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  • FIRST POST
    • Bongo567
    • By Bongo567 16th Sep 17, 7:10 AM
    • 92Posts
    • 39Thanks
    Bongo567
    Volunteering - Colleagues Not Making Effort To Get To Know Me
    • #1
    • 16th Sep 17, 7:10 AM
    Volunteering - Colleagues Not Making Effort To Get To Know Me 16th Sep 17 at 7:10 AM
    I've started volunteering to try to help (as much as I can) as I just moved into a new area and literally know NOBODY.. they know this but I feel like I'm the one making all the effort.. like I've tried speaking to them, asking them questions about themselves.. yet it seems if I don't speak and make the first move - they won't speak to me unless I ask them something.. so I feel like I'm not liked as if they liked me or was interested they'd also make the effort too surely?

    I have social difficulty anyway with my disability and I feel like this is compounding and making my depression/anxiety worse.. I'm not getting what I want from it.

    Does anyone have any advise? should I quit if it's making me feel like this or stick with it even though it's causing me to feel worthless/rubbishy?

    One of the main reasons I volunteered is yes to help but also to meet new people, make friends and it seems like if anything it's making my mental health worse and isn't fun for me..
    Last edited by Bongo567; 16-09-2017 at 7:31 AM.
Page 1
    • Bongo567
    • By Bongo567 16th Sep 17, 7:27 AM
    • 92 Posts
    • 39 Thanks
    Bongo567
    • #2
    • 16th Sep 17, 7:27 AM
    • #2
    • 16th Sep 17, 7:27 AM
    Also I struggle with some aspects to the job (but I'm trying which should be the most important) and some of the colleagues seem quite harsh/snappy in their responses when I ask for help, like I'm a burden, which doesn't help my confidence..
    • kpwll
    • By kpwll 16th Sep 17, 9:27 AM
    • 1,622 Posts
    • 3,503 Thanks
    kpwll
    • #3
    • 16th Sep 17, 9:27 AM
    • #3
    • 16th Sep 17, 9:27 AM
    I don't know if you are male or female so you'll have to excuse some of the suggestions , also some may not be suitable, sorry.


    The local WI


    Craft clubs


    Church/chapel


    A society for your specific disability


    Coffee mornings are sometimes advertised in local papers.


    If you have a specific interest/hobby eg photography, a local club.


    The local library may have information.


    I'm sorry that they haven't been more friendly to you and wish you well in finding a place and people that will appreciate you.
    • Bongo567
    • By Bongo567 16th Sep 17, 9:42 AM
    • 92 Posts
    • 39 Thanks
    Bongo567
    • #4
    • 16th Sep 17, 9:42 AM
    • #4
    • 16th Sep 17, 9:42 AM
    I don't know if you are male or female so you'll have to excuse some of the suggestions , also some may not be suitable, sorry.


    The local WI


    Craft clubs


    Church/chapel


    A society for your specific disability


    Coffee mornings are sometimes advertised in local papers.


    If you have a specific interest/hobby eg photography, a local club.


    The local library may have information.


    I'm sorry that they haven't been more friendly to you and wish you well in finding a place and people that will appreciate you.
    Originally posted by kpwll
    Thanks =) I think it might be because I'm not good at the job and they look down on me (also they are paid staff) so I'm not their equal, if that makes sense? I'll keep looking as would be nice to meet people in my local areas as I'm completely alone..

    again thank you
    • Fen1
    • By Fen1 16th Sep 17, 11:13 AM
    • 1,341 Posts
    • 4,556 Thanks
    Fen1
    • #5
    • 16th Sep 17, 11:13 AM
    • #5
    • 16th Sep 17, 11:13 AM
    Ditto kpwll for their ideas.

    Try finding social gatherings rather than work situations. At a social gathering people are there to chat, whereas a work situation means working not socialising.

    Sadly, if you are struggling with the work in your current location, and are having to ask for help, you are encumbering your colleagues. It is not the paid staffs job to babysit you. It is their job to do the work they are being paid for: they need their jobs to make a living. If they cannot do their jobs properly because you are distracting them they could be penalised, perhaps even lose their jobs.

    Social clubs, religious groups, book clubs, health groups ( town and county councils can provide information on activities for people with disabilities/physical limitations) are all good places to meet and chat.
    • PasturesNew
    • By PasturesNew 16th Sep 17, 11:21 AM
    • 60,714 Posts
    • 354,894 Thanks
    PasturesNew
    • #6
    • 16th Sep 17, 11:21 AM
    • #6
    • 16th Sep 17, 11:21 AM
    Most people don't want to get to know people .... they might come round to it in time, when they've got to know you - but many people don't need new friends and are volunteering for other reasons.

    I'd just go and not bother with them - and look for other volunteering things, and at least use the fact I volunteer at XYZ as a conversation piece when encountering other new people....

    Most people do not have the time, space, desire to make any new friends whatsoever - they already have their life, their other half, their kids/family, their old workmates or old neighbours, their other activities.

