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    • plush
    • By plush 20th Sep 17, 2:41 PM
    • 39Posts
    • 147Thanks
    plush
    early 40s and not fabulous at all
    • #1
    • 20th Sep 17, 2:41 PM
    early 40s and not fabulous at all 20th Sep 17 at 2:41 PM
    I'm not entirely sure how I ended up here... I don't mean the forum, I used it several years ago when I bought my flat and it's an invaluable resource. I mean with £14K credit card debt and nothing to show for it, and virtually no savings. Also single, mildly depressed and 15-20 lbs heavier than I should probably be.

    I don't understand why I'm unable to leave this vicious circle. I'm healthy - physically anyway - I have a healthy and happy child, family, some friends, a decent job, my own flat (mortgaged, but I'd pay more if I were to rent it, we're in greater London). Compared to many people I don't have big problems, yet I feel like s__t most of the time, don't sleep well, and plus I've started to feel really bad about the level of debt. last but not least, feeling super lonely and discouraged about dating and finding and partner.

    So I live well above my means even though my income is not that bad. Although I have been able to cut some bills, I'm lacking willpower when it comes to everyday spending. I tried to put my credit cards away but I failed. I go on too many holidays. I spend too much money on everything: clothes, shoes, haircuts, household things, concerts, theatre, etc. And I definitely spend too much money on food, on both groceries and eating out.

    I thought it would be a good idea to write here and check in once in a while, because I don't talk to anybody about my money issues. No one knows I'm in so much debt, not even my parents. And I should probably talk to my GP about my depression, as it's now affecting my general well being - I'm not sleeping enough, I'm eating too much in the evenings and I constantly feel tired and grumpy. I also stopped going to my weekly yoga class in an attempt to reduce spending, but that was probably a stupid move...

    So there. I need any help and advice I can get. And a big kick in the a__e...

    Thank you for reading.

    This Forum tip was included in MoneySavingExpert.com's weekly email!
    Last edited by MSE Andrea; 04-10-2017 at 9:30 AM.
Page 4
    • plush
    • By plush 24th Sep 17, 8:56 PM
    • 39 Posts
    • 147 Thanks
    plush
    @enthusiasticsaver: I did the transfer to 0% two months ago on both cards. Some of this debt is older, accumulated from 2013 until now. In 2012 I had no credit card debt. Since then, I probably overspent about £3K every year, and instead of paying it, I kept moving it from one card to another. Because I have good credit rating I have access to 0% at low or no transfer fees. That was a trap for me, not an advantage...

    I was at ~ £11K at last Christmas, so some of the debt is from this year. I'm expecting an annual bonus in November or December this year - not sure yet how much - and I hope I can get my debt back to last year Christmas levels, if not lower.
    • plush
    • By plush 26th Sep 17, 9:36 AM
    • 39 Posts
    • 147 Thanks
    plush
    Good morning.

    Back to update my signature as I made payments to both Sainsbury's and Barclaycard today. No more credit card payments until October payday, unless I'll have a surplus by then (wishful thinking). This month I paid off £678 ( £300 Halifax overdraft + £65 Barclaycard #2 + £110 Sainsbury's + £203 Barclaycard #1). The next immediate goal is to stay in green - don't touch the overdraft and Barclaycard #2 until next payday.

    Barclays is looking healthy, all my bills and regulars are there, no expected surprises. The spending account, Halifax, has £490 in it, and I'm due a £25 refund from a pair of trainers I bought two weeks ago and returned. This week's grocery shopping is already paid for, and I also bought a present for a friend. Today and tomorrow will be no shopping days.

    4 weeks left until pay date, so that's £125+ each week. This should be doable, and some!
    • plush
    • By plush 26th Sep 17, 10:12 AM
    • 39 Posts
    • 147 Thanks
    plush
    PS. My horoscope agrees with me this week . I love the Free Will Astrology horoscope - it's always fun - even though I don't believe in it at all

    VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I found this advertisement for a workshop:
    "You will learn to do the INCREDIBLE! Smash bricks with your bare hands!
    Walk on fiery coals unscathed! Leap safely off a roof! No broken bones!
    No cuts! No pain! Accomplish the impossible first! Then everything else
    will be a breeze!" I bring this to your attention, Virgo, not because I think
    you should sign up for this class or anything like it. I hope you don't. In
    fact, a very different approach is preferable for you: I recommend that
    you start with safe, manageable tasks. Master the simple details and
    practical actions. Work on achieving easy, low-risk victories. In this way,
    you'll prepare yourself for more epic efforts in the future.
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 26th Sep 17, 3:23 PM
    • 8,214 Posts
    • 43,474 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    All looking good there then - you've made such a great start on all this!

