Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 5th Sep 17, 12:59 PM
    • 31Posts
    • 3Thanks
    han_nah95
    Boyfriend Not Saving
    • #1
    • 5th Sep 17, 12:59 PM
    Boyfriend Not Saving 5th Sep 17 at 12:59 PM
    Hiya


    Hopefully someone can help and let me know how to approach!


    5 years ago my dad bought a house which he rented out and I would pay him back the deposit (£50,000) Last year me and my partner decided we would both pay my dad back within 5 years.
    We have worked it that we would need to save £350.00 per month in order to do this. All was ok when we suggested it and it was do-able for both of us. He is on a more money and less outgoings, I am finding it tight.


    However we are now 2 months in and he hasn't bothered and isn't showing any signs of starting to save. I have asked him about it to which he replies he can't afford to save the £350 however can afford to buy "luxury" items. When I ask about it he just gets annoyed and says I don't have a say on what he buys. I have offered to reduce the saving and pay dad back over a longer time but says he will have it and to not get involved. I have asked if maybe he doesn't want to buy the house back which is ok I just want the truth.


    I don't want it to get 5 years down the line, I have my half and he doesn't have anything. Last year we were buying the house and then re-mortgaging after the fixed rate and paying dad back that way, he freaked and didn't want to buy it anymore so we are now renting (paying double to what the mortgage monthly costs would have been)


    Is there anything else I can suggest or am I being to selfish asking him about the "luxury" items?


    xx
Page 5
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 6th Sep 17, 5:26 PM
    • 2,743 Posts
    • 6,115 Thanks
    gettingtheresometime
    Can I just ask where your friends are in their lives?

    have they got mortgages or are they renting?

    Could it be that once they start saving that he'll see the point as well? My son was told for years to save but it was only when he could see the point did he.

    The other thing is could he actually not want to buy the house your in? Is your dad the sort of person to harp on about what a gift he's given you both? As someone said what do you think your dad's reaction would be if you'd given him the £50k, took out a mortgage between you & then split up - would your dad think hang on I'm not giving him £25k? (There was a thread on here very recently where that had happened & the partner's father had effectively demanded payment for the work he'd done)

    Honestly I think your best bet is to drop it but carrying on saving - you'll be in no worse a position should you buy the house now, in 5 years time or 8 years time given the price of the house isn't increasing.
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - the Argos Card!
    • dannyiddo
    • By dannyiddo 6th Sep 17, 7:59 PM
    • 41 Posts
    • 8 Thanks
    dannyiddo
    This is the most confusing thread I have ever seen. The OP has contradicted herself quite a few times and all logic seems to have gone out the window!

    Apparently the OP has loads of spare money and savings but wants to continue paying £750 in 'rent' to her dad. This is whilst saving £50000 to give to her dad, to then have the house put into her name. At which point the house value hasn't risen and she's got absolutely nothing out of it. Also her dad just tied up £50,000 for no valid or logical reason!

    Nothing the OP has said has made any sense. It's all very weird!
    • *max*
    • By *max* 6th Sep 17, 9:15 PM
    • 2,799 Posts
    • 13,140 Thanks
    *max*
    I'm glad it's not just me. 5 pages in and I still don't understand the set up, or its benefits for the OP. It would be easier to just take the dad out of the equation completely, and save for a deposit, then get a mortgage, as that's what they are doing anyway!

    It's the fact the situation was presented as the dad somehow "helping" his daughter out that muddled things up I think, as he's doing nothing of the sort.
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 6th Sep 17, 9:29 PM
    • 2,567 Posts
    • 2,510 Thanks
    cjdavies
    I think i got it, what threw me was a few posts back about "we having a 5 year fixed rate mortgage and avoiding penatly". They don't have a mortgage only Dad does.

    So figures as it's easier (we all using same amount).

    £200,000 house your dad purchases for, £50,000 Is deposit so he has a £150,000 mortgage.

