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  • FIRST POST
    • LBT_UK
    • By LBT_UK 13th Sep 17, 3:00 PM
    • 9Posts
    • 16Thanks
    LBT_UK
    Bought a house, Really regret doing it.
    • #1
    • 13th Sep 17, 3:00 PM
    Bought a house, Really regret doing it. 13th Sep 17 at 3:00 PM
    Hello peeps,

    I be straight to the point.
    I'm a first time home owner with our new property, second time for my Partner. Moved from a Leasehold 1 bedroom flat, to a Brand New Freehold 3 bed detached house, only problem is we moved out of the area to get said house, and now I've come to the conclusion I just want to go back to our Home town, for a few reasons..

    Now I know people say that in time you will settle and adjust but here is the thing.

    On day one I regretted the move, realised I'd focused on the house but not things like where the house is (a quiet village) where I used to live in a Town (streetlights, people mooching about, more interaction with people).

    Now I know we all take time to adjust but it's been 4 months, I've literally stressed myself to the point of Anxiety attacks and I've not slept right since we moved. Every night I wake up on a knife edge, sweating, pounding heart and I cannot for the life of me get a decent nights sleep. I kept blaming various issues at the house, which on reflection aren't issues it's me simply trying to objectify my Anxiety into something which can be fixed.

    On top of this I didn't realise how much my journey is affecting my mental state either, it has doubled in time, and I need to take my partner to a local train station near my work and pick her up in the evenings as the travel cost from home is freakishly expensive considering the journey.

    I've explored the area and found we have a population of like 3,500 people tops and it's generally very, very quiet.

    I'm seeing the GP on Friday because i'm such a wreck and i'm trying to level myself out, and while my partner is being very supportive I had to admit yesterday that i'm not happy and I only see moving back to our old local as a way of re balancing my sanity. I hope the GP can sort me out but equally I'm not going to be on pills for the rest of my life rather than moving if moving will make the difference.

    Can anyone come in on this and tell me whether they have had Extreme Anxiety with Panic Attacks and Suicidal thoughts and got through it, or did you move back to where you felt more comfortable? I have a real mental health issue regarding this move and even if I get that sorted I can't say I am happy we did this.

    As I feel at the minute I need to level myself out, and look to move in the Spring even though it will only be 9-10 months since we bought and somehow offset the cost of moving again, selling anything I can and saving all spare cash as well to wards it.
Page 3
    • Time2go
    • By Time2go 14th Sep 17, 7:21 AM
    • 121 Posts
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    Time2go
    I personally think this is right forum as it's about effect house is having onhim. I can offer some experience on this and wouldn't have see. It on other forum as I don't go onit.

    Anyway I have always used to live near the centre of things whether that was in a small town or a city. Occasionally I would cat sit for my sister who lived in the suburbs and I used to hate it. I always felt constricted and if I had had to live there I'm sure it would have effected my wellbeing.

    We are now about to move from the city in a flat to a big four bed house more suitable however one of the criteria of choosing it was it wasn't in suburbs , it's on the edge of the burbs but on a bus route opposite a big supermarket and is a large estate with a big community and Facebook page. I therefore can totally understand where you are coming from. Also if this is first owned house the worry of things going wrong and affording things can get on top of you.

    I think seeing doctor, and holiday would be first steps to put some perspective on things have Christmas there (sometimes after a Christmas at home it can make you feel more settled) and revisit in new year.

    Btw they say it takes three years to be totally settled in a new area.
    • t0rt0ise
    • By t0rt0ise 14th Sep 17, 7:25 AM
    • 2,906 Posts
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    t0rt0ise
    I did similar but was renting so easier to move back. Distance was greater so my ex had to get a job back in the old place in order for it to work so that was our real problem. Once we'd made the decision to go I felt heaps better and put all my effort into saving up and so on. We moved back. The stay had been 10 months.

    You need to talk to your partner and decide what to do. You might decide to move back in a year and once the decision is made I'm betting you'll feel much better. Good luck.
    • moneyistooshorttomention
    • By moneyistooshorttomention 14th Sep 17, 8:03 AM
    • 13,426 Posts
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    moneyistooshorttomention

    Btw they say it takes three years to be totally settled in a new area.
    Originally posted by Time2go
    That sort of comment is one of the single most helpful type comments I had when I moved here.

