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    • Bath cube
    • By Bath cube 13th Sep 17, 4:17 PM
    • 129Posts
    • 69Thanks
    Bath cube
    Work shy relative is becoming a nuisance
    • #1
    • 13th Sep 17, 4:17 PM
    Work shy relative is becoming a nuisance 13th Sep 17 at 4:17 PM
    I have a cousin who is 54 and has always lived at home with my aunt. He has not done any proper paid employment since 1996 and he just does 10 hours a week voluntary work and is getting paid his JSA as well there is nothing psychically or mentally wrong with him at all. He has turned down plenty of well paid jobs eg around £25000 per year because he says he doesn't enjoy paid work and he doesn't like paying tax and NI plus travel expenses. Last month he wanted £ 100 so he could buy a trophy and have it engraved for a pub friend who won a quiz, he expected his sister and myself plus 2 other cousins to chip in. And now it's approaching Christmas he wants money to buy his mum a gift and take her and himself to a restaurant on Christmas day. We have said NO and told him to apply to royal mail for a temporary job to earn some money. He seemed disgusted we should tell him to seek work. He has been sanctioned a few times over the years by the job centre for refusing to accept job offers and my aunt had to fund him through it. He isn't unskilled he can drive and has an IT qualification so I can't understand why he wants to do this.
Page 1
    • KxMx
    • By KxMx 13th Sep 17, 4:34 PM
    • 7,117 Posts
    • 9,928 Thanks
    KxMx
    • #2
    • 13th Sep 17, 4:34 PM
    • #2
    • 13th Sep 17, 4:34 PM
    Judging by previous threads:

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5665828

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5657085

    I'm not sure I believe this scenario either.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 13th Sep 17, 5:28 PM
    • 17,614 Posts
    • 44,835 Thanks
    Pollycat
    • #3
    • 13th Sep 17, 5:28 PM
    • #3
    • 13th Sep 17, 5:28 PM
    The OP does seem to have a somewhat dysfunctional family.

    Not sure what the purpose of the thread is.
    He's asked for money, people have said no.
    Surely that's the end of it.
    Last edited by Pollycat; 13-09-2017 at 5:33 PM.
    • sulphate
    • By sulphate 13th Sep 17, 5:39 PM
    • 1,077 Posts
    • 3,163 Thanks
    sulphate
    • #4
    • 13th Sep 17, 5:39 PM
    • #4
    • 13th Sep 17, 5:39 PM
    He has been sanctioned a few times over the years by the job centre for refusing to accept job offers and my aunt had to fund him through it.
    Originally posted by Bath cube
    This is the crux of the problem. While he has someone funding his lifestyle, there's no incentive for him to change his ways.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 13th Sep 17, 5:54 PM
    • 5,449 Posts
    • 24,781 Thanks
    thorsoak
    • #5
    • 13th Sep 17, 5:54 PM
    • #5
    • 13th Sep 17, 5:54 PM
    Reminds me of the disfunctional family of the late lamented Blue Lass!
    • elsien
    • By elsien 13th Sep 17, 5:56 PM
    • 15,040 Posts
    • 37,680 Thanks
    elsien
    • #6
    • 13th Sep 17, 5:56 PM
    • #6
    • 13th Sep 17, 5:56 PM
    Reminds me of the disfunctional family of the late lamented Blue Lass!
    Originally posted by thorsoak
    The same thought had crossed my mind as well.

    Your aunt doesn't have to fund him. You don't have to fund him. You've said no, sounds like the point of the post is just to complain about something that's really not your concern.
    Last edited by elsien; 13-09-2017 at 5:59 PM.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • Bath cube
    • By Bath cube 13th Sep 17, 6:04 PM
    • 129 Posts
    • 69 Thanks
    Bath cube
    • #7
    • 13th Sep 17, 6:04 PM
    • #7
    • 13th Sep 17, 6:04 PM
    I have said this before I am not blue lass. I'm sure other members on here have quirky family members and unfortunately I'm one of those members. My aunt is a pensioner and only receives her works pension. She had to work until she was 71 due to her bone idle son and he has no shame about that. He goes to a local pub once a week and has a 30 a day smoking habit. He know wants to claim care attendance for himself be saying my aunt is infirm and needs 24 hour care at home. This is because he will no longer have to claim JSA if he does so and they job centre are pressing him to get into paid employment. He is like a petulant teen. He has never even known what it's like to pay a bill. My aunt won't be around forever and he assumes the house will be his if she dies and his sister won't get her half because he has always lived at home. He annoys me there are plenty of jobs he is capable of but he doesn't want to be a tax payer.
    • sheramber
    • By sheramber 13th Sep 17, 6:13 PM
    • 3,566 Posts
    • 2,654 Thanks
    sheramber
    • #8
    • 13th Sep 17, 6:13 PM
    • #8
    • 13th Sep 17, 6:13 PM
    If your aunt wants to support him that is her business and not yours. She can do as she wishes.

    Nor it is any of your business who gets the house when your aunt dies.

    Concentrate on your life and leave others to theirs.
    • kelpie35
    • By kelpie35 13th Sep 17, 6:20 PM
    • 1,476 Posts
    • 4,649 Thanks
    kelpie35
    • #9
    • 13th Sep 17, 6:20 PM
    • #9
    • 13th Sep 17, 6:20 PM
    More fool your aunt allowing him to live off the state.

    Pity there was no one who could fight your aunt's corner and get rid of him.
    • Loz01
    • By Loz01 13th Sep 17, 6:26 PM
    • 1,426 Posts
    • 3,106 Thanks
    Loz01
    He won't do anything if he has a free house to live in, free food and someone to give him money as well as Jobseekers Allowance for attending the job centre once every 2 weeks.... sounds like a cushy, mellow life.