    You have to accept that even if they have space for a new friend, you'd be 5th or 6th in the pecking order after all the people already in their lives.
    • motorguy
    • By motorguy 16th Sep 17, 3:57 PM
    • 15,668 Posts
    • 8,981 Thanks
    motorguy
    • #7
    • 16th Sep 17, 3:57 PM
    • #7
    • 16th Sep 17, 3:57 PM
    Also I struggle with some aspects to the job (but I'm trying which should be the most important) and some of the colleagues seem quite harsh/snappy in their responses when I ask for help, like I'm a burden, which doesn't help my confidence..
    Originally posted by Bongo567
    As has been said already, a work environment isnt the best place to make new friends / start a social life, thus your expectations are wrong and you are ultimately going to feel let down because of that.

    Likewise if you're struggling with aspects of the job role, trying may simply not be enough - the other volunteers may well just want someone who will come in and get on with it.
    You are not special. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.
    • easy
    • By easy 16th Sep 17, 4:14 PM
    • 2,273 Posts
    • 2,666 Thanks
    easy
    • #8
    • 16th Sep 17, 4:14 PM
    • #8
    • 16th Sep 17, 4:14 PM
    Bongo567, who set you on, who is supervising you in your volunteering work?
    In your shoes I'd have a little word with that person. As nicely as you can, tell your supervisor you are worried that the paid staff don't seem very welcoming, and you are concerned.
    It may be poor communication from the supervisor, not explaining your situation (lack of experience) to the paid staff. It occurs to me that they might also think that volunteers like you are going to nick their jobs, so they are being defensive .

    Far better to talk to someone inside the organisation. The supervisor might be able to ask one person on the team to "buddy you" for a few days/weeks, to help you to get to know everyone a little better.

    Well done for trying the volunteering. Don't just give up without talking to a supervisor first.
    I try not to get too stressed out on the forum. I won't argue, i'll just leave a thread if you don't like what I say.
    • winnac01
    • By winnac01 17th Sep 17, 11:46 AM
    • 19 Posts
    • 16 Thanks
    winnac01
    • #9
    • 17th Sep 17, 11:46 AM
    • #9
    • 17th Sep 17, 11:46 AM
    Its the same in any job as a new person there is always a click at start it can take a good few weeks even months to be excepted, quite often as a new person you do not know the job and are a hindrance more than a help. Dont take it personally, I always find the best way is to exceed expectations
    • Hoogle
    • By Hoogle 17th Oct 17, 8:02 PM
    • 58 Posts
    • 35 Thanks
    Hoogle
    I volunteer at my local library brilliant place treat me as 1 of their own include me in staff nights/days out etc and even better they pay for it out petit cash etc as they dont believe volunteers should pay when we offer our time for free in return. We have a large group of volunteers and a good amount of paid staff always social. But on top of that we have Art groups/ knitting/crochet clubs/ photography clubs and a walking club that also meets up at the library and I am often part of them groups as well. I highly recommend it but I also understand not every library will be the same.
    • venison
    • By venison 17th Oct 17, 8:42 PM
    • 1,294 Posts
    • 1,389 Thanks
    venison
    OP if where you are volunteering isn't working out then volunteer some where else, perhaps a charity shop where you would meet not only other volunteers but members of the public as well.
    I am now a Board Guide on the Credit card board and the Loan board and Benefits board (But give me time to learn the ropes thanks).
    • newtothis999
    • By newtothis999 18th Oct 17, 2:10 PM
    • 51 Posts
    • 15 Thanks
    newtothis999
    Its obviously not working out for you if you are struggling doing the job.

    do-it.org list most of the volunteer opportunities in local areas.

    Why don't you see if there is something more suitable.

    I volunteer by going into schools and listening to children reading. Although its not a social thing, I find it very rewarding.
    • 50Twuncle
    • By 50Twuncle 18th Oct 17, 2:50 PM
    • 7,847 Posts
    • 1,814 Thanks
    50Twuncle
    I've started volunteering to try to help (as much as I can) as I just moved into a new area and literally know NOBODY.. they know this but I feel like I'm the one making all the effort.. like I've tried speaking to them, asking them questions about themselves.. yet it seems if I don't speak and make the first move - they won't speak to me unless I ask them something.. so I feel like I'm not liked as if they liked me or was interested they'd also make the effort too surely?

    I have social difficulty anyway with my disability and I feel like this is compounding and making my depression/anxiety worse.. I'm not getting what I want from it.

    Does anyone have any advise? should I quit if it's making me feel like this or stick with it even though it's causing me to feel worthless/rubbishy?

    One of the main reasons I volunteered is yes to help but also to meet new people, make friends and it seems like if anything it's making my mental health worse and isn't fun for me..
    Originally posted by Bongo567
    https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/what-are-mental-health-problems/mental-health-help-you/other-useful-organisations may be worth looking through - just bear in mind that you are not alone !!
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