
    Grenage
    I don't think poor mental health is an excuse, it's a barrier to everything. It's not very nice or easy, I hope you are never in this situation.

    I don't work regular hours and can't chose what time I leave because I deal with emergencies The one constant is starting at 7am.
    Originally posted by sofarbehind
    It is an excuse; dwelling on things will only make it worse. I say this as someone who has dealt with reasonably severe depression.

    You need to get up and go; do things, stay active. There's always something interesting to do.
    • MoneyEM
    • By MoneyEM 3rd Oct 17, 7:28 PM
    • 92 Posts
    • 35 Thanks
    MoneyEM
    I did the exact same thing. I was a FTB and i was desperate to get on the market and own my own property. I started looking Jan 2016 and had offered on 4 houses but due to the second-home stamp duty increase due to come in in April, I had already lost out on these properties as they went for up to 20k above their asking prices. I eventually settled for a 1 bed flat in March 2016 and completed in July 2016.

    since then i have had several issues including people fighting over parking (I have one space allocated, but neighbours use it as a space if there is not a car parked there), windows are single glazed so bills are extremely expensive in winter being electric-only. Also the micropub next door has recently renovated their overgrown garden and started playing live music which is making my life hell.

    I put the flat on the market in March 2017 and it's still on the market now with 1 offer of 10k less than I paid myself last year. I feel trapped and i'm desperate to sell up and move to a project house that needs refurbishment.

    Worst decision I could have made. Had I have waited 1 year, or even 6 months, I might have been able to buy a little terraced house and i wouldn't be in this mess!
    • bobsaunders
    • By bobsaunders 3rd Oct 17, 7:34 PM
    • 9 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    bobsaunders
    I do not think i mentioned mental health.

    I've mentioned about making a positive adjustment through applying yourself based on what is only 30 minutes in the car to access activities which are on your door step. I think you have placed barriers and excuses in the way when there literally is none beyond just climbing in a car with some positive mental can do attitude.

    Even if it means contacting old friends or house mates, signing up for random activities, joining clubs etc. you should make the first move. There is various clubs for people that want to do random things like this and people new to different areas. (Social circle, meetup.com etc.)

    Remember the positives on moving to where you did, and why, and how.

    My response would be a very different answer if you didn't have a car.

    I've been through a mild level of medically confirmed depression. Just about to climb in the car for 20 mins to go to rugby practice.
    • sofarbehind
    • By sofarbehind 3rd Oct 17, 8:51 PM
    • 246 Posts
    • 1,036 Thanks
    sofarbehind
    I put the flat on the market in March 2017 and it's still on the market now with 1 offer of 10k less than I paid myself last year. I feel trapped and i'm desperate to sell up and move to a project house that needs refurbishment.

    Worst decision I could have made. Had I have waited 1 year, or even 6 months, I might have been able to buy a little terraced house and i wouldn't be in this mess!
    Originally posted by MoneyEM

    I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I'm sending you an internet hug. (where is the emoticon?). Wishing you had done things differently is so easy to do and so unhelpful. For what it's worth you are not alone. We are where we are and I suppose and will have to deal with it.

    I went to my GP today, they have signed me off work for a month and referred me for CBT. Do you think you might be depressed too? It's a difficult thing to admit to but it makes it very hard to function. I had a bereavement I am not coping with recently. Have you also had other things to cope with?
    Save 12k in 2015, Number #052 (19.4k)
    Save 12k in 2016, Number #031 (15.1)
    Student loan remaining: £0
    Huge mortgage £145K
    • Thrugelmir
    • By Thrugelmir 3rd Oct 17, 10:36 PM
    • 55,554 Posts
    • 48,921 Thanks
    Thrugelmir
    Life isn't easy. Many people go through difficult periods in their life. Personally I find walking long distances a good remedy at such times. Get involved with something local. We all only get one chance. Make the most of it. As my Grandmother always said to me as a child every morning. Smile and give thanks that we here today. For a woman that was born in poverty in London Docklands. Went to work in a laundary at 13. Survived 2 world wars. One could only marvel at her resolution. We are so lucky these days to enjoy what we have.
    "Wide diversification is only required when investors do not understand what they are doing." - Warren Buffett
    • Candyapple
    • By Candyapple 3rd Oct 17, 10:43 PM
    • 2,347 Posts
    • 1,778 Thanks
    Candyapple
    There was a very similar thread recently but I can't find it Anyone remember it? Am sure they'd been there 6-12 months and he wanted to move but the missus was happy enough staying put. Mixed replies - might help you get it in perspective. There's also a longer 'buyers' remorse' thread somewhere which might help.
    Originally posted by hazyjo

    Was it this one?
    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5702165
    I'm a Board Guide on the Credit Cards, Loans, Credit Files & Ratings boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge threads there. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com
    • LittleMax
    • By LittleMax 3rd Oct 17, 11:28 PM
    • 1,250 Posts
    • 1,821 Thanks
    LittleMax

    I went to my GP today, they have signed me off work for a month and referred me for CBT. Do you think you might be depressed too? It's a difficult thing to admit to but it makes it very hard to function. I had a bereavement I am not coping with recently.
    Originally posted by sofarbehind
    Sorry to hear this. But now you are signed off, are you going to bite the bullet and travel back and join in some of the activities that are 30 minutes away?
    • MoneyEM
    • By MoneyEM 4th Oct 17, 12:21 AM
    • 92 Posts
    • 35 Thanks
    MoneyEM
    I could only find this one for a hug which kinda freaks me out! But I appreciate the sentiment Hindsight is such a wonderful thing, when you are in the moment it's hard to imagine things could be different in a short time frame like 6 months!