    Op and boyfriend will save money, once reached £50,000 they give that to Dad.

    However there Is still the mortgage needed to buy house and a further deposit needed, is this answered by op anywhere?


    Easier all round is to save and buy a separate house, Dad has another buy to let property and is not yours.
    Last edited by cjdavies; 06-09-2017 at 9:32 PM.
    • getmore4less
    • By getmore4less 6th Sep 17, 10:08 PM
    • 29,750 Posts
    • 17,791 Thanks
    getmore4less
    Way back at the beginning they were going to buy with a mortgage and the 50k loan/gift from dad.

    This is really quite simple.

    They backed out so dad fixed for 5 and rents it to them.
    Last edited by getmore4less; 06-09-2017 at 10:17 PM.
    • Ames
    • By Ames 6th Sep 17, 10:47 PM
    • 16,252 Posts
    • 28,378 Thanks
    Ames
    Way back at the beginning they were going to buy with a mortgage and the 50k loan/gift from dad.

    This is really quite simple.

    They backed out so dad fixed for 5 and rents it to them.
    Originally posted by getmore4less
    So why do they have to save 50k to give to dad? The whole point of the thread is that the boyfriend isn't saving his share of the 50k.

    The dad bought the house four years ago (when the OP was 18 and not with the boyfriend).
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.

    Reading the alphabet in 2017. 21/100
    ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 7th Sep 17, 12:09 PM
    • 2,864 Posts
    • 4,076 Thanks
    Malthusian
    So why do they have to save 50k to give to dad? The whole point of the thread is that the boyfriend isn't saving his share of the 50k.
    Originally posted by Ames
    To buy the house off him? I add a question mark because I'm still not clear on how the arrangement works and apparently the boyfriend isn't either.

    The more pressing question is - if the OP and her boyfriend could have bought it already, why didn't they? If they didn't want to buy before then what will have changed in five years?

    The OP said they were going to buy it but then her boyfriend "freaked out". So clearly he doesn't want to buy the house. So why on earth would he be expected to save up to buy the house in five years' time?
    • onlyroz
    • By onlyroz 7th Sep 17, 12:34 PM
    • 13,440 Posts
    • 25,534 Thanks
    onlyroz
    £750 a month is an eye-watering amount for an interest-only £150k mortgage. What's the interest rate?


    After 5 pages I'm still totally confused - the numbers make absolutely no sense.
    • skint_chick
    • By skint_chick 7th Sep 17, 1:05 PM
    • 664 Posts
    • 5,108 Thanks
    skint_chick
    Whatever is going with the house deal with your dad aside. It sounds like your partner is telling you clearly that he isn't ready to buy a house with you. If he is happy in your relationship and there are no other signs that anything is wrong then he's probably just feeling like 24 is too young for him to buy a house and commit to a mortgage. That's understandable, maybe he wants to enjoy being young and having money to spend on luxury stuff.

    The fact that he is refusing to discuss it is worrying though, in a relationship it shouldn't be a massive issue to discuss what you want from the future, how money is budgeted in a joint household, and he should feel able to be honest about finances and future plans without fear of you getting upset or angry.

    Have you tried asking him how he would plan his finances to save for a deposit as well as fun stuff? You say he's great at communication but that's probably not the case if it has to get to the point where he freaks out to stop a house purchase instead of discussing doubts and worries before it gets to this point.
    "I cannot make my days longer so I strive to make them better." Paul Theroux
    • gingercordial
    • By gingercordial 7th Sep 17, 1:52 PM
    • 982 Posts
    • 940 Thanks
    gingercordial
    OP I think you have missed the point that you don't necessarily have to save £50k if the other mortgage figures stack up.

    Let's say your dad bought the house for £200k, and in doing that he put in £50k cash and got a mortgage for £150k.

    If he isn't making a profit out of you, you need to buy the house from him for £200k, the same as what he bought it for. How you fund that in terms of mortgage vs deposit is entirely between you and your lender. So perhaps if you have a 10% deposit of £20k you can get a mortgage for £180k.

