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  • FIRST POST
    • alittleworried
    • By alittleworried 9th Sep 17, 10:18 PM
    • 18Posts
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    alittleworried
    Daughter....found morning after pill, disappointed. Advice.
    • #1
    • 9th Sep 17, 10:18 PM
    Daughter....found morning after pill, disappointed. Advice. 9th Sep 17 at 10:18 PM
    Okay take 2, lost last post ahhh.

    I'm a long term poster, don't know why..but just don't want to use my other username, silly really but...here goes. Please don't be harsh I know she's a adult.

    My daughter met new people during the summer and became a different person, wasn't in touch for days and when I called was abrupt. She can do what she wants etc. We have very few rules when they are old enough. Just let us know if your coming home, what time etc a little respect etc. Anyway she decided she was moving out, gutted inside but she's 19. We said if you need anything just ask your welcome back anytime.

    Anyway she wanted us to be guarantor we couldn't, we have enough to get by, couldn't afford to loose thousands. This was explained nicely.

    Came home then it was going to a festival for 4 days, free tickets etc. I had doubts due to her behaviour, dad against it, I said she'll be fine, behave. She went, best time ever etc. I was happy she enjoyed herself.

    Yesterday, recovering cutlery and plates from her and my other daughters room her bag fell over zip was open out fell ellaone think it was called, morning after pill. Absolutely gutted. This is due to the fact I think this was a after thought and she could have got it sooner. As I know what she done that week.

    I am scared incase it was to late, I was a young mum 2 kids at 19. If it happened when I think she might just have got it on time. I am disappointed as after a scare years ago, I have drummed it into her about safe sex and about condom and other birth control and how to get them,plus about diseases and how many people they've slept with etc. The other birth control was in relation to using condoms to.

    I am going to speak to her on Monday, when it's just us..I am hurt and scared, I haven't told her dad. She thinks something was up last night but I said I was tired. She goes to college and works, I don't know what to think my brain is in overload.

    Please no nasty comments, I know she's a adult but she still stays here. .
Page 2
    • IAmWales
    • By IAmWales 9th Sep 17, 11:20 PM
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    IAmWales
    She wouldn't skip the first day back, that's for sure. I just know something happened at that festival.
    Originally posted by alittleworried
    Do you? You're assuming an awful lot and you don't really know anything.

    Put it out of your mind. It is none of your business.
    • alittleworried
    • By alittleworried 9th Sep 17, 11:28 PM
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    alittleworried
    Ono, I had asked several times for her to bring the stuff down, I wasn't snooping. Yes she's entitled to a private life, though there may be consequences which could affect everyone. I'm not stupid I know what teens are like. I'm not a monster.

    Elsien, I know what your saying. Your post just seemed to insinuate I was snooping which I wasn't, if I was I'd admit it, it's anonymous here. I've always been honest and open, at 16 she thought she might have been, there was no yelling and shouting just a true honest heart to heart, where I went over contraception again. I honestly want the best for her, I'm not a monster and i will be there. I suppose I want more for her. If she says mind my own that's fine.

    I've been posting for about 10 years, so I understand all replies and thank you all. We might not agree but that's the way forums work.
    • alittleworried
    • By alittleworried 9th Sep 17, 11:30 PM
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    alittleworried
    Iamwales, I know really it's none of my business. Easier said than done putting it out my mind, sorry about that.

    Plus if it did happen that day she wouldn't need the 5 day pill.
    Last edited by alittleworried; 09-09-2017 at 11:46 PM.
    • badmemory
    • By badmemory 9th Sep 17, 11:45 PM
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    badmemory
    Of course it is always possible that she has taken the lessons you taught her very seriously. So seriously that she has made sure that she always has a morning after pill & the one you found was the replacement.
    • alittleworried
    • By alittleworried 9th Sep 17, 11:48 PM
    • 18 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    alittleworried
    Badmemory, don't think so since it was a free prescription. Thank you.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 10th Sep 17, 12:18 AM
    • 15,040 Posts
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    elsien
    Tried to type out lots of answers and they all sound wrong, so apologies in advance if it sounds like I'm having a go because that's not my intention.

