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  • FIRST POST
    • LBT_UK
    • By LBT_UK 13th Sep 17, 3:00 PM
    • 9Posts
    • 16Thanks
    LBT_UK
    Bought a house, Really regret doing it.
    • #1
    • 13th Sep 17, 3:00 PM
    Bought a house, Really regret doing it. 13th Sep 17 at 3:00 PM
    Hello peeps,

    I be straight to the point.
    I'm a first time home owner with our new property, second time for my Partner. Moved from a Leasehold 1 bedroom flat, to a Brand New Freehold 3 bed detached house, only problem is we moved out of the area to get said house, and now I've come to the conclusion I just want to go back to our Home town, for a few reasons..

    Now I know people say that in time you will settle and adjust but here is the thing.

    On day one I regretted the move, realised I'd focused on the house but not things like where the house is (a quiet village) where I used to live in a Town (streetlights, people mooching about, more interaction with people).

    Now I know we all take time to adjust but it's been 4 months, I've literally stressed myself to the point of Anxiety attacks and I've not slept right since we moved. Every night I wake up on a knife edge, sweating, pounding heart and I cannot for the life of me get a decent nights sleep. I kept blaming various issues at the house, which on reflection aren't issues it's me simply trying to objectify my Anxiety into something which can be fixed.

    On top of this I didn't realise how much my journey is affecting my mental state either, it has doubled in time, and I need to take my partner to a local train station near my work and pick her up in the evenings as the travel cost from home is freakishly expensive considering the journey.

    I've explored the area and found we have a population of like 3,500 people tops and it's generally very, very quiet.

    I'm seeing the GP on Friday because i'm such a wreck and i'm trying to level myself out, and while my partner is being very supportive I had to admit yesterday that i'm not happy and I only see moving back to our old local as a way of re balancing my sanity. I hope the GP can sort me out but equally I'm not going to be on pills for the rest of my life rather than moving if moving will make the difference.

    Can anyone come in on this and tell me whether they have had Extreme Anxiety with Panic Attacks and Suicidal thoughts and got through it, or did you move back to where you felt more comfortable? I have a real mental health issue regarding this move and even if I get that sorted I can't say I am happy we did this.

    As I feel at the minute I need to level myself out, and look to move in the Spring even though it will only be 9-10 months since we bought and somehow offset the cost of moving again, selling anything I can and saving all spare cash as well to wards it.
Page 4
    • Crashy Time
    • By Crashy Time 15th Sep 17, 12:10 PM
    • 4,816 Posts
    • 2,106 Thanks
    Crashy Time
    IMO "meditation" and "apps on a phone" are a contradiction.
    • DaftyDuck
    • By DaftyDuck 15th Sep 17, 1:36 PM
    • 3,709 Posts
    • 7,471 Thanks
    DaftyDuck
    IMO "meditation" and "apps on a phone" are a contradiction.
    Originally posted by Crashy Time
    Oh Cripes! Crikey! I actually have to agree with Crashy!


    I am... mortified!
    • wantonnoodle
    • By wantonnoodle 15th Sep 17, 3:05 PM
    • 172 Posts
    • 128 Thanks
    wantonnoodle
    I would beg to differ. I had a subscription with Headspace.com for a few months while I was struggling with stress last year, and wouldn't hesitate to recommend it. The guy who does it (Andy I think) has a really relaxing voice, and is a practicing Buddhist monk.

    There is a free "Take 10" series, and if you complete this and take out a subscription, there are specific mindfulness exercises for different scenarios.

    Don't criticise it until you've tried it. There have been several times when I've had episodes of mild depression/anxiety (I'm a natural born worrier) and sometimes taking some time out to focus on me and the here and now, rather than everything around me has stopped me from progressing to the point of needing to see someone for professional help. I am fully aware that a lot of cases are a lot more serious and complex, however I feel that with mental health problems, it is well worth trying every option available to you, whether that be talking, reading or listening to/participating in guided meditations.

    I really hope you find the help you need and find some inner peace soon.
    • Ray Singh-Blue
    • By Ray Singh-Blue 15th Sep 17, 4:17 PM
    • 329 Posts
    • 426 Thanks
    Ray Singh-Blue
    I think people are often happiest when they live in the geographical centre of their daily lives.

    If you decide that you want to move back into your old town, can't blame you. That's about deciding what you want, and why.

    Then there's the issue of how you achieve what you want with the best financial outcome- a good topic to discuss on MSE
    • sheramber
    • By sheramber 15th Sep 17, 8:14 PM
    • 3,576 Posts
    • 2,657 Thanks
    sheramber
    I know two families who moved away and moved back as they were unhappy in the new place.

    One moved back to a house in the same cul de sac they had left.

    The other moved to a house in the same estate that they had left.

