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    • alittleworried
    • By alittleworried 9th Sep 17, 10:18 PM
    • 18Posts
    • 1Thanks
    alittleworried
    Daughter....found morning after pill, disappointed. Advice.
    • #1
    • 9th Sep 17, 10:18 PM
    Daughter....found morning after pill, disappointed. Advice. 9th Sep 17 at 10:18 PM
    Okay take 2, lost last post ahhh.

    I'm a long term poster, don't know why..but just don't want to use my other username, silly really but...here goes. Please don't be harsh I know she's a adult.

    My daughter met new people during the summer and became a different person, wasn't in touch for days and when I called was abrupt. She can do what she wants etc. We have very few rules when they are old enough. Just let us know if your coming home, what time etc a little respect etc. Anyway she decided she was moving out, gutted inside but she's 19. We said if you need anything just ask your welcome back anytime.

    Anyway she wanted us to be guarantor we couldn't, we have enough to get by, couldn't afford to loose thousands. This was explained nicely.

    Came home then it was going to a festival for 4 days, free tickets etc. I had doubts due to her behaviour, dad against it, I said she'll be fine, behave. She went, best time ever etc. I was happy she enjoyed herself.

    Yesterday, recovering cutlery and plates from her and my other daughters room her bag fell over zip was open out fell ellaone think it was called, morning after pill. Absolutely gutted. This is due to the fact I think this was a after thought and she could have got it sooner. As I know what she done that week.

    I am scared incase it was to late, I was a young mum 2 kids at 19. If it happened when I think she might just have got it on time. I am disappointed as after a scare years ago, I have drummed it into her about safe sex and about condom and other birth control and how to get them,plus about diseases and how many people they've slept with etc. The other birth control was in relation to using condoms to.

    I am going to speak to her on Monday, when it's just us..I am hurt and scared, I haven't told her dad. She thinks something was up last night but I said I was tired. She goes to college and works, I don't know what to think my brain is in overload.

    Please no nasty comments, I know she's a adult but she still stays here. .
Page 3
    • alittleworried
    • By alittleworried 10th Sep 17, 2:10 AM
    • 18 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    alittleworried
    I am not surprised at concern but you seem irrational with this catastrophic thinking. You are just thinking the worst case scenario

    Every poster has told you to leave it alone and not bring up this situation with your daughter, no one is telling you its a good idea

    She hasn't come to you to say shes pregnant. You don't know that she is, she has taken precautions so in reality she is more likely NOT

    Your daughter seems like shes got her head screwed on, she got the morning after pill, it seems she has dealt with the situation

    But no, that is not good enough in your mind, you don't know if she took it on time or not or who she had sex with

    You seem well beyond concerned to me. I am not saying you are wrong, but you seem out of your mind with it all, like the only thing that will bring you peace of mind is to bring this up with your daughter even though this seems ill advised
    Originally posted by ska lover
    If you read earlier posts I did say maybe it's best not to bring it up to her. Hysterical nope, perfectly calm had 2 kids by the time I was 19, know what happens. I actually had 3 by 23. Yeah it's been hard, but the bills have been paid.

    Yeah, I don't know if she took it on time, said that on the original post. ..hence post advice...which I've taken on board. I don't think I will bring it up, I was only looking for advice. Not looking to made out like some hysterical idiot which I'm not.

    (Text removed by MSE Forum Team)
    Last edited by MSE ForumTeam5; 10-09-2017 at 8:34 AM.
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 10th Sep 17, 2:30 AM
    • 2,447 Posts
    • 5,966 Thanks
    ska lover
    If you read earlier posts I did say maybe it's best not to bring it up to her. Hysterical nope, perfectly calm had 2 kids by the time I was 19, know what happens. I actually had 3 by 23. Yeah it's been hard, but the bills have been paid.

    Yeah, I don't know if she took it on time, said that on the original post. ..hence post advice...which I've taken on board. I don't think I will bring it up, I was only looking for advice. Not looking to made out like some hysterical idiot which I'm not.
    Originally posted by alittleworried
    Great, glad that has been cleared up
    Blah blah blah.
    • coolcait
    • By coolcait 10th Sep 17, 2:44 AM
    • 4,095 Posts
    • 13,123 Thanks
    coolcait
    Thanks again iamumtoone, I know because the label was on the box. Her full name wasn't written in full so I think she got it under the minor ailment scheme Scotland.
    Originally posted by alittleworried
    Badmemory, don't think so since it was a free prescription. Thank you.
    Originally posted by alittleworried
    ... it's not the normal morning after pill she has taken, it's the other 5 day one... ....
    Originally posted by alittleworried
    I don't recall labels being put on the boxes of any of the medicines my family has received through the minor ailment scheme.

    Over and above that, I understand that, in Scotland, EllaOne is only available on prescription. You can get that prescription from your GP or a sexual health clinic. It is free (seems odd writing that when - as you will know if you are Scotland - prescriptions are free)

    Various publicly available Health Board circulars also make the point that, although EllaOne may usually be prescribed for cases where intercourse took place 3 - 5 days previously, it can be prescribed in cases where intercourse took place 1-3 days previously.

