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    • Jellyb
    • By Jellyb 2nd Oct 17, 7:44 PM
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    Jellyb
    Birthday celebrations - paying for own meal
    • #1
    • 2nd Oct 17, 7:44 PM
    Birthday celebrations - paying for own meal 2nd Oct 17 at 7:44 PM
    My friend is planning her birthday celebrations. (50 at the start of the year.) She said she would like to go to a restaurant hotel with a private room/space where she could host a meal.
    This sounded great until I heard the price - £40 a head. This sounds fine until I read the menu choices - very basic starters, desserts and the mains - macaroni cheese, chicken and mushroom pasta, gammon steak or a burger.
    Am I being unreasonable - to me this sounds expensive especially when I took the prices from their menu and to have the most expensive starter, main and dessert, large wine, soft drink and a coffee and it would still come to less than £40
    I don't want to be a wet blanket - but when you include drinks, coffee and taxi home - it turns out to be an expensive deal.
    p.s. 'Guests' have also been told what she would like for a present.
    Sealed pot challenge No 562
    Total so far £18.50
Page 3
    • sheramber
    • By sheramber 3rd Oct 17, 4:27 PM
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    sheramber
    I'm not sure I feel the same.

    I think the line between an invitation to a party and a birthday dinner celebration is blurred.

    For the party invitation, I'd expect to pay but dinner in a restaurant with close friends tends towards a different thing. Where's the line?

    For example, if I go out with a friend out for a birthday meal, I don't automatically expect her to pick up my tab. It's her birthday so why should I be the one getting treated even if the place was her idea? If she offers, great, but I'm expecting to go Dutch or even pay for her.
    At this point I would not be a good friend if I said I had better things to spend my money on, so pony up girlfriend.

    But at what exact point does multiple friends become a party that she's now expected to pay for?
    If there's two friends are we still treating her, going Dutch or is she now expected to pay for our company? How about 3 or 5?

    Where's the line?
    Originally posted by Quizzical Squirrel
    If I paid for a friend's birthday meal I would not be giving a present as well. The meal would be my gift and I would have invited her.

    If she invited me I would expect her to be paying although I my offer payment.
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 3rd Oct 17, 4:36 PM
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    heartbreak_star
    Unsure if it's a Northern thing, but whenever I've gone out for a friend's birthday we always pay for our own food...

    HBS x
    I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.

    #JC4PM
    • Izadora
    • By Izadora 3rd Oct 17, 4:48 PM
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    Izadora
    Whether there are 2 or 20 of us going out for a meal for someone's birthday we all pay for our own food. There are a couple of groups of friends where we'll split the cost of the birthday person's share between us too.

    I have had some truly horrendous, and majorly overpriced, meals over the years but it doesn't really matter because it's not like bad food stops me celebrating a friend's birthday.
    • maman
    • By maman 3rd Oct 17, 4:55 PM
    • 17,135 Posts
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    maman
    Unsure if it's a Northern thing, but whenever I've gone out for a friend's birthday we always pay for our own food...

    HBS x
    Originally posted by heartbreak_star

    No. not northern at all. I'm in the South and that's what we do here mostly when a group of friends go out whether for a birthday or otherwise.


    The times it wouldn't happen was if a friend decided herself to throw a party, hire a room and invite people along. I've known that for a big birthday. It's a bit like being invited to a wedding.
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 3rd Oct 17, 5:00 PM
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    xXMessedUpXx
    I admit me and my friend are going out for food for our birthdays, but we chose an all you can eat restaurant and its £15 for each person. Seems reasonable to me as there is something for everyone and its a set price. Everyone will be paying for themselves. Would never dream of asking people to chip in for a present though.
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
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    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 3rd Oct 17, 5:34 PM
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    NeilCr
    But that's the point you enjoy yourself, so it's not just about making the birthday person happy, it's also about paying to have fun.

    I personally don't enjoy these kinds of gathering, actually quite dread them, so that would be £40 to do something I don't want to do. I would do it for someone I'm closed to, not for someone who isn't.
    Originally posted by FBaby
    A big part of us enjoying ourselves is making sure that the others in our group (especially the person who’s do it is) are having a good time as well. It’s what we do.

    Personally, I think it’s a shame that a number of posters on here seem more concerned with how things impact on them as opposed to others.
    Last edited by NeilCr; 03-10-2017 at 5:37 PM.
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 3rd Oct 17, 5:43 PM
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    NeilCr

    I have had some truly horrendous, and majorly overpriced, meals over the years but it doesn't really matter because it's not like bad food stops me celebrating a friend's birthday.
    Originally posted by Izadora
    This, absolutely, this.

    One of my very good friends has an unpopular partner. She invited a few of us (including one of my close friends and me) to her 50th. It wasnít something we fancied, the restaurant was overpriced and we had to put up with said partner

    But we turned up and we all made sure she had a night to remember. Because sheís our friend.

    Mind you I nearly had to drag my lovely female friend off the partner when he announced that he was choosing the wine as he knew best!
    • Jojo the Tightfisted
    • By Jojo the Tightfisted 3rd Oct 17, 6:12 PM
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    Jojo the Tightfisted
    And why is no-one sponsoring their squirrels instead?
    Ruddy hedgehogs.
    Originally posted by Quizzical Squirrel
    The ginger gits ask too many questions...
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

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    Originally posted by colinw
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 3rd Oct 17, 6:24 PM
    • 18,560 Posts
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    Pollycat
    Personally, I think itís a shame that a number of posters on here seem more concerned with how things impact on them as opposed to others.
    Originally posted by NeilCr
    At our age, I think me & OH have earned the right to please ourselves.