    Both were very happy after moving back.
    • Ali03
    • By Ali03 15th Sep 17, 11:48 PM
    • 14 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    Ali03
    I'm sorry you feel this way. I suffer from anxiety and depression and know how difficult it can be. Was the house buying process particularly stressful for you? If so maybe this is the aftermath, you associate the house with the stress you endured during the process and now resent it. Some people just can't stand to feel lonely/isolated/the silence. You stop to think when things are too quiet. It's a big step you made. You have to ask yourself, are you thinking the step was too big and you wish you never made it? As a first time buyer, your bound to have doubts. It's one of the biggest commitments of your life. Also the feeling of now being trapped, if you wanted to move again, it's too expensive and all the sacrifices you would have to make. All this thought process is adding to and fueling your anxiety. Your not giving it a chance because you spend all day thinking about how much you hate it and how difficult it would be to escape, which is bringing you further and further down. You need to try and look at the positives, you may be tempted to say there are none, but really look, you will find them. Anxiety is a vicious circle, it feeds of negative thinking but to get out of it, you need to replace the negativity in your mind with positivity. Before you take the step in moving again, ask yourself it the additional stress of selling your possessions and the stress of selling and buying, is really going to help you.

    Good luck in whatever you decide
    • Morglin
    • By Morglin 16th Sep 17, 8:28 AM
    • 14,618 Posts
    • 26,880 Thanks
    Morglin
    Thank you for the Advice, I will look into the village life, maybe I do feel isolated, but I just feel very distressed at the house and only settle when I visit my father who is currently living with his GF.

    If I spend anytime at the house on my own I tend to cry without any cause and I can't stop. While staying at home to avoid the commute is a valid Idea the concept of being there on my own is horrifying and would increase my partners travel costs which wouldn't be good.
    Originally posted by LBT_UK
    I moved from a London suburb to a Sussex village, and hated it, every day, for the 8 years I was there. I never felt "at home" and stayed there because my husband is a 'country lover'.

    Thankfully, in the end, due to no facilities (local shop shutting, local pub shutting, miles to the GP and hospital), and health issues,, my husband (thank God!) suggested we needed to go back home to London.

    We now live in a nice leafy London suburb - plenty of town and city life nearby, but countryside 10 minutes the other.

    It's great to be back where there's some life!

    Quakity of life and contentment is all important, so, if you can, I'd move back to the area you like.

    You may have to compromise of house size, but I found it a compromise worth making.

    Good luck.

    Lin
    You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands..........for instance, if they are placed around your throat, she's probably slightly upset.
    • MRBE
    • By MRBE 16th Sep 17, 8:22 PM
    • 9 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    MRBE
    1) ensure there is nothing medically wrong with you. Your symptoms are very extreme.
    2) if not, cross your losses and move back to where you are happy.
    • AnotherJoe
    • By AnotherJoe 17th Sep 17, 6:42 AM
    • 7,239 Posts
    • 7,753 Thanks
    AnotherJoe
    Thanks to everyone understanding my health issues apart from that one person.
    Originally posted by LBT_UK
    I think that person nailed it, your issue is not house related it's health related, so you should post in a health forum, not one on selling a house.

    And I agree with the other poster who said "there's something else going on here" because whilst you might not like it where you are, the stress and symptoms it's not because there is any bad things happening to you, so as long as your partner is happy for you to move back then there isn't really an issue and there's little point posting here.

    The oniy opinion that matters is your partners, if they are happy for you to move back, then there's no issue (and if your self diagnosis is correct your symptoms should vanish the instant you put your house up for sale) . I wonder if they aren't happy to move back and that's the cause of the stress? In any case I agree with "that person" that it's not a house moving question relevant to this forum.
    • RedFraggle
    • By RedFraggle 17th Sep 17, 9:23 AM
    • 377 Posts
    • 876 Thanks
    RedFraggle
    They recommend apps etc. within CBT therapy so they are not a no no.
    This site and their audio files were recommended too o the course I'm doing
    http://wellbeing-glasgow.org.uk/
    This was recommended by my GP
    https://moodgym.com.au/

    Sort your mental health first and then see where you are with things. I agree with the previous comment about fright, flight, fight. Sorry you've had such a difficult time.
    Officially in a clique of idiots
    • ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    • By ScorpiondeRooftrouser 17th Sep 17, 9:55 AM
    • 1,893 Posts
    • 2,820 Thanks
    ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    I think that person nailed it, your issue is not house related it's health related, so you should post in a health forum, not one on selling a house.

    And I agree with the other poster who said "there's something else going on here" because whilst you might not like it where you are, the stress and symptoms it's not because there is any bad things happening to you, so as long as your partner is happy for you to move back then there isn't really an issue and there's little point posting here.

