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    • Bath cube
    • By Bath cube 13th Sep 17, 4:17 PM
    • 151Posts
    • 76Thanks
    Bath cube
    Work shy relative is becoming a nuisance
    • #1
    • 13th Sep 17, 4:17 PM
    Work shy relative is becoming a nuisance 13th Sep 17 at 4:17 PM
    I have a cousin who is 54 and has always lived at home with my aunt. He has not done any proper paid employment since 1996 and he just does 10 hours a week voluntary work and is getting paid his JSA as well there is nothing psychically or mentally wrong with him at all. He has turned down plenty of well paid jobs eg around £25000 per year because he says he doesn't enjoy paid work and he doesn't like paying tax and NI plus travel expenses. Last month he wanted £ 100 so he could buy a trophy and have it engraved for a pub friend who won a quiz, he expected his sister and myself plus 2 other cousins to chip in. And now it's approaching Christmas he wants money to buy his mum a gift and take her and himself to a restaurant on Christmas day. We have said NO and told him to apply to royal mail for a temporary job to earn some money. He seemed disgusted we should tell him to seek work. He has been sanctioned a few times over the years by the job centre for refusing to accept job offers and my aunt had to fund him through it. He isn't unskilled he can drive and has an IT qualification so I can't understand why he wants to do this.
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    • Bath cube
    • By Bath cube 24th Sep 17, 8:15 PM
    • 151 Posts
    • 76 Thanks
    Bath cube
    Yesterday (saturday). Lazy cousin phoned me and said he needed to come to mine. My reply was your is Sheffield I'm many miles in Suffolk. He said my aunt is pressing him to get employment before its too late for him. He says it's mine and his sisters fault putting ideas in his mums head. His sister won't take him so I have to (his words). My answer is unrepeatable on here. Made it clear I won't be housing him. My aunt also wants more than £5 a week off him now he also says its my fault.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 24th Sep 17, 8:21 PM
    • 17,971 Posts
    • 45,793 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Yesterday (saturday). Lazy cousin phoned me and said he needed to come to mine. My reply was your is Sheffield I'm many miles in Suffolk. He said my aunt is pressing him to get employment before its too late for him. He says it's mine and his sisters fault putting ideas in his mums head. His sister won't take him so I have to (his words). My answer is unrepeatable on here. Made it clear I won't be housing him. My aunt also wants more than £5 a week off him now he also says its my fault.
    Originally posted by Bath cube
    Why did you even bother answering the phone?
    • DCFC79
    • By DCFC79 24th Sep 17, 8:50 PM
    • 30,084 Posts
    • 19,041 Thanks
    DCFC79
    Yesterday (saturday). Lazy cousin phoned me and said he needed to come to mine. My reply was your is Sheffield I'm many miles in Suffolk. He said my aunt is pressing him to get employment before its too late for him. He says it's mine and his sisters fault putting ideas in his mums head. His sister won't take him so I have to (his words). My answer is unrepeatable on here. Made it clear I won't be housing him. My aunt also wants more than £5 a week off him now he also says its my fault.
    Originally posted by Bath cube
    If you or your sister wont house him then he gets his own flat, its about time he supported himself.
    Can people stop loaning money/being a guarator to family/friends, it rarely ends well and you lose out as your money is gone or you get shafted with being a guarantor.
    • DoubleDoors
    • By DoubleDoors 25th Sep 17, 9:54 AM
    • 176 Posts
    • 339 Thanks
    DoubleDoors
    Well, that was interesting..

    Lazy cousin's never going to get a job unless he's got a reference or two, especially given he's not worked for about 30 years.
    • DoubleDoors
    • By DoubleDoors 25th Sep 17, 9:56 AM
    • 176 Posts
    • 339 Thanks
    DoubleDoors
    If you or your sister wont house him then he gets his own flat, its about time he supported himself.
    Originally posted by DCFC79
    Not sure if TPTB would house a single male with no dependents and (presumably) no health issues. He'd be out sleeping on a park bench.
    • Bath cube
    • By Bath cube 9th Oct 17, 8:01 PM
    • 151 Posts
    • 76 Thanks
    Bath cube
    I heard from his sister ( my cousin) at the weekend. He has been claiming PIP and the DWP have asked him to attend an interview under caution. He is an idiot. His sister asked him why can't he just get a job and he replied when a member of the royal family does then he will.
