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  • FIRST POST
    • c0c0nuts
    • By c0c0nuts 6th Sep 17, 9:35 PM
    • 169Posts
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    c0c0nuts
    My children want to come and live with me- now what?
    • #1
    • 6th Sep 17, 9:35 PM
    My children want to come and live with me- now what? 6th Sep 17 at 9:35 PM
    ..........
    Last edited by c0c0nuts; 25-09-2017 at 5:32 PM.
    When you get to the end of your tether, tie a knot and hang on.
Page 1
    • Ms Chocaholic
    • By Ms Chocaholic 6th Sep 17, 9:39 PM
    • 8,650 Posts
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    Ms Chocaholic
    • #2
    • 6th Sep 17, 9:39 PM
    • #2
    • 6th Sep 17, 9:39 PM
    As you have PR for one child, for that child you have equal say in your child's life as the other person with PR (the mother) so you can make a decision in the best interests of your child, ie keep them in your care and all mum could do is make an application to the Court to request they be returned to her care.

    In terms of the other child that you don't have PR for, the other person with PR can do the same as you (above) but you can't unfortunately. If you keep that child in your care, the mother can involve the Police in returning the child to her care.
    Thrifty Till 50 Then Spend Till The End

    You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time
    • BrassicWoman
    • By BrassicWoman 6th Sep 17, 9:40 PM
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    BrassicWoman
    • #3
    • 6th Sep 17, 9:40 PM
    • #3
    • 6th Sep 17, 9:40 PM
    How much do you care about money and benefits? If "not at all" it's a different answer to "we need every penny."

    Do they have a social worker?
    Downsized and mortgage free
    Nov17 grocery challenge £133.10/£150
    • c0c0nuts
    • By c0c0nuts 6th Sep 17, 10:07 PM
    • 169 Posts
    • 407 Thanks
    c0c0nuts
    • #4
    • 6th Sep 17, 10:07 PM
    • #4
    • 6th Sep 17, 10:07 PM
    @Ms Chocoholic
    Thankyou for your reply- I suspected that may be the case, would the age be taken into account (14) for their choice with the consent of the other bio parent do you think?

    @BrassicWoman
    Not quite sure where the money question has arisen from unless i'm missing something? But that would be a definate no.
    We couldn't afford a court case however.....
    There is no social worker involved.
    When you get to the end of your tether, tie a knot and hang on.
    • Ms Chocaholic
    • By Ms Chocaholic 6th Sep 17, 11:03 PM
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    Ms Chocaholic
    • #5
    • 6th Sep 17, 11:03 PM
    • #5
    • 6th Sep 17, 11:03 PM
    @Ms Chocoholic
    Thankyou for your reply- I suspected that may be the case, would the age be taken into account (14) for their choice with the consent of the other bio parent do you think?

    @BrassicWoman
    Not quite sure where the money question has arisen from unless i'm missing something? But that would be a definate no.
    We couldn't afford a court case however.....
    There is no social worker involved.
    Originally posted by c0c0nuts

    Is the 14 year old your step child? At the age of 14 they can almost vote with their feet and the Court would be unlikely to state they should return home. Their wishes and feelings will hold some weight in Court if it gets that far.
    Thrifty Till 50 Then Spend Till The End

    You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time
    • BrassicWoman
    • By BrassicWoman 7th Sep 17, 12:28 AM
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    BrassicWoman
    • #6
    • 7th Sep 17, 12:28 AM
    • #6
    • 7th Sep 17, 12:28 AM
    Hi, the money question is because if you need to formally change arrangements due to needing cash for more/all nights, you'll probably end up in court.

    If you have PR for the younger, no formal court order in place for residency, and 14 y.o. is stepchild, I'd just do it personally.

    Other way round is a tougher slog.
    Downsized and mortgage free
    Nov17 grocery challenge £133.10/£150
    • BrassicWoman
    • By BrassicWoman 7th Sep 17, 12:37 AM
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    BrassicWoman
    • #7
    • 7th Sep 17, 12:37 AM
    • #7
    • 7th Sep 17, 12:37 AM
    Reference: what happened last year when you were considering the same?

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5405052
    Downsized and mortgage free
    Nov17 grocery challenge £133.10/£150
    • Fosterdog
    • By Fosterdog 7th Sep 17, 7:34 AM
    • 3,363 Posts
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    Fosterdog
    • #8
    • 7th Sep 17, 7:34 AM
    • #8
    • 7th Sep 17, 7:34 AM
    As I replied to your post last year (why exactly have you left your child in this situation for a whole year if it is so bad?) I know a 14 year old who argued with his parents and went to live with a friend and their family. Police and social services were called but said as he was 14 there is nothing they could do to force him to go home as long as the friend's family were happy for him to stay there.

    It won't be easy and there is bound to be some fallout with their mother but their wellbeing is more important. Just make sure they both understand completely what exactly is going on. Do you plan on allowing you ex any contact with the youngest child? (Eldest is old enough to decide whether or not he wants to see her) there would be nothing to stop her just refusing to hand him back to you unless you go to court but she will have the right to contact with her child.
    • HurdyGurdy
    • By HurdyGurdy 9th Sep 17, 10:11 AM
    • 826 Posts
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    HurdyGurdy
    • #9
    • 9th Sep 17, 10:11 AM
    • #9
    • 9th Sep 17, 10:11 AM
    The children are telling us they aren't being fed properly and come to us unwashed and hungry.
    Originally posted by c0c0nuts
    As you have PR for the younger and can speak to school directly - has the child's school been asked if they have any concerns? Generally if children aren't being cared for properly at home, the teachers will be aware, and if they are aware, they have a duty to report these concerns to Children's Services.

    And you as a parent should also be haranguing social services, every time your child/ren tell you something, you should be informing them. If they don't know, they can't act. And if you onlycontactl them once a year, well then that's not giving them a good picture of the child's lived experience - just a snapshot on a particular day.

    What do the children mean by "not fed properly"? Do they mean not enough? or not at all? or not the food they want to eat?

    I do think school is the starting point though. They spend more time with the children than anyone else, and if you speak to them, they should have some kind of student welfare who can speak to the children informally to find out what's happening at home.
    • determined new ms
    • By determined new ms 10th Sep 17, 5:08 PM
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    determined new ms
    that's so weird I started reading this thread and thought it was an old one. As per my advice from last year. You do not need to return the younger one they are your child and if the mother wants them back she would have to apply to the court for a child arrangement order. The older one you can apply to apply and put in an application for either a child arrangements order or a special guardianship order. Someone will be appointed to hear the 14 yos wishes
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    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 11th Sep 17, 7:05 AM
    • 1,908 Posts
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    Red-Squirrel
    Just looked at the last thread, that was in Feb 2016 so well over a year ago, during which time the kids have been badly neglected?

    Also, last time you were the dad's partner, now you're posting as the dad?

    I hope you aren't telling the kids they can live with you every now and then when the idea takes your fancy then dropping it for months or years at a time before getting round to thinking about it again!
    • BrassicWoman
    • By BrassicWoman 11th Sep 17, 9:25 AM
    • 1,362 Posts
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    BrassicWoman
    OP hasn't been back in a while; don't think they are coming back
    Downsized and mortgage free
    Nov17 grocery challenge £133.10/£150
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 11th Sep 17, 10:12 AM
    • 1,908 Posts
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    Red-Squirrel
    OP hasn't been back in a while; don't think they are coming back
    Originally posted by BrassicWoman
    Maybe in 18 months or so.
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