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  • FIRST POST
    • NoNoDrama
    • By NoNoDrama 16th Sep 17, 5:37 PM
    • 184Posts
    • 47Thanks
    NoNoDrama
    Long Term Partner Becoming Personal Trainer (Jealousy etc)
    • #1
    • 16th Sep 17, 5:37 PM
    Long Term Partner Becoming Personal Trainer (Jealousy etc) 16th Sep 17 at 5:37 PM
    We have a good relationship and everything is still there....

    ....but! She is becoming obsessed with the gym and is now training to become a personal trainer.

    I don't want to lose her but I can't get my head around the intimacy of it all. Being called out x amounts a day to assist clients, some of which will be male undoubtedly.

    She is very driven and hell bent on making a career out of it. I've researched and it's a very seedy industry , I can't be in a relationship with somebody who is in this field.

    I've raised it with her but she just snaps and plays the don't you trust me card.

    I'm a pragmatist and just look at these things logically.

    My stomach is in knots thinking about it all the time. Can anyone see a way out of this other than me having to end it?
Page 3
    • Diary
    • By Diary 16th Sep 17, 10:41 PM
    • 564 Posts
    • 733 Thanks
    Diary
    For goodness sake and the sake of your girlfriend - finish it. Your attitude towards her will only get worse - much worse. She could be in real trouble if you're not careful with that attitude.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 17th Sep 17, 6:13 AM
    • 5,449 Posts
    • 24,791 Thanks
    thorsoak
    We have a good relationship and everything is still there....

    ....but! She is becoming obsessed with the gym and is now training to become a personal trainer.

    I don't want to lose her but I can't get my head around the intimacy of it all. Being called out x amounts a day to assist clients, some of which will be male undoubtedly.

    She is very driven and hell bent on making a career out of it. I've researched and it's a very seedy industry , I can't be in a relationship with somebody who is in this field.

    I've raised it with her but she just snaps and plays the don't you trust me card.

    I'm a pragmatist and just look at these things logically.

    My stomach is in knots thinking about it all the time. Can anyone see a way out of this other than me having to end it?
    Originally posted by NoNoDrama
    Yes I can see a way out of this - CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE. There is no evidence that personal training is anything other than a respectable career, helping people to a HEALTHY lifestyle. If you see it as anything else, it says more about you than about your partner's career change. It is your attitude that is seedy, needy and jealous. If you cannot change it, then I do not see your relationship prospering.
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 17th Sep 17, 6:32 AM
    • 15,814 Posts
    • 39,535 Thanks
    FBaby
    I'm a pragmatist and just look at these things logically.
    You are the exact opposite of that right now. You're scared and reacting emotionally.

    If her future career is more important than me I shouldn't be with her anyway.
    So what you're saying is that although you recognise how you are feeling it's your issue and not hers, the onus is on her to give up what means so much to her rather to make you feel better rather than you working on your insecurities to support her? Very selfish attitude that is.

    So a bit of pragmatic advice. Yes, statistically, there is probably a higher percentage of personal trainers who end up having an affair or leaving their partner for one of their customer than say a midwife as it's been used as an example. I expect the actual rate is probably still less than 1 in 10.

    Unfortunately, you are jumping to the conclusion that because it is higher, your partner is bound to be one of the 10. Her becoming a personal trainer is not changing her as a person. Everyone can cheat/leave at anytime. What would make her think of doing it is the health of your relationship. If she's happy with you, she won't leave/cheat, whether she is a personal trainer or a midwife.

    However, there is nothing more unattractive then a partner who assumes before there is any sort of evidence whatsoever that you are bound to leave/cheat just because you couldn't possibly resist the nice people you are going to meet with your job.

    What can't you think about it another way? She is now going to be doing a job that she loves. That will make her happier and enhance your relationship. Yes, she may exposed to more temptation to leave/cheat than she was before, however, is it worth giving up the relationship just because of the small percentage that she might do? She still could have done it before and she could still do it even if she doesn't start this career. You are never protected from the risk of being hurt by a partner leaving/cheating.
    • FreddieFrugal
    • By FreddieFrugal 17th Sep 17, 7:48 AM
    • 1,461 Posts
    • 1,511 Thanks
    FreddieFrugal
    I'm not biting to bored hermits but it's quite common knowledge...
    Originally posted by NoNoDrama
    Your post rate is offensive. get out the house before giving others "advise".
    Originally posted by NoNoDrama
    Fair play to you. Just hope no one richer/better looking comes along
    Originally posted by NoNoDrama

    Posts about a problem then insults people who suggest anything that's not what you want to hear.

    If this is actually a genuine issue - then I would suggest that you end the relationship and/or seek some kind of counselling for your insecurities.