    You are very focussed on "what if it's too late and she's pregnant." Which is understandable because it's not what you want for her.
    But if you go in like that, what she's going to hear is 1) mum's been invading my privacy and 2) mum thinks I'm an idiot who has got myself in a mess and she doesn't trust me to be able to deal with it.
    So,
    If she's not needed the pill then you've alienated her.
    If she's needed it but it's worked she may well want to maintain her privacy so you've alienated her.
    If the pills not worked then she won't know for sure for a while anyway and could probably do without the conversation about what next until she's had time to process it herself. She may even decide to deal with it without telling you. I had friends at that age who had abortions and their parents were none the wiser.
    Do you really need to talk to her specifically about what you've found or can it be a more general conversation so she can be reminded you will be there for her if it ever comes to it?
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 10th Sep 17, 12:39 AM
    • 2,747 Posts
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    gettingtheresometime
    I can remember many many moons ago going in the pill & sometime later having to have antibiotics.

    My mother then felt the need to have a 'chat' about antibiotics affecting the pill. I quickly informed her than as a responsible adult I knew the situation.

    Please don't have the chat. She won't appreciate it.
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - the Argos Card!
    • alittleworried
    • By alittleworried 10th Sep 17, 12:46 AM
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    alittleworried
    Elsien, thank you. I may have taken one of your reply wrong, defensive probably but I appreciate your replies.

    I know a few girls when I was at school had abortions at 14/15 and there parents didn't know, maybe it's me but if that did happen I would want to help.

    I don't want to alienate her, I have said nothing but at the end of the day I am concerned she could be. I was even joking about boys on her way back when she asked for money to be transfered. I spoke about contraception again before she went away. I know things happen, I wanted her prepared, so to say.

    We've had the talk if it happened as a old friend of hers is pregnant. I chucked everything back in the bag, so she doesn't know I found it. Maybe it's best I say nothing, though I always thought it was a relationship were things could be said. I had 2 kids when I was her age. It's the if. She has taken it, as far as I know.
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 10th Sep 17, 12:50 AM
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    ska lover
    I understand your concern OP, but I don't think you should 'talk to her' - what will it achieve? It is going to make it look as if you are snooping. and it will be an embarrassing conversation for her mother to confront her about having unprotected sex. I understand this is a massively important topic, but really if you grill her about it, i cannot see any good coming out of it. She will think you are snooping and could get defensive and this will only reinforce her desire to move out.

    Seriously I think you need to get a grip on the fact your daughter is now an adult - i mean saying the words, and living with it are two different things I know this

    Wasn't in touch for days? This is her way of telling you to back off you are crowding her. You will have to get used to this when she moves out, perhaps not hearing from her for weeks

    I really think you need to give her some space and stop fretting.
    Blah blah blah.
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 10th Sep 17, 12:51 AM
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    gettingtheresometime
    Elsien, thank you. I may have taken one of your reply wrong, defensive probably but I appreciate your replies.

    I know a few girls when I was at school had abortions at 14/15 and there parents didn't know, maybe it's me but if that did happen I would want to help.

    I don't want to alienate her, I have said nothing but at the end of the day I am concerned she could be. I was even joking about boys on her way back when she asked for money to be transfered. I spoke about contraception again before she went away. I know things happen, I wanted her prepared, so to say.

    We've had the talk if it happened as a old friend of hers is pregnant. I chucked everything back in the bag, so she doesn't know I found it. Maybe it's best I say nothing, though I always thought it was a relationship were things could be said. I had 2 kids when I was her age. It's the if. She has taken it, as far as I know.
    Originally posted by alittleworried
    I've done things I would never dream of telling my mum.

    There are some things that only she can initiate the conversation about.