    You buy the house for £200k. You pay the money as £20k from your savings and £180k borrowed as a mortgage.

    Your dad receives £200k and from that he uses £150k to repay his mortgage and the remainder is the £50k cash returned to him.

    At no point do you hand £50k to your dad. You don't need to have £50k cash saved yourself if you can get a mortgage which includes the difference.

    Whether or not any of the above should include your boyfriend is another matter. He doesn't seem terribly committed and I wouldn't want to buy a house (from anyone) with someone who isn't completely into it. Any chance you can save the deposit (the £20k in my example) and afford a mortgage for the rest on your own?
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 7th Sep 17, 3:53 PM
    • 31 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    han_nah95
    OP I think you have missed the point that you don't necessarily have to save £50k if the other mortgage figures stack up.

    Let's say your dad bought the house for £200k, and in doing that he put in £50k cash and got a mortgage for £150k.

    If he isn't making a profit out of you, you need to buy the house from him for £200k, the same as what he bought it for. How you fund that in terms of mortgage vs deposit is entirely between you and your lender. So perhaps if you have a 10% deposit of £20k you can get a mortgage for £180k.

    You buy the house for £200k. You pay the money as £20k from your savings and £180k borrowed as a mortgage.

    Your dad receives £200k and from that he uses £150k to repay his mortgage and the remainder is the £50k cash returned to him.

    At no point do you hand £50k to your dad. You don't need to have £50k cash saved yourself if you can get a mortgage which includes the difference.

    Whether or not any of the above should include your boyfriend is another matter. He doesn't seem terribly committed and I wouldn't want to buy a house (from anyone) with someone who isn't completely into it. Any chance you can save the deposit (the £20k in my example) and afford a mortgage for the rest on your own?
    Originally posted by gingercordial

    I wouldn't be able to get a mortgage on my own with the salary I'm on....(this isn't why I am with my bf before anyone jumps to conclusions)
    Having a quick look on a mortgage affordability calculator I can borrow between £55,000 and £80,000
    Essentially (in the simplest form) We give 50k to conveyancer, mortgage company gives the rest. The mortgage company money pays off the dads mortgage, dad gets the 50k.
    Or 5 years down the line we decide we don't want to buy the house we have a £50,000 deposit. We have thought of it as ideally we want to save £50,000 in 5 years
    • *max*
    • By *max* 7th Sep 17, 5:20 PM
    • 2,799 Posts
    • 13,140 Thanks
    *max*
    Which STILL does not explain the whole ringmarolle about giving dad £50K!


    Why (oh WHY!?) do you not just save that 50K and get a mortgage and buy a house? Why THAT house? What has your dad got to do with anything??

    This is such a ridiculous set up...Just take dad out of the equation completely! It's not like he's giving you or even loaning you anything! Just save for a deposit, get a mortgage when you can (with or without BF) and buy a house.

    If dad was lending you the full 50K for a deposit and you got a mortgage, it would be understandable, but as it stands...it's not!

    I really don't know if you just can't explain things properly OP, or if you haven't understood the whole thing yourself!
    • onlyroz
    • By onlyroz 7th Sep 17, 5:30 PM
    • 13,440 Posts
    • 25,534 Thanks
    onlyroz
    Nope, I'm still confused. The OP seems to lack the basic maths skills to be able to explain this scenario in enough detail to be understood.
    • *max*
    • By *max* 7th Sep 17, 5:40 PM
    • 2,799 Posts
    • 13,140 Thanks
    *max*
    Simple opening post:

    "BF and I wanted to buy a house together, so we decided to start saving for a deposit. However, BF is now not saving anything, despite being able to afford it comfortably. I feel we are not on the same page anymore and he's just not committed to this (or to me?). Thoughts?"


