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    • Mumin2017
    • By Mumin2017 11th Sep 17, 12:51 PM
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    Mumin2017
    School changing daughters class
    • #1
    • 11th Sep 17, 12:51 PM
    School changing daughters class 11th Sep 17 at 12:51 PM
    So my daughter returned to school last week looking forward to catching up with her classmates to be told they have moved her away from all her friends to the other half of the year, the side of the year she's never interacted with. She's devasted by the move and school didn't consult with us at all. Basically their is to many on one side of the year so they have had to move around 10 kids in nearly 200. Do I have any rights to redress this my daughter is feeling very left out at break times now and her confidence has taken a knock not to mention she no longer wants to go to school.
Page 1
    • Mumin2017
    • By Mumin2017 11th Sep 17, 12:54 PM
    • 7 Posts
    • 18 Thanks
    Mumin2017
    • #2
    • 11th Sep 17, 12:54 PM
    • #2
    • 11th Sep 17, 12:54 PM
    She's just gone into year 8 after spending a year bonding with her peers
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 11th Sep 17, 1:09 PM
    • 28,539 Posts
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    Mojisola
    • #3
    • 11th Sep 17, 1:09 PM
    • #3
    • 11th Sep 17, 1:09 PM
    Basically their is to many on one side of the year so they have had to move around 10 kids in nearly 200.
    Originally posted by Mumin2017
    The school wouldn't consult parents on such a move but I would expect them to move children with at least one friend.

    Have a calm discussion with the Headteacher.

    If the school won't make any changes, treat it as a life lesson for your daughter - children who move house settle down in schools that are totally new to them.
    • Zeni
    • By Zeni 11th Sep 17, 1:11 PM
    • 347 Posts
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    Zeni
    • #4
    • 11th Sep 17, 1:11 PM
    • #4
    • 11th Sep 17, 1:11 PM
    Oh no, that sounds rotten for your daughter - have you spoken to the school? I would given them a ring and see who you can talk to about your concerns.
    Swagbuckling since Aug 2016 - Earnings so far.. £55.
    • pinkshoes
    • By pinkshoes 11th Sep 17, 1:22 PM
    • 15,339 Posts
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    pinkshoes
    • #5
    • 11th Sep 17, 1:22 PM
    • #5
    • 11th Sep 17, 1:22 PM
    You need to speak to the school and state that she is very unhappy at having been moved away from her friendship group.

    Chances are they might have assumed she was friends with some of the others that have been moved, but clearly this is not the case.
    Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
    Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')

    No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 11th Sep 17, 1:27 PM
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    Savvy_Sue
    • #6
    • 11th Sep 17, 1:27 PM
    • #6
    • 11th Sep 17, 1:27 PM
    I don't know if this will help, but when DS1 moved up to secondary school, they were allowed to name one friend from Primary they'd like to be with - it was a Catholic primary so most were going to the Catholic secondary.

    He duly named his only friend, who hadn't been in the same class as him, but they were always together at break time. He was really looking forward to being in class with a friend.

    I was devastated when I heard that he was NOT being put with that friend, and I asked the school what was going on. Their explanation was that another child's mother had specifically asked that HER son be put with my son's friend, and given extenuating circumstances. I'm not even sure her son had named my son's friend ...

    Anyway, school wouldn't budge, gave me all the usual guff "they're all new, he's with others from his school, he'll soon make friends" etc. Which I didn't really buy because if he'd only made one friend in Junior School it wasn't like he was suddenly going to become Mr Popular, was it?

    However, there was nothing to be done, so I encouraged DS1 to get on with it, and look for his friend at breaktimes etc.

    In the end, I think DS1 came out of it best. He didn't make friends exactly, but his history teacher noticed that he didn't really interact with anyone so made a point of pairing him up with another boy rather than leaving him to his own devices. Those two got on OK, so then DS1 had both his original friend and this new buddy.

    As it happened, we moved at the end of Year 7, so he really WAS on his own at the start of Year 8. I won't pretend it was easy, but he survived.