    Just let her know that she can talk to you about ANYTHING without you losing the plot......that way if the **** did ever hit the fan she could come to you.
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - the Argos Card!
    • alittleworried
    • By alittleworried 10th Sep 17, 12:52 AM
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    alittleworried
    Well done gettingthere, but she's been taking nothing obviously and has had no antibiotics so different situation. We've had plenty chats about contraception as I've had with my other children, as I feel it's important. Well done being knowing the situation, different here.
    • goodwithsaving
    • By goodwithsaving 10th Sep 17, 1:11 AM
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    goodwithsaving
    You're coming to all sorts of conclusions without actually discussing this with your daughter (which I also don't think you should initiate).
    When I was 19, I certainly wasn't going to discuss my sex life with my mother - it's none of her business and we're mother / daughter, not friends. That hasn't changed as I've got older either.
    If it was under your roof, it would be different. But you say it wasn't.
    Perhaps she wanted to move out because she had limited privacy, this certainly isn't going to help matters.
    She'll come to you when she's ready.
    Every time you borrow money, you’re robbing your future self. –Nathan W. Morris
    • alittleworried
    • By alittleworried 10th Sep 17, 1:11 AM
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    alittleworried
    Ska lover, she was staying in my home where there's rules, she said she was going to move out, she was told welcome back if you need anything let us know...it didn't happen. Yes she's a adult living in my home, hers also but there's rules. Unprotected sex is a big issue, for various reasons as I'm sure all are aware.

    I fully understand she's a adult, I said that at the start, her actions could cause consequences not just for herself but others in this house, your answer is very blaze, she's a adult she can do what she wants, but she lives here. If she moved out and wasn't in touch for weeks that's up to her, but she stays here. Some mothers it wouldn't bother them.
    Crowding her how, you obviously know more than me.
    Gettingthere she knows she can speak to me, she thought she was pregnant at 16, the talk had been going on before then.
    • coolcait
    • By coolcait 10th Sep 17, 1:14 AM
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    coolcait
    ...she knows she can speak to me,...
    Originally posted by alittleworried
    Then let her do that - if/when she wants to.
    • badmemory
    • By badmemory 10th Sep 17, 1:14 AM
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    badmemory
    Badmemory, don't think so since it was a free prescription. Thank you.
    Originally posted by alittleworried
    It depends on how determined she is not to get pregnant.

    Many years ago I used to be susceptible to an infection. After it starting late on Thursday night, that's the one before Good Friday, I couldn't get treatment until the Tuesday, which meant I needed twice the dosage & the whole thing was much more unpleasant than usual. Shortly after I thought I may have it again so got a prescription it turned out I didn't need. After that I used the medication whenever I felt I needed it & then replaced it. Can you be 100% sure she has not done a similar thing.

    She has been sensible enough to get the morning after pill, that is not something to be disappointed about. It would be much more disappointing for her to say in 5 months time that she has been concealing her pregnancy & it is way to late to do anything about it.

    Although I do understand that I may well react differently if it was my daughter. Please do try not to overreact. It won't end well.
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 10th Sep 17, 1:40 AM
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    ska lover
    Ska lover, she was staying in my home where there's rules, she said she was going to move out, she was told welcome back if you need anything let us know...it didn't happen. Yes she's a adult living in my home, hers also but there's rules. Unprotected sex is a big issue, for various reasons as I'm sure all are aware.

    I fully understand she's a adult, I said that at the start, her actions could cause consequences not just for herself but others in this house, your answer is very blaze, she's a adult she can do what she wants, but she lives here. If she moved out and wasn't in touch for weeks that's up to her, but she stays here. Some mothers it wouldn't bother them.
    Crowding her how, you obviously know more than me.
    Gettingthere she knows she can speak to me, she thought she was pregnant at 16, the talk had been going on before then.
    Originally posted by alittleworried
    I know you are upset, but there is no need to be defensive - i think people are genuinely trying to help and would like to see a positive outcome

