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    • plush
    • By plush 20th Sep 17, 2:41 PM
    • 39Posts
    • 144Thanks
    plush
    early 40s and not fabulous at all
    • #1
    • 20th Sep 17, 2:41 PM
    early 40s and not fabulous at all 20th Sep 17 at 2:41 PM
    I'm not entirely sure how I ended up here... I don't mean the forum, I used it several years ago when I bought my flat and it's an invaluable resource. I mean with £14K credit card debt and nothing to show for it, and virtually no savings. Also single, mildly depressed and 15-20 lbs heavier than I should probably be.

    I don't understand why I'm unable to leave this vicious circle. I'm healthy - physically anyway - I have a healthy and happy child, family, some friends, a decent job, my own flat (mortgaged, but I'd pay more if I were to rent it, we're in greater London). Compared to many people I don't have big problems, yet I feel like s__t most of the time, don't sleep well, and plus I've started to feel really bad about the level of debt. last but not least, feeling super lonely and discouraged about dating and finding and partner.

    So I live well above my means even though my income is not that bad. Although I have been able to cut some bills, I'm lacking willpower when it comes to everyday spending. I tried to put my credit cards away but I failed. I go on too many holidays. I spend too much money on everything: clothes, shoes, haircuts, household things, concerts, theatre, etc. And I definitely spend too much money on food, on both groceries and eating out.

    I thought it would be a good idea to write here and check in once in a while, because I don't talk to anybody about my money issues. No one knows I'm in so much debt, not even my parents. And I should probably talk to my GP about my depression, as it's now affecting my general well being - I'm not sleeping enough, I'm eating too much in the evenings and I constantly feel tired and grumpy. I also stopped going to my weekly yoga class in an attempt to reduce spending, but that was probably a stupid move...

    So there. I need any help and advice I can get. And a big kick in the a__e...

    Thank you for reading.

    This Forum tip was included in MoneySavingExpert.com's weekly email!
    Last edited by MSE Andrea; 04-10-2017 at 9:30 AM.
Page 3
    • UncannyScot
    • By UncannyScot 21st Sep 17, 8:42 PM
    • 829 Posts
    • 4,183 Thanks
    UncannyScot
    My nearest is about same distance. I walk there n back or I cycle... it's a nice free workout

    I did the whole online bulk order thingummybob with the biggies and I was... underwhelmed. Fresh produce close to dates, damages etc. Booking a suitable slot... Nope, do it meself thanks...
    I reckon I am saving at least a third on my shopping by shopping there

    BTW I'm not having a go at you or anything, just saying take a different view...
    Sometimes an outside viewpoint can highlight something you wouldn't otherwise see
    BUGGRITMILLENIUMHANDANDSHRIMP I TOLD EM! - Foul Ole Ron
    It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you do not know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you are going. If you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong.
    R.I.P. T.P.
    • plush
    • By plush 21st Sep 17, 8:49 PM
    • 39 Posts
    • 144 Thanks
    plush
    We're away from home 7:30-6:30pm every weekday. On Saturdays and Sundays the last thing I want to do is carry groceries and spend half day buying them. I'd be all over Aldi if they did online delivery.

    I've posted my receipt on Scribd but MSE is not letting me post links, any idea why?
    • UncannyScot
    • By UncannyScot 21st Sep 17, 8:56 PM
    • 829 Posts
    • 4,183 Thanks
    UncannyScot
    We're away from home 7:30-6:30pm every weekday. On Saturdays and Sundays the last thing I want to do is carry groceries and spend half day buying them. I'd be all over Aldi if they did online delivery.

    I've posted my receipt on Scribd but MSE is not letting me post links, any idea why?
    Originally posted by plush
    Aye, me too lol
    I get you on the weekends thing, though

    There is a blocker thingy on some forms of linking I believe... someone more techy than me may be able to help with that

    *toddles off to e-mail Mr AL DEE with a wee suggestion
    BUGGRITMILLENIUMHANDANDSHRIMP I TOLD EM! - Foul Ole Ron
    It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you do not know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you are going. If you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong.
    R.I.P. T.P.
    • plush
    • By plush 21st Sep 17, 9:18 PM
    • 39 Posts
    • 144 Thanks
    plush
    I believe it doesn't let me post links as I'm a new user...
    • UncannyScot
    • By UncannyScot 21st Sep 17, 10:02 PM
    • 829 Posts
    • 4,183 Thanks
    UncannyScot
    That'll be it...
    Think you need to reach a certain post count or something
    BTW I did e-mail them about full online shopping and delivery provision (you can order online for delivery of their special items etc.) will let you know what they come back with
    BUGGRITMILLENIUMHANDANDSHRIMP I TOLD EM! - Foul Ole Ron
    It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you do not know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you are going. If you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong.
    R.I.P. T.P.
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 22nd Sep 17, 12:17 AM
    • 4,691 Posts
    • 8,808 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    The gas and electric look low. I would not be saving £100 in your child's saving account until your debt is gone and you have an emergency account. Can you reduce it? £100 is a lot to spend every month on clothes and shoes when you are in debt. The groceries and personal care is high as is the presents budget.