    There is a lot of pressure it seems to me to say "I love it here", rather than thinking what one personally feels and I do understand some genuinely mean it and others possibly don't. It was so demoralising to hear so many people saying "I love it here" the second they moved and still saying it some weeks/few months later. Must admit I'd be interested to hear what those exact same people are saying a few years down the line.....

    Some throw themselves into being "more local than the locals" and forget their roots and how things are normally across the country as a whole and it is very irritating imo.

    The initial settling-in period somewhere can indeed take some time - even if it's been a voluntary move. It does take longer if it wasnt a voluntary move and for some may never happen or they "get into it" but will always have half an eye on whether they might get a chance to "turn back the clock and put right the circumstances that caused a forced move". I guess I'd count myself as forced move/have "got into it" but got half an eye open in case circumstances change (not particularly anticipated....). The "half an eye open" may or may not always be the case.
    Last edited by moneyistooshorttomention; 14-09-2017 at 8:07 AM.
    If there's "4 tendencies" type of people (Gretchen Rubin) = yep....Questioner type here
    - Meets an expectation only if they believe it's justified and resists anything arbitrary or ineffective
    • ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    • By ScorpiondeRooftrouser 14th Sep 17, 8:22 AM
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    ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    Well, my post's been removed and my hand's been slapped. 2nd infraction in 40 thousand odd posts. If I suddenly disappear it'll be because I'll have committed my 3rd infraction (3 strikes and you're out).

    I agree my post was unsympathetic, and apologise for that. But on a housing forum one expects to see housing-related issues and questions.

    There was no constructive housing advice that could be offered in this case. Sympathy - yes. Medical/mental health advice - yes. But this is not a health forum and nor is it mumsnet

    OK - should have just ignored the thread and moved on to where my help could actually make a difference.

    Mea Culpa!
    Originally posted by G_M

    No, you shouldn't have ignored it. All the people offering well-meaning advice are doing entirely the wrong thing. They are putting the OP at risk, not you. Nothing should be said except "this is not the right place, go to your doctor".
    • ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    • By ScorpiondeRooftrouser 14th Sep 17, 8:27 AM
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    ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    It is not a "mental health problem" to decide one has (possibly) made a mistake.

    Otherwise 99% of us would have mental health problems - as it's part of the human condition to make mistakes sometimes.

    I don't expect OP is finding it very helpful to be told they may be ill - when it doesnt look like that is the case at all.
    Originally posted by moneyistooshorttomention
    We are not dealing with someone who "thinks they have made a mistake". We are dealing with someone who is thinking of killing themselves because they feel they may have bought the wrong house. You think this is a perfectly normal reaction?

    When someone has such an extreme reaction to something like this then it is not about the thing they believe they are having a reaction to.

    Of course if the OP is exaggerating when they say they have seriously contemplated suicide then things are different, but they say they have, so it's foolish and dangerous to say anything to them except seek properly qualified advice immediately.
    • Doozergirl
    • By Doozergirl 14th Sep 17, 8:45 AM
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    Doozergirl
    No, you shouldn't have ignored it. All the people offering well-meaning advice are doing entirely the wrong thing. They are putting the OP at risk, not you. Nothing should be said except "this is not the right place, go to your doctor".
    Originally posted by ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    They aren't wrong at all.

    Having struggled with mental health issues myself, aling with, I suspect a huge proportion of people that frequent these boards, the absolute best thing you can do is talk. And if it is so bad that you feel suicidal then the best place to talk about that is *ANYWHERE*.

    People don't need stigmatising and told that their problems are inappropriately placed. What they need to know is that they are normal. And a place to speak about the practicalities of moving house is as good as any. And look, here on the housing board where apparantly we're all so professional (snort) and compassion isn't allowed to exist, it actually does. People are able to empathise and sympathise. Don't knock it. Mental health is often more about love and community than it is about doctors and anti-depressents.