    The oniy opinion that matters is your partners, if they are happy for you to move back, then there's no issue (and if your self diagnosis is correct your symptoms should vanish the instant you put your house up for sale) . I wonder if they aren't happy to move back and that's the cause of the stress? In any case I agree with "that person" that it's not a house moving question relevant to this forum.
    Originally posted by AnotherJoe
    We are not talking about someone who is a bit upset here. We are talking about somebody who says they are genuinely suicidal. Seriously thinking about killing themselves.

    If they are not exaggerating then surely it beggars belief that their partner would not be willing to move if they thought it would alleviate this.

    While a lot of the comments being made are appropriate to somebody who feels low about having moved house, they are not at all appropriate to someone who is suicidal. The first step should be doing something to ensure that in the short term they are safe and do not act on these impulses, whatever it takes.
    • csgohan4
    • By csgohan4 17th Sep 17, 10:12 AM
    • 3,767 Posts
    • 2,351 Thanks
    csgohan4
    We are not talking about someone who is a bit upset here. We are talking about somebody who says they are genuinely suicidal. Seriously thinking about killing themselves.

    If they are not exaggerating then surely it beggars belief that their partner would not be willing to move if they thought it would alleviate this.

    While a lot of the comments being made are appropriate to somebody who feels low about having moved house, they are not at all appropriate to someone who is suicidal. The first step should be doing something to ensure that in the short term they are safe and do not act on these impulses, whatever it takes.
    Originally posted by ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    I would disagree. If someone says I am suicidal, that does not mean you should do whatever they want.


    They may not be in the right frame of mind and hence not be thinking rationally. A partner who does what ever the other wants because they use 'I am suicidal' is treading a very dangerous and unhealthy relationship.


    The OP needs professional help, not strangers on the internet.


    Other examples are give me x £ or I will commit suicide. See where this is going???


    Perhaps is suffering some sort of acute adjustment disorder, either way they need professional help, not their partner to move straight away. Lets say he does, he loses his job, can't find another when he moves back, spiralling debt kicks in, partner leaves, tell me how is that any better for the op?
    Last edited by csgohan4; 17-09-2017 at 10:14 AM.
    "It is prudent when shopping for something important, not to limit yourself to Pound land"
    • margi g
    • By margi g 17th Sep 17, 11:47 AM
    • 11 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    margi g
    I know what your going through. I moved to the countryside 23 years ago and whilst I thought it was what I wanted at the home, I am know selling up to get back to civilization. I have a relative who wont even visit here because its too quiet! You wont get used to it ,Its the way we are wired.I cant say I have been that happy here ,.It has even influenced the holidays I take. I go to City Breaks now,ust for the buzz.
    Hope you get back on track
    • ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    • By ScorpiondeRooftrouser 17th Sep 17, 12:07 PM
    • 1,893 Posts
    • 2,820 Thanks
    ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    I would disagree. If someone says I am suicidal, that does not mean you should do whatever they want.


    They may not be in the right frame of mind and hence not be thinking rationally. A partner who does what ever the other wants because they use 'I am suicidal' is treading a very dangerous and unhealthy relationship.


    The OP needs professional help, not strangers on the internet.


    Other examples are give me x £ or I will commit suicide. See where this is going???


    Perhaps is suffering some sort of acute adjustment disorder, either way they need professional help, not their partner to move straight away. Lets say he does, he loses his job, can't find another when he moves back, spiralling debt kicks in, partner leaves, tell me how is that any better for the op?
    Originally posted by csgohan4

    You seem to have missed the part of the sentence that said "if they thought it would alleviate this", as that invalidates everything you have said.

    I have spent most of this thread, including the post you quoted, trying to make the point that you expressed as though it was in disagreement with me. I really don't know what to say to you.
    Last edited by ScorpiondeRooftrouser; 17-09-2017 at 12:13 PM.
    • Davesnave
    • By Davesnave 17th Sep 17, 12:12 PM
    • 23,115 Posts
    • 88,464 Thanks
    Davesnave
    I know what your going through. I moved to the countryside 23 years ago and whilst I thought it was what I wanted at the home, I am know selling up to get back to civilization.
    Originally posted by margi g
    While I'm sure your contribution is genuine and kindly meant, I'd suggest that your exile in the countryside, lasting 23 years, indicates your situation isn't exactly dire.

    Many people move to the country and fail to connect. I have barn conversions near me that are forever changing hands. Those folk are never seen in the village or at village events, so there's little chance that they'll make local contacts and friends. With the inconvenience of being at least 10 miles from a proper supermarket, let alone B&Q or trendy shops, they probably wake up one morning and think, "Why I am I here?"

    Good question!

    But that's not what the OP is experiencing. He suggests the move might only be temporary, yet still feels very upset and unwell.

    I hope you succeed in getting back to "civilzation." Perhaps people define that word differently, as I find a low level of noise, crime, and materialism very pleasant and civilised, compared with my busy old life in the city. However, I still enjoyed that, in its time.