    It seems obvious that you really need to calm down

    The consensus is the bull in a china shop approach is not the way forwards here and you need to back off and let her come to you if she WANTS to. You use the word 'adult' a lot, but you treat her like a kid, picking up dishes in her room, forcing embarrasing conversations
    Last edited by ska lover; 10-09-2017 at 1:45 AM.
    Blah blah blah.
    • alittleworried
    • By alittleworried 10th Sep 17, 1:40 AM
    • 18 Posts
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    alittleworried
    Coolcait, I understand the well let her speak when if she wants, I would think that to if I saw a thread like this. It's not that easy. She lives here, if my suspicions are correct this has happened with a stranger not someone she's be dating. She stays here and yes, it could change the dynamics of the whole house if she was. I understand she may not be, I've taken everything on board.

    Badmemory, it's not the normal morning after pill she has taken, it's the other 5 day one. I'm not overreacting I've said nothing and may yet say nothing. Now I know she's taken it, my worry is could she be as I've got a strong feeling it wasn't taken in time. Thank you for your reply. She's been using no contraception obviously, it wasn't even a month a go I was going through all the different types again with her. I was explaining how she could get them, I go through it with them all from a young age, explain everything, from accidents how important condoms are, along with other birth control. I've been a teenage mum.
    • alittleworried
    • By alittleworried 10th Sep 17, 1:48 AM
    • 18 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    alittleworried
    I know you are upset, but there is no need to be defensive - i think people are genuinely trying to help.

    It seems obvious that you really need to calm down though as you seem hysterical
    Originally posted by ska lover
    Hysterical, don't think so. Concerned. I've been perfectly calm and explained my side of what people have said. Yes I did question you post. ..why not you seemed to know something I didn't.

    I questioned others to and explained my side...hysterical no. Concerned yes. Others find themselves in situations like this and do damn all about it. All I asked for was advice. I've been a poster for about 10 years know how threads can go, 99% off posters have been helpful and if I've questioned them they've explained, where there thinking from. You're the 1% who tried to make a argument I didn't agree and said I'm hysterical...get a grip. I'm concerned.

    Love the last edit of your post..The last paragraph, so far from the truth. Did you just loose the word hysterical along with the rest of the post making me out to be a idiot.
    Last edited by alittleworried; 10-09-2017 at 2:22 AM.
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 10th Sep 17, 1:58 AM
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    ska lover
    Hysterical, don't think so. Concerned. I've been perfectly calm and explained my side of what people have said. Yes I did question you post. ..why not you seemed to know something I didn't.

    I questioned others to and explained my side...hysterical no. Concerned yes. Others find themselves in situations like this and do damn all about it. All I asked for was advice. I've been a poster for about 10 years know how threads can go, 99% off posters have been helpful and if I've questioned them they've explained, where there thinking from. You're the 1% who tried to make a argument I didn't agree and said I'm hysterical...get a grip. I'm concerned.
    Originally posted by alittleworried
    I am not surprised at concern but you seem irrational with this catastrophic thinking. You are just thinking the worst case scenario

    Every poster has told you to leave it alone and not bring up this situation with your daughter, no one is telling you its a good idea

    She hasn't come to you to say shes pregnant. You don't know that she is, she has taken precautions so in reality she is more likely NOT

    Your daughter seems like shes got her head screwed on, she got the morning after pill, it seems she has dealt with the situation

    But no, that is not good enough in your mind, you don't know if she took it on time or not or who she had sex with

    You seem well beyond concerned to me. I am not saying you are wrong, but you seem out of your mind with it all, like the only thing that will bring you peace of mind is to bring this up with your daughter even though this seems ill advised
    Blah blah blah.
    • goodwithsaving
    • By goodwithsaving 10th Sep 17, 1:59 AM
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    goodwithsaving
    Concerned and going in circles. Perhaps, instead of discussing your daughters sex life with a forum - address the issue directly to her if you are that concerned.
    Every time you borrow money, you’re robbing your future self. –Nathan W. Morris
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