Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • MSE Sarah
    • By MSE Sarah 7th Sep 17, 1:30 PM
    • 105Posts
    • 56Thanks
    MSE Sarah
    Money Moral Dilemma: How much should we charge our daughter for living with us?
    • #1
    • 7th Sep 17, 1:30 PM
    Money Moral Dilemma: How much should we charge our daughter for living with us? 7th Sep 17 at 1:30 PM
    This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

    Our daughter has returned home after flying the nest as she found the cost of independent living too expensive. She earns over £20,000 a year after tax and has plenty of money left over each month for clothes and social events. We want to be reasonable parents but would appreciate a small contribution regularly to help us with the extra costs and she is not keen on this suggestion. This is causing a bit of an atmosphere at home as we are not wealthy and are economising every day. What would be a reasonable amount to charge?

    Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

    If you havenít already, join the forum to reply!

    This Forum tip was included in MoneySavingExpert.com's weekly email!
    Grab the latest MSE Deals
    Follow the Deals Team on Twitter: @MSE_Deals
    Get Martin's Money Tips
    Join the MSE Forum
Page 9
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 18th Sep 17, 11:57 AM
    • 18,551 Posts
    • 47,769 Thanks
    Pollycat
    My suggestion would be that as it is vital that she is realistic about the cost of living that you charge her what it would cost to rent a shared place and feed herself. However, you tell her that you will give it all back to her when she leaves to buy her own property (maybe less a small charge for the actual increased costs if you feel that is necessary.)
    This way she gets used to the costs of real life but also prepares to be independent.
    Originally posted by david24morgan
    The OP's daughter has already tasted the independent life and has decided that she doesn't like 'the costs of real life'.
    Hence her moving back home.
    Our daughter has returned home after flying the nest as she found the cost of independent living too expensive. She earns over £20,000 a year after tax and has plenty of money left over each month for clothes and social events. We want to be reasonable parents but would appreciate a small contribution regularly to help us with the extra costs and she is not keen on this suggestion. This is causing a bit of an atmosphere at home as we are not wealthy and are economising every day. What would be a reasonable amount to charge?
    Originally posted by MSE Sarah
    • svain
    • By svain 18th Sep 17, 5:14 PM
    • 228 Posts
    • 403 Thanks
    svain
    There is no indication in the original post that this is the case.
    Originally posted by Pollycat

    No there isnt ... i was just highlighting the exception i would consider
    • AmethystEmerald
    • By AmethystEmerald 19th Sep 17, 11:04 AM
    • 2 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    AmethystEmerald
    When I lived at home I had to pay my parents a third of my net take home pay (including any overtime). My children when they live at home pay a set monthly amount which we have agreed on together. They know where the door is if they don't like it!
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 19th Sep 17, 1:47 PM
    • 18,551 Posts
    • 47,769 Thanks
    Pollycat
    There's a new thread from a poster who's asked her daughter - earning £21k pa - to pay £250 pcm board.
    Daughter is not happy.

    Where do these adult children get such a sense of entitlement from?
    • donny jim
    • By donny jim 19th Sep 17, 4:25 PM
    • 49 Posts
    • 15 Thanks
    donny jim
    I think on her wages £100p.w. Is reasonable, you have to tell her it's time she paid her way, what was she paying before she came back home. Include rent,gas,electric,food and weekly household items. Then you could halve it or recommend say £100p.w. Then you could save any surplus to give back to her the day she leaves. Charge too little and she will probably never leave.
    • Ricky.skingsley
    • By Ricky.skingsley 19th Sep 17, 4:27 PM
    • 1 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    Ricky.skingsley
    To me this is fairly simple. If she uses something she pays for it. So split things like the utilities equally. If she wants food she pays her share. If she wants TV she pays her share.

    But the mortgage is not hers, she does not get equity in the house each month so that should not be split. But she does use a bedroom, so depending on the size I'd charge about £100 per month for it (growing up my sister used to pay less than me as her room was considerably smaller). Sky multi room is £10 per month so if she wants that then she pays that.

    If she wants you to wash iron etc then that is extra. Break it down and it's up to her what she want to pay. If she helps around the house areas that are not hers (cooking, ironing, cleaning etc) then she could be offered discounts. Her room is hers to clean so nothing special for that.

    The benefit of this is it is cheaper than moving out. If she wants it even cheaper she knows what she has to do. Also she has to be treated like an equal in the house. So if she wants to bring home boyfriends etc then she is welcome to do so as she is paying as an equal she should be able to use the home as an equal.

    Basically sit down like adults and come up with an agreement. Let her make suggestions. Find out what she thinks is fair.

    I used to also take my monthly cost, multiply it by 12, divide it 10 and was always ahead of what I owed my parents. This meant I didn't pay anything in November or December so I had a bit extra to help with Christmas.

    All of this helped me learn the value of what I have, how much it cost to get things done for me and how much more I could have if I worked a bit harder.

    Good luck and I hope you come up with a good compromise.
    • Nornor
    • By Nornor 19th Sep 17, 8:38 PM
    • 1 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Nornor
    Wow! I've read a lot of these messages. I'm a single parent on a low income. I live in London and believe me the cost of living is high. I have 3 children 2 of them live at home. My daughter knows she couldn't afford to live in the city on her own. They pay me £350 per month that is rent and utilities. They understand that is the difference of their mother struggling and going into debt and keeping the roof over our head (council property).
    • Aaw
    • By Aaw 20th Sep 17, 12:44 AM
    • 1 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Aaw
    As a parent earning under £20,000 before tax, with a daughter living at home also earning under £20,000 I could not manage without her contribution. She takes her travel cost to work out of her monthly wages and gives me a third of what's left. Apart from heating, all my outgoings are increased by having her home. She still manages to save about 20% of her wages. She understands the value of money and I have never once had to ask her for her 'board'. She has no debts, pays off her credit card monthly and wouldn't dream of anyone being out of pocket on her behalf. Valuable lessons to teach our children on life.
    • peachyprice
    • By peachyprice 20th Sep 17, 8:42 AM
    • 18,795 Posts
    • 43,276 Thanks
    peachyprice
    Wow! I've read a lot of these messages. I'm a single parent on a low income. I live in London and believe me the cost of living is high. I have 3 children 2 of them live at home. My daughter knows she couldn't afford to live in the city on her own. They pay me £350 per month that is rent and utilities. They understand that is the difference of their mother struggling and going into debt and keeping the roof over our head (council property).
    Originally posted by Nornor
    So how are you going to afford to live when they do leave home? Because 2 adult children living at home sure as hell don't cost £350 a month.
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
    • Ebenezer_Screwj
    • By Ebenezer_Screwj 4th Oct 17, 5:53 PM
    • 407 Posts
    • 226 Thanks
    Ebenezer_Screwj
    Did you invite her to stay with you after she returned, or did she just invite herself? It's a colossal cheek if she did and you should tell her to make alternative arrangements without delay.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

4,461Posts Today

8,847Users online

Martin's Twitter