    We don't like parties or weddings.
    We like to do our own thing.
    We have a very small family and are close.
    That's probably why I don't 'get' these wedding dilemmas where cousins and Great Aunt Agatha have to be invited even though the bride or groom haven't seen them for 15 years.

    I'm happy if that's not how others do it but don't expect me to feel the same as you.
    • Quizzical Squirrel
    • By Quizzical Squirrel 3rd Oct 17, 6:27 PM
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    Quizzical Squirrel
    Let joy be unconfined!
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 3rd Oct 17, 6:40 PM
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    NeilCr
    At our age, I think me & OH have earned the right to please ourselves.

    We don't like parties or weddings.
    We like to do our own thing.
    We have a very small family and are close.
    That's probably why I don't 'get' these wedding dilemmas where cousins and Great Aunt Agatha have to be invited even though the bride or groom haven't seen them for 15 years.

    I'm happy if that's not how others do it but don't expect me to feel the same as you.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    At my advanced age I think me and my OH understand that there are times when it’s nice to think of others as well as ourselves.

    We like to do our own thing
    We like being out and about with our friends
    I have no family at all. My OH has a large family. Although I’m not sure of the relevance here
    This isn’t a big “wedding dilemma” where cousin and Great Aunt whoever has to be asked (and I agree with you on that). It’s about a special day for a friend who has invited the OP (some time in advance so they can save up) to attend

    I don’t expect you to feel the same as me. I just think it’s a shame that people don’t seem able to make the effort to help a friend enjoy themselves once in a while
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 3rd Oct 17, 7:32 PM
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    Pollycat
    At my advanced age I think me and my OH understand that there are times when itís nice to think of others as well as ourselves.

    We like to do our own thing
    We like being out and about with our friends
    I have no family at all. My OH has a large family. Although Iím not sure of the relevance here
    This isnít a big ďwedding dilemmaĒ where cousin and Great Aunt whoever has to be asked (and I agree with you on that). Itís about a special day for a friend who has invited the OP (some time in advance so they can save up) to attend

    I donít expect you to feel the same as me. I just think itís a shame that people donít seem able to make the effort to help a friend enjoy themselves once in a while
    Originally posted by NeilCr
    I'm all for helping a friend enjoy themselves.

    But not when it involves an over-priced meal with a crappy menu and a 'you can contribute to this or that gift' stipulation.
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 3rd Oct 17, 7:45 PM
    • 1,098 Posts
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    NeilCr
    I'm all for helping a friend enjoy themselves.

    But not when it involves an over-priced meal with a crappy menu and a 'you can contribute to this or that gift' stipulation.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    Food may be amazing. I didnít get there was a stipulation you had to give a present. And, even if there is, we arenít talking huge amounts.

    But, secondary to the point. For us itís about the other person - not us. For others it is clearly different. Which is fine. As you say donít expect me to feel the same as you
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 3rd Oct 17, 8:12 PM
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    Pollycat
    Food may be amazing.
    Originally posted by NeilCr
    It really sounds amazing.
    This sounds fine until I read the menu choices - very basic starters, desserts and the mains - macaroni cheese, chicken and mushroom pasta, gammon steak or a burger.
    Originally posted by Jellyb
    I'm with the OP on the menu choices.
    Especially about the sweet potato fries.
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 3rd Oct 17, 8:22 PM
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    NeilCr
    It really sounds amazing.

    I'm with the OP on the menu choices.
    Especially about the sweet potato fries.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    Always worth trying something as opposed to judging from afar.

    I’m with both of you on the sweet potato fries.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 3rd Oct 17, 9:09 PM
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    Pollycat
    Always worth trying something as opposed to judging from afar.

    Iím with both of you on the sweet potato fries.
    Originally posted by NeilCr
    I'm happy to try something different.
    But macaroni cheese, chicken and mushroom pasta, gammon steak or a burger?
    Really? 2 pasta dishes?

    I can probably cook better myself at home.
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 3rd Oct 17, 9:45 PM
    • 1,098 Posts
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    NeilCr
    I'm happy to try something different.
    But macaroni cheese, chicken and mushroom pasta, gammon steak or a burger?
    Really? 2 pasta dishes?

    I can probably cook better myself at home.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    Agree itís not very inspiring on paper. I suspect itís a safe menu to try and cover as many bases as possible.

    On the other hand I was out to lunch today and had a seriously lush burger, Always worth seeng what the food is actually like. For £40 Iíd be hoping for something pretty decent.
    • peachyprice
    • By peachyprice 3rd Oct 17, 10:22 PM
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    peachyprice
    IMO, if she's chosen the menu and booked private space to host her birthday meal she should be footing the bill. It's pretty bad form to organise an event, invite people, then expect them to pay for themselves.

    If she wanted to go for a meal where you all paid for your own food and drinks she should have booked a normal table where at least you could get to choose how much you were spending.
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
    • Loz01
    • By Loz01 3rd Oct 17, 10:35 PM
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    Loz01
    That menu sounds horrendous and I wouldn't be going if it was me not at £40 a pop plus drinks and taxi/travel home. Watching the Bake Off wearing PJ's sounds a better night.
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    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 4th Oct 17, 8:27 AM
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    onomatopoeia99
    Unsure if it's a Northern thing, but whenever I've gone out for a friend's birthday we always pay for our own food...

    HBS x
    Originally posted by heartbreak_star
    I'm in Bristol and grew up in London and we pay for our own food as well, so I don't think it's a northern thing.
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