    Your own attitudes as described in your post towards her aspirations are what's likely to cause her to look elsewhere - NOT her career choice!
    Mortgage remaining £54,044/£77,000 (2.59% til 04/18)

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    • selement
    • By selement 17th Sep 17, 9:06 AM
    • 334 Posts
    • 1,735 Thanks
    selement
    I was surprised to learn at my previous place of work at least 4/10 had cheated on their long term partner (often husband/wife) and that's just those that admit it! This was an office based job not hands on. If people want to cheat they will and I don't think place of work is the biggest factor!
    Trying to lose weight (13.5lb to go)
    • BrassicWoman
    • By BrassicWoman 17th Sep 17, 9:53 AM
    • 1,305 Posts
    • 5,420 Thanks
    BrassicWoman
    I think love is caring about someone else's happiness more than your own.

    You do not love her, so please do end it.
    Downsized and mortgage free
    September 17 grocery challenge £64.28/£100
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 17th Sep 17, 10:16 AM
    • 2,592 Posts
    • 2,536 Thanks
    cjdavies
    I would end it, your jealously will get worse and it will not be good for your own health and wellbeing.
    • -taff
    • By -taff 17th Sep 17, 10:44 AM
    • 7,353 Posts
    • 4,784 Thanks
    -taff
    Hairdresser, doctor wouldn't bother me massage therapist couldn't date or chiropractor.
    Originally posted by NoNoDrama
    So when you visit a massage therapist, or chirporactor or personal trainer in their professional capacity, you just end up having sex with them then?
    • Valli
    • By Valli 17th Sep 17, 10:53 AM
    • 20,044 Posts
    • 227,740 Thanks
    Valli
    We have a good relationship and everything is still there....

    ....but! She is becoming obsessed with the gym and is now training to become a personal trainer.

    I don't want to lose her but I can't get my head around the intimacy of it all. Being called out x amounts a day to assist clients, some of which will be male undoubtedly.

    She is very driven and hell bent on making a career out of it. I've researched and it's a very seedy industry , I can't be in a relationship with somebody who is in this field.

    I've raised it with her but she just snaps and plays the don't you trust me card.

    I'm a pragmatist and just look at these things logically.

    My stomach is in knots thinking about it all the time. Can anyone see a way out of this other than me having to end it?
    Originally posted by NoNoDrama
    Because you don't trust her.
    Make two - and freeze one!
    Don't put it DOWN - put it AWAY!
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    • annandale
    • By annandale 17th Sep 17, 12:49 PM
    • 803 Posts
    • 1,742 Thanks
    annandale
    I'm a female PT.

    If a male client ever made a move on me he would have been my client no longer.

    It really isn't a seedy industry. No more than any other environment where people meet
    • annandale
    • By annandale 17th Sep 17, 12:59 PM
    • 803 Posts
    • 1,742 Thanks
    annandale
    She hasn't even passed the qualification or got any clients yet. When I personal trained people I did it in a gym. With loads of people around. What exactly do you think people get up to in an open plan gym?
    • Silvertabby
    • By Silvertabby 17th Sep 17, 1:02 PM
    • 1,529 Posts
    • 1,819 Thanks
    Silvertabby
    “ We have a good relationship and everything is still there....

    ....but! She is becoming obsessed with the gym and is now training to become a personal trainer.

    I don't want to lose her but I can't get my head around the intimacy of it all. Being called out x amounts a day to assist clients, some of which will be male undoubtedly.

    She is very driven and hell bent on making a career out of it. I've researched and it's a very seedy industry , I can't be in a relationship with somebody who is in this field.

    I've raised it with her but she just snaps and plays the don't you trust me card.

    I'm a pragmatist and just look at these things logically.

    My stomach is in knots thinking about it all the time. Can anyone see a way out of this other than me having to end it?
    Originally posted by NoNoDrama
    When your girlfriend kicks you into touch because she can't cope with your irrational jealousy don't, whatever you do, start dating a nurse - they are much more 'hands on' than a fitness trainer!
    Save
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    • annandale
    • By annandale 17th Sep 17, 1:06 PM
    • 803 Posts
    • 1,742 Thanks
    annandale
    Being a pt isn't particularly hands on. I'd only touch someone if I were doing something like a pnf stretch and only with their permission.
    • Jojo the Tightfisted
    • By Jojo the Tightfisted 17th Sep 17, 1:19 PM
    • 22,972 Posts
    • 88,594 Thanks
    Jojo the Tightfisted
    Everybody I've known that has had affairs and left their partner for the a person has worked in Customer Services/Business to Business Services at the time. Didn't realise that wearing a headset, sitting in a cubicle/at a desk answering phone calls was such a seedy industry, but there you go.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
    Originally posted by colinw
    • LilElvis
    • By LilElvis 17th Sep 17, 1:43 PM
    • 3,090 Posts
    • 8,590 Thanks
    LilElvis
    My career is !!!! as is her current one so I wouldn't mind one bit!
    Originally posted by NoNoDrama
    She's not going to leave you because she's cheating on you with clients but because you lack her drive and ambition to improve your life.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 17th Sep 17, 3:02 PM
    • 17,662 Posts
    • 44,972 Thanks
    Pollycat
    She's not going to leave you because she's cheating on you with clients but because you lack her drive and ambition to improve your life.
    Originally posted by LilElvis
    Not to mention the OP's irrational jealousy and his ability to build a case against what most posters on here see as a reputable career by Googling.
    • pearl123
    • By pearl123 17th Sep 17, 11:33 PM
    • 1,157 Posts
    • 1,728 Thanks
    pearl123
    We have a good relationship and everything is still there....