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 9th Oct 17, 8:17 PM
    • 7,667 Posts
    • 25,789 Thanks
    Primrose
    With that attitude he deserves to starve and sleep on a park bench, and the sooner every member of the family, including his mother, toughen up and refuse to help him any more. the quicker he'll learn a few very uncomfortable lessons.
    Perhaps everybody should remind him that winter will soon be here and sleeping on park benches and in shop doorways will be a very uncomfortable experience.
    • Bath cube
    • By Bath cube 14th Oct 17, 8:56 PM
    • 151 Posts
    • 76 Thanks
    Bath cube
    Oh he just gets better. Lazy called me today crying. He says my aunt (his mum) has told him she won't be here forever and he must learn how to look after himself to prepare for when it does happen. He also said the job center have asked him to attend a job fair at a local university which is being held at the end of the month. If he doesn't go he could be sanctioned has his advisor tells him there are plenty of positions he is capable of doing that require plenty of staff urgently. My answer was well whats so awful about that?. His reply was his advisor says portering or security or even care taking positions are on offer and in her opinion he is capable of that given his long history of unemployment and skill set. He honestly believes he should get a IT or HR position!. I told him that is very unrealistic given he hasn't worked in IT since 1996, heck he hasn't even held other employment since then either. He told me that he thinks security or portering are beneath him and he wants a clean cushy job. I told him to man up and he asked me would I do those jobs. My reply was yes I would if I was out of work and couldn't find a job in my usual field I'm qualified for. My God how my aunt puts up with him I don't know. He wants to live a good life with niceties but doesn't think he should toil for it. Not only this but he says my aunt has made it clear his sister will get a share of her house when she does die. He assumed it would all automatically go to him because he has always lived at home.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 14th Oct 17, 9:23 PM
    • 17,971 Posts
    • 45,793 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Oh he just gets better. Lazy called me today crying. He says my aunt (his mum) has told him she won't be here forever and he must learn how to look after himself to prepare for when it does happen. He also said the job center have asked him to attend a job fair at a local university which is being held at the end of the month. If he doesn't go he could be sanctioned has his advisor tells him there are plenty of positions he is capable of doing that require plenty of staff urgently. My answer was well whats so awful about that?. His reply was his advisor says portering or security or even care taking positions are on offer and in her opinion he is capable of that given his long history of unemployment and skill set. He honestly believes he should get a IT or HR position!. I told him that is very unrealistic given he hasn't worked in IT since 1996, heck he hasn't even held other employment since then either. He told me that he thinks security or portering are beneath him and he wants a clean cushy job. I told him to man up and he asked me would I do those jobs. My reply was yes I would if I was out of work and couldn't find a job in my usual field I'm qualified for. My God how my aunt puts up with him I don't know. He wants to live a good life with niceties but doesn't think he should toil for it. Not only this but he says my aunt has made it clear his sister will get a share of her house when she does die. He assumed it would all automatically go to him because he has always lived at home.
    Originally posted by Bath cube
    I'll ask again:
    Why did you even bother answering the phone?
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    • badmemory
    • By badmemory 15th Oct 17, 3:49 AM
    • 795 Posts
    • 776 Thanks
    badmemory
    Caller ID & an answering machine have been my best friends since 1988. Unfortunately it is now glasses & caller ID. But you need to disengage or you will land up with a lodger/!!!!!!!!!!.
    • JJG
    • By JJG 15th Oct 17, 8:38 PM
    • 268 Posts
    • 324 Thanks
    JJG
    I heard from his sister ( my cousin) at the weekend. He has been claiming PIP and the DWP have asked him to attend an interview under caution. He is an idiot. His sister asked him why can't he just get a job and he replied when a member of the royal family does then he will.
    Originally posted by Bath cube
    Both Princes have served in the military which counts as a job.
    • Cakeguts
    • By Cakeguts 15th Oct 17, 8:53 PM
    • 2,851 Posts
    • 3,901 Thanks
    Cakeguts
    The answer to this is actually very simple. The aunt sells her home and buys or better still rents single occupancy sheltered housing so that he can't live with her any longer. Her money can be invested to pay for the rent or any extras she would like. The important thing is for the aunt to move to somewhere where he can't live with her. She can give him notice that this is what she is going to do so that he can find somewhere else to live.