    You know the old saying. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Especially where people are sensitive. The OP has made an appt to see their GP, so that's your side covered. Enough.
    Everything that is supposed to be in heaven is already here on earth.
    • Davesnave
    • By Davesnave 14th Sep 17, 9:00 AM
    • 23,114 Posts
    • 88,454 Thanks
    Davesnave

    Can anyone come in on this and tell me whether they have had Extreme Anxiety with Panic Attacks and Suicidal thoughts and got through it, or did you move back to where you felt more comfortable? ..
    Originally posted by LBT_UK
    Yes, I had anxiety and panic attacks in less enlightened times, about 30 years ago, but it wasn't in relation to buying a house.

    In those days, it took some time to get appropriate help and to understand the "Why?" of it, but once I did, I was able to reach a more comfortable place and then ditch the medication.

    I'd say you need to understand the "Why?" too. This might have been precipitated by the move, but it's often something far deeper than a change of house and location.
    'A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they'll never sit in.'
    • ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    • By ScorpiondeRooftrouser 14th Sep 17, 9:10 AM
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    ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    They aren't wrong at all.

    Having struggled with mental health issues myself, aling with, I suspect a huge proportion of people that frequent these boards, the absolute best thing you can do is talk. And if it is so bad that you feel suicidal then the best place to talk about that is *ANYWHERE*.

    People don't need stigmatising and told that their problems are inappropriately placed. What they need to know is that they are normal. And a place to speak about the practicalities of moving house is as good as any. And look, here on the housing board where apparantly we're all so professional (snort) and compassion isn't allowed to exist, it actually does. People are able to empathise and sympathise. Don't knock it. Mental health is often more about love and community than it is about doctors and anti-depressents.

    You know the old saying. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Especially where people are sensitive. The OP has made an appt to see their GP, so that's your side covered. Enough.
    Originally posted by Doozergirl
    But it is not normal at all, and telling them "Yes, it's perfectly normal to feel suicidal in your circumstances" is a terrible response. It isn't normal, they need help. And nobody here is qualified to give it.

    Telling them they might feel better if they take a holiday, or discussing the practicalities of moving again, is completely unsuitable. If you feel you are qualified, through experience or education, and want to talk to them about their suicidal feelings, go ahead. But talking about this in terms of a housing problem is entirely misguided. Whatever their problem really is, when it is fixed the chances are they will be perfectly happy in their house. It is not about the house.
    Last edited by ScorpiondeRooftrouser; 14-09-2017 at 9:13 AM.
    • Doozergirl
    • By Doozergirl 14th Sep 17, 9:19 AM
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    Doozergirl
    OP, I'm glad you're seeing your GP.

    I spent my life looking for 'happy' and being eluded. We moved house a lot.

    We bought our 'forever house' 13 years ago and lasted 18 months because it was too quiet.
    It was probably actually too noisy in my head.

    We then bought a house that I loved but we never lived in because my OH decided he didn't like it!

    We stayed in our last house for three years and I thought it was too dark, so wanted to move. Our neighbours were wonderful, the house had great character. There was nothing wrong with the house.

    When we moved to this house six years ago, I had a breakdown, much like you. I wasn't even as switched on as you are to acknowledge it as depression and anxiety. My GP told me. I then read every book I could from the 'books on prescription' section in library and I found a book for £1 in a shop called "Healing without Freud or Prozac". All of those things helped me start to see that I was fixable.

    I was obsessed about this house. I hated it. I found it, but my husband picked it and we bought it because it was sensible rather than love. I fixated on it for probably four years, even through recovery - I still thought the house was to blame for some of my unhappiness.

    A very wise lady told me "Wherever you go, there you are". You don't escape unhappiness by changing your environment. You feel good for a short time, but you've just released one particular anxiety. If you are fundamentally unhappy, it will creep back on you. When I understood this, I understood that I didn't need to move. I needed to learn how to be happy and stop worrying compulsively. I have acheived that and I love this house for what it is, my family home, perfectly good. I have decorated it again and put love in this time.