    BOOM. No dad, no 50K. Simple.
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 8th Sep 17, 9:50 AM
    • 2,864 Posts
    • 4,076 Thanks
    Malthusian
    If I was rewriting the opening post it would be:

    "BF and I were on the verge of buying a house (with £50k from my dad), but then the BF freaked out so we pulled out. So we agreed we'll rent for five years while saving up £50k so we can buy a house together without Dad's help. However my boyfriend is now not saving anything."

    The OP has declined to answer the obvious question which is: the boyfriend does not want to buy a house, which is why they pulled out, so why does the OP expect him to save up to buy a house? What do they think will have changed in 5 years' time?
    • phillw
    • By phillw 8th Sep 17, 10:50 AM
    • 800 Posts
    • 392 Thanks
    phillw
    (this isn't why I am with my bf before anyone jumps to conclusions)
    Originally posted by han_nah95
    A good job too. When the reason you're with him wears off and he's still selfish then you don't really want to be tied financially to him.

    Why don't you buy the house with your dad?
    • Ames
    • By Ames 8th Sep 17, 11:42 AM
    • 16,252 Posts
    • 28,378 Thanks
    Ames
    Am I the only one who can understand they BF's reluctance? (Well, as much as I understand anything about this thread). I wouldn't want to buy the house picked out by my girlfriend's dad when she was 18, especially not when I was so young myself. Think of the future - would they be able to sell the house if ten years down the line it doesn't suit them, or would they get a lot of emotional pressure? What kind of father even has that level of input into where his daughter lives as an adult, is he as contolling in other aspects?

    Plus, the OP is 22 and the BF is 24, that's pretty young to be settling down anyway, never mind with a mortgage. Is he just being realistic that relationships which start when one partner is a teenager aren't usually the ones that last forever?

    24 is young to have your future mapped out. Has the OP had discussions about what they want for the future, rather than what they feel they should do? Does the BF want to travel, or have the freedom to move to another town, go back to education, change careers - all things that would be harder with the pressure of having to pay a mortgage.

    I could be way off the mark, but I don't think it's fair to judge the BF when we don't have his side of the story, and the side we do have is so muddled and confusing.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.

    Reading the alphabet in 2017. 21/100
    ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
    • Out, Vile Jelly
    • By Out, Vile Jelly 8th Sep 17, 1:12 PM
    • 3,556 Posts
    • 11,778 Thanks
    Out, Vile Jelly
    I've got two degrees and don't understand any of this.

    Why not both save an agreed amount each month, and after an agreed period review your finances, personal commitment and desire to buy together? The father's BTL business is an unnecessary complication. Just do your own thing and ask him to help with typical dad stuff (moving in, handyman skills etc) when required.
    They are an EYESORES!!!!
    • phillw
    • By phillw 8th Sep 17, 2:35 PM
    • 800 Posts
    • 392 Thanks
    phillw
    Am I the only one who can understand they BF's reluctance?
    Originally posted by Ames
    I understand it. It's the classic "why buy the cow when you get the milk for free".

    I don't understand why the GF wants to setup house with the guy.

    Why not both save an agreed amount each month
    Originally posted by Out, Vile Jelly
    From what I could tell that was what he agreed before they moved in together, but he's played her.
    Last edited by phillw; 08-09-2017 at 2:37 PM.
    • Ames
    • By Ames 8th Sep 17, 3:10 PM
    • 16,252 Posts
    • 28,378 Thanks
    Ames
    I understand it. It's the classic "why buy the cow when you get the milk for free".

    I don't understand why the GF wants to setup house with the guy.



    From what I could tell that was what he agreed before they moved in together, but he's played her.
    Originally posted by phillw
    In what way has he played her, what's he getting free? He's paying his share of market rent for the place they live in. All he isn't doing is save as much as the OP wants him to to use as a deposit to buy a house (which has been chosen by her dad).
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.

    Reading the alphabet in 2017. 21/100
    ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

166Posts Today

1,348Users online

Martin's Twitter