    • Bath cube
    • By Bath cube 15th Oct 17, 10:24 PM
    • 151 Posts
    • 76 Thanks
    Bath cube
    I'm not against helping people but he is just a total idiot. He is in Sheffield and I'm in Suffolk so I don't think I'm in danger of him asking me to house him.I spoke to his sister and she said of course he is crying he has been told to find work and he is really upset that he won't be getting the house all to himself when mum dies. I certainly wouldnt allow a grown adult to get away with giving me £5 a week. He really needs to take stock of his life. I'm 17 years younger than him and apart from 7 weeks out of work after a shop I worked at closed up I have always been employed. He told me he was nearly a dad 32 years ago but his GF lost it and that he would have made a good dad. I don't like saying this but I wonder if the child would have shared his views on entitlement in life. My lovely departed cat had more ethics than him.
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 16th Oct 17, 9:52 AM
    • 7,667 Posts
    • 25,789 Thanks
    Primrose
    The aunt should give some trusted relatives Power of Attorney ( both for her finances and health & Welfare) to make sure that if circumstances change she has some reliable people looking after her interests. It’s perfectly obvious that the son is not to be trusted and will only be looking after his own interests if something goes wrong and certainly not putting his mother’s well-being first.
    Last edited by Primrose; Yesterday at 10:37 AM.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 16th Oct 17, 10:17 AM
    • 17,971 Posts
    • 45,793 Thanks
    Pollycat
    I'm not against helping people but he is just a total idiot. He is in Sheffield and I'm in Suffolk so I don't think I'm in danger of him asking me to house him.I spoke to his sister and she said of course he is crying he has been told to find work and he is really upset that he won't be getting the house all to himself when mum dies. I certainly wouldnt allow a grown adult to get away with giving me £5 a week. He really needs to take stock of his life. I'm 17 years younger than him and apart from 7 weeks out of work after a shop I worked at closed up I have always been employed. He told me he was nearly a dad 32 years ago but his GF lost it and that he would have made a good dad. I don't like saying this but I wonder if the child would have shared his views on entitlement in life. My lovely departed cat had more ethics than him.
    Originally posted by Bath cube
    Why would you wonder about something that almost but not quite happened when you were only 5 years of age?

    Who said he would have made a good Dad?
    Is it something he's told you recently?
    If it is, maybe he's going to play the 'poor me' card - 'things would have been so different if I'd been a Dad'.
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 16th Oct 17, 11:01 AM
    • 7,667 Posts
    • 25,789 Thanks
    Primrose
    So we have a lazy 54 year old sponger who hasn’t worked for 20 years because he thinks being a paid employee is beneath his dignity and who expects to be funded into his old age by his mother and the hard pressed tax payer.

    Well, send him round to me (as a hard pressed tax payer) and by the time I’ve finished with him on behalf of the rest of us he,ll be pleading to go to work !
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 16th Oct 17, 11:07 AM
    • 1,269 Posts
    • 1,284 Thanks
    Fireflyaway
    If he is mid 50's and not working / contributing to society there isn't much chance he is about to start now. If he is fed and housed and JSA gives a bit of pocket money why would he change. Only his mum can ask him to move / pay his keep. Might she actually like having him about? He might be annoying but I'm guessing after so long she might feel pretty lonely if he did go.
    I think all you can do is not get involved. You will just be enabling his laziness and attention seeking.
    • globetraveller
    • By globetraveller 16th Oct 17, 11:27 AM
    • 2,057 Posts
    • 11,844 Thanks
    globetraveller
    I wouldn't worry about it. A month ago when you started writing this, he was happily carrying on with the same life he's had since 1996. Next month he will have a job in IT and then the following he will be the CEO of the company. Things have a way of working out.
    And you will have a best selling book called My Lazy Cousin
    weight loss target 23lbs/49lb
    • globetraveller
    • By globetraveller 16th Oct 17, 11:32 AM
    • 2,057 Posts
    • 11,844 Thanks
    globetraveller
    Duplicate post
    Last edited by globetraveller; Yesterday at 11:34 AM.
    weight loss target 23lbs/49lb
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 16th Oct 17, 11:33 AM
    • 3,028 Posts
    • 4,387 Thanks
    Malthusian
    Might she actually like having him about? He might be annoying but I'm guessing after so long she might feel pretty lonely if he did go.
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway
    We always make the mistake of assuming all the background characters in stories like these are paragons of virtue. In the absence of any information about their personalities or actions we assume they are like ourselves. They are more likely to be like their close relations in the story. Quite possibly she's as bad as he is and in no position to criticise him.
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