Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 5th Sep 17, 12:59 PM
    • 31Posts
    • 3Thanks
    han_nah95
    Boyfriend Not Saving
    • #1
    • 5th Sep 17, 12:59 PM
    Boyfriend Not Saving 5th Sep 17 at 12:59 PM
    Hiya


    Hopefully someone can help and let me know how to approach!


    5 years ago my dad bought a house which he rented out and I would pay him back the deposit (£50,000) Last year me and my partner decided we would both pay my dad back within 5 years.
    We have worked it that we would need to save £350.00 per month in order to do this. All was ok when we suggested it and it was do-able for both of us. He is on a more money and less outgoings, I am finding it tight.


    However we are now 2 months in and he hasn't bothered and isn't showing any signs of starting to save. I have asked him about it to which he replies he can't afford to save the £350 however can afford to buy "luxury" items. When I ask about it he just gets annoyed and says I don't have a say on what he buys. I have offered to reduce the saving and pay dad back over a longer time but says he will have it and to not get involved. I have asked if maybe he doesn't want to buy the house back which is ok I just want the truth.


    I don't want it to get 5 years down the line, I have my half and he doesn't have anything. Last year we were buying the house and then re-mortgaging after the fixed rate and paying dad back that way, he freaked and didn't want to buy it anymore so we are now renting (paying double to what the mortgage monthly costs would have been)


    Is there anything else I can suggest or am I being to selfish asking him about the "luxury" items?


    xx
Page 6
    • pearl123
    • By pearl123 8th Sep 17, 3:12 PM
    • 1,132 Posts
    • 1,694 Thanks
    pearl123
    Am I the only one who can understand they BF's reluctance? (Well, as much as I understand anything about this thread). I wouldn't want to buy the house picked out by my girlfriend's dad when she was 18, especially not when I was so young myself. Think of the future - would they be able to sell the house if ten years down the line it doesn't suit them, or would they get a lot of emotional pressure? What kind of father even has that level of input into where his daughter lives as an adult, is he as contolling in other aspects?

    Plus, the OP is 22 and the BF is 24, that's pretty young to be settling down anyway, never mind with a mortgage. Is he just being realistic that relationships which start when one partner is a teenager aren't usually the ones that last forever?

    24 is young to have your future mapped out. Has the OP had discussions about what they want for the future, rather than what they feel they should do? Does the BF want to travel, or have the freedom to move to another town, go back to education, change careers - all things that would be harder with the pressure of having to pay a mortgage.

    I could be way off the mark, but I don't think it's fair to judge the BF when we don't have his side of the story, and the side we do have is so muddled and confusing.
    Originally posted by Ames
    Absolutely, understand his reluctance to put money towards it. Boyfriend needs a separate solicitor if he ever puts money towards buying the home to look after his interests.
    • phillw
    • By phillw 8th Sep 17, 4:25 PM
    • 808 Posts
    • 400 Thanks
    phillw
    In what way has he played her, what's he getting free?
    Originally posted by Ames
    He said he was going to buy a house with her, then he said he'd save for a deposit. He's getting the girlfriend experience, but seems to be stringing her on. They are obviously in different places emotionally & it's causing her distress.
    Last edited by phillw; 08-09-2017 at 4:29 PM.
    • chesky
    • By chesky 9th Sep 17, 12:16 AM
    • 781 Posts
    • 1,067 Thanks
    chesky
    Perhaps the boyfriend has as much difficulty understanding what she's saying to him as most of us do.
    • Rags2riches
    • By Rags2riches 11th Sep 17, 11:25 AM
    • 42 Posts
    • 11 Thanks
    Rags2riches
    He is very good at communicating and I don't have any doubts about him (I think because he is so open about everything). He knows I am confused why he suggests and then when we go through with it he just freaks. He did leave me for a week when we were buying last year.


    Sometimes I get the feeling he says what I want to hear?!
    Originally posted by han_nah95
    He's young and wants freedom. Could he be feeling this as too much commitment too soon? Why not ask him to start off smaller... say £50 a month get him in the practice of saving and then work on increasing the amount.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

560Posts Today

4,974Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • Shana tova umetuka - a sweet Jewish New Year to all celebrating. I won't be online the rest of t'week, as I take the time to be with family

  • Dear Steve. Please note doing a poll to ask people's opinion does not in itself imply an opinion! https://t.co/UGvWlMURxy

  • Luciana is on the advisory board of @mmhpi (we have MPs from most parties) https://t.co/n99NAxGAAQ

  • Follow Martin