    I bet it feels great to be in control of your money rather than feeling as though it is controlling you!
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    Sainsbugs 0% card: 22/12/16 £1229.00/£656.45 (20/11/17)
    SOA Calculator for DFW newbies: Stoozing.com SOA Calculator
    • Happierdays
    • By Happierdays 26th Sep 17, 6:46 PM
    • 147 Posts
    • 461 Thanks
    Happierdays
    Hi well done you for tackling the debt and other things too! One thing I will add about kids costing money is that though this is true and the costs seem to get higher as they get older I actually found that as my 2 entered their teens and started their paper rounds / other little jobs it reduced some of the pressure a bit as they actually enjoyed buying some of their "extra" bits and bobs themselves... I don't mean essentials but maybe things like playstation games etc
    Anyway wishing you all the best with your progress
    • plush
    • By plush 26th Sep 17, 7:03 PM
    • 39 Posts
    • 147 Thanks
    plush
    I bet it feels great to be in control of your money rather than feeling as though it is controlling you!
    Originally posted by EssexHebridean
    Thank you. I don't feel in control yet - but I really hope to get there sooner rather than later!
    • plush
    • By plush 27th Sep 17, 8:23 PM
    • 39 Posts
    • 147 Thanks
    plush
    Aargh, not an NSD today. A friend asked me to go to a film festival in October and because films sell out quickly we had to buy tickets today, £14. At least it wasn't a £60 theatre ticket (I'm known to splurge on those...).

    Spending Tracker is up to date, I need to review spend after one month, then every month. I'm only entering non-bills spend - basically whatever happens in my Halifax account.

    In true MSE fashion, I found a 10-week free course - Tae Kwon Do self defence for women, funded by our local council. It should be fun, and it starts in October, so looking forward to that. Miraculously, it fits into my schedule - being a single mother I don't have too much free time, and my child isn't yet at the age to be left alone, especially in the evenings.

    Finally, here's my to do list for the remainder of this week - just the big things really:

    - attempt a 5k run
    - low carb for 3 days
    - wardrobe clear out for both of us, too much stuff that doesn't fit
    - deep cleaning and decluttering bathroom (I'd love to get a cleaner but my conscience says no)
    - find one item to donate or sell
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 28th Sep 17, 12:18 PM
    • 8,214 Posts
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    EssexHebridean
    All sounding good there Plush! wardrobe clearout was on my list of things to be tackled last weekend - "bag to charity shop" will be on my list for this one!

    Well done on the free course - that sounds like a good thing to have a go at!
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    Sainsbugs 0% card: 22/12/16 £1229.00/£656.45 (20/11/17)
    SOA Calculator for DFW newbies: Stoozing.com SOA Calculator
    • plush
    • By plush 29th Sep 17, 1:03 PM
    • 39 Posts
    • 147 Thanks
    plush
    So I've done both wardrobes in one evening. Not a deep clear out but I managed to fill 2 large bags of clothes that I donated. From the list I posted above I only have the 5K run left to do (if not raining too heavily), and the deep cleaning of the bathroom. Both for tomorrow.

    The weekend looks super quiet apart from a kids b-day party. The rainy weather is depressing me, I feel lonely and fed up with being single. Nothing I can do about that, can I?
    • Tea&Kittens
    • By Tea&Kittens 1st Oct 17, 2:53 PM
    • 168 Posts
    • 635 Thanks
    Tea&Kittens
    Well done on the wardrobe clear out and getting through your list!
    Hope the weekend is going ok!
    October: NSDs 6 / 17 NSDs in a row: 1 / 5
    I started my debtfree journey on 07 September 2017: Total: £20,521 £19847
    Barclaycard: £14659 £14435 Oct 2017 HSBC Credit Card : £3112 £3012 Oct 2017
    Overdraft: 350 £0 Oct2017 MBNA : 2400
    A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. I'm on my way!
    • UncannyScot
    • By UncannyScot 1st Oct 17, 2:57 PM
    • 877 Posts
    • 5,107 Thanks
    UncannyScot
    This reminds me... I need to have a clothes clear out as well as I have stuff that I'm not wearing / using that someone else might find useful.
    Will all be going to charity shop
    BUGGRITMILLENIUMHANDANDSHRIMP I TOLD EM! - Foul Ole Ron
    It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you do not know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you are going. If you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong.
    R.I.P. T.P.
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 2nd Oct 17, 1:19 PM
    • 8,214 Posts
    • 43,474 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    Too many of my clothes aren't fit for the charity shop by the time I reach the stage of deciding I'm done with them Uncanny! Although I did better on that one with the last clear out as a lot of the stuff had to go due to not fitting rather than just "worn out" which is my usual reason for replacing clothes!

    Did the weather (and in turn you) cheer up Plush?
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    Sainsbugs 0% card: 22/12/16 £1229.00/£656.45 (20/11/17)
    SOA Calculator for DFW newbies: Stoozing.com SOA Calculator
    • Tea&Kittens
    • By Tea&Kittens 2nd Oct 17, 1:55 PM
    • 168 Posts
    • 635 Thanks
    Tea&Kittens
    I had a big charity purge fairly recently. I've got a couple of posh dresses I had for weddings, I really should try and get something for them! Quite nice actually having some space in drawers and wardrobe!