    There is definite scope for cutting down on spends. How long do the 0% deals last for? At the rate you are paying your unsecured debts it will take around 4 years to clear. I reckon you could shave a year off by finding an extra £87 a month to repay £400 a month.
    4 weeks to go until early retirement in December . Debt free and mortgage free.

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • plush
    • By plush 22nd Sep 17, 10:42 AM
    • 39 Posts
    • 144 Thanks
    plush
    The gas and electric look low. I would not be saving £100 in your child's saving account until your debt is gone and you have an emergency account. Can you reduce it? £100 is a lot to spend every month on clothes and shoes when you are in debt. The groceries and personal care is high as is the presents budget.

    There is definite scope for cutting down on spends. How long do the 0% deals last for? At the rate you are paying your unsecured debts it will take around 4 years to clear. I reckon you could shave a year off by finding an extra £87 a month to repay £400 a month.
    Originally posted by enthusiasticsaver
    Thank you.

    The direct debt used to be £59 for gas & electric, but e.on sent me a message to say DDs were reduced to £26 because of too much credit. I was thinking maybe I should up it a bit, at least to £30, I don't want to end up owing too much.

    Sadly, the spends on non-bills are just an estimate for the future budget, not real. In reality they are much higher than what I posted. I plan to sit down with last 3 months worth of expenses... but I need to get my courage up to do that. I'm tempted to not do it at all, and just budget going forward. Not sure what's best.

    The 0% deals are for 20 months - the 9K one and at 22 months - the £4.9K one. I've switched debts to 0% two months ago.
    • UncannyScot
    • By UncannyScot 22nd Sep 17, 12:12 PM
    • 829 Posts
    • 4,183 Thanks
    UncannyScot
    Received a response from AL DEE
    They have no plans at present to introduce online grocery shopping / home delivery but, my comments have been passed on to the appropriate department...
    SO, if we want online grocery shopping / home delivery from AL DEE put the necessary pressure on 'em to do it by contacting them and telling 'em...
    Go to their website and contact them via e-mail to customer services.
    They've just won an award for customer services, so they'll be wanting to maintain that high profile won't they?
    BUGGRITMILLENIUMHANDANDSHRIMP I TOLD EM! - Foul Ole Ron
    It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you do not know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you are going. If you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong.
    R.I.P. T.P.
    • plush
    • By plush 22nd Sep 17, 2:02 PM
    • 39 Posts
    • 144 Thanks
    plush
    Thanks for lobbying on our behalf! I shall email them as well. And Lidl!

    My ex paid child maintenance early this month, as he'll be travelling again. Halifax overdraft is now paid and the account is in green. I've also paid the £65 to Barclaycard #2 so my total debt is now at £13900. I'm leaving the Barclaycard at home and really, really hope I manage not to touch it anymore. I am unable to cut it. I know I need to do it though so I that's high on my to do list. I also need to list my to do list - immediate goals and long term ones. Work in progress
    • glass_half_full
    • By glass_half_full 22nd Sep 17, 6:08 PM
    • 203 Posts
    • 494 Thanks
    glass_half_full
    Sadly, the spends on non-bills are just an estimate for the future budget, not real. In reality they are much higher than what I posted. I plan to sit down with last 3 months worth of expenses... but I need to get my courage up to do that. I'm tempted to not do it at all, and just budget going forward. Not sure what's best. .
    Originally posted by plush
    Hi Plush,
    Ref the budget, it might be worth looking back to get an estimate of each category. I have found there is no substitute for the boring pain in the * of recording every single spend in a budget tool . I use YNAB and spend 20-30 minutes every day updating it. I reckon it took me 3-6 months to get realistic spend numbers and also to understand how I could cut the spend with ideas I picked up on here. Hope this helps.
    Total unsecured debt - £5,367 (October 2017) - Debt free Target February 2018
    • plush
    • By plush 23rd Sep 17, 10:41 PM
    • 39 Posts
    • 144 Thanks
    plush
    Thank you, I do realise it will take a while until I figure out a budget that works. I decided to forget about old spend and focus on the future. Entering all spending in the Spending Tracker apps really helps, it keeps me alert and focused on not spending. Hopefully the mood will last. I did cancel an older card with £0 on it yesterday and I'm constantly thinking about cancelling Barclaycard #2. I don't think it's enough to leave it at home.

