Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@. Skimlinks & other affiliated links are turned on

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • Jenga12
    • By Jenga12 10th Sep 17, 6:52 PM
    • 9Posts
    • 3Thanks
    Jenga12
    Adult Kids
    • #1
    • 10th Sep 17, 6:52 PM
    Adult Kids 10th Sep 17 at 6:52 PM
    My son is 20 and daughter 22; both at home. I've always bought them what they need rather than give them pocket money. But when should I stop? Both are at uni and doing well so they tell me I should be thankful for this.
    Latest - my son wants a room makeover. I said I would pay for his new window (approx. £500) as it's well past its sellby date. I was also to buy him a desk, I've already bought the bed. My budget for the desk was £55 (with him chipping in if it cost more) but he wanted something that matched his bed so I ended up spending £120 on a matching bookcase + desk. I suppose it's not too much but I've raised them myself for the last 20 years with not a penny in maintenance so money's always tight. Son didn't chip in. He's been out all summer with his pals, drinking etc etc. I've been at work all week and I've just taken out 9 bags of rubbish from his room. No sign of him and when I sent him a text about this, he swore at me. The swearing was sent to my daughter - '....tell the bxxxx to stop texting me'.
    I'm in my 50s and worked from the age of 20. I bought the little tyke a second hand car last year. I've raised a fool.
    Last edited by Jenga12; 10-09-2017 at 7:07 PM.
Page 1
    • comeandgo
    • By comeandgo 10th Sep 17, 6:58 PM
    • 1,802 Posts
    • 2,389 Thanks
    comeandgo
    • #2
    • 10th Sep 17, 6:58 PM
    • #2
    • 10th Sep 17, 6:58 PM
    No he's not a fool. Just a completely selfish human being.
    • candygirl
    • By candygirl 10th Sep 17, 7:04 PM
    • 25,623 Posts
    • 103,750 Thanks
    candygirl
    • #3
    • 10th Sep 17, 7:04 PM
    • #3
    • 10th Sep 17, 7:04 PM
    He's a disrespectful, spoilt brat.Time for the bank of Mum to close , asap! You've gone above n beyond for him, n aren't getting any respect or appreciation
    "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf"

    (Kabat-Zinn 2004)
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 10th Sep 17, 7:06 PM
    • 28,216 Posts
    • 71,780 Thanks
    Mojisola
    • #4
    • 10th Sep 17, 7:06 PM
    • #4
    • 10th Sep 17, 7:06 PM
    I've always bought them what they need rather than give them pocket money.

    I've raised an ungrateful fool.
    Originally posted by Jenga12
    You've taught him that you will buy him whatever he wants and that he can swear at you and get away with it.

    He won't change until you change.

    Can you find someone to store the bed and the matching furniture until he learns to appreciate what you do for him and to pay at least a share of the cost?
    • Kayalana99
    • By Kayalana99 10th Sep 17, 9:33 PM
    • 3,318 Posts
    • 5,950 Thanks
    Kayalana99
    • #5
    • 10th Sep 17, 9:33 PM
    • #5
    • 10th Sep 17, 9:33 PM
    It's difficult, I agree that he is being selfish but when you've raised your kids so many years one way then pull the rug out from under their feet what do you expect?

    I would have a sit down and a chat with them about how things will change, not just 'put your foot down' at their next request. I hate to say it, but I personally feel, if you have always bent over backwards and paid everything out for them then it's not their fault they are acting the way they do as they haven't been raised to respect and appreciate what they have. Small steps.
    People don't know what they want until you show them.
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 10th Sep 17, 10:03 PM
    • 37,657 Posts
    • 33,971 Thanks
    Savvy_Sue
    • #6
    • 10th Sep 17, 10:03 PM
    • #6
    • 10th Sep 17, 10:03 PM
    If he wants the makeover, it's definitely up to him to get the rubbish out of his room, I'd start preparing them with the skills they need for leaving home ASAP! Getting them involved with shopping, cooking, laundry and cleaning as a bare minimum.
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 1 shawl, 2 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure, 1 sock ...
    Current projects: 1 shawl, t'other sock (just about to turn the heel!)
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 15th Sep 17, 4:19 PM
    • 2,447 Posts
    • 5,966 Thanks
    ska lover
    • #7
    • 15th Sep 17, 4:19 PM
    • #7
    • 15th Sep 17, 4:19 PM
    Honestly this really makes my blood boil on your behalf


    STOP doing this kind of stuff for both of them, they are well past the age where you should be doing this kind of stuff for them! He should get a job if he wants special treats!


    He's a man child - and by keeping him a child, he will never grow up, paying for him to have a nice bedroom, cleaning the rubbish out of his room etc = yet he wants to be a man when it suits him to be out with his mates drinking


    As Savvy sue says, I would start prepping him for leaving home rather than making him even more comfy to live there, as it isn't going to help him any, to keep pampering him whilst putting up with abuse
    Blah blah blah.
    • spadoosh
    • By spadoosh 15th Sep 17, 4:30 PM
    • 4,346 Posts
    • 5,656 Thanks
    spadoosh
    • #8
    • 15th Sep 17, 4:30 PM
    • #8
    • 15th Sep 17, 4:30 PM
    I'd text him saying 'this b***h just revoked youre right to live in her house.... see ya!!!'

    And if you can find the middle finger emjoi give him a couple of them too!
    Don't be angry!
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

1,783Posts Today

6,839Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • Shana tova umetuka - a sweet Jewish New Year to all celebrating. I won't be online the rest of t'week, as I take the time to be with family

  • Dear Steve. Please note doing a poll to ask people's opinion does not in itself imply an opinion! https://t.co/UGvWlMURxy

  • Luciana is on the advisory board of @mmhpi (we have MPs from most parties) https://t.co/n99NAxGAAQ

  • Follow Martin