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    • Rags2riches
    • By Rags2riches 10th Sep 17, 3:29 PM
    • 42Posts
    • 12Thanks
    Rags2riches
    How to deal with a brother TAKEN over parents finances..
    • #1
    • 10th Sep 17, 3:29 PM
    How to deal with a brother TAKEN over parents finances.. 10th Sep 17 at 3:29 PM
    For several years my brother has been involved with my parents finances. Originally this came about with simple tips any forum member would be proud of... but earlier in the year I discovered he has completely taken over their finances and spent on their cards.

    During this time my parents:
    • Have discovered they have close to £140k in credit cards and overdrafts. They thought it was £30k.
    • Remortgaged their home to raise funds for an extension which never materialised. £40k has simply gone.
    • Cashed in life savings of around £20k, also long since gone.
    • Forced to sell their family home and move into rented to repay their interest-only mortgage.
    • Been subject to a complex banking arrangement involving around 30 different current accounts, so they find it difficult to keep track of their income.
    • Have had pensions of around £50k whilst living a very modest lifestyle on a tight budget.

    During this time my brother had complete access to their accounts. He's borrowed near to £35k from them but also been treating their accounts like they are his own, spending on their cards and causing confusion for my parents trying to work out who's spending was who's.

    Current situation:
    • I’ve tried approaching him directly but he refuses to speak to anyone other than our parents, completely cutting me out of his life.
    • I’ve tried putting them in touch with debt charities and provided details of IFA’s they could approach but he has created an ‘illusion’ that they are in control of their own finances and he really is just trying to help them.

    He has alluded:
    • There is no problem.
    • There is no need for anybody else to be involved and should anybody become involved this proves how ungrateful they are to him… he will be 'done with them', which they clearly do not want.
    • That they are incapable of looking after their own money, without his assistance, stating that financial advisers can’t do as good a job as he can and are only out to get paid.

    My concern is that he is still ‘assisting’ them and it appears they cannot ‘break-free’. They are about to receive £55k from the proceeds of their sale.

    What help is available?
    Last edited by Rags2riches; 10-09-2017 at 5:57 PM.
Page 7
    • Article50
    • By Article50 16th Sep 17, 12:44 PM
    • 25 Posts
    • 22 Thanks
    Article50
    Only if your parents have made wills to to that effect, do you know if they have ?

    Are there any more family members or just you and the brother ?
    • Rags2riches
    • By Rags2riches 17th Sep 17, 11:23 AM
    • 42 Posts
    • 12 Thanks
    Rags2riches
    Your mum is not aware she needs help. I don't know what's happened to your dad in all this. I would suggest your family has problems with boundaries, enmeshment and inappropriate behaviour that go way beyond £150k gone missing, or however much it is. No-one seems to know where they end and the next person begins. Since when did looking at each others' bank accounts become ok?
    Originally posted by ani*fan
    I couldn't agree more with this. When reading up about enmeshment it becomes a lot clearer. Thanks for this.

    Only if your parents have made wills to to that effect, do you know if they have ?

    Are there any more family members or just you and the brother ?
    Originally posted by Article50
    I'm not sure what plans they have for wills or whether they have any. I don't think they have any long term plans. They just live day-to-day. It could be a good way for me to broach the subject.
    Last edited by Rags2riches; 18-09-2017 at 7:26 AM.
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 18th Sep 17, 9:51 AM
    • 3,294 Posts
    • 5,004 Thanks
    Malthusian
    Wouldn't it lead to the parents appointing both sons as attorney which will just give the brother even more control over their money?
    Originally posted by Mojisola
    Probably to the first part. No to the second. It wouldn't give the brother any more control than he has already. It would however give the OP more control - the ability to ask for any statements for any accounts he wanted and to stop, or at least interfere with what the brother is doing.

    'm not sure what plans they have for wills or whether they have any.
    by Rags2riches
    If the facts are as you describe then there is very little point in them making Wills, because they don't have any money. The estate will be insolvent and the creditors will get everything.

    The only question is whether the debts are in joint names or single names - if in joint names the creditors will at least have to wait until the second death.
    • happened2me
    • By happened2me 4th Oct 17, 4:35 AM
    • 11 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    happened2me
    This may have already been suggested but how about running a credit report on your parents so you can see the extent of all the debt and accounts.
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