    I hope you managed to have some fun times over the weekend plush. I can empathise with you, having been on my own for what seems like an eternity! Don't know about you but I tend to go through phases with feeling all alone.
    October: NSDs 6 / 17 NSDs in a row: 1 / 5
    I started my debtfree journey on 07 September 2017: Total: £20,521 £19847
    Barclaycard: £14659 £14435 Oct 2017 HSBC Credit Card : £3112 £3012 Oct 2017
    Overdraft: 350 £0 Oct2017 MBNA : 2400
    A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. I'm on my way!
    • MSE Andrea
    • By MSE Andrea 4th Oct 17, 9:57 AM
    • 8,815 Posts
    • 21,124 Thanks
    MSE Andrea
    Great thread plush, you're in this week's email.

    We're looking forward to seeing how you get on!

    Take care

    Andrea
    Could you do with a Money Makeover?


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    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 4th Oct 17, 11:01 AM
    • 8,214 Posts
    • 43,474 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    Oh excellent Plush - you're DFW diary of the week in the MSE email! (of course this also means that the appalling state of my cloths has now become wider public knowledge! )
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    Sainsbugs 0% card: 22/12/16 £1229.00/£656.45 (20/11/17)
    SOA Calculator for DFW newbies: Stoozing.com SOA Calculator
    • UncannyScot
    • By UncannyScot 4th Oct 17, 7:55 PM
    • 877 Posts
    • 5,107 Thanks
    UncannyScot
    Well done plush
    BUGGRITMILLENIUMHANDANDSHRIMP I TOLD EM! - Foul Ole Ron
    It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you do not know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you are going. If you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong.
    R.I.P. T.P.
    • Tea&Kittens
    • By Tea&Kittens 5th Oct 17, 11:13 AM
    • 168 Posts
    • 635 Thanks
    Tea&Kittens
    Great stuff, Plush!
    October: NSDs 6 / 17 NSDs in a row: 1 / 5
    I started my debtfree journey on 07 September 2017: Total: £20,521 £19847
    Barclaycard: £14659 £14435 Oct 2017 HSBC Credit Card : £3112 £3012 Oct 2017
    Overdraft: 350 £0 Oct2017 MBNA : 2400
    A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. I'm on my way!
    • Plush
    • By Plush 5th Oct 17, 11:35 PM
    • 76 Posts
    • 185 Thanks
    Plush
    Apologies for the lateness of my response. I'm back - with capital P - don't ask, some things are better left unsaid. I almost abandoned the diary but decided to force myself to continue so here I am.

    Thanks for including me in that weekly email, I'm not sure it's an honour though

    Not much to update, have been good about not spending since my last post. Well, apart from groceries, this week's shop was £67, God knows what's on that receipt. One of these days I shall post my Ocado receipt on here, open to critique.

    Oh, and didn't run the 5k, but was close, almost 4k. Getting there... slowly but surely.

    What else? I decided to try OK Cupid and so I registered and filled out a profile. 3 days later, I've got too many (useless) messages on it. Talked to one guy who seemed normal and is sort of local, only to find out 2 conversations later that he's actually married looking for fun on the side. Luckily, I didn't give him my phone number. Oh, and someone offered to do my pedicure, now that was a first.

    That's pretty much it for now... thanks for bearing with me.
    • 117pauline
    • By 117pauline 6th Oct 17, 12:30 AM
    • 461 Posts
    • 5,640 Thanks
    117pauline
    Hi Plush

    Good on you for returning when you didn't want to.

    I am a great believer in looking at the emotional and psychological reasons for why we overspend.

    Are you tired / Fed up / need cheering up / feel you deserve it...... etc etc

    Your work days sound very long so I imagine you are tired and hungry when you get home. Do you menu plan to avoid top up shops?

    I know you have said you aren't going to look at your past spending but that will be where the answer lies. It's horrible to go through receipts and credit card statements but how about telling yourself this is your way of facing up to the situation and building a great future.

    Be gentle with yourself. Do not let the negative devil on your shoulder shout awful things in your ear. Yep, you have made some mistakes but you are going to change from now on. Small steps, tiny ones if they need to be.

    If you have some products around, plan Project Plush. Use up the body lotion, creams, bubbles or whatever to take time to cherish you.

    Good luck, keep your eyes on the prize
    Pauline
    Don't get it perfect - Get it going
    Better Than Before
    • Tea&Kittens
    • By Tea&Kittens 6th Oct 17, 11:34 AM
    • 168 Posts
    • 635 Thanks
    Tea&Kittens
    Glad you came back, Plush! I know it's not easy on your own, trying to do all of the things!
    I've been there with OK cupid too - I have phases where I'll try it out, then I get a bit fed up and leave it a while. I've also tried one called Bumble, it's a little tinder-like with swiping, but it's the girl who has to initiate contact if you're fed up with nonsense messages! (it is free)

    Make sure you have time for you, to do something you enjoy. Or to just not do anything at all
    Coming from a similar-ish situation, I've found some of the mindfulness stuff which is out there quite useful, may be worth a look?

    take care of yourself! xx
    October: NSDs 6 / 17 NSDs in a row: 1 / 5
    I started my debtfree journey on 07 September 2017: Total: £20,521 £19847
    Barclaycard: £14659 £14435 Oct 2017 HSBC Credit Card : £3112 £3012 Oct 2017
    Overdraft: 350 £0 Oct2017 MBNA : 2400
    A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. I'm on my way!
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