    I'd also agree with another poster who said it takes some years to feel really at home with the change from city to country.
    'A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they'll never sit in.'
    • EachPenny
    • By EachPenny 17th Sep 17, 12:12 PM
    • 2,125 Posts
    • 3,104 Thanks
    EachPenny
    I am know selling up to get back to civilization.
    Originally posted by margi g
    Which probably says quite a bit about you, but not the place you live - especially after living there for so long.

    Living in the countryside isn't for everybody, but it isn't inferior to living in a town/city - it is just different. A lot of countryside dwellers would regard their homeplace to be far more civilised than the average town or city. And I live in a town myself.

    I have a relative who wont even visit here because its too quiet!
    Originally posted by margi g
    Yes, well.....
    "In the future, everyone will be rich for 15 minutes"
    • boliston
    • By boliston 17th Sep 17, 1:22 PM
    • 2,385 Posts
    • 1,961 Thanks
    boliston
    Which probably says quite a bit about you, but not the place you live - especially after living there for so long.

    Living in the countryside isn't for everybody, but it isn't inferior to living in a town/city - it is just different. A lot of countryside dwellers would regard their homeplace to be far more civilised than the average town or city. And I live in a town myself.
    Originally posted by EachPenny
    A lot of countryside dwellers have a GIANT carbon footprint unless they live sustainability off the land, so not always as "civilised" as it might appear.
    • greenbee
    • By greenbee 17th Sep 17, 1:39 PM
    • 12,090 Posts
    • 214,763 Thanks
    greenbee
    A lot of countryside dwellers have a GIANT carbon footprint unless they live sustainability off the land, so not always as "civilised" as it might appear.
    Originally posted by boliston
    I guess it depends on what you see as 'civilised'.

    My next door neighbour has been here for years, claims to like village life and living here but moans incessantly about lack of mains drainage and mains gas. Which she must have known about when she bought the house... she also doesn't like having to keep the stream maintained and complains about people hanging out washing and hedges/verges not being tidy.

    I hated living in the city. It made me feel unwell - not to the extent the OP does, but I found it noisy, claustrophobic and dirty. I spent every weekend visiting family and friends in the country, and when I couldn't get away was depressed and unhappy. No suicidal thoughts but certainly stressed and weepy.

    Moving resolved some issues, but as several people have pointed out, you need to get to the underlying problem as to WHY the location makes you so unhappy. It is unlikely to be the house/location alone, but these may have triggered something else. Moving won't make things perfect, and it won't make you a different person. However, a different environment may well make a huge difference.
    • Crashy Time
    • By Crashy Time 17th Sep 17, 2:40 PM
    • 4,816 Posts
    • 2,106 Thanks
    Crashy Time
    I would beg to differ. I had a subscription with Headspace.com for a few months while I was struggling with stress last year, and wouldn't hesitate to recommend it. The guy who does it (Andy I think) has a really relaxing voice, and is a practicing Buddhist monk.

    There is a free "Take 10" series, and if you complete this and take out a subscription, there are specific mindfulness exercises for different scenarios.

    Don't criticise it until you've tried it. There have been several times when I've had episodes of mild depression/anxiety (I'm a natural born worrier) and sometimes taking some time out to focus on me and the here and now, rather than everything around me has stopped me from progressing to the point of needing to see someone for professional help. I am fully aware that a lot of cases are a lot more serious and complex, however I feel that with mental health problems, it is well worth trying every option available to you, whether that be talking, reading or listening to/participating in guided meditations.

    I really hope you find the help you need and find some inner peace soon.
    Originally posted by wantonnoodle

    I would suggest that you will find a deeper experience by learning some meditation techniques and then unplugging from phones/TV etc. and spending time in a place of nature while you do the mindfulness exercises. Guided meditation on CD`s/Apps or whatever is powerful but the stillness of nature is more powerful IMO.
    • EachPenny
    • By EachPenny 17th Sep 17, 5:01 PM
    • 2,125 Posts
    • 3,104 Thanks
    EachPenny
    A lot of countryside dwellers have a GIANT carbon footprint unless they live sustainability off the land, so not always as "civilised" as it might appear.
    Originally posted by boliston
    I guess you're right.... if you judge the level of civilisation on size of carbon footprint. Though most people see a greater level of civilisation as equating to greater carbon footprint.

    People living in the country tend to consider civilised as knowing who your neighbour's neighbour is, being able to trust people, not having problems like them parking in 'your spot', having community events, looking out for the elderly and vulnerable and noticing if their curtains haven't been drawn for a couple of days, the kids being able to walk to the shop on their own, calling the police if someone suspicious is in your neighbour's garden, being able to leave something in your garden without it being stolen, not constantly worrying if all your doors and windows are locked.

    But everyone has their own opinions of course.
    "In the future, everyone will be rich for 15 minutes"
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