    We're all searching for a feeling and sometimes it's misguided that we get that feeling from outside. From a new house, or car or a new love. Often we think the feeling we get is happiness, but it's a temporary relief from the negative voice in the head that's pushing us into the neverending pursuit of happiness. We all have that voice.

    Happiness is very much an inside job. We can learn to conjure up good feelings - we are allowed!

    The house is not to blame for how you are feeling. I have no doubt that the move and the way you are feeling have co-incided. It's either that you actually were fine but thought there was something better in this shiny new house that you were missing and have realised that there was nothing missing at all.

    Or the anxiety has genuinely just started and you're projecting happiness back to where you were before.

    Either way, you can move back and there may be some improvements, but what you desperately need is some self love.

    Anxiety is an utter lie. Our body behaves in a way that convinces our brain that there is something desperately wrong and that we need to find a way to fix it. We often don't need things fixing at all, or ourselves. We just need to be found and know that we are enough. On a very simple level, I can rationalise when adrenaline starts coursing and heart rate rises and appreciate that nothing is happening, there is no immediate threat, I do not need to worry. I can calm the physical reaction with a logical response - not something I even considered before, I felt scared, there must be something to be afraid of. Mindfulness helps in those circumstance. The ability to be in the moment, not our thoughts.

    If you want to talk, PM me. You're not alone and I do understand how desperate and alone one can feel sometimes. I follow Richard Wilkins on facebook and he taught me vast amounts about being okay. And about it being okay to not be okay.
    Last edited by Doozergirl; 14-09-2017 at 9:50 AM.
    Everything that is supposed to be in heaven is already here on earth.
    • Doozergirl
    • By Doozergirl 14th Sep 17, 9:36 AM
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    Doozergirl
    But it is not normal at all, and telling them "Yes, it's perfectly normal to feel suicidal in your circumstances" is a terrible response. It isn't normal, they need help. And nobody here is qualified to give it.

    Telling them they might feel better if they take a holiday, or discussing the practicalities of moving again, is completely unsuitable. If you feel you are qualified, through experience or education, and want to talk to them about their suicidal feelings, go ahead. But talking about this in terms of a housing problem is entirely misguided. Whatever their problem really is, when it is fixed the chances are they will be perfectly happy in their house. It is not about the house.
    Originally posted by ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    I've left my tuppence worth since.

    Absolutely, it isn't about the house.

    I think you miss how important it is to just talk, even if people aren't giving you the solution. But there are plenty of people here with experience who have shared their own, and it does make people feel more normal just to know that there are many more of us mentalists than we could ever have imagined before we shared.

    And a board that isn't about mental health is the perfect place to discover that.

    It's fine to be concerned. If you don't have anything to add, don't add it. If you want to suggest they see a doctor, do so, but don't banish them for being inappropriate. It actually does perpetuate the stigma that mental health doesn't involve normal people. It's actually your issue, not theirs and certainly not mine.

    The thread started with the practicalities of moving house to solve a percevied problem. It was on topic and I couldn't actually care if it wasn't. I've got all day for the OP if they want it.
    Everything that is supposed to be in heaven is already here on earth.
    • getmore4less
    • By getmore4less 14th Sep 17, 9:43 AM
    • 29,781 Posts
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    getmore4less
    This is quite significant for this board as it highlights something often overlooked by people when moving.

    It can be very easy while focusing on the things you think you need to do for the next step in life to forget the routine that actually makes your life what it is.

    some people can adapt to routine disruption and be relatively OK others not so well.


    Moving from a town centre to a village will involve significant changes as the OP has found. often these types of moves are driven by more than just the property, could be change of work, the desire to have a garden and actively use it, better schools for the kids, nearer family, these additional motivations distract because you want to change.

    When the sole reason is the property(flat to house) and nothing to do with the rest of your life the changes can be highlighted even more especially if it disrupts elements of the social life.

    I would try to identify the core things that are now missing and is there anyway to replicate or replace with something else.

    If missing particular friends rather than go to them have them come to you.

    In the first post you say you miss people interaction if that is random/acquaintances look for alternative ways to make that happen.

    refocus on a hobby, look for new ones they can help fill a gap.