    ....but! She is becoming obsessed with the gym and is now training to become a personal trainer.

    I don't want to lose her but I can't get my head around the intimacy of it all. Being called out x amounts a day to assist clients, some of which will be male undoubtedly.

    She is very driven and hell bent on making a career out of it. I've researched and it's a very seedy industry , I can't be in a relationship with somebody who is in this field.

    I've raised it with her but she just snaps and plays the don't you trust me card.

    I'm a pragmatist and just look at these things logically.

    My stomach is in knots thinking about it all the time. Can anyone see a way out of this other than me having to end it?
    Originally posted by NoNoDrama
    OP I think you need to check the quality of the research materials!
    Everyone disagrees with you, doesn't that tell you something?

    I suggest you join the real world and google personal trainer careers and wages.
    https://nationalcareersservice.direct.gov.uk/job-profiles/personal-training

    Or even an Open University Course.
    http://www.open.ac.uk/courses/qualifications/q76

    A happy life is one where you just trust your partner. At the end of they day if someone wants to go off they will. We all have contact with the opposite sex everyday!
    If you are controlling, neurotic and have dysfunctional behaviour you are more likely to drive her away.

    "Love liberates. It doesn’t just hold—that’s ego. Love liberates. It doesn’t bind."Maya Angelou
    • motorguy
    • By motorguy 18th Sep 17, 7:18 AM
    • 15,380 Posts
    • 8,788 Thanks
    motorguy
    Well the jealously is industry specific .. she works with mostly men now and it's never been an issue.

    We can pretend affairs aren't common in the personal trainer world but we'd all be kidding ourselves, anyone who has worked in a gym will tell you the stories.

    I do accept it's my issue not hers. I wouldn't dream of asking her not to pursue it, she'd just end up hating me plus she's so determined would probably tell me to just jog on anyway.

    There is no way but to end it. If her future career is more important than me I shouldn't be with her anyway.
    Originally posted by NoNoDrama
    If you google air plane crashes there are thousands of sites out there on the subject relating to tens of thousands of crashes over the decades.

    Does this make flying so unsafe that people shouldnt fly?

    Some people die because they contracted a flu virus. Its well documented on the internet, should you stop your girlfriend going to work in her current job role in case she catches a flu bug?

    Your real problem here is shes driven, has career prospects and you've already told us you're in a crappy job and i'm sure, lets say, not in peak physical shape......

    On top of that you have irrational jealousy issues.

    You really need to get a grip.
    You are not special. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.
    • motorguy
    • By motorguy 18th Sep 17, 7:23 AM
    • 15,380 Posts
    • 8,788 Thanks
    motorguy
    I would end it, your jealously will get worse and it will not be good for your own her health and wellbeing.
    Originally posted by cjdavies
    Edited for accuracy.

    Ending it at least gets her out of an unhealthy relationship, even if it just kicks the can down the road for him - until the next relationship he has, then it all starts again, only this time because his new G/F has an office job and talks to male friends.

    Or has male friends on facebook.

    Or whatever irrational form his jealousy takes.
    Last edited by motorguy; 18-09-2017 at 7:29 AM.
    You are not special. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 18th Sep 17, 10:19 AM
    • 15,143 Posts
    • 14,757 Thanks
    Guest101
    We have a good relationship and everything is still there....

    ....but! She is becoming obsessed with the gym and is now training to become a personal trainer.

    I don't want to lose her but I can't get my head around the intimacy of it all. Being called out x amounts a day to assist clients, some of which will be male undoubtedly.

    She is very driven and hell bent on making a career out of it. I've researched and it's a very seedy industry , I can't be in a relationship with somebody who is in this field.

    I've raised it with her but she just snaps and plays the don't you trust me card.

    I'm a pragmatist and just look at these things logically.

    My stomach is in knots thinking about it all the time. Can anyone see a way out of this other than me having to end it?
    Originally posted by NoNoDrama
    Seedy? wow.. goodluck in life, it's going to be tough on you.....


    You're not a pragmatist, in fact you are the opposite.


    Personal training is less intimate than pretty much any medical profession.
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