    It depends on the assessment of the individual - e.g. for teenagers or depending on where the woman is in her menstrual cycle.

    Your daughter has gone to a medical professional who has assessed her individual medical needs, and given her a prescription.

    She has acted like an adult. She deserves to be treated like one.
    • alittleworried
    • By alittleworried 10th Sep 17, 2:53 AM
    • 18 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    alittleworried
    Well my youngest had a prescription from minor aliments only last Saturday and guess what it was on the product/item as well as the bag so guess your wrong. The prescription morning after pill didn't have my daughters full name so never came from doctor, or it would have full name and said Free on it. It can be prescribed but as I already explained due to when she was at college she would only have needed the other tablet, though the other tablet probably/may not have worked. Fully aware prescriptions are free in Scotland.

    I wrote I was in Scotland as fully aware England pays.
    • coolcait
    • By coolcait 10th Sep 17, 3:13 AM
    • 4,095 Posts
    • 13,123 Thanks
    coolcait
    Well my youngest had a prescription from minor aliments only last Saturday and guess what it was on the product/item as well as the bag so guess your wrong. The prescription morning after pill didn't have my daughters full name so never came from doctor, or it would have full name and said Free on it. It can be prescribed but as I already explained due to when she was at college she would only have needed the other tablet, though the other tablet probably/may not have worked. Fully aware prescriptions are free in Scotland.

    I wrote I was in Scotland as fully aware England pays.
    Originally posted by alittleworried
    Emergency contraception is not on the list of things covered by the minor ailments scheme.

    Just checked several prescription items - for three members of the family - none of the labels says 'Free'.

    If the prescription was given by a sexual health clinic, they may not have had your daughter's full name. They may have a privacy policy which means that they simply don't put the patient's full name on the prescription.

    Nothing you have said rules out the possibility that your daughter has seen her GP or a sexual health specialist. Much of what you have said actually points towards that having happened.

    EllaOne can be prescribed 1-3 days after the woman has had sex - depending on the individual woman's circumstances.

    You've convinced yourself that your daughter has had unprotected sex at the festival; you've convinced yourself that she couldn't have had sex at any time since then; you've convinced yourself that she has been prescribed EllaOne because she delayed going to get emergency contraception.

    Unless you follow her around everywhere, you cannot really 'know' any of the above.

    The medical professional who prescribed the emergency contraception probably 'knows' far more about the reality of the situation than you do.
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 10th Sep 17, 4:48 AM
    • 2,755 Posts
    • 6,165 Thanks
    gettingtheresometime
    Well done gettingthere, but she's been taking nothing obviously and has had no antibiotics so different situation. We've had plenty chats about contraception as I've had with my other children, as I feel it's important. Well done being knowing the situation, different here.
    Originally posted by alittleworried
    Ok my post obviously got lost in translation.

    I was trying to demonstrate that I didn't appreciate my mum initiating a conversation that involved my sex life.

    I appreciate that you want something different for your daughter but you need to chill a little, if you already haven't.
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    • chesky
    • By chesky 10th Sep 17, 6:26 AM
    • 781 Posts
    • 1,068 Thanks
    chesky
    Actually, the most alarming thing is that you were clearing out plates and cutlery from your daughters' bedroom!
    • determined new ms
    • By determined new ms 10th Sep 17, 7:53 AM
    • 6,437 Posts
    • 36,735 Thanks
    determined new ms
    it seems to me this situation is triggering some other stuff for you op. Obviously around how difficult it was for you (on many levels) as a teenage parent. I was a teenage parent so I get that.

    I think that if she hasn't brought this to you, maybe you should leave it for the time being. Your op post says she has become more secretive recently so implies she would find this discussion intrusive. It sounds like you have done a good job and she is responsible - even if she has been irresponsible! She's not you and so even if she experienced the exact same experiences as you they would be different. She has had different influences in her life.

    When my kids were teenagers they didn't want to tell me certain stuff about their lives. Me trying to initiate a conversation they didn't want to discuss was never appreciated. Over the years I learnt better ways to have trickier conversations, so they felt I was on their side rather than being intrusive and judging. My daughter is more open with me but my son let's me know if a topic is none of my business and not up for discussion. He's an adult and gets to choose what parts of his life I'm involved in.

    I think the important thing is she knows you are there to support her whatever the situations she finds herself in without judgement or reproach. It would be difficult to do this if she were pregnant and your response is partly about her pregnancy and partly about your own stuff around your earlier life.
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    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 10th Sep 17, 8:32 AM
    • 15,811 Posts
    • 39,525 Thanks
    FBaby
    We can reading posts here when it comes to 18 yo contributing to paying bills etc... when they stay with their parents with clear comments that 'they are adults now so why shouldn't they contribute'. The same applies to the matters we used to have control over. We relinquish that power when they turn 18. It means seeing our kids doing things we don't like, but they have now become their own person before remaining our children.

    That doesn't mean we can't have discussions with them and still share view points and advice, but the time by which we can tell them what they should do has gone. You got pregnant early and don't want your DD to be. However, if that's what she wanted, there is nothing you could do about it, so no point getting anxious about it.
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