    Sometimes you forget how to go looking for things, we get into the routine of getting in the car going to work then coming home life becomes : house, car work, car, home.

    In your old locations over time you settle into that routine you know the coffee shop, takeaways, pubs, restaurant, shops etc. and that fills your life outside work/home.

    It can be very easy to forget that in a new place you have to explore to replace those routine parts of your life that you took for granted.
    walk places get a bike and cycle to places.

    Not saying it will fix the issue but might help understand if there is a compromise.

    Have a think back to your lifestyle and what you did in your old place outside work, hang around at home go out a lot eat in or out, takeaways, have people round etc.

    sometime it can be as simple as just misunderstanding the driver for change.

    eg. if you used to go out a lot it could be very easy to think that is because you don't like the flat when in reality you like going out a lot and need a better flat so you can still go out a lot.
    Then if at your new place you stopped going out you need to go out more.

    Have a think to see if there is anything like that.
    Last edited by getmore4less; 14-09-2017 at 9:55 AM.
    • ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    • By ScorpiondeRooftrouser 14th Sep 17, 9:48 AM
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    ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    I've left my tuppence worth since.

    Absolutely, it isn't about the house.

    I think you miss how important it is to just talk, even if people aren't giving you the solution. But there are plenty of people here with experience who have shared their own, and it does make people feel more normal just to know that there are many more of us mentalists than we could ever have imagined before we shared.

    And a board that isn't about mental health is the perfect place to discover that.

    It's fine to be concerned. If you don't have anything to add, don't add it. If you want to suggest they see a doctor, do so, but don't banish them for being inappropriate. It actually does perpetuate the stigma that mental health doesn't involve normal people. It's actually your issue, not theirs and certainly not mine.

    The thread started with the practicalities of moving house to solve a percevied problem. It was on topic and I couldn't actually care if it wasn't. I've got all day for the OP if they want it.
    Originally posted by Doozergirl

    Indeed, and I am sure your post is helpful, because it recognises this has nothing to do with the house. Whereas posts that address this as a housing problem are not.

    However I want to challenge the suggestion that anyone has said "mental health isn't about normal people". Nobody has said that. What I said, and will happily repeat, is that feeling suicidal due to these circumstances is not normal. It is not normal because they are ill. It is not normal in the same way that lying in bed all day with a headache and vomiting isn't normal - it means you are ill and should see a doctor.
    • starshapedbrick
    • By starshapedbrick 14th Sep 17, 10:18 AM
    • 33 Posts
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    starshapedbrick
    OP, I hope you get some help tomorrow when you see your Doctor. The way you describe feeling now isn't normal, but it doesn't mean that you will feel that way forever. The search for 'why?' in relation to anxiety and depression is understandable, but there isn't always a clear answer. We want there to be an event or circumstances that explains the way we feel, or makes it easier for us to explain to others what has caused our illness. The house may be the trigger or it may be part of your symptoms right now that you associate the house with the way you feel to such an extent that you associate being away from the house with recovery. That may or may not change with time and treatment. The house might be the problem that you can see right now. But that doesn't mean that it's the real issue, or even that there is a specific 'thing' that you can put a name to that is making you feel this way.

    Over the years, I have had panic attacks, anxiety and clinical depression but mine is endogenous - that is, without any external or environmental cause. I can get fixated on specific issues, at home or at work, which I tell myself and others are the 'cause' but I know that that's not real. It is for me about chemical imbalances in the brain and sometimes that means medication and other times I have ways of working through. There is rarely an easy answer to mental health problems, and you are suffering right now. But hopefully you will find what you need to move past it.

    Listen to your doctor, talk to your partner and your family, take the time you need to recover. Then make a decision on the house.
    Last edited by starshapedbrick; 14-09-2017 at 10:47 AM. Reason: Spelling
    • Doozergirl
    • By Doozergirl 14th Sep 17, 10:44 AM
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    Doozergirl
    Indeed, and I am sure your post is helpful, because it recognises this has nothing to do with the house. Whereas posts that address this as a housing problem are not.