    Tell him no, DO NOT give him a penny, if he really wants something he should have the motivation to find a job. He NEVER will if people just simply give him money.
    An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough
    • motorguy
    • By motorguy 13th Sep 17, 6:44 PM
    • 15,365 Posts
    • 8,763 Thanks
    motorguy
    I have said this before I am not blue lass. I'm sure other members on here have quirky family members and unfortunately I'm one of those members. My aunt is a pensioner and only receives her works pension. She had to work until she was 71 due to her bone idle son and he has no shame about that. He goes to a local pub once a week and has a 30 a day smoking habit. He know wants to claim care attendance for himself be saying my aunt is infirm and needs 24 hour care at home. This is because he will no longer have to claim JSA if he does so and they job centre are pressing him to get into paid employment. He is like a petulant teen. He has never even known what it's like to pay a bill. My aunt won't be around forever and he assumes the house will be his if she dies and his sister won't get her half because he has always lived at home. He annoys me there are plenty of jobs he is capable of but he doesn't want to be a tax payer.
    Originally posted by Bath cube
    If hes eking out a living and being funded by your aunt then you're not going to change him now.

    Personally i'd be living my own life and be glad you're not a sponger like him.
    You are not special. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.
    • maman
    • By maman 13th Sep 17, 6:56 PM
    • 16,629 Posts
    • 99,332 Thanks
    maman
    Reminds me of the disfunctional family of the late lamented Blue Lass!
    Originally posted by thorsoak
    Trophies, Christmas lunch, black plimsolls, fake Uggs, blazers....all variations on a theme. I'm so pleased my family don't poke their noses into my business and start threads on me.
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 13th Sep 17, 7:05 PM
    • 22,292 Posts
    • 57,171 Thanks
    pollypenny
    Trophies - to be engraved as well! Wow!

    At least its original: if unbelievable.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 13th Sep 17, 7:27 PM
    • 17,614 Posts
    • 44,835 Thanks
    Pollycat
    I have said this before I am not blue lass. I'm sure other members on here have quirky family members and unfortunately I'm one of those members. My aunt is a pensioner and only receives her works pension. She had to work until she was 71 due to her bone idle son and he has no shame about that. He goes to a local pub once a week and has a 30 a day smoking habit. He know wants to claim care attendance for himself be saying my aunt is infirm and needs 24 hour care at home. This is because he will no longer have to claim JSA if he does so and they job centre are pressing him to get into paid employment. He is like a petulant teen. He has never even known what it's like to pay a bill. My aunt won't be around forever and he assumes the house will be his if she dies and his sister won't get her half because he has always lived at home. He annoys me there are plenty of jobs he is capable of but he doesn't want to be a tax payer.
    Originally posted by Bath cube
    It's not "care attendance".

    Your Aunt would need to claim Attendance Allowance and then he could apply for Carer's Allowance.

    And it's not that easy to be awarded Attendance Allowance.
    It really isn't as simple saying 'my Mother is infirm and needs 24 hour care at home'.

    But - none of this is any of your business.

    Continue saying 'no' to his requests for money and leave them to it.

    If anyone should get involved it should be your Aunt's daughter.
    What is she doing about this?

    Did you ever resolve the issue of the 'fake' jewellery you sold?
    • LilElvis
    • By LilElvis 13th Sep 17, 9:08 PM
    • 3,087 Posts
    • 8,570 Thanks
    LilElvis
    Someone who has been unemployed for over 2 decades and only has a drivers license and an obsolete IT qualification doesn't get offered a job with a salary of £25,000.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 13th Sep 17, 9:16 PM
    • 17,614 Posts
    • 44,835 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Last month he wanted £ 100 so he could buy a trophy and have it engraved for a pub friend who won a quiz, he expected his sister and myself plus 2 other cousins to chip in.
    Originally posted by Bath cube
    This doesn't make sense to me.
    Why would somebody want to pay £100 for a trophy for somebody else who's won a pub quiz?
    Surely the pub would supply the trophy if the quiz was that important.
    And to expect other family members to pay towards it......
    .that beggars belief
    • annandale
    • By annandale 13th Sep 17, 9:23 PM
    • 739 Posts
    • 1,673 Thanks
    annandale
    I find it v hard to believe that someone would sit on JSA since 1996 and only get a few sanctions. Sanctions have been in place for at least ten years. If he had refused 3 jobs he could easily have ended up on a 3 year sanction.

    His JSA will be replaced by universal credit sooner or later and its got much stricter conditions than JSA for people jobseeking. You have to show you are jobseeking 35 hours a week if you are in the all work group. Actively seeking work.
    • *max*
    • By *max* 13th Sep 17, 9:27 PM
    • 2,800 Posts
    • 13,148 Thanks
    *max*
    Someone who has been unemployed for over 2 decades and only has a drivers license and an obsolete IT qualification doesn't get offered a job with a salary of £25,000.
    Originally posted by LilElvis
    Took the words right out my mouth!
    • Bath cube
    • By Bath cube 13th Sep 17, 10:12 PM
    • 129 Posts
    • 69 Thanks
    Bath cube
    My aunt is sick of him and his sister has told him to pull his socks up and act his age but he tells her to do one. The trophy because he wants to look like the big working class hero. He has told us his pub mates think he is a forklift driver in a argos warehouse and they treat him to drinks because he told them he is getting less than the NMW. He is a sponge for sure. Thank God I live miles from him or I would kick his but.
    • annandale
    • By annandale 13th Sep 17, 10:28 PM
    • 739 Posts
    • 1,673 Thanks
    annandale
    Its not your business to be fair
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