    When i moved in last August I loved it, i decorated and furnished it just how I wanted and everything was fine until it got very very cold and expensive to use the heating. That's what first made me want to put it up for sale.

    Then in May 2017 without warning the quiet micropub renovated their disused garden and I am now severely affected by the noise of people chatting every single night in the garden and live music events that happen at the weekends and sometimes throughout the week too which is the source of 90% of my stress. The owner has said he will pay for 1 window to be double glazed but i am arguing that he cannot do half a job and fob me off!

    On top of this I really dislike my job. I am so bored, I've had zero training and am not getting any job satisfaction or sense of achievement. Senior management is practically non-existent. Last year I suffered from(work-related) anxiety in which I took myself to hospital cause i felt i couldn't breathe. I moved to a new sub-team and it got better but I am still looking elsewhere. It's hard not to feel depressed but I have support from my family (very close to my mum) and my boyfriend so that keeps my spirits up. I just have to be patient, this place will sell eventually!

    Sorry to hear about your bereavement, they are never easy to deal with. Glad you are getting some help for your depression. Things will get better for us!
    Last edited by MoneyEM; 04-10-2017 at 12:24 AM.
    • Davesnave
    • By Davesnave 4th Oct 17, 7:17 AM
    • 23,345 Posts
    • 88,964 Thanks
    Davesnave

    I put the flat on the market in March 2017 and it's still on the market now with 1 offer of 10k less than I paid myself last year. I feel trapped and i'm desperate to sell up and move to a project house that needs refurbishment.
    Originally posted by MoneyEM
    ......Which might be another error if you are not the sort of person with the skills and patience to handle that sort of work.

    I'm not saying that you aren't, but buying a do-er-upper because it's all you can afford, and then having to live with a degree of chaos, maybe for much longer than you've had your flat, isn't a recipe for avoiding depression, especially if you lack the wherewithal to move forward more quickly on it.

    Been there, done that.

    I would say to you and the OP that most of us go through periods when our living conditions aren't ideal. A year or two is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Whether it's a duff job or an annoying property choice, it will become a means to another end eventually.
    'A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they'll never sit in.'
    • moneyistooshorttomention
    • By moneyistooshorttomention 4th Oct 17, 8:39 AM
    • 13,667 Posts
    • 37,153 Thanks
    moneyistooshorttomention
    I can resonate with the idea that "it ain't all roses" buying a doer-upper. The one I now have has taken me 4 years. How long a place takes to do up will depend mainly on how much money one can throw at it. It will also depend, to some extent, on how reliable the workmen in your area are and if you are in an area where they arent very reliable = add in noticeably more time and patience to how long you reasonably estimate it will take.

    Meanwhile you are living in chaos. Again - how much that affects you will depend on available resources in local area. If there's plenty of places you can eat out at/friends nearby you can visit/etc - that will help a lot.

    So - if thinking of a doer-upper - get other peoples views that have done this in the same area. Find out how much roughly various things would cost - and then add some (because things always seem to cost more than you've bargained on). Find out what the local workmen are like (standard of work/reliability or otherwise/etc).

    You'd need, preferably, to buy a doer-upper that was at least together enough you could "live in it" for a few months whilst you waited for better workmen to finish any customer list of people ahead of you in the queue. Voice of experience time there - because I moved into a doer-upper that was that bad that it wasnt just old-fashioned and tatty etc - it also barely functioned (central heating problems/electric problems/main sitting room fire problems/safety problems/a roof leak/neighbour problems). All those things have been sorted out now - but it is very wearing and time-consuming to deal with a place that is so bad it barely functions.
    #MeToo
    • Crashy Time
    • By Crashy Time 4th Oct 17, 12:53 PM
    • 5,016 Posts
    • 2,158 Thanks
    Crashy Time
    I did the exact same thing. I was a FTB and i was desperate to get on the market and own my own property. I started looking Jan 2016 and had offered on 4 houses but due to the second-home stamp duty increase due to come in in April, I had already lost out on these properties as they went for up to 20k above their asking prices. I eventually settled for a 1 bed flat in March 2016 and completed in July 2016.

    since then i have had several issues including people fighting over parking (I have one space allocated, but neighbours use it as a space if there is not a car parked there), windows are single glazed so bills are extremely expensive in winter being electric-only. Also the micropub next door has recently renovated their overgrown garden and started playing live music which is making my life hell.

    I put the flat on the market in March 2017 and it's still on the market now with 1 offer of 10k less than I paid myself last year. I feel trapped and i'm desperate to sell up and move to a project house that needs refurbishment.

    Worst decision I could have made. Had I have waited 1 year, or even 6 months, I might have been able to buy a little terraced house and i wouldn't be in this mess!
    Originally posted by MoneyEM

    Worth taking the 10k hit to get out IMO, but the "project house" just sounds like more stress to me.
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