    However I want to challenge the suggestion that anyone has said "mental health isn't about normal people". Nobody has said that. What I said, and will happily repeat, is that feeling suicidal due to these circumstances is not normal. It is not normal because they are ill. It is not normal in the same way that lying in bed all day with a headache and vomiting isn't normal - it means you are ill and should see a doctor.
    Originally posted by ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    I don't think anyone is disputing that it is unusual to be having suicidal thoughts. They are irrational thoughts.

    I think your use of the word normal and mine are different. People with mental health issues are normal, as are people with colds. Having suicidal thoughts is something that a lot of outwardly 'normal' people have.

    Putting 'suicidal thoughts aren't normal' with 'this is inappropriate discussion' sends an inappropriate message. Whilst I don't doubt your sincerity, having had a wider conversation, your initial few lines were flippant. You're saying 'there's something wrong with you, we can't help' when actually we can. Talking does help! Being listened to helps even more. In your real life, if someone shared that with you, would you genuinely cut them off telling them to speak to a doctor? That's dangerous.

    Rule number 1 in my book would be never to dismiss someone. What happens when everyone dismisses it, thinking it's someone else's responsibility? Lord knows the NHS is not geared up for everyone suffering.

    Some of the posts aren't that helpful and don't address the deeper issue, but it's an interesting read. I don't think that anyone has put the OP at risk but the least healthy thing to say is 'not here'. It doesn't acknowledge that all of us will have mental health issues at some point. If you think about it, a huge number of posts, while outwardly about house buying, are actually about people's anxieties! People playing mind games, pretending, paranoia, anxiety, misplaced anger and blame... we could send loads of people to a special 'mental health' board for irrational thoughts.

    I read my post to my husband. I cried as I did it. I didn't cry when I wrote it. I've come a long way in six years. My mental health has never been so robust, still recognising that I am sensitive. I'd love for the OP to read back on this post a few years down the line and feel the same way that I do.

    Healthy conversation, I think.
    Everything that is supposed to be in heaven is already here on earth.
    • Narkynewt
    • By Narkynewt 14th Sep 17, 10:56 AM
    • 101 Posts
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    Narkynewt
    Firstly, have a cup of tea and relax. Sending you lots of hugs and positive vibes xxx

    I think you need to speak to your GP. There seems to be more to this than just the move. Do you always find things to worry about?

    I would try councelling first and see how you feel over Christmas, you may take longer than 4 months to settle in.

    Have you tried meditation? I suffer from a bit of anxiety and have 2 young children so am always on the go and I have just started meditation yoga once a week and it's amazing!

    Good Luck, private message me if you like xx
    • ripplyuk
    • By ripplyuk 14th Sep 17, 11:03 AM
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    ripplyuk
    Some of the responses here have been unbelievably insensitive, even for this forum. Can people not manage to put a few kind words together for a fellow human being who is having suicidal thoughts, just because it's in the wrong section?? If they are incapable of that, they don't have to answer at all.

    OP, I understand how much housing can affect your mental health. It seems a lot of people don't. I ended up in hospital because of it. I would say if you're feeling that stressed over it, then move. It's been long enough, and otherwise, you're always going to wonder. The decision alone, and planning the move, might help you feel more hopeful about things straight away. Talk to your partner and your doctor. I hope things improve for you soon. xx
    • ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    • By ScorpiondeRooftrouser 14th Sep 17, 11:05 AM
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    ScorpiondeRooftrouser

    I think your use of the word normal and mine are different. People with mental health issues are normal, as are people with colds. Having suicidal thoughts is something that a lot of outwardly 'normal' people have.
    Originally posted by Doozergirl
    You are talking about "normal people". This is never helpful and not something I have done. I am talking about normal behaviours. Normal people have colds. When they are having a cold, this isn't normal for them or for anyone else.

    Putting 'suicidal thoughts aren't normal' with 'this is inappropriate discussion' sends an inappropriate message. Whilst I don't doubt your sincerity, having had a wider conversation, your initial few lines were flippant. You're saying 'there's something wrong with you, we can't help' when actually we can. Talking does help! Being listened to helps even more. In your real life, if someone shared that with you, would you genuinely cut them off telling them to speak to a doctor? That's dangerous.
    Originally posted by Doozergirl
    If I knew them, then of course not.- if I didn't know them and had very limited knowledge of their situation, I certainly wouldn't get into it. There's far too much chance of me saying something damaging due to my lack of expertise and knowledge - plus of course, I don't know whether they are even telling me the truth.