    By all means talk to her tutor, and to the head of year / head of house (whatever structures you have there), to ensure they are aware of your daughter's feelings, but at the same time I'd encourage her to get stuck in, especially as others have been moved so will almost certainly be feeling the same.

    Are the two halves of the school separated at break times? If not then that can be a good chance to catch up.
    Still knitting!
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    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 11th Sep 17, 1:31 PM
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    Savvy_Sue
    • #7
    • 11th Sep 17, 1:31 PM
    • #7
    • 11th Sep 17, 1:31 PM
    Also does she do any out of school stuff with her 'old' friends? Remind her of that, remind her she can see them at other times.

    I think your attitude can help a lot, I said above that I was devastated, and I was, and very worried, but I did my best not to pass that on to him.
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 2 shawls, 3 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 1 seaman's hat ...
    Current projects: 1 shawl, another seaman's hat
    • Mumin2017
    • By Mumin2017 11th Sep 17, 1:37 PM
    • 7 Posts
    • 18 Thanks
    Mumin2017
    • #8
    • 11th Sep 17, 1:37 PM
    • #8
    • 11th Sep 17, 1:37 PM
    Thank you all for your input it's good yo hear other people's views. She's been incredibly upset as she struggles with any sort of change in or out of school and gets quite anxious something I made the school aware of in year 7. I'm really concerned about her education too as she's feeling so uncomfortable in her new setting that she's no concentrating add to that she's now sitting with boys who are distracting her. I've spoken to the school and I have a meeting with hoy tonight although I've already been told it will be very difficult to put her back as the other side is now full stating because she is clever and the higher sets were full. Also said they chose her because she shows maturity beyond her years, doesn't help me calm her fears though
    • Mumin2017
    • By Mumin2017 11th Sep 17, 1:39 PM
    • 7 Posts
    • 18 Thanks
    Mumin2017
    • #9
    • 11th Sep 17, 1:39 PM
    • #9
    • 11th Sep 17, 1:39 PM
    I've tried to convince her a move might mean a chance to spread her wings and meet more friends but she just shuts off. She's a very loyal friend but doesn't trust people unless she is completely at ease with them. Yes she is still meeting up with her friends at lunch but feels out of the conversation already at times
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 11th Sep 17, 1:56 PM
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    Savvy_Sue
    Well, let's hope they can at least sort out the class seating arrangements, and see if they can identify a class buddy for her.
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 2 shawls, 3 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 1 seaman's hat ...
    Current projects: 1 shawl, another seaman's hat
    • Mumin2017
    • By Mumin2017 11th Sep 17, 2:19 PM
    • 7 Posts
    • 18 Thanks
    Mumin2017
    I hope so seeing her upset this morning was horrible especially when school was a place shed previously loved attending. My main question really is if they dont agree to change her back could i report to the school governors
    • pogofish
    • By pogofish 11th Sep 17, 2:27 PM
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    pogofish
    Several of my schools used to relish doing this and dishing out the punishment/tin room time if you dared cross the arbitrary line in the playground to see them at break

    Usually with the "it will be better for you both" excuse but I still think they just liked to see kids suffer.
    • BorisThomson
    • By BorisThomson 11th Sep 17, 2:38 PM
    • 538 Posts
    • 883 Thanks
    BorisThomson
    I hope so seeing her upset this morning was horrible especially when school was a place shed previously loved attending. My main question really is if they dont agree to change her back could i report to the school governors
    Originally posted by Mumin2017
    You can report if you wish, but there's no reason why the governors would intervene.

    Speak to her tutor and ask for her to be buddied up. Reinforce the positive aspects of the move when she's home, don't be unsympathetic but also don't let her dwell. I'd bet by the end of the month she'll be settled and happy in her new group.
    • maman
    • By maman 11th Sep 17, 2:47 PM
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    maman
    I hope so seeing her upset this morning was horrible especially when school was a place shed previously loved attending. My main question really is if they dont agree to change her back could i report to the school governors
    Originally posted by Mumin2017
    You can but I doubt it would be successful. It's not as if your daughter is being singled out as she's one of 10.