    On a different note, I went on a date tonight. I signed up (after a long break) on a dating app a while ago and talked to a guy who seemed nice. My child's at a bday party/sleepover so I thought why not.... I put on a nice red top and nice heels (ok not that high). The date was terrible. No connection, no attraction, not much to talk about - although I tried. We both tried. Eh well... At least he was nice and decent, and the place was good. Had a glass of wine, said pass to the 2nd one and now I'm sat on the train feeling deflated. At least I didn't spend the free evening alone :-)

    Anyone else single on here? Where do you meet people? I'm fed up with online dating, it's soul-less and there are too many people who lie about who they are what they want.
    • UncannyScot
    • By UncannyScot 23rd Sep 17, 11:10 PM
    • 829 Posts
    • 4,183 Thanks
    UncannyScot
    Anyone else single on here? Where do you meet people? I'm fed up with online dating, it's soul-less and there are too many people who lie about who they are what they want.
    Originally posted by plush
    Been there, done that... There are some VERY strange people out there.
    Had a couple of experiences like yours and though WTF

    I'm single, at the moment I'm taking some time to myself. I was in a relationship and I love her very much... long story short, we are both "damaged goods"... we were old friends/lovers and thought we could rekindle what we once had but we are both different people from what we were then...
    Both suffered loss
    Both battling/ battled mental heath and depression issues...
    She finished with me / cut me loose as she is still fighting her battles and she felt she was holding me back from living a better life... it still hurts...
    We keep in touch... we're friends... just friends...
    I'm old fashioned and believe that you never really stop loving someone if you loved them at all.
    Ach, there is someone for everyone in this world and the ways we meet them are strange, to say the least...
    Good luck...
    BUGGRITMILLENIUMHANDANDSHRIMP I TOLD EM! - Foul Ole Ron
    It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you do not know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you are going. If you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong.
    R.I.P. T.P.
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 23rd Sep 17, 11:32 PM
    • 4,691 Posts
    • 8,808 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    Thank you.



    Sadly, the spends on non-bills are just an estimate for the future budget, not real. In reality they are much higher than what I posted. I plan to sit down with last 3 months worth of expenses... but I need to get my courage up to do that. I'm tempted to not do it at all, and just budget going forward. Not sure what's best.

    The 0% deals are for 20 months - the 9K one and at 22 months - the £4.9K one. I've switched debts to 0% two months ago.
    Originally posted by plush
    It is important that it registers how you got to £14k in debt on just general overspending so adding up what you have actually spent against what you think you have spent is crucial.

    You have set quite high budgets for discretionary spends like school trips, clothes, personal expenditure. One thing I would say is kids don't get cheaper as they get older and this debt will be an obstacle for helping your child with university costs for example or driving lessons. You need to make reducing the debt as important as the other categories and minimum payments will not cut it.
    4 weeks to go until early retirement in December . Debt free and mortgage free.

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • plush
    • By plush 23rd Sep 17, 11:41 PM
    • 39 Posts
    • 144 Thanks
    plush
    Thanks! Aren't we all "damaged goods" in some ways? :-) Hard to trust people these days. Old friends are good though. I wish mine lived closer.
    • plush
    • By plush 24th Sep 17, 10:20 AM
    • 39 Posts
    • 144 Thanks
    plush
    It is important that it registers how you got to £14k in debt on just general overspending so adding up what you have actually spent against what you think you have spent is crucial.

    You have set quite high budgets for discretionary spends like school trips, clothes, personal expenditure. One thing I would say is kids don't get cheaper as they get older and this debt will be an obstacle for helping your child with university costs for example or driving lessons. You need to make reducing the debt as important as the other categories and minimum payments will not cut it.
    Originally posted by enthusiasticsaver
    I know I spent it on branded food, eating out, flat whites and croissants, holidays, expensive clothes, £50 moisturisers and so on. My bills are probably as low as they can get; apart from Netflix and the mobile phone when contract runs out, I don't think I can cut more.