    I read my post to my husband. I cried as I did it. I didn't cry when I wrote it. I've come a long way in six years. My mental health has never been so robust, still recognising that I am sensitive. I'd love for the OP to read back on this post a few years down the line and feel the same way that I do.
    Originally posted by Doozergirl
    I'm sure your post will be helpful to them. It's a pity it will be a bit lost in a lot of posts about housing, and self-catering holidays. I'm perfectly happy for people who think they have expertise in the area to comment; it's just a pure fluke that you were here though and it would be much better for all the people who don't have such expertise to say nothing more than "see a professional; this is nothing to do with the house". I still maintain that if there was nothing here but people saying how "a lot of people feel bad about moving home" to someone who is genuinely suicidal, they are just reinforcing the suicidal tendency by reinforcing the erroneous belief that it is all about the house.
    • Crashy Time
    • By Crashy Time 14th Sep 17, 11:48 AM
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    • 2,105 Thanks
    Crashy Time
    Thank you for the Advice, I will look into the village life, maybe I do feel isolated, but I just feel very distressed at the house and only settle when I visit my father who is currently living with his GF.

    If I spend anytime at the house on my own I tend to cry without any cause and I can't stop. While staying at home to avoid the commute is a valid Idea the concept of being there on my own is horrifying and would increase my partners travel costs which wouldn't be good.
    Originally posted by LBT_UK

    Have you considered that the house might be haunted?
    • Crashy Time
    • By Crashy Time 14th Sep 17, 11:53 AM
    • 4,816 Posts
    • 2,105 Thanks
    Crashy Time
    Firstly, have a cup of tea and relax. Sending you lots of hugs and positive vibes xxx

    I think you need to speak to your GP. There seems to be more to this than just the move. Do you always find things to worry about?

    I would try councelling first and see how you feel over Christmas, you may take longer than 4 months to settle in.

    Have you tried meditation? I suffer from a bit of anxiety and have 2 young children so am always on the go and I have just started meditation yoga once a week and it's amazing!

    Good Luck, private message me if you like xx
    Originally posted by Narkynewt

    Probably the best bet outside seeing an "expert" IMO, but if you are having persistent suicidal thoughts you need to talk to a professional. Meditation helps ground you, helps you see the bigger picture and takes you out of limited thinking (such as living in a village x miles from where I used to live is a stressful event) to more positive uplifting thoughts ( I am part of a higher consciousness and my happiness does not depend on a house or a geographical location)
    Last edited by Crashy Time; 14-09-2017 at 11:57 AM.
    • phillw
    • By phillw 15th Sep 17, 9:08 AM
    • 806 Posts
    • 400 Thanks
    phillw
    As I feel at the minute I need to level myself out, and look to move in the Spring even though it will only be 9-10 months since we bought and somehow offset the cost of moving again, selling anything I can and saving all spare cash as well to wards it.
    Originally posted by LBT_UK
    I am not a doctor, but I've been through anxiety.

    It sounds like your fight or flight response has kicked in, but you are disoriented because you can't tell what you need to fight against or run away from. Your body keeps nagging at you to do something & won't stop until you release the right chemicals (the feel good chemicals you get from running or winning) which you are unable to do.

    Your brain makes connections which then repeats the cycle, every time you are stressed you think of the house & every time you think of the house you are stressed.

    CBT is about challenging those thoughts and breaking the connections. It sounds a little patronising but when you're wound up then you're not in a really good place to make objective decisions.

    It's hard to accept that your feelings towards the house are irrational, but it's the first step.
    Forget making big plans to take control, it's the little things in life that matter so much more. Smile, laugh, enjoy being with your partner.

    There are plenty of mediation and mindfulness apps you can put on your phone. I was recently recommended http://www.calm.com
    Last edited by phillw; 15-09-2017 at 9:11 AM.
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