    From what you've said, the numbers in the year group haven't risen since Year 7 just that they need to offer higher level groups to more pupils (presumably as a result of end of year assessment). If that's the case then the school is doing their best to offer the challenge needed for the pupils to progress so not to be complained about.

    As your only other option is to move schools where she'd not know anyone then I'd focus on helping her to settle, cope with work etc. Ask the HOY if tutors could help by pairing her with other girls in a similar position, in same ability groups. Also comment on the boys. This is a ploy to get the boys to work but it's not fair on your daughter being distracted. Ask advice about what she should do when they keep chatting.
    • PasturesNew
    • By PasturesNew 11th Sep 17, 2:52 PM
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    PasturesNew
    Somebody had to be moved, if not her then I bet anybody else would feel the same.

    Kids move house, town, county, country all the time.

    She might make better friends.... or more ....

    You can't just moan because your kid did. Life sucks a lot of the time and that's just how it rolls.
    • balletshoes
    • By balletshoes 11th Sep 17, 4:09 PM
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    balletshoes
    Thank you all for your input it's good yo hear other people's views. She's been incredibly upset as she struggles with any sort of change in or out of school and gets quite anxious something I made the school aware of in year 7. I'm really concerned about her education too as she's feeling so uncomfortable in her new setting that she's no concentrating add to that she's now sitting with boys who are distracting her. I've spoken to the school and I have a meeting with hoy tonight although I've already been told it will be very difficult to put her back as the other side is now full stating because she is clever and the higher sets were full. Also said they chose her because she shows maturity beyond her years, doesn't help me calm her fears though
    Originally posted by Mumin2017
    all you can do is, calmly and in person, put your daughter's point across in the meeting with the HoY. Yes, 10 children have had to be moved to even up the sides, but your child is unhappy about it. She feels uncomfortable and left out.
    • balletshoes
    • By balletshoes 11th Sep 17, 4:11 PM
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    balletshoes
    I hope so seeing her upset this morning was horrible especially when school was a place shed previously loved attending. My main question really is if they dont agree to change her back could i report to the school governors
    Originally posted by Mumin2017
    i would say no - but wait and see what the outcome of the meeting with the HoY brings.
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 11th Sep 17, 4:15 PM
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    cjdavies
    My nephew changed schools last week, leaving all his friends behind, coping all fine, happens all the time.
    Last edited by cjdavies; 11-09-2017 at 4:18 PM.
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 11th Sep 17, 4:43 PM
    • 16,088 Posts
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    FBaby
    Been there and yet, it's upsetting. They work so hard in Year 7 to build their friendship network, being taken away feels like all the efforts they put in was for nothing.

    The same happened to DD and she was totally taken aback. The reasons were exactly the same (top sets full). She struggled a bit in the first few weeks, but she made new friends much quicker than she thought she would (and did in Y7 when she knew nobody at all) and a couple of months later, she came home saying that this Year group was so much cooler, she couldn't believe she'd thought differently before.

    In Year 10, she was changed group yet again, but by then, she'd become the 'one who gets along with everyone and who everyone likes', and she went from one group to the other. In her last year, she actually attended another tutor group, and the teacher got so use to seeing her, he didn't even know she wasn't in that group!

    I think looking back, she will say that even though these weeks were not fun at all, it really help her learn to make friends and most importantly, to realise that you could become friends with people you never thought you'd get along with before actually getting to know them. I hope your DD's experience will be similar.
    • Mumin2017
    • By Mumin2017 11th Sep 17, 5:06 PM
    • 7 Posts
    • 18 Thanks
    Mumin2017
    Thank you I hope so too. Meeting didn't really go the way I hoped. Moving her back looks like it can't happen without disrupting another child which I don't want to do either. It's a case of suck it up or look at other option and as I really like the school this isn't something I want to do. Teacher was actually quite helpful. Her and my daughter are meeting tomorrow alone to discuss ways of helping her to adapt and forge new friendships. I think the school wants to push her forward with another set of high achieving girls and hinted that perhaps certain friends within her friendship group may not be a great idea pushing forwards. Thanks for your replies. Fingers crossed things will work out x
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