    You're right about the future, I'm not expecting things to be at all easier on the money side, I know it will be much harder. Knowing that I spent £500 on food last month and over £4000 on holidays last year won't help me, but I want to stop doing that going forward. Tracking every spend from now and sitting down and review every month will hopefully keep me on top of things. And cutting the cards. I've set myself a deadline to physically cut Barclaycard #2 no later than after 3 months of not using it (and other credit).

    Maybe it's not the best approach but this is what seems to make sense for me now.

    Thank you!
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 24th Sep 17, 10:53 AM
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    • 8,808 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    Cutting the cards definitely makes sense. You know what your areas of overspending are. It is also good to get out of the credit card mentality. Leave the card at home if you cannot bar to cut it up yet. The 2 cards you have left have relatively high balances on it so you may be reluctant to spend on those but the empty one could be a temptation to you. If you have to think before spending because you don't have an empty card to hand you may find after waiting and thinking about it that purchase is not really necessary.

    A good exercise is going cold turkey. No cards, not even debit cards. One cash withdrawal a week to cover all discretionary spends including travel, children's activities, food and entertainment. Try that for a month and it really concentrates the mind on where all your money is going.
    4 weeks to go until early retirement in December . Debt free and mortgage free.

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • Kittychick
    • By Kittychick 24th Sep 17, 10:59 AM
    • 225 Posts
    • 541 Thanks
    Kittychick
    Just wanted to say Hi, I've subscribed and will be interested in seeing how you are doing. I think you are doing really well and I can fully understand how what's in the past can stay there but only if you can stick to the 'new you'. Keep going and try to be positive, hopefully the spend tracker will really start to make a difference and help you to stick to it once you can see it's keeping you on track, good luck x
    • Tea&Kittens
    • By Tea&Kittens 24th Sep 17, 11:32 AM
    • 154 Posts
    • 571 Thanks
    Tea&Kittens

    Anyone else single on here? Where do you meet people? I'm fed up with online dating, it's soul-less and there are too many people who lie about who they are what they want.
    Originally posted by plush
    Hi Plush, this is me too. I've been on my own with Kitty for years. Had a couple of dates off internet dating sites but been disappointed each time. From time to time I try again but haven't found anyone that way so far!
    October: NSDs 6 / 17 NSDs in a row: 1 / 5
    I started my debtfree journey on 07 September 2017: Total: £20,521 £19847
    Barclaycard: £14659 £14435 Oct 2017 HSBC Credit Card : £3112 £3012 Oct 2017
    Overdraft: 350 £0 Oct2017 MBNA : 2400
    A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. I'm on my way!
    • plush
    • By plush 24th Sep 17, 11:40 AM
    • 39 Posts
    • 144 Thanks
    plush
    @enthusiastic: Thank you, the cash idea is a great one. I'm not touching the transfer cards, I've always been good about that. I do have some discipline in the chaos

    These are all my cards:
    Barclaycard #1 £9000 balance at 0% / £11000 limit
    Sainsbury's £4900 at 0% / £7000 limit
    Halifax Clarity £0 balance, 17.9% interest rate / £2000 limit - this one I've only ever used when travelling abroad and always paid in full on return, some discipline here as well. I'm hesitant to cut it because it's a very good travel card, no currency exchange fees and no cash withdrawal fees.
    Barclaycard #2 £0 balance, 7.6% interest rate / £3000 limit - this is the one that I definitely plan to cut

    I also have a £1000 overdraft limit on my Barclays bank account. I never used it, as this is my bills account and is always green. The Halifax bank account has a total of £1000 overdraft limit as well, and the first £300 of that is fee-free. Currently this is at £0 but I've been know to use it fully every month. The Halifax OD together with Barclaycard #2 are my challenges. If I can make it for the next couple of months w/o touching these then there's a chance for me as well.

    Right, off to cooking lunch... my child's coming back from an extended b-day sleepover.

    Have a beautiful day everyone!
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 24th Sep 17, 12:58 PM
    • 4,691 Posts
    • 8,808 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    The Barclaycard 2 is definitely one to cut as it is the only one charging interest. Keep th Halifax clarity one but not in your purse. Honestly though I would not do foreign holidays while you have that amount of debt.

    How long ago did you take out the transfer cards and how much have you reduced them by? If the longest deal is 22 months then if you continue to pay £313 then in around 2 years time you will have paid off £7500 roughly at your current repayment rate providing you do no more transfers.
    4 weeks to go until early retirement in December . Debt free and mortgage free.

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
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